I have to first say how much I have missed all of you wonderful people. You have to know I think of you all daily and in many cases you guys and the practices here have helped me sort through alot in my life for the past 7 months I have been away. I titled this one Full Circle because here I am, discovering who I am, for the first time in my life. (It feels that way anyways.)
I don't know where to begin really, but I guess I can start here..I've been dying to get online, but have not had the opportunity to, haven't been near internet access. I have no exscuse now, have my pc hooked up at home now. Where is home?? My new apartment that I just moved into...my daughter and I absolutley love it here. It is big, spacious, close to her school and my work, and its home for us. My x-A is still just that, the x-A. He comes around every now and then quacking to the fullest, in fact we just saw him last week for the first time in months. (big surprise) He is still in his same living arrangement, still using. Not much to update besides that there, it really can speak for itself.
Here goes, and its hard to let it out but I will try, I got involved with someone, I got married, and it has hit me in the past few months how unhealthy the realtionship/ situation is. I feel like I became emotionally attached to this person because I wanted so badly the things he was putting in my head, thats just it, I feel like he has gotten in my head. And I am not afraid to say that I feel like I need help in getting him out. I don't know why this is so difficult for me to talk about, here is the other part, he is incarcerated. I've known him for a very long time, before him getting that way, which he has been in for 5 years. Did that make sense? Long story I guess. But here I sit, I feel like I have been completely brain washed, and I need help. I want to know why I feel like I am addicted to unhealthy relationships. Of coarse I am unhappy with this situation, I know it is not good for me, but I feel stuck. I feel attached but dont want to be. I need to figure this out. I had done so well with my life since my x-A and I split.
With myself, I started the Atkins Diet in late February, I have lost almost 96lbs and have about 25 more to go. I mentally and physically feel like a different person. More physically for the most part, the mental aspect of the weight loss is trying to catch up with me I think, in a positive way. I have been overweight most of my life, but just decided to take on Atkins with full steam, and I have succeeded, thanking my HP for the help and support. In my journey personally over the past few months it has been like I have re-discovered myself, I am seeing who I am. I haven't had a clear picture of that since I was little.
I look like I have it together, but on the inside I am a mess. In my head, I am a mess. Why cant I just say, hey this isnt for me?
I wish I was coming here with great things to say and update everyone on, I have missed you all so, so much.
Many, Many hugs...