alcoholic girlfriend won't leave/threat to self

Old 03-19-2016, 07:30 AM
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According to the hospital that's what her bac was last night when I had her taken in on a suicide attempt.

All because I was heading out of town for the weekend to go camping with some friends and "cared more about that trip than her"

She said she was ok with me going until about 5 minutes after i left. Then the calls started, screaming at me, saying she was destroying the house, and finally that I should come home to take care of the dogs and that this was all my fault.

Called 911 right there, asked for pd to meet me at the house and that I would not go inside till the arrived.

She drank half a bottle of wine, plus had 10 excedrin and 20 or so muscle relaxers. Spent the night in the icu. What a waste of hospital resources.

She claims the wine is all she drank, but her bac isn't consistent with that. Lied to the dr about her drinking. Lied about this not being the first time threatening or making an attempt

I've called her parents to get them to come down, but so far they don't seem very interested in helping.

I'm pretty numb about it, and almost feel guilty that I'm not more upset. But this is it, I'll be speaking with an attorney today and making sure I know my rights on getting her out.
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Old 03-19-2016, 07:35 AM
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What a nightmare. I'm sorry.
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Old 03-19-2016, 07:57 AM
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I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. Sounds like you realize it isn't your job to "save" her. That's her job, and there is plenty of help to be had if she chooses to avail herself of it.

FWIW, I think you handled the drama exactly the right way. Good luck with getting her out of the house--glad you're going to talk with a lawyer.
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Old 03-19-2016, 08:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Txjeepguy View Post
.257

According to the hospital that's what her bac was last night when I had her taken in on a suicide attempt.

All because I was heading out of town for the weekend to go camping with some friends and "cared more about that trip than her"

She said she was ok with me going until about 5 minutes after i left. Then the calls started, screaming at me, saying she was destroying the house, and finally that I should come home to take care of the dogs and that this was all my fault.

Called 911 right there, asked for pd to meet me at the house and that I would not go inside till the arrived.

She drank half a bottle of wine, plus had 10 excedrin and 20 or so muscle relaxers. Spent the night in the icu. What a waste of hospital resources.

She claims the wine is all she drank, but her bac isn't consistent with that. Lied to the dr about her drinking. Lied about this not being the first time threatening or making an attempt

I've called her parents to get them to come down, but so far they don't seem very interested in helping.

I'm pretty numb about it, and almost feel guilty that I'm not more upset. But this is it, I'll be speaking with an attorney today and making sure I know my rights on getting her out.
Again...I hate to say it...but all very typical.

You're doing the right thing. Get the clock started to her road out of your house. Mine did the same thing. I served her an eviction notice and the first thing she said was.."You're throwing me and my daughter out on the street!" To guilt me. I said..."No I'm evicting you....you have 30 days....If I kicked you out the key wouldn't work and your crap would be out on the curb."

She replied......Oh you couldn't do that legally..........

I replied.....I'm glad you understand the law then.......you have 29 days 23 hours and 10 minutes left. I'm sorry for your daughter. But she is your daughter.
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Old 03-19-2016, 02:52 PM
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I can't believe it.

They're releasing her today already. Saying that its "adjustment disorder" due to the move to our house. I let them know this was an issue prior to moving here as well.

She didn't tell them about the prior attempts and threats. I did when they asked me. In front of her.

But they still don't think she's a threat to herself anymore, want her to go see a shrink tomorrow, and get on medication. They told her she needs to get back into AA (quit after about 3 weeks), get a sponsor, and that she likely needs managed alcohol recovery.

Meanwhile I have to lock up all the meds, knives, etc in the house... anything she can use to harm herself, and they're asking me to control her medication. If she's no longer a threat to herself, why do I need to do that?

She already sent me a text saying I don't need to lock up the knives. I told her thats not her decision to make.

I'll be serving her with eviction documents Monday after I talk to a lawyer, but I am not looking forward to dealing with her.

I keep telling myself its 30 more days and I'm done, but I feel like its going to be a hell of a 30 days.
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Old 03-19-2016, 03:11 PM
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She probably ISN'T a threat to herself--she's certainly a threat to you, at least in the mental-health sense.

If she becomes the least bit physically threatening toward you--if she destroys your property or hits you--contact the local women's shelter (for battered women) and talk with an advocate about a protective order. That would require her to vacate immediately and to have no contact with you. I certainly don't advise it as an expedient to get an annoying person out of the house, but you have a right to live in peace. No criminal charges are necessary to get an order, but the requirements for one vary from one jurisdiction to another. Usually the court would have to find an order necessary to protect you from "domestic violence"--and in many jurisdictions that includes harassment, criminal mischief, threats to physically harm, etc. Other places there must be physical violence.

Talking with an advocate is free and confidential, and they are accustomed to hearing from male victims.
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Old 03-19-2016, 04:00 PM
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Wow...so they're essentially telling you that you're responsible for her actions now? If she's not a threat to herself, why do you have to hide knives? Where do you draw the line, are you supposed to hide drain cleaner? Belts? Scissors? And they told you to "control her medication" ? That would be funny if it weren't all so sad.

