Omg he is all over FB kissing another woman
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 588
My exABF left me with a ton of his stuff including pictures of his very hot ex girlfriends. It used to drive me nuts that he compared me to them unfavorably. But one day I sat and looked at them. He's in rehab and I still have all of his crap. And as i looked I realized he cheated on this one, stole pills from that one and she had cancer, was wasted with this one, that's the one standing next to his wife he was sleeping with etc etc. sweety, it doesn't feel like it now, but you dodged a very sick bullet. You will survive and thrive. It's just all too new now. ******{HUG}}}}}}
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
I posted, but keep getting kicked off of internet.
I tried to kill myself, a few times, over my XABF threatening leaving me. I chose drugs to deal with him and became an addict.
I'm now almost 8 years into recovery for both addiction and codependency.
I had to accept my part in the dysfunction. Very hard, but I needed to accept that. I let him do whatever, abuse me however. That was my choice, though I didn't know it at the time.
I was THRILLED when I felt anger!!! It was the first time I truly felt my emotions! I also had to admit anger at myself. At least I realized, thanks to the great people here, that "when you know better, you do better" and I didn't KNOW better.
I tried to kill myself because XABF#1 (I'm a slow learner, I have 3 of them) threatened to leave me.
What I know now? I can't fix them. I can only do what I know to do, but I can learn more. The friends I have here are worth their weight in gold. No! I didn't want to hear what they said, at first. I kept reading and posting.
I found a tremendous foundation of support from people who have been there, done that.
I'm going on 8 years in recovery for addiction and codependency. The codie part was the hardest.
Please....keep reading and posting. It helped me and I truly think it will help you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I tried to kill myself, a few times, over my XABF threatening leaving me. I chose drugs to deal with him and became an addict.
I'm now almost 8 years into recovery for both addiction and codependency.
I had to accept my part in the dysfunction. Very hard, but I needed to accept that. I let him do whatever, abuse me however. That was my choice, though I didn't know it at the time.
I was THRILLED when I felt anger!!! It was the first time I truly felt my emotions! I also had to admit anger at myself. At least I realized, thanks to the great people here, that "when you know better, you do better" and I didn't KNOW better.
I tried to kill myself because XABF#1 (I'm a slow learner, I have 3 of them) threatened to leave me.
What I know now? I can't fix them. I can only do what I know to do, but I can learn more. The friends I have here are worth their weight in gold. No! I didn't want to hear what they said, at first. I kept reading and posting.
I found a tremendous foundation of support from people who have been there, done that.
I'm going on 8 years in recovery for addiction and codependency. The codie part was the hardest.
Please....keep reading and posting. It helped me and I truly think it will help you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
FRH.. i know you didn't write this for me, but i got so much from it. Thank you for sharing..it has given me such great insight!!
Originally Posted by FlippedRHalo 
Jodie, I'm going to attempt to explain something to you the very best way I can...
I did what he's doing through my entire 20's and into my early 30's. I left one relationship in the dust and jumped right into another. Usually, I had the new relationship starting before I ever left the one I was in.
You're under the impression that he's in love with this 'perfect' girl and having the time of his life...and at this very initial stage, he may be feeling that way, BUT....it will not and can not last.
What he is doing is hiding from himself. He's hiding from his life, the intense screw-ups he's made, his current issues and all of the crap falling apart in front of him and behind him. One relationship replaces another so that you don't have to feel anything (or very little) about the one you just royally screwed up and walked away from. It numbs the guilt for the time being, but somewhere inside, it's gnawing at you. It numbs the pain, but inside, it's also gnawing at you. It temporarily numbs the fact that you know you're a completely and utterly screwed up person. I know this. I was him. I did exactly what he's doing. It was my MO for a very, very long time. Minus the drugs and alcohol.
Very quickly, that initial honeymoon stage wears off. Very quickly, you start to realize that the guilt is still there, your screw ups are still there and things behind you falling apart and the things in front of you ARE falling apart before you even get there.
That initial "high" of a new person quickly wears off. The excited feeling of that new person and how he/she temporarily erases all of your pain and bad thoughts quickly wears off. You realize that nothing has changed, except the person you're now with. All of the problems are still there and new problems are coming fast and furiously with this new person and the new relationship. Suddenly, that euphoric high becomes horrific misery again. The problems that plagued your old relationship (and all of those that came before it) are right there, front and center, in this one too. Sometimes even worse. A lot of that is because you can change your scenery, you can exchange one person for another and you can swap out relationships, but you can't change the fact that you are still you and you just can't get rid of yourself.
