Husband runs out to fix daughters car .
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
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Her husband is a teacher and went so far as to say they will remove alcohol from home,the rules no drinking or partying and pay a small amount of rent plus go to counselling weekly.
My older daughter even said she would put the $ away for her to save for a condo without her knowing.
My heart melted but at the same time I know it's their decision so I just listened but everything in me wants to say don't ask her. I don't want them to have any trouble. A month ago I would have said yes do it help her but I know no one can help her!
Losing hope
Should they offer?
There is nothing wrong with you having an opinion and expressing it. Frankly this is more of enabling your daughter which she has plenty already going on in your home. This is a huge mistake. Your younger daughter is a nightmare. You absolutely should tell your oldest daughter what living with her is like - and I would have zero problem suggesting she NOT make that offer to her.
As for your own home you mention your "husband wants her there and its his home too" - sorry, but when you are dealing with an abusive addict accommodating them or the enabler at the sake of your own sanity is crazy. You need to figure out boundaries and lay them down. If its so important for your husband to maintain living with the younger daughter then have at it pal.
You count too.
My older daughter even said she would put the $ away for her to save for a condo without her knowing.
My heart melted but at the same time I know it's their decision so I just listened but everything in me wants to say don't ask her. I don't want them to have any trouble. A month ago I would have said yes do it help her but I know no one can help her!
Losing hope
Should they offer?
There is nothing wrong with you having an opinion and expressing it. Frankly this is more of enabling your daughter which she has plenty already going on in your home. This is a huge mistake. Your younger daughter is a nightmare. You absolutely should tell your oldest daughter what living with her is like - and I would have zero problem suggesting she NOT make that offer to her.
As for your own home you mention your "husband wants her there and its his home too" - sorry, but when you are dealing with an abusive addict accommodating them or the enabler at the sake of your own sanity is crazy. You need to figure out boundaries and lay them down. If its so important for your husband to maintain living with the younger daughter then have at it pal.
You count too.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Bluehawaii.....thanks, for the explanation....I missed the fact that there was an older....not younger.... daughter!
I agree that you have a right to express an opinion on a family issue....
They may or may not follow your advice.....(your know them better than we do).
My personal 2 cents is that it would just further enable her. There would probably be "triangling" between the three of them----just like there is between the current three of you (you, husband and daughter).
I am reminded of the toddler in parenting 101.....if both parents are not on the same page.....even the young child can do "splitting" of the parents and wreck havock in the whole household.....
Your daughter actually has the "perfect storm" at her disposal that she can work to her advantage.....both parents are irretreivably split....and there is an atmosphere of guilt that she can prey on....
She "knows" every hot button that you all have---and, has no problem hitting all of them.....
The kind of structure that your son-in-law suggests....might be helpful to her...since she also had ADD.....and could use structure and boundaries....But, that would better supplied in a halfway house situation, for her......
She cannot manipulate the staff at a halfway house like she can in her own family.....
Everything else is probably a mute point if she doesn't come to the conclusion that she needs to give up drinking and drugging first.....treatment for ADD and eating disorder doesn't even work in the face of active addiction.....
I can't remember if she has ever had inpatient rehab in a dual diagnosis facility?
The best way to break-up a triangle is to remove one of the three legs.
The best way to break-up a power struggle (between two people) is for one person to drop their end of the rope......
If nothing changes...nothing changes....
dandylion
I agree that you have a right to express an opinion on a family issue....
They may or may not follow your advice.....(your know them better than we do).
My personal 2 cents is that it would just further enable her. There would probably be "triangling" between the three of them----just like there is between the current three of you (you, husband and daughter).
I am reminded of the toddler in parenting 101.....if both parents are not on the same page.....even the young child can do "splitting" of the parents and wreck havock in the whole household.....
Your daughter actually has the "perfect storm" at her disposal that she can work to her advantage.....both parents are irretreivably split....and there is an atmosphere of guilt that she can prey on....
