So do you tell them that they have a Mental Illness?
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by ladyscribbler 
Codependent festival. Bwa ha ha ha. But the tickets were free! Ride the Guilt a Whirl! Have some deep fried advice on a stick!
Yeah, apologies Hammer. I spent 9 years enlisted, you think I would have learned my lesson about arguing with stubborn officers. Bet you were great at dealing with uppity NCOs.
Yeah, apologies Hammer. I spent 9 years enlisted, you think I would have learned my lesson about arguing with stubborn officers. Bet you were great at dealing with uppity NCOs.
All good. c Lotta perspectives on communication.
And *we* are all supposedly on the same side.
See why I get important (at least I think important to us) communications get checked? That was really all this thread was about.
As far as NCOs and O-types. All good there, too. I usually do a sort of corrupted / co-op-ed leadership style. True vertical hierarchies never made much sense to me.
Yunno the Lao Tzu quote . . . The leader who leads best, at the end of the day, the people say This -- we did ourselves!
So Thanks!
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Raider
I don't know what to say. It would pi$$ me off if I were Mrs. H. But that's just me. Good luck in whatever you decide.
), and it was Very Well taken. I had started to write that one as a Letter to Never Send, but her T wanted Mrs. Hammer and I to do some communication a little deeper than just the kids, etc. So it was a nice letter. I am not supposed to know who her T is (but, yes, I do) so it went to the Sponsor, forwarded to the T, and she and Mrs. Hammer read it together.
Lets her know I care, that I love her, and the reason for the routing is I do not want to say anything that is harmful to her.
Yes, I know, I know, we can be very emotional ********. But look at our background.
But it is not like I am sneaking information about her to her T nor Sponsor.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Carlotta
But who better to deal with Full Blown BPD Addicts than another BPD Addict? Is THAT NOT EXACTLY WHAT THE BIG BOOK TEACHES?
Now another National Rehab agency is trying to hire her away, as of yesterday. We may take our family Snow Trip . . . altogether as a FAMILY to go to her in-process training.
Thing I have not even told her is the Agency that is trying to hire her (only 8 miles from our house) is the same Agency where I am now running the Alanon outreach Family Program for our Alanon Group.
Want to see some real crazy 10 times deeper version of this thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...t-me-well.html
I told you all God Hits Grand Slams. Just real hard to see them coming when we do not keep our eyes on Him.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
Takes one to know one. I've said before that my therapist is amazing at what he does for me, but he couldn't get his sh*t together if I handed him a shovel. More common in the Looney Tunes world than most people realize.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
hammer is a tough guy. he is smart and experienced at this. he also made headway several years ago and then backtracked as many folks do. i certainly have noticed his progress again lately. the question in this thread was surprising to me as i see hammer as a pro at this stuff and that was kind of a rookie question. SO, that leads me to think what is going on here? is he seeing the big picture? denial can be a powerful thing and most of us never see it when we are in the midst of it.
hammer is a veteran of this forum. he isn't new to this world. and i have never thought of hammer as requiring coddling. this thread to me is TOUGH, however it is not abusive IMHO. to me this thread is like a couple dozen sisters telling hammer what the score is and he can listen or not, his call.
we support hammer.
hammer is a veteran of this forum. he isn't new to this world. and i have never thought of hammer as requiring coddling. this thread to me is TOUGH, however it is not abusive IMHO. to me this thread is like a couple dozen sisters telling hammer what the score is and he can listen or not, his call.
we support hammer.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,778
Originally Posted by Hammer
I do not think I fully explained . . . . this would be a letter TO Mrs. Hammer. It is just that it is in an area that we both recognize is rather sensitive. Like I was mumbling about, we did this back in the Summer (part of an ANOTHER crazy thread ), and it was Very Well taken.
I had started to write that one as a Letter to Never Send, but her T wanted Mrs. Hammer and I to do some communication a little deeper than just the kids, etc. So it was a nice letter. I am not supposed to know who her T is (but, yes, I do) so it went to the Sponsor, forwarded to the T, and she and Mrs. Hammer read it together.
