$500 a every 6-7 days?
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Katchie, how old are your boys? Can you do part time work, just to save some money for yourself? Or, else, start getting cash back at the grocery, etc, and put it in a savings account in your name only? Not the kind of thing you should typically do in a marriage.... but a marriage to an A is not your typical marriage.
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he encouraged me that what ever i do, try to make the marriage work.
How bad does it have to be before you have god's permission to leave him? 2G's a month isn't enough? Alcoholism? Secret relationships and/or addictions you haven't even discovered yet? What levels of hell would you have to walk through to make it okay for this advisor to say, hey Katchie, maybe you should run out of a burning building? Maybe you don't have to go down with the ship.
I can tell you at his rate with those dollars, I would be homeless. $2,000 a month is exorbitant.
Have any of you had someone go thru. this amount of money weekly, but it mean nothing more than being a spender??
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Originally Posted by JustAGirl1971 
Katchie, how old are your boys? Can you do part time work, just to save some money for yourself? Or, else, start getting cash back at the grocery, etc, and put it in a savings account in your name only? Not the kind of thing you should typically do in a marriage.... but a marriage to an A is not your typical marriage.
My boys are teens but none of them are driving..im working on that. So, for now I am the taxi because my AH isn't allowed to drive them, or us, anywhere at any time. As soon as I have my son driving on his own, I will be looking into part time something.
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Originally Posted by Florence
Why? Really, why.
How bad does it have to be before you have god's permission to leave him? 2G's a month isn't enough? Alcoholism? Secret relationships and/or addictions you haven't even discovered yet? What levels of hell would you have to walk through to make it okay for this advisor to say, hey Katchie, maybe you should run out of a burning building? Maybe you don't have to go down with the ship.
I can tell you at his rate with those dollars, I would be homeless. $2,000 a month is exorbitant.
No. Is your husband a professional rock star? A big name rapper? Then, no. This is not normal.
How bad does it have to be before you have god's permission to leave him? 2G's a month isn't enough? Alcoholism? Secret relationships and/or addictions you haven't even discovered yet? What levels of hell would you have to walk through to make it okay for this advisor to say, hey Katchie, maybe you should run out of a burning building? Maybe you don't have to go down with the ship.
I can tell you at his rate with those dollars, I would be homeless. $2,000 a month is exorbitant.
No. Is your husband a professional rock star? A big name rapper? Then, no. This is not normal.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Originally Posted by Katchie
OOOOO!!! Cash backk at the grocer!!
It was strange, I felt like I was stealing from myself. It brought up all kinds of emotions to deal with. It certainly didn't make me feel proud of myself, but I did feel good when I thought about how that money was earmarked to buy future groceries, electricity, school uniforms, mortgage, etc. Not like I was running off to the day spa & having expensive pampering done. (I wish!)
I also made sure to snag a chunk out of the tax refund the very stinkin' minute it hit our account for direct deposit. Since my RAH is the kind to sign without reading & I handle filing our return, I could also tell him our refund was less than what it really was & snag the hidden difference without him knowing.
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Hi Katchie, it doesn't really matter who brings the money in, in a marriage with children you have the right to as much access to it as he does. The concept that it's HIS money to do what he likes is completely faulty because it devalues your work.
Are you able to quarantine any of the money as soon as your H gets paid? The idea that you have to sneak around doing cash back on groceries is ridiculous (good idea - but you shouldn't have to).
Would it be worthwhile sitting down with AH and sorting the money situation so you have control of a big portion of it? Just a thought as he may not be amenable.
If this option isn't possible I suppose you need to ask whether you are willing to have your future frittered away, out of your control, by your AH?
Are you able to quarantine any of the money as soon as your H gets paid? The idea that you have to sneak around doing cash back on groceries is ridiculous (good idea - but you shouldn't have to).
Would it be worthwhile sitting down with AH and sorting the money situation so you have control of a big portion of it? Just a thought as he may not be amenable.
If this option isn't possible I suppose you need to ask whether you are willing to have your future frittered away, out of your control, by your AH?
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Katchie...I would have to know, but for a different reason. If you have the time and not the $ you could track him yourself most likely quite easily. A couple of voice recorders, gps on his phone, etc. Now, I don't encourage this and the only only reason I say find out is b/c you have children and have to be prepared to do what you have to for custody. If you do divorce him and he gets time w/your kids you need to know what you are dealing with. A crack user is alot bigger of a deal than someone who takes a nip here and there. If not for that I would say this...does it matter?
The trust is broken. I think your lawyer needs his head examined. Yes, it's hard. However, it is even harder to live in a loveless, untrusting marriage. And then you pay that forward to your kids to they can do it too b/c that is what they learn from us. I have watched my little 8 year old become a codependent because of my behavior around my husband. It absolutely disgust me with both my husband and myself. I want to break this chain and am working on doing so.
So if you need to find out for child custody I say find out. If not, why does it really matter? The trust is gone.
Your attorney should have advised you to open your own account in your own name and be putting $ in it every opportunity you get. He should have also told you to squirrell away cash that only you know where it is. He should have told you that even if you don't have an income he will have to pay child support and possibly alimony. You are not stuck.
I am sorry friend. Tight hugs.
