$500 a every 6-7 days?
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Asking with respect, I thought we as codies were not supposed to toss booze, throw out pills, or do anything that is interfering with the addicts addiction. I ask because all the advice on tracking him. You say the attorney friend is 20 years sober. I would think he would know that is not going to help at all. I do agree you have every right to now where that money is going, you are married. If this was just a bf situation I would say not your business. I would have the bank statements ready and ask him out right. He will no doubt lie but you will see right through that. Hopefully he will give it up and tell you what's up. That to me is ALOT of money and I'm sure you have plenty of uses for it. If he is having an affair you deserve to know that as well so you can get the proper med tests done and that is an excellent reason to divorce, get child support for your children and escape the madness.
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Originally Posted by Sungrl 
Asking with respect, I thought we as codies were not supposed to toss booze, throw out pills, or do anything that is interfering with the addicts addiction. I ask because all the advice on tracking him. You say the attorney friend is 20 years sober. I would think he would know that is not going to help at all. I do agree you have every right to now where that money is going, you are married. If this was just a bf situation I would say not your business. I would have the bank statements ready and ask him out right. He will no doubt lie but you will see right through that. Hopefully he will give it up and tell you what's up. That to me is ALOT of money and I'm sure you have plenty of uses for it. If he is having an affair you deserve to know that as well so you can get the proper med tests done and that is an excellent reason to divorce, get child support for your children and escape the madness.
Im waiting before I approach him with his ATM w/d's. I don't want to be hasty or half azzed when I do it.
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Originally Posted by Fandy
any chance that HE has established a separate bank account recently with this money?
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I don't think Katchie knowing is for her as a codie...I think it is so she can fight for her children if need be and to know what is going on. As I said before, if he is spending time with kids as a crackhead that is something she needs to know.
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Katchie, not sure if this helps or not, but DS and I have older iPhones. (His was an emergency one for when he had to see his dad.) We'd put a Find iPhone app on it so we could find them when they got set down some where. We could see where the phones were and ask the app to send a tone so we could find it (buried under DS's stuffed animals usually). It didn't send a tone unless we asked. So the sending a tone when being tracked probably depends on the app used.
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Originally Posted by Katchie
Good question but I wouldn't know. There are not any other bank statements that come to the house, not that that would mean anything.
He can be perfectly paperless
2K a month can be a mortgage payment or a rental, a car, child support, anything...it is a LOT of $$ to miss for most people.
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Im waiting before I approach him with his ATM w/d's. I don't want to be hasty or half azzed when I do it.
and you think you're gonna get a straight answer?? if he wanted you to know what he withdrew the money for, HE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. no matter WHAT he says, you won't believe him. as it is, it was all right there in the bank statement that you just now looked over.
probably a good idea to spend MORE time getting financially up to speed, so you have a true sense of the full financial picture. and it might be time to think about securing your own employment so you have your own income - being financially dependent up an addict/alcoholic is a BAD plan. actually IMHO being financially dependent upon ANYONE is a bad plan. i can only speak from my own ES&H of course...but i can't fathom not having my own funds or letting anyone else be in total charge of the finances.
and you think you're gonna get a straight answer?? if he wanted you to know what he withdrew the money for, HE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. no matter WHAT he says, you won't believe him. as it is, it was all right there in the bank statement that you just now looked over.
probably a good idea to spend MORE time getting financially up to speed, so you have a true sense of the full financial picture. and it might be time to think about securing your own employment so you have your own income - being financially dependent up an addict/alcoholic is a BAD plan. actually IMHO being financially dependent upon ANYONE is a bad plan. i can only speak from my own ES&H of course...but i can't fathom not having my own funds or letting anyone else be in total charge of the finances.
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What about the option of simply asking him what is going on with the account?
If that is not an option because he won't be capable of responding to that, what about:
tell him the bank called and reported excessive withdrawals and wondered if you (both) want to change your bank card codes. That is of course not the case but it would give you the chance talk to him.
The tracking systems, the PI....seems to be jumping right past the first step to take, which is asking him.
If that is not an option because he won't be capable of responding to that, what about:
tell him the bank called and reported excessive withdrawals and wondered if you (both) want to change your bank card codes. That is of course not the case but it would give you the chance talk to him.
The tracking systems, the PI....seems to be jumping right past the first step to take, which is asking him.
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Ladies and Gentlemen, please understand that tracking someone, tapping their phone conversations, taking things that belong to them, are still considered illegal in the U.S. and Canada.
Katchie, I would encourage you to go about whatever information gathering you need in a legal manner as suggested by your attorney. Anything you do on your own may place your own legal standing at risk.