Lets her know I care, that I love her, and the reason for the routing is I do not want to say anything that is harmful to her.
Yes, I know, I know, we can be very emotional ********. But look at our background.
But it is not like I am sneaking information about her to her T nor Sponsor.
), and it was Very Well taken. I had started to write that one as a Letter to Never Send, but her T wanted Mrs. Hammer and I to do some communication a little deeper than just the kids, etc. So it was a nice letter. I am not supposed to know who her T is (but, yes, I do) so it went to the Sponsor, forwarded to the T, and she and Mrs. Hammer read it together.
Lets her know I care, that I love her, and the reason for the routing is I do not want to say anything that is harmful to her.
Yes, I know, I know, we can be very emotional ********. But look at our background.
But it is not like I am sneaking information about her to her T nor Sponsor.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Wow...your daughter is amazing. Thanks for sharing that, it has to be painful.
As I said before, if I knew the answers I would not be here. I support you and my fellow SR people. I think we are all doing the best we can. Some days that seems really good, other days not so much. The main thing is, you are a consistant father. You are clear to your children they are #1 in your life and they will remember that for the rest of theirs.
God Bless.
As I said before, if I knew the answers I would not be here. I support you and my fellow SR people. I think we are all doing the best we can. Some days that seems really good, other days not so much. The main thing is, you are a consistant father. You are clear to your children they are #1 in your life and they will remember that for the rest of theirs.
God Bless.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by Aeryn
Well I can say this: if my XRAH or even if he was still my H (as in still married to me) ever contacted my therapist for any reason that would be a deal breaker type boundary violation in the relationship for me (as in the friendship even...I can't be in any relationship where I am not allowed to take care of myself, I don't need someone watching over me or managing me). My therapy and my health is mine to deal with, take care of and manage - not his...if he doesn't like how I am or how I am doing things he should be honest with me and himself and end the relationship. That's how I would feel...now no I'm not an alcoholic but my therapy is my business and even if I was an alcoholic that would still be true. Just my opinion.
(Oh and if my therapist talked to my H I would consider him to be no longer my therapist as that's a trust violation to me on that boundary as well)
Hey...it's your life and you're going to do what you feel is best - I wish you and Mrs. Hammer all the best. However you do need to consider perhaps this is the best it's going to get and how things are.....you can't change another person.
PS - My XRAH originally thought he was a dual-diagnosis and bi-polar...turns out once the alcohol was cleared of of his system all of the crazy went away and he admitted that he only had hoped he was bi-polar so that way he wouldn't be an alcoholic (LOL...I know this doesn't apply to your situation but still it's just such an alcoholic thing to say I had to mention it). What I wanted to say about that was because he thought he was dual diagnosis his rehab was done with a bunch of true dual diagnosis people...most of them had been there for over 9 months doing rehab and many had returned over and over again because that does make sobriety much harder...
(Oh and if my therapist talked to my H I would consider him to be no longer my therapist as that's a trust violation to me on that boundary as well)
Hey...it's your life and you're going to do what you feel is best - I wish you and Mrs. Hammer all the best. However you do need to consider perhaps this is the best it's going to get and how things are.....you can't change another person.
PS - My XRAH originally thought he was a dual-diagnosis and bi-polar...turns out once the alcohol was cleared of of his system all of the crazy went away and he admitted that he only had hoped he was bi-polar so that way he wouldn't be an alcoholic (LOL...I know this doesn't apply to your situation but still it's just such an alcoholic thing to say I had to mention it). What I wanted to say about that was because he thought he was dual diagnosis his rehab was done with a bunch of true dual diagnosis people...most of them had been there for over 9 months doing rehab and many had returned over and over again because that does make sobriety much harder...
I do not think I made it clear this is NOT a letter to the T behind Mrs. Hammer's back.
This would be a pre-approved Letter to Mrs. Hammer, through the T. Yees. I understand we are Emotional ******* who need English to English Translators just to talk. Yeah, we get that.
We did it over the Summer and it was actually helpful.
