$500 a every 6-7 days?
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Join Date: Dec 2004
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(((hugs))) Katchie, the progress YOU are making is wonderful.
The fragile shattered part is probably a common thing with becoming truly sober. If he is willing to work an outpatient program, that would be a very good foundation for his long term recovery.
My husband is 55 days sober and things are slowly but progressively getting better. At first it was more of a back and forth to the agitation and lack of comprehension. Physical work is a good outlet and therapy of it's own. He's also on a vitamin and supplement regimen from a Nutrition Response Testing program. That helped for him to get sober at first and it seems to be helping in this. He was taken off it during inpatient rehab due to a mix up with paperwork.
The big thing is how I deal with communicating -- I've had to step up and become more of a partner in our marriage. I have to consistently work on actually talking to him instead avoidance. At the same time, his counselor's catch-phrase of "you can either be happy, or right" works well. We're each no longer trying to be 'right' about everything.
It's good to hear both of you will work on the finances together. His explanation is plausible enough to me. I have a good friend who mentioned one time about her husband spending $400 over a few days and not realizing it, but he said she keeps him in line. They laugh about it, but she also requires him to be a part of the financial planning. I need to put this on our radar for an upcoming goal of ours.
The fragile shattered part is probably a common thing with becoming truly sober. If he is willing to work an outpatient program, that would be a very good foundation for his long term recovery.
My husband is 55 days sober and things are slowly but progressively getting better. At first it was more of a back and forth to the agitation and lack of comprehension. Physical work is a good outlet and therapy of it's own. He's also on a vitamin and supplement regimen from a Nutrition Response Testing program. That helped for him to get sober at first and it seems to be helping in this. He was taken off it during inpatient rehab due to a mix up with paperwork.
The big thing is how I deal with communicating -- I've had to step up and become more of a partner in our marriage. I have to consistently work on actually talking to him instead avoidance. At the same time, his counselor's catch-phrase of "you can either be happy, or right" works well. We're each no longer trying to be 'right' about everything.
It's good to hear both of you will work on the finances together. His explanation is plausible enough to me. I have a good friend who mentioned one time about her husband spending $400 over a few days and not realizing it, but he said she keeps him in line. They laugh about it, but she also requires him to be a part of the financial planning. I need to put this on our radar for an upcoming goal of ours.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
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It makes me really sad to see this very weak person because that's not who I married. One of the things that attracted me to him was how strong he seem to be. avoidance would be the perfect word to describe what or how I have related to him over the last 10 or that i wondered if he had an addiction. that was just how I dealt with it. Now, with blinders off its just really hard to take It all in and hard to see real time the person he's become as a result.
I remember the first day I saw him at age 17 in the college cafeteria. I was sitting with my cousin and I told her to look at him..His confidence was attractive in the way he walked and held himself..I told her at that moment that I would be marrying him one day and so I did. Alcohol has made him a fraction of that person and it's heartbreaking.
I remember the first day I saw him at age 17 in the college cafeteria. I was sitting with my cousin and I told her to look at him..His confidence was attractive in the way he walked and held himself..I told her at that moment that I would be marrying him one day and so I did. Alcohol has made him a fraction of that person and it's heartbreaking.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
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Things are changing for him and it's going to be disorienting. Stick to your side of the street and let him work through it on his own. I'm glad you aired the issue of the withdrawals, that took a lot of courage and moxie. You're going to be okay.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Katchie...one of the things I have had to face is not only do I not like my AH's addiction, I really don't like who he has become as a person. He is not the same person I married. He is needy and weak. There, I said it. I don't say that because of addiction. I say that because he is whiny and expects me to mother him. I did not marry someone to mother, I want a spouse. One that coparents with me and one that lives a normal life with me.
Not happening, with or without addiction. That was hard for me to admit to myself, but there it is.
Hugs.
Not happening, with or without addiction. That was hard for me to admit to myself, but there it is.
