Omg he is all over FB kissing another woman
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
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Originally Posted by Jodie77 
And that hurts me even worse to know that he flat out doesn't care after 5 years, that what he is doing is just because he's having fun.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 207
In a way you are hurting yourself by looking. I do think he cares just not at the level you deserve. I also don't think people move on that quickly but what do I know. I'm just a hot mess myself. I do not know if he is purposely hurting you. It was just a thought based on what happened to me and what my ex told me. You know him better than all of us here so you would know if he is being completely aloof or purposely hurting. It really shouldn't matter that he is moving on though. He wasn't good to you and you deserve better. Find something to do to take your mind of it for a while. I know it's hard but it helps. He doesn't deserve all the time and energy your spending on him being upset. I find that kinda of stuff helps me move on bc I be like what the hell am I doing ruminating about him when he's out living his life.
torquemax777
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Montrose CO
Posts: 350
You know what just occurred to me???? Is he even the one posting these pictures? Maybe SHE is the one who is posting them.
My AH pretty much thinks the internet is Satan incarnate; well, maybe not that bad, but he does ponder where it fits into the Book of Revelation. Anyway, I post pictures of him that he has no idea about on my Facebook. Don't worry, it's nothing creepy, just him with the dog or working on a project ect....I even opened a Facebook account in his name once to try to find some of his ol high school buddies. That WAS entirely codependent behavior, and nothing came out it, as apparently his highschool friends either hate the internet too or are no longer interested in him. Told him about it a few years later. He wasn't mad but thought it was unnecessary.
Has the thought occurred to you, especially since you claim you didn't even see the photos, but a friend "told" you about it, that he was just "tagged" in them, or posted by her?
If that's the case, he's not purposely hurting you and neither is she. She's just excited about her new "beau" and wanting to show him off. Maybe HE doesn't even know their picture is there and doesn't know that you know???
Just a thought.
My AH pretty much thinks the internet is Satan incarnate; well, maybe not that bad, but he does ponder where it fits into the Book of Revelation. Anyway, I post pictures of him that he has no idea about on my Facebook. Don't worry, it's nothing creepy, just him with the dog or working on a project ect....I even opened a Facebook account in his name once to try to find some of his ol high school buddies. That WAS entirely codependent behavior, and nothing came out it, as apparently his highschool friends either hate the internet too or are no longer interested in him. Told him about it a few years later. He wasn't mad but thought it was unnecessary.
Has the thought occurred to you, especially since you claim you didn't even see the photos, but a friend "told" you about it, that he was just "tagged" in them, or posted by her?
If that's the case, he's not purposely hurting you and neither is she. She's just excited about her new "beau" and wanting to show him off. Maybe HE doesn't even know their picture is there and doesn't know that you know???
Just a thought.
Last edited by torquemax777; 01-29-2015 at 01:23 PM. Reason: added comment
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Their Greek friends are posting stuff and my XA is putting hearts and saying ****....but I am
NOT stalking them. I deleted both of my accounts. But what I initially saw was a bunch of comments from friends and family being so happy for them. I'm like WTF I just spent Christmas with his entire family! It makes no sense.
NOT stalking them. I deleted both of my accounts. But what I initially saw was a bunch of comments from friends and family being so happy for them. I'm like WTF I just spent Christmas with his entire family! It makes no sense.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Or..........
Quit Worrying about the photos. Were there pictures of the two of you plastered all over the internet???? (when you were together , I mean)
Get my point?? Relax tonight Jodi and do something nice for yourself
Quit Worrying about the photos. Were there pictures of the two of you plastered all over the internet???? (when you were together , I mean)
Get my point?? Relax tonight Jodi and do something nice for yourself
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,449
Originally Posted by Jodie77
Ok nevermimd I'm starting to feel worse reading these comments
Never mind the family. Who cares about the family? Let them post whatever, it's none of your concern anymore. It's a matter of time before that crap blows the he11 up anyways.
seriously, call a friend and get out for a bit!
torquemax777
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Montrose CO
Posts: 350
Plus, people often tell people what they want to hear. Maybe his family is just like "well, its his life, gotta try and be happy for him I guess."
It was years before my mother in law (who was like Marie off Everybody Loves Raymond) finally told me that I was a much better daughter in law and wife than my ex's new wife. And all this time I would see them on Facebook, my kids school and sporting events and be so hurt thinking they were the perfect little family and that his much it sucked that he dumped me and got with an 18 year old pregnant (not his/vasectomy) girl; who he's now been with longer than me.... Then years later my ex mother in law terms me how much she despises the new wife and thinks her kid is a little brat.
Anyway, things are NOT always the way that they may appear.