She "knows" every hot button that you all have---and, has no problem hitting all of them.....
The kind of structure that your son-in-law suggests....might be helpful to her...since she also had ADD.....and could use structure and boundaries....But, that would better supplied in a halfway house situation, for her......
She cannot manipulate the staff at a halfway house like she can in her own family.....
Everything else is probably a mute point if she doesn't come to the conclusion that she needs to give up drinking and drugging first.....treatment for ADD and eating disorder doesn't even work in the face of active addiction.....
I can't remember if she has ever had inpatient rehab in a dual diagnosis facility?
The best way to break-up a triangle is to remove one of the three legs.
The best way to break-up a power struggle (between two people) is for one person to drop their end of the rope......
If nothing changes...nothing changes....
dandylion
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
What about you get a short-term lease--say six months
on a condo for yourself and file for a formal separation?
Tell your husband you need some space, and he needs
to decide what his priority in the marriage is.
Calmly let him know you aren't living in this conflict-riddled disrespectful environment
even one more month--that you've asked him to support you in having daughter move,
but he is unwilling to do so, and you are unwilling to stay in the situation.
If he asks your daughter to move out at that point fine,
but don't push it. Just find the place and sign the lease
Don't negotiate or back down.
Hire some movers, take your stuff
and leave them to sort it out.
Meanwhile, you take care of you
and get some peace and perspective about
what you want for the rest of your life.
No offense intended BH, but what you're living now
doesn't sound like a very life-affirming happy situation.
Some time and space will give all of you a clearer sense
about what the future should / could be for all involved.
on a condo for yourself and file for a formal separation?
Tell your husband you need some space, and he needs
to decide what his priority in the marriage is.
Calmly let him know you aren't living in this conflict-riddled disrespectful environment
even one more month--that you've asked him to support you in having daughter move,
but he is unwilling to do so, and you are unwilling to stay in the situation.
If he asks your daughter to move out at that point fine,
but don't push it. Just find the place and sign the lease
Don't negotiate or back down.
Hire some movers, take your stuff
and leave them to sort it out.
Meanwhile, you take care of you
and get some peace and perspective about
what you want for the rest of your life.
No offense intended BH, but what you're living now
doesn't sound like a very life-affirming happy situation.
Some time and space will give all of you a clearer sense
about what the future should / could be for all involved.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Thanks so much you guys I feel so supported for the first time ever in what I know to be the best thing !!
I have told my daughter today again since she won't follow rules eg pay rent
Stop swearing and intimidating. And stop using drugs she is moving out.
She pulls the mental health thing in which I say why you need even more boundaries. I get a text saying I'm an ###%%#%%#!!!!
One of many as she is losing it because I'm not letting up on this.
My husband said he told her the same she HAS to pay rent today follow rules or leave as again she went crying his way.
Dandelion you have this figured out exactly!!!!! This has been going on for years! We learnt about it in counselling and she suckers us all in with her bs and manipulation! Even gets my older daughter feeling sorry for her!!
We are getting smarter but not fast enough for her she is a genius literally.
Even has the government helping with all sorts of things school etc.
Geez
I have told my daughter today again since she won't follow rules eg pay rent
Stop swearing and intimidating. And stop using drugs she is moving out.
She pulls the mental health thing in which I say why you need even more boundaries. I get a text saying I'm an ###%%#%%#!!!!
One of many as she is losing it because I'm not letting up on this.
My husband said he told her the same she HAS to pay rent today follow rules or leave as again she went crying his way.
Dandelion you have this figured out exactly!!!!! This has been going on for years! We learnt about it in counselling and she suckers us all in with her bs and manipulation! Even gets my older daughter feeling sorry for her!!
We are getting smarter but not fast enough for her she is a genius literally.
Even has the government helping with all sorts of things school etc.
Geez
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
Well had it out with husband after asking him to read something so vital to our problems after saying he read it I asked him what the last paragraph said he couldn't tell me!!! Oh my g he can recite every news fact about his football team.