I cannot even talk out loud about Emotional things at an Alanon meeting. But I have improved MASSIVELY from gagging doing "Peanut Butter Mouth" like when I was in T. One day about 13 or 14 years ago, now, while I was in T, Mrs. Hammer was just tagging along sitting next to me -- My Little Buddy. I Love Her. Did I mention that lately? I Love Her.
Anyway. I was trying to talk and was gagging. Mrs. Hammer looked annoyed and reached over and grabbed my top and bottom lips and started moving them like I was talking.
And she said in a little kid's voice -- "Hello I am [Hammer's] mouth I cannot talk because when I was a little boy I would not open my mouth, and would get hit in the ears until I would scream out and then I would get men's d1cks shoved in my mouth."
Then she just stopped and looked at me. The T just totally stopped too and was staring at us horrified. Mrs. Hammer and I just looked at each other and started laughing and laughing.
That has been better since. Did I say that I Love Her?
And sort of feel sorry for her Clients.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
hammer,
i am so sorry that you were robbed of your childhood and your innocence was taken away like that. you did not have a normal or healthy childhood. i get why you are attracted to someone mentally ill. but she is still sick according to your posts. yes, she is better than she was but she is not healthy. how do you get hammer healthy, i mean really healthy enough to see what's up?
btw, giving the letter to mrs. hammer is better than the therapist, but still kind of in HER business side of things. if however, you wrote a letter to her outlining what you are angry about or unhappy with then that letter would be about you and your needs rather than her. she can receive the info as she wants.
also, since your wife is dealing with 3 or 4 major mental issues, you and your kids are all still in therapy, right?
i am so sorry that you were robbed of your childhood and your innocence was taken away like that. you did not have a normal or healthy childhood. i get why you are attracted to someone mentally ill. but she is still sick according to your posts. yes, she is better than she was but she is not healthy. how do you get hammer healthy, i mean really healthy enough to see what's up?
btw, giving the letter to mrs. hammer is better than the therapist, but still kind of in HER business side of things. if however, you wrote a letter to her outlining what you are angry about or unhappy with then that letter would be about you and your needs rather than her. she can receive the info as she wants.
also, since your wife is dealing with 3 or 4 major mental issues, you and your kids are all still in therapy, right?
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by NWGRITS
So you're basically putting the burden of responsibility for her mental health on the shoulders of your kids. That is beyond messed up in so many ways. Nothing you are doing is healthy for them. Speaking from experience here. My promise to my kids was that I would never use them as pawns in the addiction game the way I was used. If we all pretended to be happy together, everything would be fine. It wasn't fine. It was completely FUBAR, and I still harbor deep resentments toward the "responsible adults" in my life for forcing me to stay in that situation. You're not helping them one bit. Or her. Or yourself. Her recovery is her territory and no one else's. For Pete's sake, she works in the field. She knows how to play the game. You don't stand a chance.
add/edit: Thank you, btw -- I welcome and value correction. Folks that do not match me teach me the most if I am willing to listen. Thank you.
=============
I am dead certain the kids want to Hold Together. I know some of you say that kids cannot plan ahead . . . but ours have had to -- and do. Daughter (11 y.o.) knows what she wants from College, and plans to start at 16. She taught herself to read at 3. The Cub Scout knows what he wants to do in College, too. Electrical Engineer (yeah, I know, following me, but he claims Dilbert is his model). He is 95% percentile in his classes, he plans on College at 16, as well. It was the 6 y.o. who put the "action plan" together in case Mom relapsed.
Yes, they are advanced, partly from our current crazy, but also from how we have taught them. They take grocery lists and go shopping -- part of taking that away from Mom due to the Eating Disorder -- but also because they are highly functional.
As far as me and Mrs. Hammer. We have done EVERYTHING backwards. Even THAT makes me crazy. I was ranting about it in an Alanon meeting sometime back.
You know how you are supposed to date, get married, get the house and THEN have kids? Instead we started with the kids, barely have the house and never even really got married . . . yet? Hopefully we end up dating.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 431
Originally Posted by Hammer
And sort of feel sorry for her Clients.
