torquemax777

What if you "told" her (not actually do it) that you were moving out if she doesn't and she can take care of the rent herself? Especially if she's actually ON the lease. Probably get her packing and you wouldn't even have to move in the end.

Hawkeye13

I have a better idea--ask your mom to stay with you longer as a guest.

Sounds like she won't be able to take much of that, and you and mom could
keep tabs on the house, on her, and double-team her to hit the highway sooner.
If she will accept some cash or a month's rental elsewhere soon, all to the good.
Worth every penny to my mind.

Obviously, this would go hand-in-hand with legal action.
Having a witness and the discomfort may discourage her from staying.

Txjeepguy

It's a home that I own. She is not on it.

She couldn't handle the mortgage and I'm not interested in ruining my credit.

LexieCat

Does your mom know what she's walking into? I'd make sure she has a heads-up. If she could stand to stay longer, I think that might help make it more attractive for the ex to leave, but I think I'd be reluctant to put my own mom through the drama.

Hangnbyathread

Laws vary from state to state, but having said that there are similarities to each state.

In my case and state, if you own and she lives there, and there is no lease, she is by law on a 30 day month to month lease. You can terminate (non renew) the lease for what is called here as No Cause.

That means you are simply saying she can no longer rent from you. You don't ask for money from her so there is no cause for your decision. If you go No Cause, there is very little chance the courts will agree she can stay there. Its your house, you own it, and you have the right to rent or not rent it to her. She has little to say about it. She would have to argue some federal human rights voilation (ha), or try common law marriage (double haha).

You will have to serve her a formal non renew notice, which by law in your state , gives her some prescribed amount of time to move out. Usually 30 days.

The process isn't difficult. However the living together during the clock run, will suck.

Just telling it like it is here.

Simply asking her to leave, isn't the process required by law. However if she is willing to leave by simply asking, it certainly isn't a bad way to go. Saves some expenses. Saves some time. Saves some living in misery longer parts.

Txjeepguy

Week has been pretty awful.

Psych she talked to Sunday decided she did not need to be on meds. Just needs to work the program with aa, get a sponsor, regular therapy, be less reliant on me. Said next psych she sees can decide if she needs meds if she's not feeling better in 6 weeks. They called and talked to me, and I went off on them a bit. Told them her story is changing with everyone she talks to, feel like it's being pushed back to me to monitor her and I'm not willing to keep doing it. Their response? Telling her that I don't seem emotionally supportive!

Finally got in touch with lawyer today, explained how to do the 30 day notice legally so I'm putting that together now.

Called my EAP and set up a counseling appointment for me.

She has no interest in speaking about anything with my mother there. All day that I'm at work I'm getting texts from both of them- mom pushing me to get her out asking a million questions about everything, gf complaining about mom being there, not feeling good, not feeling up to going to a meeting and its awkward trying to call to get her next steps done with my mom there.

Truthfully I want both of them gone and leaving me the hell alone.

She asked the other night if I wanted her gone. I said yes. She cried. Then asked why couldn't I wait a week before telling her that, till after my mom leaves. She doesn't agree, thinks us being together is what we both need, still believes I'll marry her someday, wants to know what I'm going to do without her, the dogs, etc, and crying that she now really has nothing. All so typical.

I'm exhausted by everything and just want to walk away from it all.

firebolt

Man - you need a vacation. You are in woman hell. Been there - and I AM a female.

Tickets to Mexico are cheap - I say split, leave them alone together for the week, and let the police sort out the blood spatter.

Jokes aside....is there somewhere else you can stay?

Txjeepguy

Not really. I've thought about getting a hotel, but worried about what vacating the home I own could mean for the eviction process

Ariesagain

Actually, having your mom there serves as a bit of a buffer if you can ask her not to text you at work and she can be a witness to any nonsense that might go down. Does she know what your plans are to evict the girlfriend?

