Husband runs out to fix daughters car .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Oops now she says she's going ..to go to my husbands mom s and tell her what an evil bitch I've been.
And somehow hubby had that worked out with her and his mom for her to go.
Oh boy I'm just the crazy one apparently now have granny involved.
And somehow hubby had that worked out with her and his mom for her to go.
Oh boy I'm just the crazy one apparently now have granny involved.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Bluehawaii 
Ok so I say you have to go to a friends or stay somewhere else in the interim she now of course threatening suicide!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
" I'm looking at an apartment on Monday . Seems silly if she does go in April ...as she now cooled off and says I never said I wasn't going."
peace of mind isn't silly
removing her endless opportunities to verbally abuse you isn't silly
it seems sillier to put up with it, if you ask me BH
hope you feel better soon
peace of mind isn't silly
removing her endless opportunities to verbally abuse you isn't silly
it seems sillier to put up with it, if you ask me BH
hope you feel better soon
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Bluehawaii
Oops now she says she's going ..to go to my husbands mom s and tell her what an evil bitch I've been.
And somehow hubby had that worked out with her and his mom for her to go.
Oh boy I'm just the crazy one apparently now have granny involved.
And somehow hubby had that worked out with her and his mom for her to go.
Oh boy I'm just the crazy one apparently now have granny involved.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Oh I'm sure he was there all morning.
Now he's playing sick yet out all morning...sheesh
She's gone saying she's going to kill herself ...he was going to follower her ...I'm like noooo don't chase her...but your call...
Oh boy this is why it's soooo hard to put boundaries on her this is what entails every time...
Now he's playing sick yet out all morning...sheesh
She's gone saying she's going to kill herself ...he was going to follower her ...I'm like noooo don't chase her...but your call...
Oh boy this is why it's soooo hard to put boundaries on her this is what entails every time...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Bluehawaii
She's gone saying she's going to kill herself ...
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Bluehawaii......as I understand it...your are going to look at an apartment for yourself on Monday......
Fabulous idea.....
A word about BOUNDARIES, here.....
Boundaries are a protection for y our own protection from others....it establishes how much you will allows others to invade you....
They say what you will do to protect yourself......they ARE NOT rules that you make for another person (you can't control someone else).
When you tell her she has to go somewhere else...that is you trying to make a rule for her......especially if you can't or won't have the means or the strength to back it up. ****It is our responsibility to enforce our own boundaries****
If you move into your own apartment....you are enforcing the boundary of "I will not let you abuse me or manipulate me any further".
You have the God-given right to protect yourself from abuse.....
You are not kicking her to the curb..or even denying her a home....you are simply taking yourself out of the dance of abuse that you are allowing yourself to be victimized by in this family.....
You are saying..."there is your side of the street..take care of it. I am taking care of my side of the street, now."
This is the way life works, anyway, Bluehawaii.....
If she wants to go to Granny and say whatever....let her go, and wish her well.....
What Granny thinks of you is none of your business....
What you KNOW and think about yourself is what really matters, in the end.
If she threatens suicide....call 911....every time....
She will soon get tired of that.....
Can you find more ways to stay out of the house....until y ou get your plans together??
That would help a lot....
dandylion
Fabulous idea.....
A word about BOUNDARIES, here.....
Boundaries are a protection for y our own protection from others....it establishes how much you will allows others to invade you....
They say what you will do to protect yourself......they ARE NOT rules that you make for another person (you can't control someone else).
When you tell her she has to go somewhere else...that is you trying to make a rule for her......especially if you can't or won't have the means or the strength to back it up. ****It is our responsibility to enforce our own boundaries****
If you move into your own apartment....you are enforcing the boundary of "I will not let you abuse me or manipulate me any further".
You have the God-given right to protect yourself from abuse.....
You are not kicking her to the curb..or even denying her a home....you are simply taking yourself out of the dance of abuse that you are allowing yourself to be victimized by in this family.....
You are saying..."there is your side of the street..take care of it. I am taking care of my side of the street, now."
This is the way life works, anyway, Bluehawaii.....
If she wants to go to Granny and say whatever....let her go, and wish her well.....
What Granny thinks of you is none of your business....
What you KNOW and think about yourself is what really matters, in the end.
If she threatens suicide....call 911....every time....
She will soon get tired of that.....
Can you find more ways to stay out of the house....until y ou get your plans together??
That would help a lot....
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
No I'm still sick although not throwing up anymore I am very week.
So tuck at home for a few days.
I was going to see the apartment for her it was in the same place she was in before and affordable. Very hard to get into cause so cheap...but the lady just got back to me and said I am way down on the list and has a ton of showings. Won't let me in to see sooner and said I may as well keep looking...ugh...
I'm not in a position to leave yet...
So tuck at home for a few days.
I was going to see the apartment for her it was in the same place she was in before and affordable. Very hard to get into cause so cheap...but the lady just got back to me and said I am way down on the list and has a ton of showings. Won't let me in to see sooner and said I may as well keep looking...ugh...
I'm not in a position to leave yet...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
With being so sick I realize a bit why I allowed this so long. One of my brother s were emotionally and physically abusive to me my whole life . Extreme abuse where I finally called the police on him when I was 16. Back then the police kind of took the cuffs off him as soon as I said he was my brother. He hit my head into a wall and hammered it with a cast he wore on his arm because I ate a hotdog which was his an I had no idea...
My mom later asked why on earth I would call the police...he never hit me again but moved shortly after and I of course still kept on loving him!
