Omg he is all over FB kissing another woman
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Honey, that is the abuser- WINNING-
They WANT you to feel like there is something wrong with YOU. I spent soooo many night and days and weeks and months wondering "what the hell is wrong with me"!!!!!!
I really did. Honestly Jodie, I really really did.
You need to look deep within yourself and learn to love ALL the parts of you that he trashed. Trashed over and over and over until you believed that he was right.
I got called a wh0re by my mom, my ex, and my RAH....so many times..I really really believed it. I went to therapy and cried about if I would have made these dumb choices, they would love me. Honey, it doesn't work like that. I wasn't even CLOSE to what they called me. I am so loving, I am tender-hearted, I am caring and compassionate. AND THEY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT. THEY USED ME. OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
I'm in tears now writing this to you...THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH US. ok?
We need to love those injured parts of ourselves and reassure them that we are going to protect them and we are going to take care of them.
Jodie- there is nothing wrong with us. We are as God sees us, which is just the way He created us. Full of love.
They WANT you to feel like there is something wrong with YOU. I spent soooo many night and days and weeks and months wondering "what the hell is wrong with me"!!!!!!
I really did. Honestly Jodie, I really really did.
You need to look deep within yourself and learn to love ALL the parts of you that he trashed. Trashed over and over and over until you believed that he was right.
I got called a wh0re by my mom, my ex, and my RAH....so many times..I really really believed it. I went to therapy and cried about if I would have made these dumb choices, they would love me. Honey, it doesn't work like that. I wasn't even CLOSE to what they called me. I am so loving, I am tender-hearted, I am caring and compassionate. AND THEY TOOK ADVANTAGE OF THAT. THEY USED ME. OVER AND OVER AND OVER.
I'm in tears now writing this to you...THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH US. ok?
We need to love those injured parts of ourselves and reassure them that we are going to protect them and we are going to take care of them.
Jodie- there is nothing wrong with us. We are as God sees us, which is just the way He created us. Full of love.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by Jodie77 
Why do I feel like there's something inherently wrong with ME though?
Why did he degrade me so badly?
The joke is on me.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by Jodie77
Why do I feel like there's something inherently wrong with ME though? Why did he degrade me so badly? He didn't talk to his ex wife or sisters like that. This man has 2 young daughters and would never alllow a man to treat them the way he treated me.
Chances are excellent that he will behave the same way in his next relationship. His next partner might leave sooner, or she might stay longer. She might leave in a body bag.
Jodie, you are SO fortunate to be out of this horrible relationship. I'm so glad you're safe. I know you are emotionally hurt, but you CAN heal from that, and you will.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
I am so very, very glad that you are out of that horrible, abusive relationship. Someday you will see your freedom as the gift that it is.
I really wish I could hug you right now and tell you that you're fine. No one, no one deserves that kind of abuse. Not you, not me, not anyone.
Please keep working with a therapist. They can help so much. And keep talking here as much as you need to.
Hugs.
I really wish I could hug you right now and tell you that you're fine. No one, no one deserves that kind of abuse. Not you, not me, not anyone.
Please keep working with a therapist. They can help so much. And keep talking here as much as you need to.
Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by tomsteve
,
Have ya happen to have looked at yourself in the mirror lately?
If not, I suggest ya go do it. Right into your own eyes and tell yerself ya love yerself.then keep doing it when your near a mirror.
Have ya happen to have looked at yourself in the mirror lately?
If not, I suggest ya go do it. Right into your own eyes and tell yerself ya love yerself.then keep doing it when your near a mirror.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
threatening to send sex videos of us to my mom, sending degrading pictures of me, calling me awful names, abandoning me multiple times, blackmailing me, backstabbing me, sharing my secrets with others, and blaming everything on me.
I wanted a future with this man
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
This is going to be my final contribution to the thread, as I think we've long passed the point where we can add anything constructive.
One of the things I like to point out to people over at FFSA is the concept of choice. Most of us arrive here at SR feeling completely and utterly powerless, but the fact of the matter is although we may feel powerless, in reality, we're not. We have choices, and we've always had choices. The question is really do we have the courage to make those choices.
Jodie, I've seen 11 pages of you passively choosing to be his victim. Do you have a reason to be upset? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, you know what he is and you've known for a long time what he is. None of what he has done surprises me in the least. He's an addict, he's probably Borderline, and like a rattlesnake who strikes at someone who gets too close to it, he's behaving like an addict and a Borderline. It's what they do.
