Feeling mixed up and no one to talk to
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
Hi LexieCat-
I requested it and he said I should take the text messages to the police department as I have a no contact order on behalf of myself. He said he is violating it and the police must be involved as it's a direct court order he is in violation of. He messaged me all weekend long, making demands saying I owe him a meeting so we can discuss things. Then I didn't answer and he said I am a monster and don't know how to love and never did and I never loved him etc.
I didn't answer any of the 9 messages and he stopped last night. I will go the the station after work as he said he was out of the state but I highly doubt that. He blew off visitation on Saturday for our daughter (fine by me and it made for a great weekend for my daughter and I). But he still messaged that he is leaving the state, quit his job as I broke his heart etc. Which tells me, if he did indeed quit job and is leaving, that he has gone off his sober path as his sponsor is here and if he is cutting him off then he is back on the bad, distructive path which I already knew would happen. I am not responding as I do not need to.
I requested it and he said I should take the text messages to the police department as I have a no contact order on behalf of myself. He said he is violating it and the police must be involved as it's a direct court order he is in violation of. He messaged me all weekend long, making demands saying I owe him a meeting so we can discuss things. Then I didn't answer and he said I am a monster and don't know how to love and never did and I never loved him etc.
I didn't answer any of the 9 messages and he stopped last night. I will go the the station after work as he said he was out of the state but I highly doubt that. He blew off visitation on Saturday for our daughter (fine by me and it made for a great weekend for my daughter and I). But he still messaged that he is leaving the state, quit his job as I broke his heart etc. Which tells me, if he did indeed quit job and is leaving, that he has gone off his sober path as his sponsor is here and if he is cutting him off then he is back on the bad, distructive path which I already knew would happen. I am not responding as I do not need to.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
hopeful4,
I am expecting it to worsen. The messages were first just him venting as upset and telling me how horrible I am because I don't love him and wont give it another chance. Then the messages last night were demanding and his entitlement was kicking in that I owe him. Here is the last message so you understand what exactly was said "Can we please just talk? I wanted to know something and I can't believe 3 years and like you forgot about me and us just like that. Why are you like who you are??? Please talk to me. Then the mext message 9 minutes later: "Really?!!!!! U wont give me a few minutes to talk after all we've shared?!! OK Fine no need to ever COMMUNICATE again. Kiss daughter for me. Leaving soon and I really thought you loved me, cared me. Guess was always wrong. I need anything that is still there before I leave this state. Again-enjoy your pathetic life. Thank you for nothing. Bye"
So, those messages were as I know him threatning and demanding and what is boiling underneath him is about to erupt, I can feel it. There was a police court order given to him that he was instructed to give to the police so they can schedule a time and escort him into the apartment to gather the rest of his stuff. Its all in a black garbage bad as it doesn't amount to much. I know he hasn't given the paper to the police as he wants to meet me and have me give it to him personally and there is no way in hell I am doing that!
I am expecting it to worsen. The messages were first just him venting as upset and telling me how horrible I am because I don't love him and wont give it another chance. Then the messages last night were demanding and his entitlement was kicking in that I owe him. Here is the last message so you understand what exactly was said "Can we please just talk? I wanted to know something and I can't believe 3 years and like you forgot about me and us just like that. Why are you like who you are??? Please talk to me. Then the mext message 9 minutes later: "Really?!!!!! U wont give me a few minutes to talk after all we've shared?!! OK Fine no need to ever COMMUNICATE again. Kiss daughter for me. Leaving soon and I really thought you loved me, cared me. Guess was always wrong. I need anything that is still there before I leave this state. Again-enjoy your pathetic life. Thank you for nothing. Bye"
So, those messages were as I know him threatning and demanding and what is boiling underneath him is about to erupt, I can feel it. There was a police court order given to him that he was instructed to give to the police so they can schedule a time and escort him into the apartment to gather the rest of his stuff. Its all in a black garbage bad as it doesn't amount to much. I know he hasn't given the paper to the police as he wants to meet me and have me give it to him personally and there is no way in hell I am doing that!
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Yes, please only do so with police escort!
He has shown that he is so far out of control that an actual order from the police does not matter to him. That makes him a scary person. He is boiling, and as we all know, all pots that continue to boil with eventually boil over.
Tight hugs. Stay safe!
He has shown that he is so far out of control that an actual order from the police does not matter to him. That makes him a scary person. He is boiling, and as we all know, all pots that continue to boil with eventually boil over.
Tight hugs. Stay safe!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
As of this morning-I received an email from him that he sent to my work email. Again it stated how terrible I am as a person, I never loved him, demanded I personally return his little bag of clothes and my wedding rings (I already thru one out of the car a month ago when the last incident happened with him). and that his family hated me and said they know I am with another man and that's why I am divorcing him and not responding.-Which is a little aggrevating as the fact that he has a hard criminal record, is very controlling, manipulative, verbally and physically abusive, doesn't hold a job and has a crack and alcoholic addiction and I have a Court order of Protection, makes him such a great man and there is no better man out there and how could I possibly leave him because he is that great! (so sorry, I had to vent here).