My mom later asked why on earth I would call the police...he never hit me again but moved shortly after and I of course still kept on loving him!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Bluehawaii......it is really a good thing that the apartment won't be available for her....because that is just a trap that you are falling into that will just keep you enabling her and entangled in the dysfunctional behavior......
While you are still in bed....this is a perfect opportunity to start weaving your plans...your step, by step, plans...to GET yourself in a po sition to leave......
Until you do...nothing...nothing is really going to change.....
If you don't know how to do this....we can all help you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you ever wonder what would happen if you were wiped out by a damned ole train, tomorrow? What would happen ? what would they do?
I can tell you...their lives would go on----because they would have no other choice....they can do it...and, they will do it...when they have no other choice.....
dandylion
While you are still in bed....this is a perfect opportunity to start weaving your plans...your step, by step, plans...to GET yourself in a po sition to leave......
Until you do...nothing...nothing is really going to change.....
If you don't know how to do this....we can all help you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you ever wonder what would happen if you were wiped out by a damned ole train, tomorrow? What would happen ? what would they do?
I can tell you...their lives would go on----because they would have no other choice....they can do it...and, they will do it...when they have no other choice.....
dandylion
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Bluehawaii....I just read about your abusive family situation....and I am soo sorry to hear that. I am sure that y ou are still carrying those scars around as well as the baggage that comes from such an early life experience(s).
You deserve the right to heal from your past.....and you can....with the right kind of therapy and support....
But, you can't while y ou are still living in abuse and neglect.....
Take yourself away from the abuse and neglect.....and give yourself the time and space that you need in your life......
That will not hurt th em (husband and daughter)...it will be the best thing you can do for them....in the end.....
dandylion
You deserve the right to heal from your past.....and you can....with the right kind of therapy and support....
But, you can't while y ou are still living in abuse and neglect.....
Take yourself away from the abuse and neglect.....and give yourself the time and space that you need in your life......
That will not hurt th em (husband and daughter)...it will be the best thing you can do for them....in the end.....
dandylion
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
bluehawaii....you are entitled to half of everything that he has....including insurance coverage....
go to the website...."Womansdivorce.com" It explains how these things work....it is sorted out by every state, also.
You do have options....even though you don't realize that you do.....
Wow...your to-do list is getting longer with every post that I write...lol.....
While you are in bed....why not make a list of all of these things to do.....
(and do read the book that I suggested).......
LOL....I still remember my dear grandmother,,,who mostly, raised me....saying hundreds of times to me: "Can't never did anything"
dandylion
go to the website...."Womansdivorce.com" It explains how these things work....it is sorted out by every state, also.
You do have options....even though you don't realize that you do.....
Wow...your to-do list is getting longer with every post that I write...lol.....
While you are in bed....why not make a list of all of these things to do.....
(and do read the book that I suggested).......
LOL....I still remember my dear grandmother,,,who mostly, raised me....saying hundreds of times to me: "Can't never did anything"
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Thank you I will do some research...
I'm in Canada things are a bit different here.
Is it not abandonment if you leave your house.I seem to remember a law about that at one time people saying never ever leave your house...
I'm in Canada things are a bit different here.
Is it not abandonment if you leave your house.I seem to remember a law about that at one time people saying never ever leave your house...
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
dandy is quite right--knowledge is power,
in that it gives you a firm grounding for planning
the situation as it is seems to be getting worse and not better
only you can determine what kind of stress and trauma you can continue
to live with daily, but from our end it looks like you are really suffering
nobody here is suggesting that you "do" anything permanent--separating
for even a short time can give you peace and perspective and it isn't the
same thing as divorcing
BH, if you don't take care of you, nobody else in your family will do it
that's the bottom line. . .
in that it gives you a firm grounding for planning
the situation as it is seems to be getting worse and not better
only you can determine what kind of stress and trauma you can continue
to live with daily, but from our end it looks like you are really suffering
nobody here is suggesting that you "do" anything permanent--separating
for even a short time can give you peace and perspective and it isn't the
same thing as divorcing
BH, if you don't take care of you, nobody else in your family will do it
that's the bottom line. . .
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Well police just came and same old story...doesn't seem to be a threat to herself or anyone... 5 minute talk and there gone.
At least they cleared her up in thinking we can't kick her out.
She was leaving town a10 minutes ago and quitting her job and now downstairs in her room.
She has no idea I swear that this is her doing.
Could she really be so blind as to not realize this is not normal behaviour.Can she actually believe her own lies ?
She seems so shocked always that we would call the police and starts saying she never said she was going to kill her self? She is gone....she is not the daughter I knew...
At least they cleared her up in thinking we can't kick her out.
She was leaving town a10 minutes ago and quitting her job and now downstairs in her room.
She has no idea I swear that this is her doing.
Could she really be so blind as to not realize this is not normal behaviour.Can she actually believe her own lies ?
She seems so shocked always that we would call the police and starts saying she never said she was going to kill her self? She is gone....she is not the daughter I knew...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
She lives in a house with no boundaries. I'm not saying her behavior is your fault per se, but because she lives with no boundaries or responsibilities this is what you get.
I wish you could see that its not only for your sanity to move her out, but its also being a loving parent trying to get their child to the next level of maturity (in her case she really acts about like a 14 year old, well below her age in development).
I wish you could see that its not only for your sanity to move her out, but its also being a loving parent trying to get their child to the next level of maturity (in her case she really acts about like a 14 year old, well below her age in development).
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