Stop being his victim. And the way you do that is decide you're done being his victim, and then you empower yourself to heal. The SOB is gone. He's found (another) victim. And you know what? Thank God for that. Thank God he's no longer going to mess with your head and with your heart.
To be blunt (and sorry SR moderators), F**K HIM!!!
Decide to be done. Make that choice. Empower yourself to move forward. And then, when the time comes when someone is in your shoes, you can tell that person how you moved forward. By choosing to.
Respectfully,
Z
One of the things I like to point out to people over at FFSA is the concept of choice. Most of us arrive here at SR feeling completely and utterly powerless, but the fact of the matter is although we may feel powerless, in reality, we're not. We have choices, and we've always had choices. The question is really do we have the courage to make those choices.
Jodie, I've seen 11 pages of you passively choosing to be his victim. Do you have a reason to be upset? Absolutely. But at the end of the day, you know what he is and you've known for a long time what he is. None of what he has done surprises me in the least. He's an addict, he's probably Borderline, and like a rattlesnake who strikes at someone who gets too close to it, he's behaving like an addict and a Borderline. It's what they do.
Stop being his victim. And the way you do that is decide you're done being his victim, and then you empower yourself to heal. The SOB is gone. He's found (another) victim. And you know what? Thank God for that. Thank God he's no longer going to mess with your head and with your heart.
To be blunt (and sorry SR moderators), F**K HIM!!!
Decide to be done. Make that choice. Empower yourself to move forward. And then, when the time comes when someone is in your shoes, you can tell that person how you moved forward. By choosing to.
Respectfully,
Z
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 135
OH, Jodie!! I just wish i could give you a long hug and take your pain away!
I don't have any advise better than what has already been given by all these beautiful people, and i can feel the pain you're sharing with us. I'm praying that you find some peace very soon!! XO
I don't have any advise better than what has already been given by all these beautiful people, and i can feel the pain you're sharing with us. I'm praying that you find some peace very soon!! XO
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Jodie, I'm so glad you're finally able to access and feel anger over how he treated you. It might seem like a weird thing to say. But anger can help us see when something is not right and to start taking action to change it. NOTHING you did warranted being treated the way he treated you. Nothing.
Wishing you peace and continued strength.
Wishing you peace and continued strength.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Jodie...this is a more constructive way to speak for you, right now:
"Why did he degrade me so badly?"----"He degraded me so badly"
"Why do I feel that there is something inherently wrong with me?"----"I feel like there is something inherently wrong with me...and, I am going to change that"
How we speak is very important...because we also listen to our OWN words....
(by the way...the reason that you feel that something is "wrong" with you is because you were given these messages (lies) during your growing-up).
dandylion
"Why did he degrade me so badly?"----"He degraded me so badly"
"Why do I feel that there is something inherently wrong with me?"----"I feel like there is something inherently wrong with me...and, I am going to change that"
How we speak is very important...because we also listen to our OWN words....
(by the way...the reason that you feel that something is "wrong" with you is because you were given these messages (lies) during your growing-up).
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
You're all right! This guy is a ***&$8$ pig! He abuses his kids, women in general, his employees and anyone else he feels entitled to. He wears a mask of gratitude and kindness but inwardly he's a self centered, sadistic, emotionally abusive, immature, addict pos with serious character flaws and a personality disorder.
I CHOOSE to NOT be his victim ever again! Period. And I pray by the grace of God I get restitution and retribution and that karma comes back on him. He's a self centered narcissistic abuser and followed exactly in his father's pig's footsteps! Both abuse and abandon women and both are adored by their Greek community bc they are good looking and have money. The whole picture disgusts me! It enrages me.
And I believe GOD removed me from this situation to save me from something catastrophic. I just need to remind myself of that daily.
And I am in debt to ALL of you for taking the time to read and respond and so kindly care about my feelings and pain. I have so much gratitude toward my SR family, and a lot of your compassionate posts made me cry.
I know I have a long road of healing ahead but by the grace of God I will get there. And I can't wait to share that glorious day with all of you when all of this pain and insanity and madness and chaos is finally put to bed.
