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How do you watch someone die?

Old 03-30-2002, 03:21 AM
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Researchwoman
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Unhappy How do you watch someone die?

How do you watch someone die?

My boyfriend has been an alcoholic most of his life, from what he’s told me. Until about a year ago, he was pretty much able to control it and “hide it” from most people (including me). But, then, the binging began.

At first, he would binge for two or three days, drinking non-stop, every moment he was awake. It has progressed to the point now that for the past month, he was sober for only one 24-hour period. Prior to that, he was sober for a week after coming off a three-week binge.

He is drinking over a case of beer a day. I am so terrified he is going to die during this binge. How can someone drink that much in one day and still survive? How can someone drink that much for that long and not die?

I want to work on my own recovery from his addiction, but I can’t seem to get past this point. I am so terrified he is going to die in the eminent future that I am paralyzed in the rest of my life. What do I do? What can I do? How do I watch him die?

Please pray with me. I don’t know the answers any more.

ResearchWoman
How do you watch someone die?

My boyfriend has been an alcoholic most of his life, from what he’s told me. Until about a year ago, he was pretty much able to control it and “hide it” from most people (including me). But, then, the binging began.

At first, he would binge for two or three days, drinking non-stop, every moment he was awake. It has progressed to the point now that for the past month, he was sober for only one 24-hour period. Prior to that, he was sober for a week after coming off a three-week binge.

He is drinking over a case of beer a day. I am so terrified he is going to die during this binge. How can someone drink that much in one day and still survive? How can someone drink that much for that long and not die?

I want to work on my own recovery from his addiction, but I can’t seem to get past this point. I am so terrified he is going to die in the eminent future that I am paralyzed in the rest of my life. What do I do? What can I do? How do I watch him die?

Please pray with me. I don’t know the answers any more.

ResearchWoman
 
Old 03-30-2002, 03:44 AM
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valjev
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I AM SO SORRY FOR THE PAIN YOU ARE SUFFERING AND MY PRAYERS R WITH YOU.all u can do is be strong and continue with your own recovery use your Higher Power and gain strength. Your partner will only stop if and when he hits rock bottom and that isnt always a certainty. Sadly many alcoholics never recover and you must remember the 3 c,s. You didnt CAUSE it you cant CONTROL it and you cant CURE it . God bless Valjev
 
Old 03-30-2002, 04:22 AM
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Hi Researchwoman.

First let me give you a big hug **********{Researchwoman}}}}}}.

It's hard. But you do need to think of you. That is what I am trying to do. I am not the wisest person on the subject but I have been where you are for almost 14 years and I am just finally believing I need to think of me. I can't fix it for him, he needs to do that.

I wish you luck in sorting out what you need to do for you. I hope you find support in these message boards as I have.

You take care.
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Old 03-30-2002, 04:27 AM
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JT
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Welcome!

I have asked that question myself and I still don't have an answer....but after all these years, and all the alcoholics in my life I don't think him dieing from drinkng too much beer should be at the top of your worry list. They seem to land on their feet.

1. We are powerless over alcohol-our lives have become unmanagable.

We are all here because our focus was on the alcoholic in our lives and not on ourselves, as it should be. We are living in situations that are, in varying degrees, unacceptable and we are morphing them until they ARE acceptable. Not an easy task, it takes alot of energy.

Do research..Researchwoman...read and learn about this disease. Meetings and literture, and posting here can all help to lighten the load you seem to be carrying. It really does work...


(((((HUGS))))))
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Old 03-30-2002, 04:29 AM
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Hi Researchwoman,
Welcome to the recovery forum!

V is right. The only thing you can DO is to take care of yourself. As to how can you watch someone die... what choices do you have? If he continues as is, he will certainly not live very long. You could approach this situation as if it was any other terminal illness. Or, you could separate and not watch. I know that sounds very cold. However, your husband is the only one who can choose the third possibility.

About 10 years ago there was an article in Reader's Digest about a little girl who was washed into a culvert in Texas. She survived in the drainpipe for several days before she was found. An interviewer told her she was very brave. She replied "I wasn't brave. I didn't have any choice." Likewise, you do not have any choice over your husband's drinking. Do what YOU need to do to survive.

Hugs,
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Old 03-30-2002, 04:50 AM
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To a degree, I can totally understand what you are going through. For years now I have dealt with an alcoholic family: parents, stepfather, three older brothers. It just seems to have gotten progressively worse with my brothers. I love them dearly and moved across country to be closer to my family; basically I've watched two of my brothers destroy themselves and their lives. There was a time (and this still pops up in my head once in a while) where I was SO sure I would find one of them dead. He can consume alcohol (I'm talking booze, not beer) like nothing I've EVER seen. It scares the crap out of me. When I first moved here, he would just party and drink beer. He is now drinking straight vodka, tequila, you name it, 24 hours a day. He's been in the hospital, lost jobs, and is ruining his health. Nevermind the lies, drama and ******** that go along with it. On top of all that, he is the most unselfish, gentle, wonderful person. His dependency has gotten completely out of control. I understand it is probably harder to deal with it when it's your boyfriend, and you live with him, but the feeling is the same. Believe me. And I know it can't be described until you actually experience it. I'll tell you this though: keep coming to the site, talk to people, read their words of wisdom. Although I've only considered going to an Al-Anon meeting and never actually did it, I have found it within myself to detach. It's very hard but so far so good. Of course I've had some assistance: being told to f*** off, being lied to, being screamed at, did I mention being lied to? These things helped me to see the level to which this has gone. Something inside me, after years and years, finally clicked: it's not you. You didn't cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it. TAKE CARE of yourself

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