And on and on it goes.... until you realize your insanely screwed up pattern and decide that it has to change. And when that time comes, I don't care how tough you act on the outside or how well you convince yourself that you're ok.... you come crumbling down in one hell of a horrid heap. And it is pain that breaks you. All of the false lies you've told yourself, and the impenetrable walls you've built, shatter all around you. And you suffer. You suffer over every single relationship that you refused to allow yourself to suffer over before. You remember all of the awful things you did, how badly you treated people that didn't deserve to be treated that way and the guilt feels insurmountable.
You're under the impression that he's living his dream right now. He is not. He's in a massive state of denial and sooner or later, that denial is going to be shattered. I promise you that this girl will not be treated any differently than he treated you, his ex-wife or any other innocent person that was unlucky enough to fall into his line of fire. They do not magically change - the only way to change that is by recognizing it and realizing that it's an awful way to live. It's a life lived trying to fill a deep, dark, painful internal void with people, relationships and excitement. It's impossible to keep up with and eventually, it starts to destroy you from within.
Stop thinking he's doing so great right now - he is NOT. I promise you that! He's a miserable man using people to fill a void that will never be filled until he decides to do the work it takes to fill it himself. It's a horrible place to live, but he (just like I wouldn't) will never let you, or anyone else, know that. Inside, I promise you that he's a miserable, dark, unhappy man. She is temporarily filling the void for him at this moment, that is all she's doing for him. He doesn't love her, he's not going to ride off into the sunset with her on the back of his shiny white steed. The only place she's going to go with him, if she so chooses, is straight to hell.
Leaving someone that you've been in a long term relationship for a shiny new object never works out well. Please trust me on this one. She's only going to be useful to him for a small amount of time and she'll probably end up discarded faster than she can say she loves him. And, if he is anything like I was, he will be back. DO NOT LET HIM!! Whenever I'd pull this and the ex I left was willing to take me back, not only did I lose respect for them (not that they deserved that, I'm just being honest), but it was my get out of jail free card to run all over them for another round until I got bored again. This didn't mean that I didn't love that person, but because of how screwed up I was, I honestly didn't know what love was. His version of love and your version of love are two VERY different things. Believe me on that. I wish I could explain that to you better, but it's so hard to put into words.
It's been many years of working on myself that I can say what I just said above. I'm not proud of any of it and it's actually very embarrassing to admit that I was that screwed up of a person for many years of my life. I never "meant" to hurt anyone, honestly, I just didn't know any other way to do a relationship.
If you take nothing else away from this, know that you will never, ever change him. EVER. He will have to do a whole lot of work to change that. It's many years of therapy later and I still wonder if I truly know what love is. I don't believe I'll ever trust a single soul as far as intimate partners go and so, how do I ever love someone that I can't, for the life of me, trust? What is any relationship without trust? I believe I choose the men I do because I know, deep down, that because of their issues, I don't have to ever 'trust' them or be completely vulnerable to them.
This is NOT what you want, or need, in a partner! Run the other way and run as fast as your feet will carry you. When he comes back, and you can trust me when I tell you that eventually he's going to, remember what I said about the complete loss of respect and the pass to run all over you twice as hard. He does not know what love means Jodie, and he probably never will.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I almost always reply to your posts rather quickly, but it took me days to reply to this one because I wanted to explain this to you and just didn't know how. Hugs. You're so, so, so much better without this tormented soul anywhere near your life. FORCE yourself to get over him. There is so much better out there for you!
I did what he's doing through my entire 20's and into my early 30's. I left one relationship in the dust and jumped right into another. Usually, I had the new relationship starting before I ever left the one I was in.
You're under the impression that he's in love with this 'perfect' girl and having the time of his life...and at this very initial stage, he may be feeling that way, BUT....it will not and can not last.
What he is doing is hiding from himself. He's hiding from his life, the intense screw-ups he's made, his current issues and all of the crap falling apart in front of him and behind him. One relationship replaces another so that you don't have to feel anything (or very little) about the one you just royally screwed up and walked away from. It numbs the guilt for the time being, but somewhere inside, it's gnawing at you. It numbs the pain, but inside, it's also gnawing at you. It temporarily numbs the fact that you know you're a completely and utterly screwed up person. I know this. I was him. I did exactly what he's doing. It was my MO for a very, very long time. Minus the drugs and alcohol.