I CHOOSE to NOT be his victim ever again! Period. And I pray by the grace of God I get restitution and retribution and that karma comes back on him. He's a self centered narcissistic abuser and followed exactly in his father's pig's footsteps! Both abuse and abandon women and both are adored by their Greek community bc they are good looking and have money. The whole picture disgusts me! It enrages me.
And I believe GOD removed me from this situation to save me from something catastrophic. I just need to remind myself of that daily.
And I am in debt to ALL of you for taking the time to read and respond and so kindly care about my feelings and pain. I have so much gratitude toward my SR family, and a lot of your compassionate posts made me cry.
I know I have a long road of healing ahead but by the grace of God I will get there. And I can't wait to share that glorious day with all of you when all of this pain and insanity and madness and chaos is finally put to bed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Jodie, I'm going to attempt to explain something to you the very best way I can...
I did what he's doing through my entire 20's and into my early 30's. I left one relationship in the dust and jumped right into another. Usually, I had the new relationship starting before I ever left the one I was in.
You're under the impression that he's in love with this 'perfect' girl and having the time of his life...and at this very initial stage, he may be feeling that way, BUT....it will not and can not last.
What he is doing is hiding from himself. He's hiding from his life, the intense screw-ups he's made, his current issues and all of the crap falling apart in front of him and behind him. One relationship replaces another so that you don't have to feel anything (or very little) about the one you just royally screwed up and walked away from. It numbs the guilt for the time being, but somewhere inside, it's gnawing at you. It numbs the pain, but inside, it's also gnawing at you. It temporarily numbs the fact that you know you're a completely and utterly screwed up person. I know this. I was him. I did exactly what he's doing. It was my MO for a very, very long time. Minus the drugs and alcohol.
Very quickly, that initial honeymoon stage wears off. Very quickly, you start to realize that the guilt is still there, your screw ups are still there and things behind you falling apart and the things in front of you ARE falling apart before you even get there.
That initial "high" of a new person quickly wears off. The excited feeling of that new person and how he/she temporarily erases all of your pain and bad thoughts quickly wears off. You realize that nothing has changed, except the person you're now with. All of the problems are still there and new problems are coming fast and furiously with this new person and the new relationship. Suddenly, that euphoric high becomes horrific misery again. The problems that plagued your old relationship (and all of those that came before it) are right there, front and center, in this one too. Sometimes even worse. A lot of that is because you can change your scenery, you can exchange one person for another and you can swap out relationships, but you can't change the fact that you are still you and you just can't get rid of yourself.
And on and on it goes.... until you realize your insanely screwed up pattern and decide that it has to change. And when that time comes, I don't care how tough you act on the outside or how well you convince yourself that you're ok.... you come crumbling down in one hell of a horrid heap. And it is pain that breaks you. All of the false lies you've told yourself, and the impenetrable walls you've built, shatter all around you. And you suffer. You suffer over every single relationship that you refused to allow yourself to suffer over before. You remember all of the awful things you did, how badly you treated people that didn't deserve to be treated that way and the guilt feels insurmountable.
You're under the impression that he's living his dream right now. He is not. He's in a massive state of denial and sooner or later, that denial is going to be shattered. I promise you that this girl will not be treated any differently than he treated you, his ex-wife or any other innocent person that was unlucky enough to fall into his line of fire. They do not magically change - the only way to change that is by recognizing it and realizing that it's an awful way to live. It's a life lived trying to fill a deep, dark, painful internal void with people, relationships and excitement. It's impossible to keep up with and eventually, it starts to destroy you from within.
Stop thinking he's doing so great right now - he is NOT. I promise you that! He's a miserable man using people to fill a void that will never be filled until he decides to do the work it takes to fill it himself. It's a horrible place to live, but he (just like I wouldn't) will never let you, or anyone else, know that. Inside, I promise you that he's a miserable, dark, unhappy man. She is temporarily filling the void for him at this moment, that is all she's doing for him. He doesn't love her, he's not going to ride off into the sunset with her on the back of his shiny white steed. The only place she's going to go with him, if she so chooses, is straight to hell.
Leaving someone that you've been in a long term relationship for a shiny new object never works out well. Please trust me on this one. She's only going to be useful to him for a small amount of time and she'll probably end up discarded faster than she can say she loves him. And, if he is anything like I was, he will be back. DO NOT LET HIM!! Whenever I'd pull this and the ex I left was willing to take me back, not only did I lose respect for them (not that they deserved that, I'm just being honest), but it was my get out of jail free card to run all over them for another round until I got bored again. This didn't mean that I didn't love that person, but because of how screwed up I was, I honestly didn't know what love was. His version of love and your version of love are two VERY different things. Believe me on that. I wish I could explain that to you better, but it's so hard to put into words.