But not spend 5 minutes on a news article.
From that I said I wanted too sell the house and move on! Which he said it's just my menopausal symptoms!!! Then I said they have been present for 30 years.
He then said he read it just couldn't recite it ...I just asked for the part that was pertinent to us....nothing lie lie lie!
Then preceded to tell me he's been taking a lot of gravel a drug for nausea makes you really sleepy relaxed etc.. And asked Dr for benzos!!! ( ra should not take those and Been taking those with his antidepressants....
Then in the middle of the argument I start crying about how his alcoholism had affected me and how he never did the steps in recovery and never heard how it really hurt our family.
I said I gave him 35 years of my life and I'm balling at this point ( something foreign to me ) and he doesn't even respond...no emotion nothing just...you want to sell the house?
I'm literally baffled but not really . You think there would be some emotion but nothing....dead"....
But not spend 5 minutes on a news article.
From that I said I wanted too sell the house and move on! Which he said it's just my menopausal symptoms!!! Then I said they have been present for 30 years.
He then said he read it just couldn't recite it ...I just asked for the part that was pertinent to us....nothing lie lie lie!
Then preceded to tell me he's been taking a lot of gravel a drug for nausea makes you really sleepy relaxed etc.. And asked Dr for benzos!!! ( ra should not take those and Been taking those with his antidepressants....
Then in the middle of the argument I start crying about how his alcoholism had affected me and how he never did the steps in recovery and never heard how it really hurt our family.
I said I gave him 35 years of my life and I'm balling at this point ( something foreign to me ) and he doesn't even respond...no emotion nothing just...you want to sell the house?
I'm literally baffled but not really . You think there would be some emotion but nothing....dead"....
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Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
He hasn't been emotionally present for you all this time, why do you think he would start now? Stop giving him articles to read, or trying to reason with him. He may be sober but it's like talking to a brick wall.
If you think you want to sell the house, make an appointment with a lawyer and find out how you'd make out if you were to divorce. You don't have to DO it until you're ready, but knowledge is power. And if you decide you want to do that, you don't need his agreement.
If you think you want to sell the house, make an appointment with a lawyer and find out how you'd make out if you were to divorce. You don't have to DO it until you're ready, but knowledge is power. And if you decide you want to do that, you don't need his agreement.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
I know Lexie I keep thinking maybe this he will understand. one more explanation,one more pastor,one more counsellor,one more article.
I know it's insane .... I'm clearly so stressed I'm not thinking straight!
My daughter comes up sweet as pie I say it's not going away ...you need to pay rent...still abusive...sweet...abusive...sweet...not going away...husband passed out by 7:00 all drugged up .....seething...grrrrrr...what a waste of energy...round and round we go...
I know it's insane .... I'm clearly so stressed I'm not thinking straight!
My daughter comes up sweet as pie I say it's not going away ...you need to pay rent...still abusive...sweet...abusive...sweet...not going away...husband passed out by 7:00 all drugged up .....seething...grrrrrr...what a waste of energy...round and round we go...
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Posts: 6,902
Wow.
This has been going on for almost 6 months now - and the only change has been that your husband has now transferred his addictions and found a different way to escape reality - that said, if it is a prescribed drug, and he is taking it as prescribed, then AA wouldn't consider that a relapse.
Is there such a thing as an AlAnon retreat? If there was, I'd say that's just what you could do with right now. You don't sound ready to remove one or both of them from the equation (ie chuck them out / change the locks on them) or leave yourself, even temporarily.
It sounds from your posts that you have got further and further into a state of confusion, and this means that the things that you actually have no control of are taking up so much head-space that it must be incredibly difficult to think clearly about what to do next, and make a plan.
Since working the steps, OUTWARDLY nothing in my life has changed. But mentally and emotionally it is a different experience altogether, as my perspective has altered. Those steps have materialised as I worked the program. Do you go to AlAnon and do step work with a sponsor? If so, maybe there is a way of upping the game on your recovery so that you can cope better with this horrible situation. If not, is there a chance that you could give AlAnon and the step work a go?