Very quickly, that initial honeymoon stage wears off. Very quickly, you start to realize that the guilt is still there, your screw ups are still there and things behind you falling apart and the things in front of you ARE falling apart before you even get there.
That initial "high" of a new person quickly wears off. The excited feeling of that new person and how he/she temporarily erases all of your pain and bad thoughts quickly wears off. You realize that nothing has changed, except the person you're now with. All of the problems are still there and new problems are coming fast and furiously with this new person and the new relationship. Suddenly, that euphoric high becomes horrific misery again. The problems that plagued your old relationship (and all of those that came before it) are right there, front and center, in this one too. Sometimes even worse. A lot of that is because you can change your scenery, you can exchange one person for another and you can swap out relationships, but you can't change the fact that you are still you and you just can't get rid of yourself.
And on and on it goes.... until you realize your insanely screwed up pattern and decide that it has to change. And when that time comes, I don't care how tough you act on the outside or how well you convince yourself that you're ok.... you come crumbling down in one hell of a horrid heap. And it is pain that breaks you. All of the false lies you've told yourself, and the impenetrable walls you've built, shatter all around you. And you suffer. You suffer over every single relationship that you refused to allow yourself to suffer over before. You remember all of the awful things you did, how badly you treated people that didn't deserve to be treated that way and the guilt feels insurmountable.
You're under the impression that he's living his dream right now. He is not. He's in a massive state of denial and sooner or later, that denial is going to be shattered. I promise you that this girl will not be treated any differently than he treated you, his ex-wife or any other innocent person that was unlucky enough to fall into his line of fire. They do not magically change - the only way to change that is by recognizing it and realizing that it's an awful way to live. It's a life lived trying to fill a deep, dark, painful internal void with people, relationships and excitement. It's impossible to keep up with and eventually, it starts to destroy you from within.
Stop thinking he's doing so great right now - he is NOT. I promise you that! He's a miserable man using people to fill a void that will never be filled until he decides to do the work it takes to fill it himself. It's a horrible place to live, but he (just like I wouldn't) will never let you, or anyone else, know that. Inside, I promise you that he's a miserable, dark, unhappy man. She is temporarily filling the void for him at this moment, that is all she's doing for him. He doesn't love her, he's not going to ride off into the sunset with her on the back of his shiny white steed. The only place she's going to go with him, if she so chooses, is straight to hell.
Leaving someone that you've been in a long term relationship for a shiny new object never works out well. Please trust me on this one. She's only going to be useful to him for a small amount of time and she'll probably end up discarded faster than she can say she loves him. And, if he is anything like I was, he will be back. DO NOT LET HIM!! Whenever I'd pull this and the ex I left was willing to take me back, not only did I lose respect for them (not that they deserved that, I'm just being honest), but it was my get out of jail free card to run all over them for another round until I got bored again. This didn't mean that I didn't love that person, but because of how screwed up I was, I honestly didn't know what love was. His version of love and your version of love are two VERY different things. Believe me on that. I wish I could explain that to you better, but it's so hard to put into words.
It's been many years of working on myself that I can say what I just said above. I'm not proud of any of it and it's actually very embarrassing to admit that I was that screwed up of a person for many years of my life. I never "meant" to hurt anyone, honestly, I just didn't know any other way to do a relationship.
If you take nothing else away from this, know that you will never, ever change him. EVER. He will have to do a whole lot of work to change that. It's many years of therapy later and I still wonder if I truly know what love is. I don't believe I'll ever trust a single soul as far as intimate partners go and so, how do I ever love someone that I can't, for the life of me, trust? What is any relationship without trust? I believe I choose the men I do because I know, deep down, that because of their issues, I don't have to ever 'trust' them or be completely vulnerable to them.
This is NOT what you want, or need, in a partner! Run the other way and run as fast as your feet will carry you. When he comes back, and you can trust me when I tell you that eventually he's going to, remember what I said about the complete loss of respect and the pass to run all over you twice as hard. He does not know what love means Jodie, and he probably never will.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I almost always reply to your posts rather quickly, but it took me days to reply to this one because I wanted to explain this to you and just didn't know how. Hugs. You're so, so, so much better without this tormented soul anywhere near your life. FORCE yourself to get over him. There is so much better out there for you!
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Another issue of importance: the more he knows that it's getting you, the more attractive the new relationship is to him. It's sick, I know, but that is how it is.
