He’s packing
 

I really do think it would be good for you to get away from this until he leaves. Do you have any other alternatives??

Dazed......it is so important for you to have some kind of other human contact, during this pivotal time.....even if it is one friend that you can stay o n their couch or hang out on their back patio for a few days....
This is too hard to do the way you are doing it, right now...it is like torture, for you....
Alcoholism is too much of a Beast....please extend a bit of kindness/mercy for your own self...…
Maybe, also, call and talk to your father and family for some extra support....
Cry all that you need to...and, you probably need to, because You are grieving, right now, I believe....but, stay out of the house at all costs....
It won't stay like this, I promise, but, for tight now, you have to get over this particular "hump"....

Most all of us have been through this...and, it is sooo tough...and, we understand how your heart feels....

Yes please do take extra care of yourself. This is hard!

I would also recommend that you try to turn your thoughts a bit (I know, again, hard!).

Instead of thinking - 20 years and that's it! Try to think perhaps - we gave it a good shot. I did my best. I really tried. All those things are true too.

Also, he is not dying, he is moving. Who knows, somewhere down the road he may seek recovery, one just doesn't know.

But again, in the meantime, be kind to yourself.

You're not alone, you have us.

There is nothing fun about this, nothing good about someone you had plans with taking off.

Remember though, the guy you loved wouldn't do this, he's changed.

There is an adjustment to be made here. Whether you two end up back together or not remains to be seen. In the meantime, it's time to look after yourself. There is an acronym, HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Watch out for all of these. It's important right now because when you are feeling so down any of these can be missed - meals, proper sleep etc. If you don't really feel like eating, try to tempt yourself with something you love, whether that is ice cream or a bagel with cream cheese. Sleep when you can. All these things will help keep you on a slightly even keel.

Dazed.....you would be surprised at how people would be responsive to you...if you just give them a chance. If you can call them "friend"....even an "old" friend....reach out to them in your need. after all, almost everybody has someone that they know is an alcoholic, or has one in their family...even if they haven't talked about it, openly.....
Do NOT let there be any excuse for not getting the human support that you need, right now!
In addition to reaching out to a friend...you can also call and talk to a domestic violence worker (you qualify) due to emotional abuse.....they will talk to you in a very understanding way and even offer help to you...you can talk to them 24/7.....
You can go to an alanon meeting , tomorrow.....they will understand, because they have walked in these same shoes....they understand, beyond mere words....
And, you have US, of course, but I think you need a human(s) close to you, right now.
We humans are wired to be very social...and, human contact is the most comforting and healing thing that there is!
I hear that you are depressed.....and, you can always call a hotline if you are freaking out, in the middle of the night...the hot line to the domestic workers or the suicide hotline...they exist to talk to and help you.....
There ARE options....you just have to reach out your hand...…
LOl...I don't care if your father is 90....he understood that you don't have to live like this. he sounds wise in that way....there is no age on compassion and caring....and, you need that right how!

Such wise advice!

Yes, why not call and talk to your Dad.