She'll probably threaten it again and next time I would think she'd be admitted to a psych ward whether she agrees or not, so maybe it won't be 30 days of having her in your house.

I'm really sorry.
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Old 03-19-2016, 04:42 PM
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P.S. The dogs are okay, right?
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Old 03-19-2016, 04:51 PM
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Originally Posted by Ariesagain View Post
P.S. The dogs are okay, right?
Dogs are fine
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Old 03-19-2016, 05:01 PM
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Sorry to hear all of this. Suicide attempts are not to be taken lightly and I'm not making light if this, but she's doing this to manipulate you-that's all. You are absolutely doing the right thing and I sure hope she gets MUCH needed help soon.
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Old 03-19-2016, 05:20 PM
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"Cash for keys." And dial 911 if she threatens to hurt herself.
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Old 03-19-2016, 05:24 PM
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P.S. - You would normally never give an alcoholic money - it's enabling, and they will either use it for booze or if you are paying for their rent you are "putting a pillow under their butt," preventing them from hitting bottom. But in this case, she is in your house and you want her out, so you should probably serve her a 30 notice to quit and set her up if you like (under her name - just paying first month's rent) or give her "cash for keys" - money to move out and never darken your doorstep again. It is too bad you are still physically attracted to her. Perhaps smelling the booze might begin to turn you off.
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Old 03-19-2016, 05:45 PM
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Get the clock ticking on the eviction no matter what.
Sorry she blew, but it sounded like a matter of time.
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Old 03-19-2016, 06:53 PM
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Heya Texjeepguy, so sorry you are going through this. It does sound like you are doing the right thing.

Hang tough and take care of yourself. Did you at least make part of the trip?
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Old 03-19-2016, 08:12 PM
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I never read anything about giving her money to leave. Hell to the no you don't.

She's living in your house, manipulated you, made your life miserable. Oh hell no I wouldn't pay squat you don't have to. She should leave in an orderly fashion, and you won't press charges against her via an eviction.
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Old 03-19-2016, 08:27 PM
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Reading all this I was reminded of my own experience with suicide: my grandma commited suicide years ago when she became physically ill. And no, she didnīt make any threats nor any of all the hassle, she just opened the gas in her kitchen when she was alone and went to sleep.
I may be wrong, but it sounds like your gf is just stoking up the drama. Donīt let her trap you in her manipulations.
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Old 03-19-2016, 08:39 PM
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Stay strong. Get a lawyer on board and get her out of your life.
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Old 03-20-2016, 06:56 AM
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Yes, you definitely need to consult with an attorney tomorrow to find out what the process is to remove her. I am assuming you do not have written lease with this woman. Depending on whether she has been paying you rental payments may change the process - she might fall under "tenant at will" as opposed to "tenant". A verbal lease could have a different legal path to evict.

Did you send, via certified mail, a notice to vacate? Or did you just ask her to leave and give a verbal timeline? I don't see mention of a notice to vacate, it may be that you will have to produce one, wait the allowed time, and then file a dispossessory. In my state a verbal notice is 60 days, not 30, then the dispossessory process takes about an additional 45 days. Your state may be different.

I agree with Seek, you would be well served to pay this woman to get the hell out of your home if she will accept it. Sanity is priceless, I can't imagine the stress of living with her during an eviction process. I see that you made that offer before and she turned it down. Understand that her goal is to stay there as long as possible. She may very well be more schooled in the process of removing a resident than you are (my husband and I own several rental properties, and it never ceases to amaze me how well versed non-paying tenants are in their rights and the process of dispossessory and eviction). Her refusal to accept those terms previously could have been a simple game of chicken which A's and Addicts play well.

If you have not mailed her certified mail a letter to vacate you could be looking at 90 days plus to get rid of her. I am hoping that your State or local laws are different than what we have to deal with - although with a written lease the laws are in our favor, and the process is expedient. This is why I won't verbal lease a property EVER under any circumstance.

Sometimes when things are official, legal papers are presented and so forth (even an agreement for her to leave with cash in hand), people change their tune as to what they will accept or do. Until she understands you mean business I don't see her changing her game plan at all. P.S. if you are still having relations with her I advise never again. It sends mixed messages and confuses you both.
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Old 03-20-2016, 07:06 AM
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If you have to help her financially to find another place, go for it. She did move to where she is now because of you, so it's not completely unreasonable. Then change the locks.
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Old 03-20-2016, 09:09 AM
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Spoke with a friend who is an attorney yesterday, he's referring me to a local attorney who specializes in landlord/tenant. So once I talk to them tomorrow I'll be serving the eviction papers in whatever official capacity is required.

My mom is flying in for the week. Gf not happy about it, but I don't care. Started telling me how she hates the relationship I have with my parents, how much I talk with them, and that she thinks I need their permission before I do anything.

Spent the rest of the night begging for my attention and apologizing, alternating with still blaming me for everything. Telling me I clearly want her out of my life, and she was trying to help me with that.

Still telling me I didn't need to lock everything up, she's not going to try again because she doesn't want to go back to the hospital.

Psych appointment at 2 this afternoon, maybe they'll commit her.
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