It was years before my mother in law (who was like Marie off Everybody Loves Raymond) finally told me that I was a much better daughter in law and wife than my ex's new wife. And all this time I would see them on Facebook, my kids school and sporting events and be so hurt thinking they were the perfect little family and that his much it sucked that he dumped me and got with an 18 year old pregnant (not his/vasectomy) girl; who he's now been with longer than me.... Then years later my ex mother in law terms me how much she despises the new wife and thinks her kid is a little brat.
Anyway, things are NOT always the way that they may appear.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Florence posted this link awhile back. It's worth a look. The article really helped me to understand the whole family dynamic with my ex and what kept me stuck for so long when a sane person would have been out the door.
Sick Systems: How to Keep Someone With You Forever | Issendai.com
Sick Systems: How to Keep Someone With You Forever | Issendai.com
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Mississauga
Posts: 207
I agree things aren't always as they appear. I have a friend who plasters photos of her boyfriend and her on Facebook and to the viewer they look really happy and in love. Yet she is building up the courage to leave him and is miserable.
torquemax777
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Montrose CO
Posts: 350
Yeah! What Charis said!
Also, I have heard several times on the news and stuff like 20/20 that posting lovey dove pictures on Facebook and Instagram is the number one way to get "unfriended." People usually find them fakey and annoying.
Its also recommended to do just what you did, stay off social media whenever you're going thru any crisis because like say, for me, after I just experienced a still birth at 7 months pregnant, even someone's cute baby pics or ultrasound could make me want to scream at the screen and throw my computer thru the window.
Now, I look at those pictures and go, "wow! Better you than me!" I don't want anymore children at this point and think I was crazy to want one with an AH to begin with!
Also, I have heard several times on the news and stuff like 20/20 that posting lovey dove pictures on Facebook and Instagram is the number one way to get "unfriended." People usually find them fakey and annoying.
Its also recommended to do just what you did, stay off social media whenever you're going thru any crisis because like say, for me, after I just experienced a still birth at 7 months pregnant, even someone's cute baby pics or ultrasound could make me want to scream at the screen and throw my computer thru the window.
Now, I look at those pictures and go, "wow! Better you than me!" I don't want anymore children at this point and think I was crazy to want one with an AH to begin with!
Last edited by torquemax777; 01-29-2015 at 01:55 PM. Reason: typo
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
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Originally Posted by Jodie77
And that hurts me even worse to know that he flat out doesn't care after 5 years, that what he is doing is just because he's having fun.
After being away from him for a few years, I now believe love is an action, not just a word that is said. For a very long time I was willing to accept just the word from AXH and the occasional action. However, the hurtful actions vastly outweighed the loving actions. What he was able to give me is not what I want.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by theuncertainty
After being away from him for a few years, I now believe love is an action, not just a word that is said. For a very long time I was willing to accept just the word from AXH and the occasional action. However, the hurtful actions vastly outweighed the loving actions. What he was able to give me is not what I want.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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Look, we could start a betting pool about what was in his mind when the pictures were taken, when he (or whoever) posted them, etc.
NONE of it makes one bit of difference to your situation, Jodie. Nothing anybody can say or suggest--nothing you could ever find out--that would make the way he treated you OK, or make you feel better about what happened, or give you any real understanding of what he thinks or feels.
And you know what? That's OK--it really is. You don't NEED to understand it to heal. The way he treated you is all you need to know. Remember how MAD you were at him the other day? That's an emotion that can help you now. If you were grabbed on the street and beaten up by a stranger, would you need to understand WHY he did it? Or would you not give two hoots why, but recognize he was a dangerous person you need to help put behind bars? I realize it seems different when it's someone you were in a relationship with--someone you thought loved you, but I think by his actions he proved that whatever feelings he had were mostly for himself. YOU got dumped on (and ultimately, dumped) when you weren't convenient for him anymore.
You gotta realize, there are LOTS of men out there who do this sort of thing. What happened isn't a reflection on you, but on his selfish, immature, abusive personality. It isn't that YOU weren't "good enough" for HIM, it's that he used you. Yes, that hurts to admit, but almost everyone winds up in a relationship with a user at some point. I've been used financially a couple of times. It's hard to admit, and nobody held a gun to my head--I offered and allowed myself to be taken advantage of. In those instances, I ended the relationship, but I still felt a bit like an idiot and was as angry with myself as with them. I did get over it. I don't believe I will ever allow that again. Sometimes it takes getting burned, badly, to realize it.
NONE of it makes one bit of difference to your situation, Jodie. Nothing anybody can say or suggest--nothing you could ever find out--that would make the way he treated you OK, or make you feel better about what happened, or give you any real understanding of what he thinks or feels.