Once you stop caring that he's with someone new and he KNOWS you stopped caring is when it all falls apart very quickly. The "excitement" for him is gone. Don't ask me why this is, I haven't figured it out yet, but it is exactly like that. It gives you a "high" of sorts knowing that the one you left behind is still wanting/chasing you while you're with someone else. Once that's gone, basically, so is your excitement "high". And then, the new relationship is just that....a boring old relationship with its own issues and it's no longer nearly as exciting. Then, the issues you were running from start swirling around in your mind and the shiny new object no longer shines quite as bright. It's not about you, or her... it's all about him needing "things" and excitement to keep him going and to keep those feelings he's fighting tooth and nail not to feel as far away from his conscious mind as possible. It's a sick game of running away from everything, never allowing yourself to truly feel, yet knowing that day is going to eventually come and fighting for all your worth not to let it.
It's not fun, it is truly an awful way to live. Believe me on that. You live (if you call that living) life trying to remain one step ahead of reality at all times and you'll pull out all stops to never have to face that reality. Eventually though, reality always catches up to you.
Once you stop caring that he's with someone new and he KNOWS you stopped caring is when it all falls apart very quickly. The "excitement" for him is gone. Don't ask me why this is, I haven't figured it out yet, but it is exactly like that. It gives you a "high" of sorts knowing that the one you left behind is still wanting/chasing you while you're with someone else. Once that's gone, basically, so is your excitement "high". And then, the new relationship is just that....a boring old relationship with its own issues and it's no longer nearly as exciting. Then, the issues you were running from start swirling around in your mind and the shiny new object no longer shines quite as bright. It's not about you, or her... it's all about him needing "things" and excitement to keep him going and to keep those feelings he's fighting tooth and nail not to feel as far away from his conscious mind as possible. It's a sick game of running away from everything, never allowing yourself to truly feel, yet knowing that day is going to eventually come and fighting for all your worth not to let it.
It's not fun, it is truly an awful way to live. Believe me on that. You live (if you call that living) life trying to remain one step ahead of reality at all times and you'll pull out all stops to never have to face that reality. Eventually though, reality always catches up to you.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Cleo, I'm glad it helped. I hate that I know this, and like I said, it was never about hurting anyone else, it was about being selfish enough in my own pain and emotional torment to pull out all stops, and sadly hurting innocent others in the process, to keep it at bay and keep myself going. Explaining this to you guys, in some small way, helps me feel less awful about the people I unintentionally, but certainly did, hurt along the way.
The best way, and I say this from hard earned, awful experience, to stop someone like this dead in their tracks is to move on, be happy, and make them as insignificant in your life as possible. TRUST ME, they'll likely never show it, at least not initially, but that collapses the ENTIRE game for them quickly.
The best way, and I say this from hard earned, awful experience, to stop someone like this dead in their tracks is to move on, be happy, and make them as insignificant in your life as possible. TRUST ME, they'll likely never show it, at least not initially, but that collapses the ENTIRE game for them quickly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Thank you. For whatever reason I feel like it will work with her. One, because he's never left me for anyone else. Two, because she is Greek like him and all their friends and family are in the parade marching with them! Three, she is tied into close friends and family and if he treats her poorly it will reflect very negatively upon him and he does not want that! And she is beautiful. And has a great career. She's not some 23 year old bar fly.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Doesn't matter Jodie. It has absolutely zero to do with who she is, who her family is, what her nationality is, who her friends are or what she looks like. It has everything to do with his issues and his sick mind.
All of that aside, he's an addict. Do you think he's going to change that, or that he's capable of changing that, just because of her? He can't. He won't. An addict is an addict. Doesn't matter who he's with and who's watching. We see this every day as addicts/alcoholics leave their beautiful wives, wonderful children, lose their homes, jobs, cars, etc...
You're looking at this from a "normal" person's perspective again and you can't. There is NOTHING normal in any of this. I was like that without addiction or alcoholism. I can only IMAGINE where he's at adding addiction and alcoholism to the already sick, tormented mind he's working with.
NONE of that matters dear. Not a lick of it. She could be the most beautiful, famous, amazing woman in the world from a royal family ready and willing to give him the world. Does. Not. Matter. It is all about him. Nobody else. Just him. And he's a sick man. A sick person can only pretend to be 'normal' for just so long.
All of that aside, he's an addict. Do you think he's going to change that, or that he's capable of changing that, just because of her? He can't. He won't. An addict is an addict. Doesn't matter who he's with and who's watching. We see this every day as addicts/alcoholics leave their beautiful wives, wonderful children, lose their homes, jobs, cars, etc...