Wishing you and your family healing and strength at this traumatic time.
This has been going on for almost 6 months now - and the only change has been that your husband has now transferred his addictions and found a different way to escape reality - that said, if it is a prescribed drug, and he is taking it as prescribed, then AA wouldn't consider that a relapse.
Is there such a thing as an AlAnon retreat? If there was, I'd say that's just what you could do with right now. You don't sound ready to remove one or both of them from the equation (ie chuck them out / change the locks on them) or leave yourself, even temporarily.
It sounds from your posts that you have got further and further into a state of confusion, and this means that the things that you actually have no control of are taking up so much head-space that it must be incredibly difficult to think clearly about what to do next, and make a plan.
Since working the steps, OUTWARDLY nothing in my life has changed. But mentally and emotionally it is a different experience altogether, as my perspective has altered. Those steps have materialised as I worked the program. Do you go to AlAnon and do step work with a sponsor? If so, maybe there is a way of upping the game on your recovery so that you can cope better with this horrible situation. If not, is there a chance that you could give AlAnon and the step work a go?
Wishing you and your family healing and strength at this traumatic time.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Blue I really commend you for the steps you have made but honestly I don't see that what you are proposing is really going to change anything.
Your daughter needs to be out of your house, period. She is not in treatment and is an active user. Rent payment? Come on. The problem is living with her not her lack of financial contribution (I get she should be responsible and pay, let her pay at her own Apt).
As far as your husband you seem to be continuing to seek......apology or acknowledgement for what he has done.? You have said you want to move to him, but then in a post above state you are still hoping for change. Did you say that you want to move hoping it would motivate him to get is act together? become emotionally available? Care? I don't imagine this is the first round you have ever had with either of them making demands and threats. How many times have you threatened to put her out, demand rent, threatened to leave him, or threatened something else?
Kindly said, the threats don't work and won't. There have probably been so many over the course of 35 years it wouldn't matter what you say, the pulse rate doesn't even go up.
I recommend you decide how you want to live your life rather than try and change these two. Do you want to continue to live with addict, abusive daughter and try and control and manage that situation? Do you want to continue to live with disrespectful AH who seems to have picked up a new addiction, and who undermines you at every opportunity, AND is emotionally unavailable?
Its hard, but necessary to stop looking at the situation for what you wish it would be, rather than what it actually is. The way to deal with this is to move your life along and live the way you want to. If the other two decide to get their sh!t together in the meantime then you can decide how you want to progress. I hope you don't spend another 35 years hoping they will change. Only you can change yourself - not them.
Your daughter needs to be out of your house, period. She is not in treatment and is an active user. Rent payment? Come on. The problem is living with her not her lack of financial contribution (I get she should be responsible and pay, let her pay at her own Apt).
As far as your husband you seem to be continuing to seek......apology or acknowledgement for what he has done.? You have said you want to move to him, but then in a post above state you are still hoping for change. Did you say that you want to move hoping it would motivate him to get is act together? become emotionally available? Care? I don't imagine this is the first round you have ever had with either of them making demands and threats. How many times have you threatened to put her out, demand rent, threatened to leave him, or threatened something else?
Kindly said, the threats don't work and won't. There have probably been so many over the course of 35 years it wouldn't matter what you say, the pulse rate doesn't even go up.
I recommend you decide how you want to live your life rather than try and change these two. Do you want to continue to live with addict, abusive daughter and try and control and manage that situation? Do you want to continue to live with disrespectful AH who seems to have picked up a new addiction, and who undermines you at every opportunity, AND is emotionally unavailable?
Its hard, but necessary to stop looking at the situation for what you wish it would be, rather than what it actually is. The way to deal with this is to move your life along and live the way you want to. If the other two decide to get their sh!t together in the meantime then you can decide how you want to progress. I hope you don't spend another 35 years hoping they will change. Only you can change yourself - not them.