(If he relapses I guess I'll change therapists!)
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by readerbaby71
The way your original post was worded I thought it was for her therapist. If it's for Mrs. Hammer I don't see why you shouldn't write it if you feel the need to tell her some things.
I can mean one thing, but it comes out altogether different.
And in a realm of First Do No Harm -- I have to make sure I am not being harmful.
That was the "why" for this thread.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by MissFixit
hammer,
i am so sorry that you were robbed of your childhood and your innocence was taken away like that. you did not have a normal or healthy childhood. i get why you are attracted to someone mentally ill. but she is still sick according to your posts. yes, she is better than she was but she is not healthy. how do you get hammer healthy, i mean really healthy enough to see what's up?
i am so sorry that you were robbed of your childhood and your innocence was taken away like that. you did not have a normal or healthy childhood. i get why you are attracted to someone mentally ill. but she is still sick according to your posts. yes, she is better than she was but she is not healthy. how do you get hammer healthy, i mean really healthy enough to see what's up?
ALL THINGS Work Together for Good for those who Love God.
That is ALL Things. Not most things. Not 99.9% of things. ALL Things.
As for me -- Doing the Steps.
Putting God in "my contract"
Look at "How it Works"
Chapt 5 AA Big Book
How it works
RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances are less than average. There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
I am going be surfing across that line like riding a tidal wave.
That is why I am distressed about Mrs. Hammer and the Lying. Lying means you can't be Honest. Not Honest means you cannot get there. I Do Not want to leave My Little Buddy behind. She is coming out of Zombie. Dandy told me I would be glad if I waited. I am glad I waited.
also, since your wife is dealing with 3 or 4 major mental issues, you and your kids are all still in therapy, right?
Kids did Alateen.
Daughter is taking a break to get to be "normal." Talked with one of her teachers about that. Daughter was "half-steping" some school work -- trying tf a little Co-dee in his way of showing support and approval. Will probably offer to coax him back towards after I get my Step Stuff done. Dunno. Will see.
o "look normal." Turns out Teacher is one of *us.* Alanon vet, no less. So Another Angel swooped in just last Friday.
9 y.o. Cub Scout likes Alateen but wanted to take a break because he does not think he needs to go because Mom and Dad have stopped fighting. Sort o
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by shil2587
Sorry, but I don't think that's fair or accurate. How can you possibly know that 'nothing' Hammer is doing is healthy for them? Who are you to judge that? These kids are not you. Hammer was not your parent. Nothing Hammer has said has suggested he is expecting his children to keep his wife sane.
Honestly, the abuse on this thread has really put me off SR. I am not going to read this thread anymore, I don't want to lose faith in the only support network I have.
For anyone new to SR reading this thread or Pippi's, this is NOT normally what responses are like, normally people are much more sympathetic and encouraging!
Honestly, the abuse on this thread has really put me off SR. I am not going to read this thread anymore, I don't want to lose faith in the only support network I have.
For anyone new to SR reading this thread or Pippi's, this is NOT normally what responses are like, normally people are much more sympathetic and encouraging!
I play way too hard sometimes. Guess I mentioned one of my knicknames some of the guys I work with gave me -- Only 2 Speeds -- Hard and Harder.
Please do not be harsh on folks who are just speaking their mind.
It is very fine by me, and I welcome differences and corrections.
Thank you everyone on this thread -- I hope I spoke to everyone's concerns. If not, please do set me straight.
Thank you, all.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
[messed up a post above -- should have said:]
Kids did Alateen.
Daughter is taking a break to get to be "normal." Talked with one of her teachers about that. Daughter was "half-stepping" some school work -- trying to "look normal." Turns out Teacher is one of *us.* Alanon vet, no less. So Another Angel swooped in just last Friday.
9 y.o. Cub Scout likes Alateen but wanted to take a break because he does not think he needs to go because Mom and Dad have stopped fighting. Sort of a little Co-dee in his way of showing support and approval. Will probably offer to coax him back towards after I get my Step Stuff done. Dunno. Will see.
Kids did Alateen.