And you know what? That's OK--it really is. You don't NEED to understand it to heal. The way he treated you is all you need to know. Remember how MAD you were at him the other day? That's an emotion that can help you now. If you were grabbed on the street and beaten up by a stranger, would you need to understand WHY he did it? Or would you not give two hoots why, but recognize he was a dangerous person you need to help put behind bars? I realize it seems different when it's someone you were in a relationship with--someone you thought loved you, but I think by his actions he proved that whatever feelings he had were mostly for himself. YOU got dumped on (and ultimately, dumped) when you weren't convenient for him anymore.
You gotta realize, there are LOTS of men out there who do this sort of thing. What happened isn't a reflection on you, but on his selfish, immature, abusive personality. It isn't that YOU weren't "good enough" for HIM, it's that he used you. Yes, that hurts to admit, but almost everyone winds up in a relationship with a user at some point. I've been used financially a couple of times. It's hard to admit, and nobody held a gun to my head--I offered and allowed myself to be taken advantage of. In those instances, I ended the relationship, but I still felt a bit like an idiot and was as angry with myself as with them. I did get over it. I don't believe I will ever allow that again. Sometimes it takes getting burned, badly, to realize it.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Honey, he was emotionally abusive throughout your entire relationship.
He's not going to just stop now.
I'm going to have to disagree with the others here and say that yes, he is most definitely hoping you get wind of these pictures. He's sick, twisted and hurtful. He WANTS to know that you're hurting, it pumps him up. It gives the excitement element to his new situation. Don't give him the pleasure.
Between the steriods, the gym, refusing to allow you to wear sweats in the house and all of the other BS, his ego is enormous. His ego gets even more enormous when he knows that you're in pain over him.
When you stop struggling with the hook and free yourself, it'll deflate him tremendously. When he hears that you're doing just fine, even great, and getting on with your life, his ego will basically pop. How dare you not be home, sobbing and groveling over him anymore!
Not long after that point, do not be surprised if you hear from him. And I'm only telling this to you so that you make damn sure you're strong enough at that point to laugh at how insane he is and slam that door right in his narcissistic little face.
Remember what I told you will happen if you don't Jodie. He'll suck you in, get the hook back in you and then run all over you like you've yet to see before.
Not to mention, he's apparently doing coke daily. That's a road that is going to, probably sooner than later, lead him straight to hell.
Wondering if rebound chick does it too?
He's not going to just stop now.
I'm going to have to disagree with the others here and say that yes, he is most definitely hoping you get wind of these pictures. He's sick, twisted and hurtful. He WANTS to know that you're hurting, it pumps him up. It gives the excitement element to his new situation. Don't give him the pleasure.
Between the steriods, the gym, refusing to allow you to wear sweats in the house and all of the other BS, his ego is enormous. His ego gets even more enormous when he knows that you're in pain over him.
When you stop struggling with the hook and free yourself, it'll deflate him tremendously. When he hears that you're doing just fine, even great, and getting on with your life, his ego will basically pop. How dare you not be home, sobbing and groveling over him anymore!
Not long after that point, do not be surprised if you hear from him. And I'm only telling this to you so that you make damn sure you're strong enough at that point to laugh at how insane he is and slam that door right in his narcissistic little face.
Remember what I told you will happen if you don't Jodie. He'll suck you in, get the hook back in you and then run all over you like you've yet to see before.
Not to mention, he's apparently doing coke daily. That's a road that is going to, probably sooner than later, lead him straight to hell.
Wondering if rebound chick does it too?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 223
My x has pictures his new gf posted. Some kissing some just together. It makes me sad because he wouldn't take pictures with me. He doesn't like getting his picture taken. And now I feel like he just didn't like his picture taken with me. But in one of them he's got a lit cigarette and almost half of it is ash. I think he's just high and doesn't give af about what's going on.
I torture myself by looking. I don't know why I do. She's posting them not him. It's on his "other" Facebook that he keeps family and friends off of. I think he created it to keep in contact with his other user "friends." At least I was close enough to get on his real one I guess. I don't think he would ever choose to post them himself.
I know I need to stop. But I keep checking because I keep imaging it could be me. It SHOULD be me. Because she will never be me.
I'm thankful to the responses that say he's not doing it on purpose. It can really feel that way.
I torture myself by looking. I don't know why I do. She's posting them not him. It's on his "other" Facebook that he keeps family and friends off of. I think he created it to keep in contact with his other user "friends." At least I was close enough to get on his real one I guess. I don't think he would ever choose to post them himself.
I know I need to stop. But I keep checking because I keep imaging it could be me. It SHOULD be me. Because she will never be me.
I'm thankful to the responses that say he's not doing it on purpose. It can really feel that way.
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