asm505

I am on a mission to find the book, 'Too Good To Leave, Too Bad To Stay'. I am going to get it asap. I seen it listed in one of the stickies above..

dandylion

asm---thinking back on all of my relationships....for me....once I lost that lovin' feeling...it never returned.

I do think that when we have that romantic feeling about someone....we admire them enough to have them on a "pedestal" in our minds...all special and wonderful. When their actions have gone against us and hurt and disappointed us enough...that pedestal gets toppled. Once that happens....for me, there has been no resurection possible.

This is the way I look at it. I kind of think about it like an egg that has been scrambled---can't go back to the origional form.......LOL...like Humptey Dumptey!

dandylion

dreamingkitty

YES!! I so want to love me again. I start to and he finds ways, wait, I allow him to say things that bring me down and doubt myself. I am trying to see my part. I finally found a good therapist so who knows what can happen.

I agree, I need to go back to Al Anon. I need a sponser and to work a program. I really do. I have a lot , and I mean a lot of resentment built up and while it might help clear the air here at home, I know I need it for my own personal health and well being.

I am a little bit in envy of those who have asked their husband's to move out. I so would love just three weeks of him not being here. I've asked him to leave but he wont go. He says he has no where to go but to sleep in his truck. He has little if any friends and since he lost his job 18 months ago we don't have the income for him to rent a place for a bit. We also have no family nearby. I can't help but feeling like if I had some time to myself it would help as well.

asm505

I must do more research on this dry drunk stuff. I cant imagine my husband digging into all the emotions of his addiction. Yesterday I told him that during our time apart I hope he THINKS...his response, about what? REALLY???? OMG

asm505

Also, I know this sounds silly but I am seriously afraid that I will feel peaceful and at calm without him here. Guess part of me worries that it is really over and what that means for my girls, my husband and me financially...

dandylion

asm----OMG! Sometimes the depth of their denial just takes your breath away.

There is an old classic soul song, from the 60's, called "That Lovin' Feeling" (by the Rightious Brothers, I think). Your thread reminds me of that song!

dandylion

dreamingkitty

OMG that was on at work yesterday and I thought how much that fit right now

dandylion

asm---responding to your last post. I don't think that sounds silly at all! I think that when we have to get really honest with ourselves...and our rose colored glasses are removed...and we just can't avoid reality any longer with the excuses we give ourselves...we find ourselves staring the future in the face. And--that can be mighty scarey..at first.

That has happened to many of us on this forum.....staring the future in the face and scared shi*****! But, step by step we make it and our courage shows up just when we need it. It always does.

dandylion

dreamingkitty

Mine admitted to me yesterday that he thinks his being sober is enough. Why isn't everyone just happy and life better. I was honest and said that 12 years of being terrified of him doesn't just go away because he is sober. Not to mention a lot of his personality didn't change.

I can relate to your other post about the worry about what this all really means. I am so afraid about that and actually facing reality of it. Though my therapist told me I don't have to today. Today just take care of me.

dandylion

dreamingkitty----isn't that something!!!!!!

dandylion

NYCDoglvr

How can you love someone you don't trust or respect? Your feelings are legitimate, you have every right to feel as you do. What saved my sanity was Alanon, where supportive women who had traveled my path with a drunk helped steer me to sanity. I strongly recommend finding local meetings (they're free). God bless you, you deserve much better than this.