Really struggling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 42
Really struggling
I am struggling so bad today. I really want to leave my marriage with my AH. I am just feeling so low. I have an appointment with an attorney on Thursday, but I don’t know if I can get wait that long. To top it all off, today is our anniversary so it’s really awkward. 😢
imaj…...the following website is educational, in nature...and, it is arranged by state! It may help you to organize your thoughts and know what questions to ask, when you see your attorney....
www.womansdivorce.com
www.womansdivorce.com
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 25
Breathe, you may have been this uncomfortable before and made it through. Knowing that you want to leave and that you’re taking steps to do so is amazing. You’re going after what you need to do, be proud of yourself. I found there never was a good time to leave but there also was never a good time for him to get drunk but he didn’t care so why should I. It took me too long to get to that point.
Hi imaj, sorry you feel this way. Can you pinpoint exactly why you feel so bad today, maybe breaking it down by writing it, going down through the layers? That helps me a lot. Of course the whole situation will get you down over the next period.
Waiting is hard. Is there something you can do in the meanwhile like making a to do list, or getting all your documents together and scanning them? Anything you can do for your legal appointment will save you money and keep you busy.
Do forget a walk in the sun helps too.
Waiting is hard. Is there something you can do in the meanwhile like making a to do list, or getting all your documents together and scanning them? Anything you can do for your legal appointment will save you money and keep you busy.
Do forget a walk in the sun helps too.
Sorry you are having a bad day, friend. Good advice given already. I don't have much to add except keep your goal in sight. I can understand how awkward this is for you on your anniversary of all days. Hang in there....
Yes, please wait till you speak with an attorney. Who knows how he will react? The attorney will have good information and advice about how to proceed.
My dad completely cleared out all of the savings/checking accounts when he left. Just an example of what can happen when your STBXH finds out its over.
Be safe. ((((Hugs)))
My dad completely cleared out all of the savings/checking accounts when he left. Just an example of what can happen when your STBXH finds out its over.
Be safe. ((((Hugs)))
All bets are off regarding money once they know you've decided to leave. I'm not saying be unfair, but make sure you secure what's yours, or what you need to pay the bills and keep things going. Be hard headed and strong, and don't kid yourself that if you're nice and reasonable he will be.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 532
I listened to Wilson Phillips- HOLD ON_ song again and again before I left. I had to keep it secret or XAH would have hidden assets. He moved money as soon as I left- but because I filed for divorce first- I got my share.
Is it really crucial that I wait until I talk to an attorney to say anything to him?
I think you need to get your expectations in order and that can only happen after your attorney has answered all of your questions, gone over the divorce process in your state, explained what your rights are in regards to living arrangements, medical, marital assets, spousal support, etc. but most of all the attorney cannot begin to do anything for you until you pay them a retainer.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
It doesn't need to be a divorce talk to get room to breath.
Your mental health is important. It's okay to take a break from the stress for a few days or a week. It's okay to say, "I'm really angry about your drinking. I'm going to take a week away."
What do you have for support in your recovery from this family disease of alcoholism? Counseling, therapy and Alanon have been great resources for me.
Your mental health is important. It's okay to take a break from the stress for a few days or a week. It's okay to say, "I'm really angry about your drinking. I'm going to take a week away."
What do you have for support in your recovery from this family disease of alcoholism? Counseling, therapy and Alanon have been great resources for me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 42
He has been asking me questions all morning and asking if I’m still in love with him, etc. he wants to talk tonight...
Mango - I have been attending counseling and it has really been an eye opener to see how much this has affected me over the years. My family and actually his (mom and sister) as well, are very supportive.
Mango - I have been attending counseling and it has really been an eye opener to see how much this has affected me over the years. My family and actually his (mom and sister) as well, are very supportive.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 453
I agree with Mango...can you just ask for some time to yourself? Yes, these are special events that are happening, but what in his actions show that he wants to celebrate them with you? You said your anniversary just passed but not if you did anything to acknowledge it.
You posted this a few months back:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...eady-done.html (Feeling strongly that I’m ready to be done)
I know your child was hurt and it postponed you moving forward with the attorney, but have you started any planning for yourself? Maybe preparing your documents and researching divorce in your state will help pass the time and keep you from feeling you need to say something before you are ready.
Only you can tell if it is worthwhile to say something to your AH or not. I did, but I was in control of our finances, could support myself and our home without him, he was not physically abusive and I'd had enough practice detaching and had the tools to deal with any words he threw at me. There was very little he could do to cause issues for me, and frankly, my XAH was just plain lazy at that point.
Focus on each moment you are in and just keep doing the next right thing for you and the attorney meeting will be here before you know it.
You posted this a few months back:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...eady-done.html (Feeling strongly that I’m ready to be done)
I know your child was hurt and it postponed you moving forward with the attorney, but have you started any planning for yourself? Maybe preparing your documents and researching divorce in your state will help pass the time and keep you from feeling you need to say something before you are ready.
Only you can tell if it is worthwhile to say something to your AH or not. I did, but I was in control of our finances, could support myself and our home without him, he was not physically abusive and I'd had enough practice detaching and had the tools to deal with any words he threw at me. There was very little he could do to cause issues for me, and frankly, my XAH was just plain lazy at that point.
Focus on each moment you are in and just keep doing the next right thing for you and the attorney meeting will be here before you know it.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Re-direction of focus can also help. Clearing out physical clutter can be mentally freeing.
Just because my husband wants to talk, doesn't mean I need to engage. "I'm cleaning." "I'm going for a walk." "No. I don't want to talk right now." are okay to say.
Just because my husband wants to talk, doesn't mean I need to engage. "I'm cleaning." "I'm going for a walk." "No. I don't want to talk right now." are okay to say.
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