I contacted the police department and I work in once city and live in another so where I work I was told the officer had to come to my job to view the email on my computer. Talk about embarrassing. Of course all eyes were on me as I was walking thru the office with a large Police Man. He did the report in private, said he violated 3 court areas in the OP and said I was to call the police department where I live and show them all the texts from the weekend and file a report as well as this man clearly does not care about the law. So now I have to go to the Police Station after work and make that report. This is so tiring and he said he is leaving the state in 12 days, I hope so unless he gets arrested first. All of this could have been avoided if he truly worked on his path he said he was. Months ago I had hope especially as his anger management classes seemed to be doing well with him, now it seems to be a joke. I am so glad I listened to my inner self and took a good hard look at my kids and told them how much I love them and that I am doing all I can to love them and keep them safe.
I contacted the police department and I work in once city and live in another so where I work I was told the officer had to come to my job to view the email on my computer. Talk about embarrassing. Of course all eyes were on me as I was walking thru the office with a large Police Man. He did the report in private, said he violated 3 court areas in the OP and said I was to call the police department where I live and show them all the texts from the weekend and file a report as well as this man clearly does not care about the law. So now I have to go to the Police Station after work and make that report. This is so tiring and he said he is leaving the state in 12 days, I hope so unless he gets arrested first. All of this could have been avoided if he truly worked on his path he said he was. Months ago I had hope especially as his anger management classes seemed to be doing well with him, now it seems to be a joke. I am so glad I listened to my inner self and took a good hard look at my kids and told them how much I love them and that I am doing all I can to love them and keep them safe.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
NB16...I'm so glad you are following through and not allowing the bullying to continue -- good for you! I wish you didn't have to read any of the lies and could just leave it to the police. Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 293
Of course he's going to say his family hates you and my STBX does the SAME thing about thinking I'm with another man. I don't know why that's the first thing they assume. Like we really want to be with another man when we are trying to stay afloat from all the damage they have caused. They will say anything they can to try and get us to react. MASTER MANIPULATORS. My in laws and I don't even speak anymore. They sided with him which is crazy with his track record of the last 15 years of damage to many. If your STBX's family really does hate you (which I highly doubt and it's probably more like they are upset that they have to deal with him now), then who really cares. That's their problem. You are on the right track! Keep on trucking
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
I am trucking on. I have as of last night had this little fear creep into my mind. The what if he shows up at night or breaks into my apt because he is so angry that I went to police with the violations to the order. I did fall asleep and I have been assured by many I did the right thing. Yet, I was told he will be arrested. Then what? I have to face him in court again? This all seems too much sometimes and I cannot keep taking off work for court date after court date. A little overwhelmed today.....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
newbeginnings.....maybe another conversation with the domestic abuse agency will help reassure you and help you to get some plans in place....
That is what they are there for and they will be very understanding.....
Do you have an advocate for court? You might ask them for that......
dandylion
That is what they are there for and they will be very understanding.....
Do you have an advocate for court? You might ask them for that......
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
All that are providing me support here, thank you, truly and deeply. SR and all of you have been a life saver to myself and my kids.
I received a call from the court house that he was arrested this morning and they are trying to get him in front of the judge today. I was told a states attorney will call me back with further details. I was told I do not need to be there. If they let him go with no issues then I am VERY concerned he will come after me, and this time it will be bad. If I had the money to move I would, but I don't and that is the reality... Feeling scared.
I received a call from the court house that he was arrested this morning and they are trying to get him in front of the judge today. I was told a states attorney will call me back with further details. I was told I do not need to be there. If they let him go with no issues then I am VERY concerned he will come after me, and this time it will be bad. If I had the money to move I would, but I don't and that is the reality... Feeling scared.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
dandylion,
I had a court advocate for the OP, the last time there, only for the actual court hearing though. I did all the others on my own (scary and intimidating). I will talk with the lady that heads up the Domestic Abuse counseling group I go to this evening. She is a LCSW so maybe she can calm my nerves a bit. I understand why women or men are hesitant to pursue violations as this is all just as intense. Hanging by a thread!
I had a court advocate for the OP, the last time there, only for the actual court hearing though. I did all the others on my own (scary and intimidating). I will talk with the lady that heads up the Domestic Abuse counseling group I go to this evening. She is a LCSW so maybe she can calm my nerves a bit. I understand why women or men are hesitant to pursue violations as this is all just as intense. Hanging by a thread!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
newbeginnings....I think you are being very brave...because I know how scared you are...
If they suggest that you go to a shelter...I think you should consider it....
Perhaps you can ask about whatever financial assistance or housing assistance that might be available to you.....
Lay it all out for the LCSW that you are seeing tonight!
dandylion
If they suggest that you go to a shelter...I think you should consider it....
Perhaps you can ask about whatever financial assistance or housing assistance that might be available to you.....
Lay it all out for the LCSW that you are seeing tonight!
dandylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2016
Location: Illinois
Posts: 140
I will my dear, I will... $17.00 in purse until pay day but my baby has diapers, wipes, we have a rood over our head, our little tiny car, my job of many years, insurance and food in the refrigerator. And above all that my kids and I are all healthy and happy so I have all of that to continue to be thankful for! 
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by newbeginings16 
I will my dear, I will... $17.00 in purse until pay day but my baby has diapers, wipes, we have a rood over our head, our little tiny car, my job of many years, insurance and food in the refrigerator. And above all that my kids and I are all healthy and happy so I have all of that to continue to be thankful for!
This right here ^^^......is what make the difference. I have no doubt that you will be one of the success stories I love to read.
Keeping you all in my prayers!!
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