Originally Posted by
Dazedandconfus 
I don’t really have any friends I trust. It would be gossip fodder for them. I don’t want to burden my kids and my dad is 90! I’m really all alone in this because I’ve isolated myself so much because of the drinking. I’m seriously depresed
You're not alone, you have us.
There is nothing fun about this, nothing good about someone you had plans with taking off.
Remember though, the guy you loved wouldn't do this, he's changed.
There is an adjustment to be made here. Whether you two end up back together or not remains to be seen. In the meantime, it's time to look after yourself. There is an acronym, HALT - Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Watch out for all of these. It's important right now because when you are feeling so down any of these can be missed - meals, proper sleep etc. If you don't really feel like eating, try to tempt yourself with something you love, whether that is ice cream or a bagel with cream cheese. Sleep when you can. All these things will help keep you on a slightly even keel.