It's been many years of working on myself that I can say what I just said above. I'm not proud of any of it and it's actually very embarrassing to admit that I was that screwed up of a person for many years of my life. I never "meant" to hurt anyone, honestly, I just didn't know any other way to do a relationship.
If you take nothing else away from this, know that you will never, ever change him. EVER. He will have to do a whole lot of work to change that. It's many years of therapy later and I still wonder if I truly know what love is. I don't believe I'll ever trust a single soul as far as intimate partners go and so, how do I ever love someone that I can't, for the life of me, trust? What is any relationship without trust? I believe I choose the men I do because I know, deep down, that because of their issues, I don't have to ever 'trust' them or be completely vulnerable to them.
This is NOT what you want, or need, in a partner! Run the other way and run as fast as your feet will carry you. When he comes back, and you can trust me when I tell you that eventually he's going to, remember what I said about the complete loss of respect and the pass to run all over you twice as hard. He does not know what love means Jodie, and he probably never will.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I almost always reply to your posts rather quickly, but it took me days to reply to this one because I wanted to explain this to you and just didn't know how. Hugs. You're so, so, so much better without this tormented soul anywhere near your life. FORCE yourself to get over him. There is so much better out there for you!
I did what he's doing through my entire 20's and into my early 30's. I left one relationship in the dust and jumped right into another. Usually, I had the new relationship starting before I ever left the one I was in.
You're under the impression that he's in love with this 'perfect' girl and having the time of his life...and at this very initial stage, he may be feeling that way, BUT....it will not and can not last.
What he is doing is hiding from himself. He's hiding from his life, the intense screw-ups he's made, his current issues and all of the crap falling apart in front of him and behind him. One relationship replaces another so that you don't have to feel anything (or very little) about the one you just royally screwed up and walked away from. It numbs the guilt for the time being, but somewhere inside, it's gnawing at you. It numbs the pain, but inside, it's also gnawing at you. It temporarily numbs the fact that you know you're a completely and utterly screwed up person. I know this. I was him. I did exactly what he's doing. It was my MO for a very, very long time. Minus the drugs and alcohol.
Very quickly, that initial honeymoon stage wears off. Very quickly, you start to realize that the guilt is still there, your screw ups are still there and things behind you falling apart and the things in front of you ARE falling apart before you even get there.
That initial "high" of a new person quickly wears off. The excited feeling of that new person and how he/she temporarily erases all of your pain and bad thoughts quickly wears off. You realize that nothing has changed, except the person you're now with. All of the problems are still there and new problems are coming fast and furiously with this new person and the new relationship. Suddenly, that euphoric high becomes horrific misery again. The problems that plagued your old relationship (and all of those that came before it) are right there, front and center, in this one too. Sometimes even worse. A lot of that is because you can change your scenery, you can exchange one person for another and you can swap out relationships, but you can't change the fact that you are still you and you just can't get rid of yourself.
And on and on it goes.... until you realize your insanely screwed up pattern and decide that it has to change. And when that time comes, I don't care how tough you act on the outside or how well you convince yourself that you're ok.... you come crumbling down in one hell of a horrid heap. And it is pain that breaks you. All of the false lies you've told yourself, and the impenetrable walls you've built, shatter all around you. And you suffer. You suffer over every single relationship that you refused to allow yourself to suffer over before. You remember all of the awful things you did, how badly you treated people that didn't deserve to be treated that way and the guilt feels insurmountable.
You're under the impression that he's living his dream right now. He is not. He's in a massive state of denial and sooner or later, that denial is going to be shattered. I promise you that this girl will not be treated any differently than he treated you, his ex-wife or any other innocent person that was unlucky enough to fall into his line of fire. They do not magically change - the only way to change that is by recognizing it and realizing that it's an awful way to live. It's a life lived trying to fill a deep, dark, painful internal void with people, relationships and excitement. It's impossible to keep up with and eventually, it starts to destroy you from within.