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Bluehawaii.....I'm with redatlanta, on this. It IS good that you have o pened your mouth.....and spoken up....But....as I said, before, these behaviors are sooo ingrained that nothing less than DRASTIC will remove you from the belly of the beast...
Hon.....that man ain't a'gonna change.....and, you can't control him....
red is right--just paying some rent isn't go ing to make her shape up all around....in fact, when they pay rent---they often have a greater sense of entitlement!!! "I'm paying rent, here, so I can do what I want"
Likewise....I think you have felt that it was your duty to "keep the family together".....to be the glue.... to make sure that everyone happy and doing right" things.....that it was all a reflection on you and what kind of wife and mother you are. That everyone in the church and community would judge you by that standard......
Humans don't relish change.....it requires effort and the wiliness to endure some degree of discomfort---at first.....
You are gong to need more face to face support from understanding others than you have, apparently, had.....
I have always noticed---here on SR....that the ones who get support are the ones who are able to move out of their difficult situations the best......
If nothing changes....nothing changes....
Oh----a reminder....never make a threat or say a boundary or "line in the sand" that you can't or are unwilling to enforce. Otherwise you are teaching them that your words are hollow.....
As long as they have you in their environment, absorbing their crap and acting as their scapegoat and whipping post....they never have to do for themselves or take any personal responsibility for themselves.....
dandylion
Hon.....that man ain't a'gonna change.....and, you can't control him....
red is right--just paying some rent isn't go ing to make her shape up all around....in fact, when they pay rent---they often have a greater sense of entitlement!!! "I'm paying rent, here, so I can do what I want"
Likewise....I think you have felt that it was your duty to "keep the family together".....to be the glue.... to make sure that everyone happy and doing right" things.....that it was all a reflection on you and what kind of wife and mother you are. That everyone in the church and community would judge you by that standard......
Humans don't relish change.....it requires effort and the wiliness to endure some degree of discomfort---at first.....
You are gong to need more face to face support from understanding others than you have, apparently, had.....
I have always noticed---here on SR....that the ones who get support are the ones who are able to move out of their difficult situations the best......
If nothing changes....nothing changes....
Oh----a reminder....never make a threat or say a boundary or "line in the sand" that you can't or are unwilling to enforce. Otherwise you are teaching them that your words are hollow.....
As long as they have you in their environment, absorbing their crap and acting as their scapegoat and whipping post....they never have to do for themselves or take any personal responsibility for themselves.....
dandylion
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by dandylion 
when they pay rent---they often have a greater sense of entitlement!!! "I'm paying rent, here, so I can do what I want"
Her paying rent to you isn't the answer, giving your husband one more article or study to read isn't the answer.
YOUR walking away from this dysfunctional mess is the answer. For you, at least. You can't fix THEM. And it's only PART of the answer for you, because until you work on this need you have to control others, or your feelings of responsibility toward adults who have a right to live their own lives (however appalled you might be by their choices), you will find yourself right back in their mess, even if you leave.
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Posts: 220
Oh boy....I am not thinking clearly seriously too much stress!!
I run a business as well and my other daughter is my partner and away on her honeymoon right now so can't take time off to think clearly.
As a matter of fact this work is my sanity at the moment.
I have put her out before ...I have no idea why I'm reluctant now.
I realize for the first time how sick my RAH is as he is grasping and using God to keep me.
His email this morning was nothing about us or our discussion last night only about him and his giving his life to Christ last Sunday in the alter call.Hes been a Christian as long as I known him reading his bible never missed church attended and now he raised his hand in church?
Oh boy what the hell is going on!!! Some say we are under attack again...some non believers say run others say work it out...adding a divorce to the mix will not help my daughter but make her feel responsible.
I have no pension, I have no benefits, ....
I use to work in my home my only source of income was from the home this kept me here for those years....now I can go ....yet??
I don't want to believe it's as bad as it is!! I keep minimizing it...my daughter is on prescription drugs...she denies illegal drug use...she holds down a full time job is home every night except one night a week.
