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Full Circle...

Old 07-22-2004, 05:24 PM
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Full Circle...

I have to first say how much I have missed all of you wonderful people. You have to know I think of you all daily and in many cases you guys and the practices here have helped me sort through alot in my life for the past 7 months I have been away. I titled this one Full Circle because here I am, discovering who I am, for the first time in my life. (It feels that way anyways.)

I don't know where to begin really, but I guess I can start here..I've been dying to get online, but have not had the opportunity to, haven't been near internet access. I have no exscuse now, have my pc hooked up at home now. Where is home?? My new apartment that I just moved into...my daughter and I absolutley love it here. It is big, spacious, close to her school and my work, and its home for us. My x-A is still just that, the x-A. He comes around every now and then quacking to the fullest, in fact we just saw him last week for the first time in months. (big surprise) He is still in his same living arrangement, still using. Not much to update besides that there, it really can speak for itself.

Here goes, and its hard to let it out but I will try, I got involved with someone, I got married, and it has hit me in the past few months how unhealthy the realtionship/ situation is. I feel like I became emotionally attached to this person because I wanted so badly the things he was putting in my head, thats just it, I feel like he has gotten in my head. And I am not afraid to say that I feel like I need help in getting him out. I don't know why this is so difficult for me to talk about, here is the other part, he is incarcerated. I've known him for a very long time, before him getting that way, which he has been in for 5 years. Did that make sense? Long story I guess. But here I sit, I feel like I have been completely brain washed, and I need help. I want to know why I feel like I am addicted to unhealthy relationships. Of coarse I am unhappy with this situation, I know it is not good for me, but I feel stuck. I feel attached but dont want to be. I need to figure this out. I had done so well with my life since my x-A and I split.

With myself, I started the Atkins Diet in late February, I have lost almost 96lbs and have about 25 more to go. I mentally and physically feel like a different person. More physically for the most part, the mental aspect of the weight loss is trying to catch up with me I think, in a positive way. I have been overweight most of my life, but just decided to take on Atkins with full steam, and I have succeeded, thanking my HP for the help and support. In my journey personally over the past few months it has been like I have re-discovered myself, I am seeing who I am. I haven't had a clear picture of that since I was little.

I look like I have it together, but on the inside I am a mess. In my head, I am a mess. Why cant I just say, hey this isnt for me?

I wish I was coming here with great things to say and update everyone on, I have missed you all so, so much.

Many, Many hugs...
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Old 07-22-2004, 07:02 PM
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Sometimes, It takes awhile!!!
 
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Hi bonbon, Welcome Back!
I can definitely relate! I married at 17 to an A...had to children with him...divorced him...and remarried him.....back and forth with him for years...after last brake up with him...(1 week later) met another man...had 2 kids with him....back and forth with him.....after last brake up with the second(5 days later) met another man...and moved in with him.......etc. etc ....!!!!!!
There was a reason I kept repeating the same pattern.....there were lessons I hadn't learned yet...! About 5 yrs ago I started seeing a counselor and soon after that began attenting AA! Over time, piece by piece, lesson by lesson..One day at a time...sometimes(one moment at a time) .LOL I learned to Love ME!!! Sounds simple doesnt It...........LOL Simple but difficult...yet exciting...joyful....painful...interesting.......L OL
But I am growing into the person God intented me to be!!!
All is Well.......Always....Because for me I believe God knows what he is doing...I'm always safe in his arms.......and he is in the business of holding our hands and showing us the way..........out of feeling stuck...my word was Trapped...I understand that one!!!!!
So...here you are....the first step....Cool........Keep Coming Back...Trust the Prosess....YOU are worth it!!! bye for now
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Old 07-22-2004, 09:06 PM
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Hi Bonbon! Welcome home!!!!!

Congrats on the weight loss thing, that is awesome!!

Now, lemme see if I got the rest of that. You got involved (mentally?) with a man in prison that you had known previously and married him while he was in prison where he still is. Is that right? If it is... you must never ever lose your internet access again. LOL Stay with us Bonbon!!! We can only guess what codiefactors led to such a predicament, but if you can sort 'em out, we'll help you work on 'em.

It's SO great to see you! I have missed you and that dancing elephant.

Love and hugs!
Smoke
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Old 07-22-2004, 09:34 PM
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I love you too Bonbon!!

I'm glad you're here.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 07-23-2004, 01:29 AM
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Hi bonbon,

What a nice surprise to see you back! WOW...96lbs. You are a inspiration!!!!! Fantastic job! That is a very wonderful step in the right direction. You have motivated me. Thank you. Glad you will be here with us healing together.

Hugs and Prayers,
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Old 07-23-2004, 03:42 AM
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yes, yes, got involved mentally with him smoke! You all have a big smile on this face of mine, as it is awfully early, (got to go for my jog) You all just dont know how good it feels to be back around. Yes, the codiefactors...got to work through those. Geeze, love you guys.
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Old 07-23-2004, 03:55 AM
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oh yeah, does anyone have any information on manipulation, or mental attachment? relative to my situation? just wondering, thank you in advance.
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Old 07-23-2004, 04:09 AM
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hi bonbon,
Going for a jog??? wow, your way ahead of me! lol (if i could just quick smoking LOL) better get my butt to SA !!! Congradulations on loosing the weight! My youngest daughter luvs Elepahants!
The brainwashing?...ya know that one....not just the men thing, but I was involved with a Religious Cult when I was younger....Don't know if that would help but I'll try to answer any questions if you have any.
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Old 07-25-2004, 04:27 AM
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(((BONBON)))

I missed this one earlier and just want to say welcome home!!!! Wow, it's like old home week here, Kitty came by last night too.

The weight loss is awesome and I'm so proud of you. I've been doing a "modified" Atkins (LOL, when did I EVER just stick to the program), since January and have lost 30 pounds (my goal) and am grateful to feel a whole lot healthier.

And about the "other" stuff, well Bonbon we are works in progress and sometimes we just take a wrong turn. I find that if I stick with all the wonderful people here, they help keep me on the right path and whack me when I start to divert, so just put on your bunny slippers and walk with us again.

It sure is good to see that dancing elephant. Welcome home!!!

Hugs
Ann
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Old 07-25-2004, 04:34 AM
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Welcome back BonBon! There's no place like home. We're still here walking the path with you.
Hugs,
Gabe
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Old 07-25-2004, 05:42 AM
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H Bonbon....so glad to see you "connected" again!

JT
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Old 07-25-2004, 09:46 AM
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Bonbon - it's so good to see you again!

Congrats on your weight loss - that is so awesome! You should be very proud of yourself.

As for the other stuff, if you haven't read this link already, check it out: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=21155 It may provide some insight on what you're dealing with.

Take care and please don't be a stranger!
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