You're looking at this from a "normal" person's perspective again and you can't. There is NOTHING normal in any of this. I was like that without addiction or alcoholism. I can only IMAGINE where he's at adding addiction and alcoholism to the already sick, tormented mind he's working with.
NONE of that matters dear. Not a lick of it. She could be the most beautiful, famous, amazing woman in the world from a royal family ready and willing to give him the world. Does. Not. Matter. It is all about him. Nobody else. Just him. And he's a sick man. A sick person can only pretend to be 'normal' for just so long.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
However "wonderful" she is, he is still the same snake underneath. Do beautiful, accomplished women never get abused? By husbands/boyfriends with a lot to lose? Does the name Nicole Simpson ring a bell? Janae Palmer Rice?
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
And from what you've said about it looking bad for him if he treats her badly....ha....all the more reason that the poor thing will end up being the villain in all of this when it comes time to bail.
People like that have an amazing way of turning things around and putting it all on the other person if they need to. But honestly, when he starts to suffocate after it's not as exciting anymore and they both stop pretending to be perfect and their true personalities start to show, it doesn't matter who she is.
When that feeling hits and the urge to run can no longer be suppressed, you don't care who you disappoint in the process of getting the hell out. You just have to get out. It's like what I hear explained about the compulsion to drink. Nothing is going to stop you. You're getting out one way or another - even if you have to walk over, run over or plow down anyone in your path.
People like that have an amazing way of turning things around and putting it all on the other person if they need to. But honestly, when he starts to suffocate after it's not as exciting anymore and they both stop pretending to be perfect and their true personalities start to show, it doesn't matter who she is.
When that feeling hits and the urge to run can no longer be suppressed, you don't care who you disappoint in the process of getting the hell out. You just have to get out. It's like what I hear explained about the compulsion to drink. Nothing is going to stop you. You're getting out one way or another - even if you have to walk over, run over or plow down anyone in your path.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Jodie - He's STILL an addict/alcholic. No matter her background, his true being will show through.
To be honest? If she falls for his BS, then that is on her. Been there, done that, got the t-shirts.
She will deal with the same man you did. Trust me...if she puts up with his behavior, she is more damaged than you. I've been there, I had to make a list of the pros and cons of living with him. Bottom line? I escaped a life that no one deserved, she can have it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
To be honest? If she falls for his BS, then that is on her. Been there, done that, got the t-shirts.
She will deal with the same man you did. Trust me...if she puts up with his behavior, she is more damaged than you. I've been there, I had to make a list of the pros and cons of living with him. Bottom line? I escaped a life that no one deserved, she can have it.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
I'm late to this thread and didn't read all the responses but wanted to chime in.
When I was about 2 years sober the girl I was going with (for 2 years, met her on a weekend break from rehab) was cheating on me. I knew she was cheating on me because a mutual friend of ours told me so, in crystal clear detail. She told me the person she was cheating on me with along with details of their sexual activity. Things I really didn't need to know. My girlfriend just happened to be on her way to my house at the time I was receiving this information.
When she arrived, I was beyond fuming mad. I didn't tell her what I just found out. I told her to sit down and tell me things I needed to know. She didn't understand at first, but by my anger and repeated questions she got the idea what I was talking about. What came next floored me. She said, "You found out I've been sleeping with... ", and she named another guy we both knew. I told her get the eff out... and then I fell to complete pieces. I pounded myself into the ground for being so stupid as to have ever trusted her. Despite what she had done, my self esteem was still so low at the time I felt I couldn't live without her. Felt I'd never ever feel the way I felt about her about anyone else. I felt it was over for me. But I had a lot of support around me thankfully at the time, and I managed to continue putting one foot in front of the other.
Despite how it felt at the time, I recovered. I dated other women. I learned tons about myself, and about relationships. Had 3 other failed somewhat long term (2-4 yrs) relationships after that, a handful of shorter ones, and then met my wife. We've been happily in love with each other for almost 18 years now. When I look back at that first relationship I can see now with absolute clarity what a mistake it would have been had I ever married her.
Bla, bla, bla.... point of this whole tale is that I believe I know the feeling you're going through. Yes, our experiences are always unique, I always feel like I invented my very own brand of pain - but, I know from experience that as horrible as it seems and feels, it will pass. What was always important to me was to keep the focus on myself. Keep my integrity (which meant no revenge), and do for me the things I needed to do in order to grow and become a healthier, more loving person.