Stop thinking he's doing so great right now - he is NOT. I promise you that! He's a miserable man using people to fill a void that will never be filled until he decides to do the work it takes to fill it himself. It's a horrible place to live, but he (just like I wouldn't) will never let you, or anyone else, know that. Inside, I promise you that he's a miserable, dark, unhappy man. She is temporarily filling the void for him at this moment, that is all she's doing for him. He doesn't love her, he's not going to ride off into the sunset with her on the back of his shiny white steed. The only place she's going to go with him, if she so chooses, is straight to hell.
Leaving someone that you've been in a long term relationship for a shiny new object never works out well. Please trust me on this one. She's only going to be useful to him for a small amount of time and she'll probably end up discarded faster than she can say she loves him. And, if he is anything like I was, he will be back. DO NOT LET HIM!! Whenever I'd pull this and the ex I left was willing to take me back, not only did I lose respect for them (not that they deserved that, I'm just being honest), but it was my get out of jail free card to run all over them for another round until I got bored again. This didn't mean that I didn't love that person, but because of how screwed up I was, I honestly didn't know what love was. His version of love and your version of love are two VERY different things. Believe me on that. I wish I could explain that to you better, but it's so hard to put into words.
It's been many years of working on myself that I can say what I just said above. I'm not proud of any of it and it's actually very embarrassing to admit that I was that screwed up of a person for many years of my life. I never "meant" to hurt anyone, honestly, I just didn't know any other way to do a relationship.
If you take nothing else away from this, know that you will never, ever change him. EVER. He will have to do a whole lot of work to change that. It's many years of therapy later and I still wonder if I truly know what love is. I don't believe I'll ever trust a single soul as far as intimate partners go and so, how do I ever love someone that I can't, for the life of me, trust? What is any relationship without trust? I believe I choose the men I do because I know, deep down, that because of their issues, I don't have to ever 'trust' them or be completely vulnerable to them.
This is NOT what you want, or need, in a partner! Run the other way and run as fast as your feet will carry you. When he comes back, and you can trust me when I tell you that eventually he's going to, remember what I said about the complete loss of respect and the pass to run all over you twice as hard. He does not know what love means Jodie, and he probably never will.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I almost always reply to your posts rather quickly, but it took me days to reply to this one because I wanted to explain this to you and just didn't know how. Hugs. You're so, so, so much better without this tormented soul anywhere near your life. FORCE yourself to get over him. There is so much better out there for you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 23
Stay strong, Jodie. You can stay mad for now. You don't have to forgive or forget what he's done for so long. But don't lose sight of the prize--that's you and your good health physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you can, focus on yourself and healing and getting to a much better place. You are on your way already. 
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,863
Originally Posted by Jodie77
You're all right! This guy is a ***&$8$ pig! He abuses his kids, women in general, his employees and anyone else he feels entitled to. He wears a mask of gratitude and kindness but inwardly he's a self centered, sadistic, emotionally abusive, immature, addict pos with serious character flaws and a personality disorder.
I CHOOSE to NOT be his victim ever again! Period. And I pray by the grace of God I get restitution and retribution and that karma comes back on him. He's a self centered narcissistic abuser and followed exactly in his father's pig's footsteps! Both abuse and abandon women and both are adored by their Greek community bc they are good looking and have money. The whole picture disgusts me! It enrages me.
And I believe GOD removed me from this situation to save me from something catastrophic. I just need to remind myself of that daily.
And I am in debt to ALL of you for taking the time to read and respond and so kindly care about my feelings and pain. I have so much gratitude toward my SR family, and a lot of your compassionate posts made me cry.
I know I have a long road of healing ahead but by the grace of God I will get there. And I can't wait to share that glorious day with all of you when all of this pain and insanity and madness and chaos is finally put to bed.
I CHOOSE to NOT be his victim ever again! Period. And I pray by the grace of God I get restitution and retribution and that karma comes back on him. He's a self centered narcissistic abuser and followed exactly in his father's pig's footsteps! Both abuse and abandon women and both are adored by their Greek community bc they are good looking and have money. The whole picture disgusts me! It enrages me.
And I believe GOD removed me from this situation to save me from something catastrophic. I just need to remind myself of that daily.
And I am in debt to ALL of you for taking the time to read and respond and so kindly care about my feelings and pain. I have so much gratitude toward my SR family, and a lot of your compassionate posts made me cry.
I know I have a long road of healing ahead but by the grace of God I will get there. And I can't wait to share that glorious day with all of you when all of this pain and insanity and madness and chaos is finally put to bed.
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