Daughter is taking a break to get to be "normal." Talked with one of her teachers about that. Daughter was "half-stepping" some school work -- trying to "look normal." Turns out Teacher is one of *us.* Alanon vet, no less. So Another Angel swooped in just last Friday.
9 y.o. Cub Scout likes Alateen but wanted to take a break because he does not think he needs to go because Mom and Dad have stopped fighting. Sort of a little Co-dee in his way of showing support and approval. Will probably offer to coax him back towards after I get my Step Stuff done. Dunno. Will see.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 120
Wow. When I go to Al-anon meetings I always say I have 2 qualifiers, my mentally ill sister and my sbxh poly-addict/NPD. The behaviors are so similar. My opinion is that all of us, diagnosed, non-diagnosed, what works is that person has to accept that what they are working on that they have to work on every day. For me it is
staying present and I have to catch myself constantly. Plus even with a diagnoses, Mrs. Hammer will have to accept it and then agree to treat it and then do it every single day. I did some family history stuff and the mentall illness is very preset. I will have to watch for red flags when it comes to my daughter. I also know
that alcohol and drugs exasperate the mental illness. There is no predicting. As a codependent I wanted to fix my sister, then I wanted to fix myself, now I know that the only person I can fix is me and my sbxh and my sister were just getting in my way of fixing myself. My therapist said to me "I am the only parent for my daughter."
staying present and I have to catch myself constantly. Plus even with a diagnoses, Mrs. Hammer will have to accept it and then agree to treat it and then do it every single day. I did some family history stuff and the mentall illness is very preset. I will have to watch for red flags when it comes to my daughter. I also know
that alcohol and drugs exasperate the mental illness. There is no predicting. As a codependent I wanted to fix my sister, then I wanted to fix myself, now I know that the only person I can fix is me and my sbxh and my sister were just getting in my way of fixing myself. My therapist said to me "I am the only parent for my daughter."
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Ladies and Gentlemen, please stick to the original topic raised in this thread. Taking someone else's inventory or attempting to direct someone else's recovery is not what this forum is all about.
Hammer, I have no idea what you should do. If you think it's a matter of her not working her program the 'right way', then perhaps it's time to become even a bit more detached. If memory serves, you did have concerns about how you were becoming too involved and invested in how she was working her recovery. What is your goal with the letter you would like to write? That might be an important consideration.
Hammer, I have no idea what you should do. If you think it's a matter of her not working her program the 'right way', then perhaps it's time to become even a bit more detached. If memory serves, you did have concerns about how you were becoming too involved and invested in how she was working her recovery. What is your goal with the letter you would like to write? That might be an important consideration.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
so here's a question....what are your EXPECTATIONS about the results of said Letter? are you speaking from your heart and from a place of concern....OR are there things about her you want to change.
it's a sticky wicket. take mental health issues out of the equation for a moment. sometimes our partner's do stuff that bugs us, but they don't realize that it bugs us or how something they say resonates with uncomfortable stuff from our past.
case in point....I used to use the term "oh shut up" a lot. I meant NOTHING harmful or derogatory by it, I just meant....oh stop that silly talk you. however, hank has some real issues with being TOLD to SHUT UP. for him it's very demeaning, even if said in a light spirit. the words still hurt. so he told me, so I would really prefer it if you would not tell me to shut up. it bothers me and I don't like it every time you say that.
that was something I could respect and work on changing. it took me time, cuz it was one of those knee jerk things that I didn't even THINK about. but I remembered what he told me, about how those words made him feel, and I made a conscious effort to change that behavior.
he wasn't trying to change ME. he was asking if I could be considerate of the words I used. he was specific. rather than saying, I wish you would just be nicer to me. cuz I AM nice to him, I treat that man like a king, most times. LOL he's pampered and well taken care of. so had he said THAT, then I would have taken offense. and would have felt like nothing I do is good enough. cuz that is an old tape I still hear from time to time. and then I would not HEAR what he was trying to express, I would hear the old stuff and shut down.