What if I'm wrong?
What if she isn't as bad as I think? What if this is her anxiety and depression?
What if I am the one to blame for all this stress?
My husband is on prescription drugs but abusing gravel ...he went to see Dr and got benzos so he doesn't abuse non prescription drugs...
Either way he was passed out last night before 9 and I was wide awake trying to make sense of this mess.
I guess I was trying to use the her not wanting to pay rent as an excuse to move her out . Seeing as she thinks I'm over reacting with her other issues I thought I'd go with that.i never realized this till now. But now she is saying she will pay rent next week. Now I'm really confused as to getting her out.
No help from hubby I'm sure as he is on another problem now...his faith....
I am so scared!!!!
I run a business as well and my other daughter is my partner and away on her honeymoon right now so can't take time off to think clearly.
As a matter of fact this work is my sanity at the moment.
I have put her out before ...I have no idea why I'm reluctant now.
I realize for the first time how sick my RAH is as he is grasping and using God to keep me.
His email this morning was nothing about us or our discussion last night only about him and his giving his life to Christ last Sunday in the alter call.Hes been a Christian as long as I known him reading his bible never missed church attended and now he raised his hand in church?
Oh boy what the hell is going on!!! Some say we are under attack again...some non believers say run others say work it out...adding a divorce to the mix will not help my daughter but make her feel responsible.
I have no pension, I have no benefits, ....
I use to work in my home my only source of income was from the home this kept me here for those years....now I can go ....yet??
I don't want to believe it's as bad as it is!! I keep minimizing it...my daughter is on prescription drugs...she denies illegal drug use...she holds down a full time job is home every night except one night a week.
What if I'm wrong?
What if she isn't as bad as I think? What if this is her anxiety and depression?
What if I am the one to blame for all this stress?
My husband is on prescription drugs but abusing gravel ...he went to see Dr and got benzos so he doesn't abuse non prescription drugs...
Either way he was passed out last night before 9 and I was wide awake trying to make sense of this mess.
I guess I was trying to use the her not wanting to pay rent as an excuse to move her out . Seeing as she thinks I'm over reacting with her other issues I thought I'd go with that.i never realized this till now. But now she is saying she will pay rent next week. Now I'm really confused as to getting her out.
No help from hubby I'm sure as he is on another problem now...his faith....
I am so scared!!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Bluehawaii.....it is normal to feel scared at times of great change....or even the anticipation of great change.....
This is true for all of us.....
I believe that you urgently need the face to face support of someone who truly understands what you are going through.......
I think the best thing that you can do is to find the closest alanon meeting and go there ASAP......they will welcome you with open arms and understand beyond what mere words can convey......
You need validation and acceptance....
You need some space....space....space....and time for your emotions to settle enough for you to think clearly......
You are also in need of PHYSICAL space.....away from the ones who your are so emotionally entangled with.....
In addition to an immediate alanon connection.....I suggest this: Give yourself a mini-respite......check into a hotel or motel for a day or two while you decompress a little....and get your bearings and work on your "to do" list......
Align your first two or three baby steps.....
Tell your daughter that y ou have re-evaluated the "rent issue".....and, you do not consider that to be the answer, any longer. Tell her that y ou are re-evaluating EVERYTHING and that you will get back to her on that, later.
(You are allowed to change your boundaries at any time YOU decide to!!).
Detach from talking about any of this with your husband....and daughter, for that matter.
You are in need of some time and space....and you should take it.....They will survive----the world will still spin on it's axis, tomorrow, and the locusts will not come!
Do not engage with anyone who does not understand....not even those from the Church.......
This is about putting on your own oxygen mask FIRST!!
Do it.
dandylion
This is true for all of us.....
I believe that you urgently need the face to face support of someone who truly understands what you are going through.......
I think the best thing that you can do is to find the closest alanon meeting and go there ASAP......they will welcome you with open arms and understand beyond what mere words can convey......
You need validation and acceptance....
