dandylion

Txjeepguy.....just a word of caution....it is hard to convince a woman to go...when she is still sleeping in your bed.....
I think that a couch or sleepingbag on the floor is an alternative---even if it is not the most attractive option.....

dandylion

FeelingGreat

TX, you've never directly responded to the suggestions that you pay her to go, to allow her to set up somewhere else. Are you opposed to that idea? Or don't have the means? Offered and she's said no?

It's not an unreasonable thought, and it would allow her to rent elsewhere. As for sleeping in the same bed....anything but that.

Txjeepguy

I have offered, multiple times, and she won't take it. I've said I'd pay the deposit and first months rent, pay for her to move wherever she wants, and she can take whatever furniture of mine she needs. All it had resulted in is an emotional response of "you want me gone so bad you'll pay me to go"

Continues to think she can convince me to let her stay. To her, I'm only doing this because my parents are telling me to.

This morning I'm at work, she's texting me.. Reminding me I'm all she has. Sent a picture of the dog, then told me im cold since I didn't even respond to that.

I hate saying it but I almost wish I had just kept driving last week when she called.

AnvilheadII

i think you have to get pretty hard ass here.....keep your responses to the same thing - NO, you are OUT in THIRTY DAYS. NO, there are no more CHANCES. and for pete's sake, stop sleeping with her! we always say to watch ACTIONS, not words. make sure YOUR actions are crystal clear!!

i know this is tough, but she'll play you as long as you show even momentary weakness.

atalose

Now it is more crucial than ever not to engage her in negations. Keep it simple – NO is a complete sentence. The more you keep to the words “it’s over” the less wiggle room you give her.

And be prepared for her to pull out all of the stops and the kitchen sink to!!! Soon her lack of controlling the situation will come to a crashing end and her anger will become present. Do not hesitate to contact the police if she damages anything in your home or makes any kind of threats. I know it’s often hard for men to comprehend obtaining a restraining order against a woman but you have to put your emotional and physical wellbeing first. And if her behavior brings that about – that is on her!!! Plus it gets her out even earlier.

Kata

Hi, it might me a stupid question, but can't you legally get her out faster if she's harrassing you?

The non stop texting seems a bit like harrassment to me.

LexieCat

I wouldn't walk away from the house. It's yours. Give her the 30 days required by law, and tell her she could wake up as Mother Teresa tomorrow but it wouldn't make any difference. As long as she thinks she has a chance, she'll keep pouring it on.

If her world is falling apart, it would behoove her to fix it, from the inside out. That's how it works.

redatlanta

She is playing you. K? Game of chicken. You first came on here in January ( Ithink) saying you wanted her gone. I am sure you have wanted her gone longer. As of last week you had still not evicted her. Its the boy who cries wolf. She doesn't believe you will EVER make her leave. Honestly, she has a reason to think that - especially if you are still having sex with her.

Hand her the 30 day notice, Give her the financial offer again. Stop talking to her. Don't respond to her texts or calls. Ignore her in the house. Stay in your room or lock her out of wherever you are.

When she realizes you really mean it she might start singing a different tune as to your offer for her to leave immediately.

Txjeepguy

To be clear, while we are sharing a bed, sex isn't happening

Bekindalways

Is she working AA? Not that this is any of your business but it would be nice if she saw some alternative to living with you and had some support other than you. Nothing against the stick approach but a bit of a carrot (also some possible healthy choices) might help hurry things along.

TX, it might be worth posting this in the Alcoholics thread as they have often been through this albeit on the other side of the relationship.

LexieCat

Even if you aren't having sex, sharing a bed sends mixed messages. ("He must still have SOME feelings for me--we're still sleeping together. He'll come around.") I think I'd go pick up an air mattress and sleep on the floor in the living room. They aren't expensive. I'd suggest making HER sleep on the air mattress, but it probably wouldn't be worth the battle.

You are (temporarily) nothing but her landlord. Act like it.

Txjeepguy

Gave notice last Wednesday. Mom left Sunday. Stopped sharing the bed. I had been not engaging in the self pity conversations.

Last night, she tried to engage me again, and I went to leave. She started swinging. Got back in the house, locked her out. Cops were called. While locked out she got into the garage, bashed all the windows out of my car.

DA declined to press charges until an investigator talks to us. Since she has "nowhere to go" they asked me to leave, so I did.

She called me a few dozen times while I was driving and texted me letting me know if I don't cone back I won't have a house tomorrow. Saved that and blocked her number.

Talking to some attorneys this morning, getting an R.O. set up. No contact from here on out

Ariesagain

Wow. Just wow.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Wisconsin

It sounds like you're doing everything you need to do right now, TJG . Cling to your serenity as much as you can, and keep doing the next right thing.

firebolt

(((TXJEEPGUY)))

They can really turn 50 shades of CRAY at the end. You are doing the right things. Best to you.

atalose

Ending a relationship with an active A usually doesn’t go well. Sounds like you are doing all the right things for yourself and SOON this will all be over and you can begin to put it in your rearview mirror……right after you change all of your locks!!!!

((hugs))

Txjeepguy

Made it about 24 hours and she found the one place I forgot to block her. Instagram.

And what does she do? Send me pictures of dogs, acting like everything is normal. Didn't respond. Actually was happy she did it because now I know she's alive and therefore the dogs are fine.

She called my office today and when i didn't answer sent me an email asking if I was ever coming home, and to let her know so she can be out of the way... Yeah I'm just gonna volunteer that info. When I go back, and I need to, I will have the cops there.

Talking to attorneys trying to get an RO. Fun stuff.

Liveitwell

Tx-it may not be fun, but it's necessary when leaving a crazy A. Ask me how I know. I pray she quickly moves on to someone else (which is very likely-it's what they do) and leaves you alone.

Bekindalways

Heya Txjeepguy, Wow. Just. Wow.

Congrats for not engaging, blocking every communication from her and please be sure you are never with her alone. I worry about men being falsely accused of physical abuse. You have probably figured this out already.

Keep breathing and next right action.

Txjeepguy

Most recent tonight is having a friend contact me saying one of the dogs is injured and she needs my help. She tried this on Monday immediately after I left as well, and wasn't mentioned in the email she sent earlier.

She's had 48 hours to fix it if there was an issue... Kinda want to tell the friend to have the vet call me and I'll pay for it if the dog is not released to her since clearly she can't care for Him