now, had I chosen to NOT take hank's request to heart and continue to tell him to "shut up" then he would have had to make some decisions. if I cannot respect one small request, then maybe I don't have respect for him at all? or he could become defensive and combatant and toss out some hurtful retort. or he could just try to ignore it, which really means he's ignoring his own truth.
while a very simple example...the point is it's easier to respond to a specific request rather then generalities. and even then, there is NO guarantee that the other will respond in the positive manner we hope.
it's a sticky wicket. take mental health issues out of the equation for a moment. sometimes our partner's do stuff that bugs us, but they don't realize that it bugs us or how something they say resonates with uncomfortable stuff from our past.
case in point....I used to use the term "oh shut up" a lot. I meant NOTHING harmful or derogatory by it, I just meant....oh stop that silly talk you. however, hank has some real issues with being TOLD to SHUT UP. for him it's very demeaning, even if said in a light spirit. the words still hurt. so he told me, so I would really prefer it if you would not tell me to shut up. it bothers me and I don't like it every time you say that.
that was something I could respect and work on changing. it took me time, cuz it was one of those knee jerk things that I didn't even THINK about. but I remembered what he told me, about how those words made him feel, and I made a conscious effort to change that behavior.
he wasn't trying to change ME. he was asking if I could be considerate of the words I used. he was specific. rather than saying, I wish you would just be nicer to me. cuz I AM nice to him, I treat that man like a king, most times. LOL he's pampered and well taken care of. so had he said THAT, then I would have taken offense. and would have felt like nothing I do is good enough. cuz that is an old tape I still hear from time to time. and then I would not HEAR what he was trying to express, I would hear the old stuff and shut down.
now, had I chosen to NOT take hank's request to heart and continue to tell him to "shut up" then he would have had to make some decisions. if I cannot respect one small request, then maybe I don't have respect for him at all? or he could become defensive and combatant and toss out some hurtful retort. or he could just try to ignore it, which really means he's ignoring his own truth.
while a very simple example...the point is it's easier to respond to a specific request rather then generalities. and even then, there is NO guarantee that the other will respond in the positive manner we hope.
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Originally Posted by Seren
Ladies and Gentlemen, please stick to the original topic raised in this thread. Taking someone else's inventory or attempting to direct someone else's recovery is not what this forum is all about.
.
.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: my own prison
Posts: 108
I know how difficult it can be to want to effectively communicate without coming off wrong, tripping over words or tiptoeing on boundaries. I've really struggled with that since my husbands been home. I find myself trying to protect him or prevent him from being upset or confused, sad, angry and everything in between. The problem with that is, I get shut out. How I feel/think doesn't seem to matter because he doesn't see it and I don't show it. I've tried a few times and it usually results in him being angry at me for several days before he actually takes time to hear me. Which is the nice thing about writing a letter. If done right it can be a chance to be open and honest without an argument or fight, there doesn't even have to be a discussion. Just a chance to acknowledge... But in the same aspect, it's left up to interpretation.
I don't know where the letter fits in in your program or hers. Who's side of the street it is etc. what I believe is that you can't ignore how YOU feel and it's ok to tell her those things. She's your partner, your buddy and you love her, she should be able to listen. However that works for you.
Lol on the dating thing... I'm the queen of backwards! While my H and I don't have mutual children we have 4 between us, we hung out on spring break as kids then again as adults (only a lot longer) got married and then moved in together and have only gone on one legit date ever! The way I see it, we have a lot to learn about each other. He definitely isn't the man I first met, so much has changed since he got sober, dating him now just might get us going forward again.
I don't know where the letter fits in in your program or hers. Who's side of the street it is etc. what I believe is that you can't ignore how YOU feel and it's ok to tell her those things. She's your partner, your buddy and you love her, she should be able to listen. However that works for you.
Lol on the dating thing... I'm the queen of backwards! While my H and I don't have mutual children we have 4 between us, we hung out on spring break as kids then again as adults (only a lot longer) got married and then moved in together and have only gone on one legit date ever! The way I see it, we have a lot to learn about each other. He definitely isn't the man I first met, so much has changed since he got sober, dating him now just might get us going forward again.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