You need some space....space....space....and time for your emotions to settle enough for you to think clearly......
You are also in need of PHYSICAL space.....away from the ones who your are so emotionally entangled with.....
In addition to an immediate alanon connection.....I suggest this: Give yourself a mini-respite......check into a hotel or motel for a day or two while you decompress a little....and get your bearings and work on your "to do" list......
Align your first two or three baby steps.....
Tell your daughter that y ou have re-evaluated the "rent issue".....and, you do not consider that to be the answer, any longer. Tell her that y ou are re-evaluating EVERYTHING and that you will get back to her on that, later.
(You are allowed to change your boundaries at any time YOU decide to!!).
Detach from talking about any of this with your husband....and daughter, for that matter.
You are in need of some time and space....and you should take it.....They will survive----the world will still spin on it's axis, tomorrow, and the locusts will not come!
Do not engage with anyone who does not understand....not even those from the Church.......
This is about putting on your own oxygen mask FIRST!!
Do it.
dandylion
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
what the hell is gravel?
BH, re-read your own post as if it was written by somebody else....what would you tell that woman? what would you think of her home life, stress level, serenity?? cuz you sound like a woman on the edge....
and are so overly focused on THEM you are afraid to sneeze......
let's stop talking about THEM for a minute......or about how any choice you make MIGHT effect them (for after all, they quit giving a sh!t about what might effect you LONG ago). now, what do YOU want....for YOU? not what changes do you want THEM to make so you'll be ok....what do YOU want your life to look like? your DAY to look like? your HOUSE to sound like? feel like?
BH, re-read your own post as if it was written by somebody else....what would you tell that woman? what would you think of her home life, stress level, serenity?? cuz you sound like a woman on the edge....
and are so overly focused on THEM you are afraid to sneeze......let's stop talking about THEM for a minute......or about how any choice you make MIGHT effect them (for after all, they quit giving a sh!t about what might effect you LONG ago). now, what do YOU want....for YOU? not what changes do you want THEM to make so you'll be ok....what do YOU want your life to look like? your DAY to look like? your HOUSE to sound like? feel like?
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The Addictive Properties of Gravol
800px-Natchez4Sept2008WilsonsDrugsInside.jpg
While Gravol is a well known over the counter medication used to prevent and treat nausea, vomiting, dizziness, vertigo, and motion sickness, it may also be misused by some individuals as a sleeping aid or to get high.
Gravol contains the drug dimenhydrinate. This antihistamine type medication is a salt composed of two drugs – diphenhydramine and 8-chlortheophylline. The 8-chlortheophyline is actually a mild central nervous stimulant used in Gravol to counteract the sedating effect of the medication.
Dimenhydrinate acts on a person’s respiratory and gastrointestinal systems, as well as constricting their blood vessels. Gravol also works by inhibiting chemical receptors in the brain that trigger vomiting.
Using Gravol to “Get High"
Unfortunately, some people abuse Gravol in order to obtain a “cheap high". Since Gravol is relatively inexpensive and easy to obtain, this trend is particularly common among adolescents and teens. Others may misuse the medication in order to cope with their insomnia. In many locations, pharmacists keep Gravol behind the counter in an effort to control its sale and ensure that the medication is being used appropriately.
800px-Natchez4Sept2008WilsonsDrugsInside.jpg
While Gravol is a well known over the counter medication used to prevent and treat nausea, vomiting, dizziness, vertigo, and motion sickness, it may also be misused by some individuals as a sleeping aid or to get high.
Gravol contains the drug dimenhydrinate. This antihistamine type medication is a salt composed of two drugs – diphenhydramine and 8-chlortheophylline. The 8-chlortheophyline is actually a mild central nervous stimulant used in Gravol to counteract the sedating effect of the medication.
Dimenhydrinate acts on a person’s respiratory and gastrointestinal systems, as well as constricting their blood vessels. Gravol also works by inhibiting chemical receptors in the brain that trigger vomiting.