The trust is broken. I think your lawyer needs his head examined. Yes, it's hard. However, it is even harder to live in a loveless, untrusting marriage. And then you pay that forward to your kids to they can do it too b/c that is what they learn from us. I have watched my little 8 year old become a codependent because of my behavior around my husband. It absolutely disgust me with both my husband and myself. I want to break this chain and am working on doing so.
So if you need to find out for child custody I say find out. If not, why does it really matter? The trust is gone.
Your attorney should have advised you to open your own account in your own name and be putting $ in it every opportunity you get. He should have also told you to squirrell away cash that only you know where it is. He should have told you that even if you don't have an income he will have to pay child support and possibly alimony. You are not stuck.
I am sorry friend. Tight hugs.
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Katchie, I use the cash back for a cash stash. I like to keep a couple hundred dollars cash on hand at any given time... unfortunately, right now my cash stash is only $80 but it's better than nothing. I know for some that doesn't work as the A tends to find it and spend it, but not the case with my husband.
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Hopeful, yes, he advised me to open my own account, which I did a couple of years ago and I've started putting $$ aside. There is no doubt that trust has been broken, no doubt. Im back to not being able to look at him again. I hate this. Also, I have been tracking him via my phone, which my attorney instructed me to continue, that he cant by law, but I can.
FeelingGreat, I know I have as much right to what he earns and Im trying to exercise that. I buy the groceries, clothing for the family, etc. whenever I want or need. But I am taking more seriously the putting away of $$ in my separate account so that its not apart of the marital stash, as my attorney instructed. He told me it was important to establish things in my name so a judge wouldn't divide it equally as part of the marriage.
MissFixit..your comment made me cry. No, I don't want to accept his behaviour. I am working on it, on me, and my situation. Im trying to be smart about this. There are things I need, like a roof over my head and the one Im in I couldnt never afford on my own. My grandparents home is in limbo as to whether I will be able to take possession of that or not. If I can, I will take some of our $$ to do some repairs on it before I move there when necessary. It is paid off, and its 'home'.
FeelingGreat, I know I have as much right to what he earns and Im trying to exercise that. I buy the groceries, clothing for the family, etc. whenever I want or need. But I am taking more seriously the putting away of $$ in my separate account so that its not apart of the marital stash, as my attorney instructed. He told me it was important to establish things in my name so a judge wouldn't divide it equally as part of the marriage.
MissFixit..your comment made me cry. No, I don't want to accept his behaviour. I am working on it, on me, and my situation. Im trying to be smart about this. There are things I need, like a roof over my head and the one Im in I couldnt never afford on my own. My grandparents home is in limbo as to whether I will be able to take possession of that or not. If I can, I will take some of our $$ to do some repairs on it before I move there when necessary. It is paid off, and its 'home'.
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Katchie, when I started my fund I didn't even have enough to warrant opening an account & I wanted it to be liquid in case of emergency. I also didn't want to have bank statements, correspondence, debit cards to hide. I didn't want anything tracked back to me "hiding" stuff when I was only trying to literally provide a roof over DD's head.
I started with one of these:
Locking Booksafe with Key Lock - Amazon.com
and I LOVE it. Just thought I'd share.
I started with one of these:
Locking Booksafe with Key Lock - Amazon.com
and I LOVE it. Just thought I'd share.
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Ok.. I just got off of our banking website. Here is what he has withdrawn between 1/8-2/3.. $2,605
Between the dates of 10/25-12/23 it was $7,580
During the months of October and December he did give me some of that, however nothing near what the over 7k shows. OMG. What the
I had no idea. The 7k was before he sold his business too. No effing wonder bills weren't getting paid.
Between the dates of 10/25-12/23 it was $7,580
During the months of October and December he did give me some of that, however nothing near what the over 7k shows. OMG. What the
I had no idea. The 7k was before he sold his business too. No effing wonder bills weren't getting paid.
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Originally Posted by Katchie
OMG. I had no idea. The 7k was before he sold his business too. No effing wonder bills weren't getting paid.
Wishing you all the best. I suppose the first step in fixing this is knowing that it's happening. You sound like a very together person.
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AXH only drank. He favored expensive brands single malt whisky for years, until the end when he switched to vodka because he could put that in water bottles and look like he was just hydrating. He made ridiculously good money. Even when he was drinking $40 a bottle whisky, and went through about a bottle a day, I didn't see him spend the amounts your AH is spending.
I agree with Anvil that there probably is something else involved here. Unfortunately.
I agree with Anvil that there probably is something else involved here. Unfortunately.
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Perhaps a GPS tracking device is what you need. They are quite easy to install. I would not say one freaking word to him lest he become more secretive.
My first thought is drugs - second would be prostitute or affair.
My first thought is drugs - second would be prostitute or affair.
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Originally Posted by redatlanta
Perhaps a GPS tracking device is what you need. They are quite easy to install. I would not say one freaking word to him lest he become more secretive.
My first thought is drugs - second would be prostitute or affair.
My first thought is drugs - second would be prostitute or affair.
Checked my phone to see where he is and he is currently at an AA meeting
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I don't have an iphone so not sure on this... but, Katchie, my BIL uses his iphone to track my sister's iphone. It pings her when she's being tracked so she knows it? Are you sure he isn't aware that you're tracking him?
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Originally Posted by JustAGirl1971
I don't have an iphone so not sure on this... but, Katchie, my BIL uses his iphone to track my sister's iphone. It pings her when she's being tracked so she knows it? Are you sure he isn't aware that you're tracking him?
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