Hugs.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Katchie...I don't know where he is or you are, but when I went to an attorney the first thing he told me to do was clean out half of our account or anything that was rightfully mine, and to keep it that way. Please watch this very carefully, he may have gotten that same advise. That is alot of cash he is pissing away here and there.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Southern US
Posts: 785
Originally Posted by Katchie 
It makes me really sad to see this very weak person because that's not who I married. Alcohol has made him a fraction of that person and it's heartbreaking.
I think you're wise to keep doing what you're doing - working on you, becoming more aware of your finances, saving money, and... waiting. Who knows, you could end up with a stronger, better marriage out of this. If not, at least you'll be stronger and ready to face whatever your future holds. Plan for the worst, hope for the best, I guess.
You really are doing great, imo
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QuOTE=hopeful4;4463906]Katchie...one of the things I have had to face is not only do I not like my AH's addiction, I really don't like who he has become as a person. He is not the same person I married. He is needy and weak. There, I said it. I don't say that because of addiction. I say that because he is whiny and expects me to mother him. I did not marry someone to mother, I want a spouse. One that coparents with me and one that lives a normal life with me.
Not happening, with or without addiction. That was hard for me to admit to myself, but there it is.
Hugs.[/QUOTE]
honestly, he's never truly parented. All the trouble I've had raising these four boys he has never helped me other than being there basketball coach. In the most trying times with one son in particular, he has helped me just a few times, I can probably count on one hand how many times he's helped me. He's always left the muck for me to clean up while he's good time Charlie with the boys taking them to movies and things like that. I don't like that about him. I never thought in a million years that would be that way as a father. I don't know if that will ever change. It's probably a lot for me to expect that ever would. a lot of what you wrote above resonates with me. Maybe my husband has never been strong and it was just a front put on that attracted me to him, I really don't know, but it's an ugly thing to have to examine.
Not happening, with or without addiction. That was hard for me to admit to myself, but there it is.
Hugs.[/QUOTE]
honestly, he's never truly parented. All the trouble I've had raising these four boys he has never helped me other than being there basketball coach. In the most trying times with one son in particular, he has helped me just a few times, I can probably count on one hand how many times he's helped me. He's always left the muck for me to clean up while he's good time Charlie with the boys taking them to movies and things like that. I don't like that about him. I never thought in a million years that would be that way as a father. I don't know if that will ever change. It's probably a lot for me to expect that ever would. a lot of what you wrote above resonates with me. Maybe my husband has never been strong and it was just a front put on that attracted me to him, I really don't know, but it's an ugly thing to have to examine.
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It is hard to examine, I know just what you mean. It is one thing when it is just you two. It is quite another when you have children to parent and a home to run. It's hard to go at it alone, and builds resentment. At least that is what happened to me. I should have recognized it earlier BEFORE we had kids, but that did not happen, so here I am. Last night I missed my older daughter's enrollment meeting at school b/c I had to take younger daughter somewhere else. I don't trust AH to drive, so it was me choosing which committment was more important because I have to do it alone. He of course was horsing around w them when later on and having the fun while I was scrambling around trying to get all the rest of the stuff that goes into operating a home done. Resentment through the roof when I allow myself to really think about it.
Sigh.....
Sigh.....
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
It is hard to examine, I know just what you mean. It is one thing when it is just you two. It is quite another when you have children to parent and a home to run. It's hard to go at it alone, and builds resentment. At least that is what happened to me. I should have recognized it earlier BEFORE we had kids, but that did not happen, so here I am. Last night I missed my older daughter's enrollment meeting at school b/c I had to take younger daughter somewhere else. I don't trust AH to drive, so it was me choosing which committment was more important because I have to do it alone. He of course was horsing around w them when later on and having the fun while I was scrambling around trying to get all the rest of the stuff that goes into operating a home done. Resentment through the roof when I allow myself to really think about it.
Sigh.....
Sigh.....
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