Using Gravol to “Get High"
Unfortunately, some people abuse Gravol in order to obtain a “cheap high". Since Gravol is relatively inexpensive and easy to obtain, this trend is particularly common among adolescents and teens. Others may misuse the medication in order to cope with their insomnia. In many locations, pharmacists keep Gravol behind the counter in an effort to control its sale and ensure that the medication is being used appropriately.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 220
I realize I'm Venting a lot and sound like a victim. I can assure you this is not my intent as I do not play that roll with family or friends and am quite verbal and not easily intimidated in my life. No one would say I was weak ever.
Somehow this home life is another story. I know my childhood was complete neglect,physical abuse,sexual abuse ( sitter) emotional abuse . Parents divorced after 22 years of abuse .
I went to four new schools in four years as I ping ponged between parents
Gr 7,8,9, and then gr 10.
I watched my favourite eldest brother die of cancer at 26 while I was 15.
I ran away at 17 to another province 1700 miles away with a friend. Got into drugs but knew enough to stay away from addictive drugs!
Came home 6 months later changed my life , quit all drugs ,got educated, found God and this man.
I know I was devastated by my parents divorce and the loss of family home.
Even logically I could see how much better my mom is remarried to a wonderful man whom I adore and met at 15...logically I know she did the best she could but had to leave.
Yet I still hang on to this ...maybe to me it wasn't as bad as there was no physical abuse..I'm strong I'm not weak I m just unable to make sense of senseless.
I'm proactive.if there's a problem I can solve anything.....just not this.
I'm independent.ive lived on my own from 18-23
I managed everything in my life from buying and selling houses myself to purchasing all contents and making all descissions, I have my own bank accounts everything is independent of my husband.
I have had many years of counselling over the years.Ive managed to go through a lot without the use of addictions or prescription medications .
I realized my life as a child was wonderful outside my home life and seems like nothing has ever changed.
I'm able to do anything....but give up and leave physically....
Somehow this home life is another story. I know my childhood was complete neglect,physical abuse,sexual abuse ( sitter) emotional abuse . Parents divorced after 22 years of abuse .
I went to four new schools in four years as I ping ponged between parents
Gr 7,8,9, and then gr 10.
I watched my favourite eldest brother die of cancer at 26 while I was 15.
I ran away at 17 to another province 1700 miles away with a friend. Got into drugs but knew enough to stay away from addictive drugs!
Came home 6 months later changed my life , quit all drugs ,got educated, found God and this man.
I know I was devastated by my parents divorce and the loss of family home.
Even logically I could see how much better my mom is remarried to a wonderful man whom I adore and met at 15...logically I know she did the best she could but had to leave.
Yet I still hang on to this ...maybe to me it wasn't as bad as there was no physical abuse..I'm strong I'm not weak I m just unable to make sense of senseless.
I'm proactive.if there's a problem I can solve anything.....just not this.
I'm independent.ive lived on my own from 18-23
I managed everything in my life from buying and selling houses myself to purchasing all contents and making all descissions, I have my own bank accounts everything is independent of my husband.
I have had many years of counselling over the years.Ive managed to go through a lot without the use of addictions or prescription medications .
I realized my life as a child was wonderful outside my home life and seems like nothing has ever changed.
I'm able to do anything....but give up and leave physically....
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Bluehawaii.......like I said....you need to get y ourelf some time and space, right now....
And you need some understanding humans right now to walk beside you....
Addictions turn everything....everything....topsy-turvy......
this has nothing to do with your being "weak"....and it has nothing to do with "giving up".......
It is about being proactive for your own welfare....and that oxygen mask.....
dandylion
(please consider my recommendations, written in my other post)
And you need some understanding humans right now to walk beside you....
Addictions turn everything....everything....topsy-turvy......
this has nothing to do with your being "weak"....and it has nothing to do with "giving up".......
It is about being proactive for your own welfare....and that oxygen mask.....
dandylion
(please consider my recommendations, written in my other post)
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