There's lots of support here, and there are lots of groups out there in the living breathing world too. I believe you've stated already that you realize this is truly a blessing. Remember that, and just keep doing what's good and right for you. My experience is that good will always follow positive action. Maybe not immediately, but in time it always comes.
When I was about 2 years sober the girl I was going with (for 2 years, met her on a weekend break from rehab) was cheating on me. I knew she was cheating on me because a mutual friend of ours told me so, in crystal clear detail. She told me the person she was cheating on me with along with details of their sexual activity. Things I really didn't need to know. My girlfriend just happened to be on her way to my house at the time I was receiving this information.
When she arrived, I was beyond fuming mad. I didn't tell her what I just found out. I told her to sit down and tell me things I needed to know. She didn't understand at first, but by my anger and repeated questions she got the idea what I was talking about. What came next floored me. She said, "You found out I've been sleeping with... ", and she named another guy we both knew. I told her get the eff out... and then I fell to complete pieces. I pounded myself into the ground for being so stupid as to have ever trusted her. Despite what she had done, my self esteem was still so low at the time I felt I couldn't live without her. Felt I'd never ever feel the way I felt about her about anyone else. I felt it was over for me. But I had a lot of support around me thankfully at the time, and I managed to continue putting one foot in front of the other.
Despite how it felt at the time, I recovered. I dated other women. I learned tons about myself, and about relationships. Had 3 other failed somewhat long term (2-4 yrs) relationships after that, a handful of shorter ones, and then met my wife. We've been happily in love with each other for almost 18 years now. When I look back at that first relationship I can see now with absolute clarity what a mistake it would have been had I ever married her.
Bla, bla, bla.... point of this whole tale is that I believe I know the feeling you're going through. Yes, our experiences are always unique, I always feel like I invented my very own brand of pain - but, I know from experience that as horrible as it seems and feels, it will pass. What was always important to me was to keep the focus on myself. Keep my integrity (which meant no revenge), and do for me the things I needed to do in order to grow and become a healthier, more loving person.
There's lots of support here, and there are lots of groups out there in the living breathing world too. I believe you've stated already that you realize this is truly a blessing. Remember that, and just keep doing what's good and right for you. My experience is that good will always follow positive action. Maybe not immediately, but in time it always comes.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by Jodie77
I just can't catch my heart up just yet with what you all are telling me but my head is listening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Jodie,
It's no longer about his addiction, his ex wife, his kids or the new girlfriend.
It's all about YOU, about why you allowed him to treat you the way he did.
Why you kept going back for more.
Why you felt you didn't deserve better.
I think you are going to discover that all your ager is going to end up going inwards and I hope you continue therapy to help you discover all your own whys.
It's no longer about his addiction, his ex wife, his kids or the new girlfriend.
It's all about YOU, about why you allowed him to treat you the way he did.
Why you kept going back for more.
Why you felt you didn't deserve better.
I think you are going to discover that all your ager is going to end up going inwards and I hope you continue therapy to help you discover all your own whys.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by FlippedRHalo
Doesn't matter who he's with and who's watching.
So true!! My xabf was very good childhood friends with my best friends, husband. We all went to grade school and HS together. I thought because he valued his friendship with him so much, that he would never do me wrong since good friends all had a front row seat to our lives.... Well, that was so far from the truth because in the end his addiction was way more important and he cared less what was destroyed along with it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Yes I need to work on myself now. I scheduled another therapy appt for tomorrow. I have not gone on 1 work appt all week and have lost 7 lbs...I can't seem to stomach anything. My dr prescribed me Xanax for the immense anxiety I'm having. I also learned from a trusted source that XA actually uses cocaine every single day. I was so naive.
At any rate I am taking one day at a time. White knuckling it and sweaty palms and I have cried an ocean of tears but I am trying to make headway. Thanks to all of you.
At any rate I am taking one day at a time. White knuckling it and sweaty palms and I have cried an ocean of tears but I am trying to make headway. Thanks to all of you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) You can do this Jodie. Remember, baby steps. You didn't get to this point in just a few days & it's going to be a roller coaster of emotions to get yourself to a healthier place.
Out of the 2 of you, YOU are the one who really has a chance to be happy. YOU are the only one actually Recovering. If you find yourself future-tripping, think about how in a couple of years you'll be so progressed & he'll still be in the same (if not worse) place & likely onto his next victim.
Out of the 2 of you, YOU are the one who really has a chance to be happy. YOU are the only one actually Recovering. If you find yourself future-tripping, think about how in a couple of years you'll be so progressed & he'll still be in the same (if not worse) place & likely onto his next victim.
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