Grit your teeth, get the legal stuff together, grind through how many days it has to be and then change the locks and make sure the dogs aren't anywhere she can get to them when you're not home?

This too shall pass. Eventually.

Txjeepguy

She's never threatened to hurt the dogs. She's just going to take them if she has to leave. She entered the relationship with one, and we adopted the other last summer. She just knows how much I love them and is using them to bait my emotions.

Mom knows the plan. She can be a bit overbearing at times and it drives me nuts. I just need her to relax a bit and let me handle this while continuing to do my job and not screw up the one good thing I have going on.

Bekindalways

Keep grinding through Txjeepguy. This too will pass just take all the steps you need to to get out of the situation.

Anyway you could meet with the counselors, explain your position so the counselors can perhaps get AGF into rehab? I haven't been in a situation like this so I'm just chucking out an idea; take it for what it is worth.

Txjeepguy

She doesn't have insurance so everyone just keeps passing her off to someone else.

Bekindalways

Ah. Healthcare now there is another can of worms. Sigh. Even if she could afford rehab, often it doesn't work.

NoelleR

There's a misconception that's been around for a while; it's NOT the rehab that's supposed to work, but the patient/client, who's supposed to be doing all the work.

(o:

Txjeepguy

Came home to a note asking for another chance

I'd be embarrassed to ask for one were I on the other side of this

Liveitwell

^ don't do it!!!!! I gave so many last and another chances! Don't fall for it-let someone else give her a last chance.

redatlanta

Oh please, another chance? Pull out your checkbook. Tell her take it now or stay her legal time and leave with nothing plus an eviction on her credit which will severely affect her ability to rent anything. You can be nice, or not so nice.

Your other option is to leave if she wont.. You can take pictures, film of the house, and inform her that you will prosecute her if she does anything.

If it were me andi didn't want to leave I'd make living there such a nightmare she would run screaming. There are ways to do that and not do anything illegal. I'd start with no cable or internet......you can figure out the rest.

Hawkeye13

I'm with red--

AnvilheadII

i'm curious, do you two still sleep together in the same bed? or engage in other acts that give the appearance of coupledom?

i'm with red, you can make life at your home as unattractive and uncomfortable as possible for her. including NOT engaging in conversations, telling her flatly and firmly there are no more chances and that she is out the door.

case in point, after i left my last ex, i left him "our" house etc. and got my own place. within a few months he had found a new gal with a young daughter (about 10 or so i think?) and i truly think he thought he had found my "replacement" (as i also had a daughter, college aged by the time i left).

welp......as it turned out, the daughter was an absolutely BRAT and the mom was bipolar and off her meds. but since he had moved her IN, she wasn't going anywhere. so after months of this, my ex blew his top, and was tossing her stuff out the front door (oddly enough, he had done this with a prior partner - guess it's his GO TO move???). so SHE calls the cops - they come to HIS house, arrest HIM, and while he is in JAIL, SHE files a protective order and HE is not allowed near his own home!!!? and he had to stay out til he completed anger management classes.

he finally got rid of her.....but its a cautionary tale.

Txjeepguy

We are still sleeping in the same bed, only because my mom is in the guest room. Other than that I'm trying to keep my distance.

Last night she got home from work and started talking to me after my mom went to bed. Begging for another chance. Telling me I'm all she has, and the fact that her family didn't even make an attempt to come see her during this should prove that.

She says I'm the only reason she has to live, only reason for her to recover, and if I'm not in her life she won't. That I'll see her and one of the dogs begging on the side of the road. Then changed her tune and told me to keep them, because she won't be able to care for them.

I told her I talked to a lawyer and outlined the legal eviction process. She asked for 60 days rather than 30 during which time she wants to prove to me she can recover and be the person I fell in love with again.

When I finally went to bed, she stayed up crying... Said "my world is falling apart and all you want to do is sleep" I didn't bother responding.

Mentally and emotionally I'm exhausted. Seriously considering walking away from the house... If it weren't for that I would have already.