Katchie, I would encourage you to go about whatever information gathering you need in a legal manner as suggested by your attorney. Anything you do on your own may place your own legal standing at risk.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
Im waiting before I approach him with his ATM w/d's. I don't want to be hasty or half azzed when I do it.
and you think you're gonna get a straight answer?? if he wanted you to know what he withdrew the money for, HE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. no matter WHAT he says, you won't believe him. as it is, it was all right there in the bank statement that you just now looked over.
probably a good idea to spend MORE time getting financially up to speed, so you have a true sense of the full financial picture. and it might be time to think about securing your own employment so you have your own income - being financially dependent up an addict/alcoholic is a BAD plan. actually IMHO being financially dependent upon ANYONE is a bad plan. i can only speak from my own ES&H of course...but i can't fathom not having my own funds or letting anyone else be in total charge of the finances.
and you think you're gonna get a straight answer?? if he wanted you to know what he withdrew the money for, HE WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU. no matter WHAT he says, you won't believe him. as it is, it was all right there in the bank statement that you just now looked over.
probably a good idea to spend MORE time getting financially up to speed, so you have a true sense of the full financial picture. and it might be time to think about securing your own employment so you have your own income - being financially dependent up an addict/alcoholic is a BAD plan. actually IMHO being financially dependent upon ANYONE is a bad plan. i can only speak from my own ES&H of course...but i can't fathom not having my own funds or letting anyone else be in total charge of the finances.
... it is what it is.. So, while he's being extra nice right now Im getting ready to take that borrowed $$ back to put into my account.You are SOOOOO right. I am learning so many things 22 yrs too late and in the most extreme difficult fashion one could.
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Originally Posted by Seren
Ladies and Gentlemen, please understand that tracking someone, tapping their phone conversations, taking things that belong to them, are still considered illegal in the U.S. and Canada.
Katchie, I would encourage you to go about whatever information gathering you need in a legal manner as suggested by your attorney. Anything you do on your own may place your own legal standing at risk.
Katchie, I would encourage you to go about whatever information gathering you need in a legal manner as suggested by your attorney. Anything you do on your own may place your own legal standing at risk.
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I agree w Seren and Anvil.
Tracking him does nothing other than show you he isn't trustworthy. Girl, you already know that. He has something or someone on the side. Does it matter at this point what it is?
If I were in your shoes, I would focus on getting financially independent or at least a part time gig so you don't need his money. He isn't honest, he isn't respectful. You are seeing these red flags and then wanting to know more about them. I get it but the most important thing is you and kids being financially secure and you are not with him.
Tracking him does nothing other than show you he isn't trustworthy. Girl, you already know that. He has something or someone on the side. Does it matter at this point what it is?
If I were in your shoes, I would focus on getting financially independent or at least a part time gig so you don't need his money. He isn't honest, he isn't respectful. You are seeing these red flags and then wanting to know more about them. I get it but the most important thing is you and kids being financially secure and you are not with him.
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Originally Posted by MissFixit
I agree w Seren and Anvil.
Tracking him does nothing other than show you he isn't trustworthy. Girl, you already know that. He has something or someone on the side. Does it matter at this point what it is?
If I were in your shoes, I would focus on getting financially independent or at least a part time gig so you don't need his money. He isn't honest, he isn't respectful. You are seeing these red flags and then wanting to know more about them. I get it but the most important thing is you and kids being financially secure and you are not with him.
Tracking him does nothing other than show you he isn't trustworthy. Girl, you already know that. He has something or someone on the side. Does it matter at this point what it is?
If I were in your shoes, I would focus on getting financially independent or at least a part time gig so you don't need his money. He isn't honest, he isn't respectful. You are seeing these red flags and then wanting to know more about them. I get it but the most important thing is you and kids being financially secure and you are not with him.
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I am of the opposite opinion - I wouldn't ask because I wouldn't want to alert him that I knew something was up. I wouldn't want to give him a heads start on shifting funds around until I had a better idea of what I was facing. To me, it would be a big energy drain to come up with a line of BS (like the bank called, yada, yada) because it gives me more crap to track in my head. I would be putting all of my efforts into establishing my financial independence.
I would start making copies of all statements, including retirement accounts that he has access for to see if any withdrawals have been made there as well. These things have tax implications I'd want to be aware of. They don't have to be printed copies, .pdf files on a thumb drive (that can be hidden in my purse very easily) is all that I would need.
For anyone that is computer savvy, there is also a free program you can get called Trucrypt that you can download & use to encrypt thumb drives & external hard drives. If anyone found the drive & wanted to see the info on it they would have to know the password.
I would start making copies of all statements, including retirement accounts that he has access for to see if any withdrawals have been made there as well. These things have tax implications I'd want to be aware of. They don't have to be printed copies, .pdf files on a thumb drive (that can be hidden in my purse very easily) is all that I would need.
For anyone that is computer savvy, there is also a free program you can get called Trucrypt that you can download & use to encrypt thumb drives & external hard drives. If anyone found the drive & wanted to see the info on it they would have to know the password.
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MissFix.. I am trying to and have been trying to since the initial 'hey, your a drunk' blinders came off. I feel like a blind person trying to find their way thru the dark for the first time.
FireSprite, isnt it? I didn't think there could possibly be more. Silly me.
FireSprite, isnt it? I didn't think there could possibly be more. Silly me.
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I also wouldn't confront him with anything. I would just observe this, file it away, and recommit to doing whatever you have to do to make sure his behavior does not affect your overall well-being.
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Originally Posted by Florence
I also wouldn't confront him with anything. I would just observe this, file it away, and recommit to doing whatever you have to do to make sure his behavior does not affect your overall well-being.
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