Katchie

We are talking about the kitchen and I've told him it would be best if we didn't do anything right now except a dishwasher. I told him I was tired of what seemed like $$ being blown out our a$$.
I haven't asked about where the $$ has gone yet. Im going to watch closely thru the month of February. I will work to put my inheritance back into my account while we have funds to do that.

No.. Im not "sleeping" with him. Heck, i can't even look at him hardly. I don't want to be in the same space he is at the moment. Hoping I can square the inheritance away before he wants another talk about my behavior towards him. I hate those talks..but at least when they happen everything gets put on the table -- a very hard thing for me to do most of the time.

Does anyone have a remedy for blood shot red swollen eyes? Even when Im not crying my eyes make me look demon possessed! I HATE this!

dandylion

Katchie---Sunglasses. The kind with rhinestones on the corners.

dandylion

Fandy

visine and some cucumber slices lay down until the puffiness goes away...

and get rid of the one who causes the redness.

I do keep my eye cream in the fridge too.

He isn't crying over what he is doing though, is he?

be smart and get your money and what you are entitled to as 1/2 the assets in addition to what your mother left to YOU. He has no qualms about withdrawing so much $$. YOU can do this too. what is he going to question? it's YOUR $$ too.

what will happen if YOU withdraw $500. a week from the joint account and safely put it in a separate account?

OnawaMiniya

Just offering ((((((((((hugs)))))))))), Katchie.

As for the eyes, apply a cold compress/ cold wet rag to soothe and cool the skin and reduce the swelling. Cocoa butter is gentle and fantastic to soothe and heal the delicate skin around the eyes.

Wishing you peace.

OnawaMiniya

^^^ this.

HopefulinFLA

Fandy you make an excellent point here. What could he possibly say about this? He can do it but you can't?

Sending lots of moral support your way Katchie!

Katchie

For all who've suggested/asked about this..I'm not 100% destitute now that I'm putting my noodle in action about my situation & what I have/don't have, etc. I spoke with a friend who holds a couple of policies of ours--one is mine and I own it. AH set this up a few years ago. What's in it can be taken out and/or borrowed against, put into a trust, and the beneficiary (currently my AH) changed should I decide. She did tell me that AH cannot touch it w/o my permission--I didn't know that!! I will be meeting with this friend next week to learn all the ins and outs of it. I think if I had to I could live on that for a year maybe longer if invested wisely.
That being said, I still want my inheritance back where it belongs. I feel a hair relieved.

For any of you ladies out there who are young, dating an addict, dating/early marriage/long marriage--whatever..I cannot overstate your need to know your finances. Even if everything were peachy, do not be ignorant, you need to know and be involved should something happen to your spouse. Don't wait to learn this terrible lesson the way I have had to learn it. It's better to do it from a stable emotional position rather than one of turmoil and stress.

HopefulinFLA

Nice Katchie! That's great news.

Seren

Sage advice for any woman. Knowing all the household/family financial holdings is very important even if you are not the one writing the checks and paying the bills. Do you know where the accounts are held? Do you know where the checkbooks/insurance statements/investment reports are located--could you put your hands on them if you had to?

Keep plugging away, Katchie! You are doing great!!

Katchie

Well, unfortunately, I had another text message from my bank that my H W/D another $500.. the last time was the 3rd. Its almost like he has it timed. Ill be having a visit with him tonight after the boys basketball practice.

DesertArizona

To me this sounds like a classic case of a drug addiction. If I were in your position, I would purchase a 7 panel drug screen and watch him take it.

Katchie

Ive never heard of such a thing.. Is this something you can pick up from a walgreens drug store?

DesertArizona

Yes absolutely thye sell them at Walgreens, and from what I understand they are fairly inexspenive. Ask the pharmacist and they can help you. There are different varieties of what they test for so you'll have to make that decision on what you think he's using based on the symptoms you observe.

Its basically a little specimen jar that he will urinate into, and you dip a little stick into it and it will tell you what he has been using. Some drugs only stay in the body for 2-3 days so have him take it at a time right after he's withdrawn a lot of money.

Mango blast

Sending you prayers and good wishes, Katchie. Ask him, hold your ground and listen. The less you say may force him to say more. I'd hold off on asking for a drug test until the end of the conversation. If it comes out clean, it'd be something he could deflect with.

Katchie

I don't think I could get him to do such a thing and honestly, i cant even imagine Im thinking i would ask. i feel like an alien in my own home

dandylion

Katchie---I am sure that you never DREEEamed of being in this position! Who does?

The only thing I can advise is to stay as calm and collected as you can (under the circumstances). Choose your words thoughtfully. Give him space to talk----they will usually incriminate themselves the longer that they talk. Keep your cards close to your chest....as they say..LOL. A drug test would answer some questions--but, there is no need to do it now. It can be done at any time. How you handle that is completely at your discretion, of course.

Best of luck to you!!

dandylion

Katchie

Has anyone else had their spouse take a home drug test before? How did that go over? This is so unimaginable. I would freak if my H asked me to do such a thing.

FireSprite

Just sending you lots of support. I also agree with dandylion about the whole, ' give him enough rope to hang himself' approach. I hope you get some answers soon so that you know what your facing. I think the not knowing is way worse than the knowing. (((((hugs)))))

dandylion

Katchie---I must admit that I never have--but, then I have never been in your exact position. However, If I saw the family money flying out of the account---as you have--with no flipping idea why---I would go very Columbo. I've go zero problems with snooping when there is good indication for it...te, he-he. Katchie--sometimes, you have to do what you have to do to protect yourself (within law and basic morality, of course).
After all, you all are married---I figure if he has a right to do it--you have a right to know WHY!

dandylion

Fandy

he is methodically cleaning out the account. why? is the big question....where is it going is the 2nd question.
if he is reasonably sober, he stashed it somewhere...

at this point, expect he will clean it out after your conversation. you might want to do that first and talk to him tomorrow.