2013 A year of growth
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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2013 A year of growth
I am still really raw over last year and there are many loose ends and unknowns. I really read this site in bursts and find it very helpful. Thanks to all who post here.
My RAH continues with the R. He is very different this time in his family life. He is involved, cooks, constantly does chores to keep busy, and reads twice a day from several spiritual books - some AA and some not. He actively practices his faith though he has expressed a lot of doubt this year. He did try a sponsor and went to a bunch of local AA meetings but it did not last. I don't know if he works the steps solo or what. At first I worried he would start drinking again as the AA tapered off, but then I remembered it was his recovery. I worried about the dry drunk status but he is clearly still moving forward in many ways. He just recently started a FTE job for which we are grateful. He is around 10 months sober.
I really struggled to accept alcoholism as a disease. I did a ton of writing and reading during step 1 on this issue. Now my RAH informs me he is allergic. I want to ask why split hairs but he is Irish and was in rehab with a lot of Native Americans. He said some people probably should not drink. As long as he doesn't drink, does how we answer this question in varying ways critical? I don't know.
I had some real success in focusing on myself. I got a new job, one much better suited to me. I kept up running, have a running buddy and have completed some races. I went away on vacation without RAH. He joined us for the last few days and drove through some awful weather. Instead of staying up and worrying, I fell asleep. I took a class over the summer too for fun. But honestly I had detached enough from my A that I was doing things on my own before he hit his crisis.
I still emotionally overeat so I am stuffing my feelings. All this running and I gained 20 lbs. I realized in December I was truly getting depressed. Whether it is a delayed reaction, holiday blues, economic stress, or just lack of natural light who knows. I started a med for that. I did not care for Al Anon. I've seriously thought about trying again but feel more comfortable with a counselor 1:1. I started counseling again in Jan. RAH is befuddled to see me depressed at this point.
We still have some major issues. He wants to bury my experiences and feelings. We get along fine but are not intimate. I would like to dig into our marital issues but the counselor agreed it isn't time. RAH needs more time to learn to live a life without A. That makes me impatient because A has always come first - and it still does in its absentia.
Hopefully 2014 I will get a better handle on worry and keep making strides on my own side of the recovery street.
My RAH continues with the R. He is very different this time in his family life. He is involved, cooks, constantly does chores to keep busy, and reads twice a day from several spiritual books - some AA and some not. He actively practices his faith though he has expressed a lot of doubt this year. He did try a sponsor and went to a bunch of local AA meetings but it did not last. I don't know if he works the steps solo or what. At first I worried he would start drinking again as the AA tapered off, but then I remembered it was his recovery. I worried about the dry drunk status but he is clearly still moving forward in many ways. He just recently started a FTE job for which we are grateful. He is around 10 months sober.
I really struggled to accept alcoholism as a disease. I did a ton of writing and reading during step 1 on this issue. Now my RAH informs me he is allergic. I want to ask why split hairs but he is Irish and was in rehab with a lot of Native Americans. He said some people probably should not drink. As long as he doesn't drink, does how we answer this question in varying ways critical? I don't know.
I had some real success in focusing on myself. I got a new job, one much better suited to me. I kept up running, have a running buddy and have completed some races. I went away on vacation without RAH. He joined us for the last few days and drove through some awful weather. Instead of staying up and worrying, I fell asleep. I took a class over the summer too for fun. But honestly I had detached enough from my A that I was doing things on my own before he hit his crisis.
I still emotionally overeat so I am stuffing my feelings. All this running and I gained 20 lbs. I realized in December I was truly getting depressed. Whether it is a delayed reaction, holiday blues, economic stress, or just lack of natural light who knows. I started a med for that. I did not care for Al Anon. I've seriously thought about trying again but feel more comfortable with a counselor 1:1. I started counseling again in Jan. RAH is befuddled to see me depressed at this point.
We still have some major issues. He wants to bury my experiences and feelings. We get along fine but are not intimate. I would like to dig into our marital issues but the counselor agreed it isn't time. RAH needs more time to learn to live a life without A. That makes me impatient because A has always come first - and it still does in its absentia.
Hopefully 2014 I will get a better handle on worry and keep making strides on my own side of the recovery street.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by CodeJob 
I really struggled to accept alcoholism as a disease. I did a ton of writing and reading during step 1 on this issue. Now my RAH informs me he is allergic. I want to ask why split hairs but he is Irish and was in rehab with a lot of Native Americans. He said some people probably should not drink. As long as he doesn't drink, does how we answer this question in varying ways critical? I don't know.
"What is in a Name? Does not a Rose by another name smell just as sweet?"
Or I suppose to paraphrase -- Does not an A by another name or cause seem just as stanky?
I had some real success in focusing on myself. I got a new job, one much better suited to me. I kept up running, have a running buddy and have completed some races. I went away on vacation without RAH. He joined us for the last few days and drove through some awful weather. Instead of staying up and worrying, I fell asleep. I took a class over the summer too for fun. But honestly I had detached enough from my A that I was doing things on my own before he hit his crisis.
And that sounds pretty good.
Congrats.
I still emotionally overeat so I am stuffing my feelings. All this running and I gained 20 lbs. I realized in December I was truly getting depressed. Whether it is a delayed reaction, holiday blues, economic stress, or just lack of natural light who knows. I started a med for that. I did not care for Al Anon. I've seriously thought about trying again but feel more comfortable with a counselor 1:1. I started counseling again in Jan. RAH is befuddled to see me depressed at this point.
We still have some major issues. He wants to bury my experiences and feelings. We get along fine but are not intimate. I would like to dig into our marital issues but the counselor agreed it isn't time. RAH needs more time to learn to live a life without A. That makes me impatient because A has always come first - and it still does in its absentia.
I am fairly certainly that she may never work/clean up her crap. BUT . . . I can work/clean up mine. And in truth, it is MY crap that causes ME pain. So I will get my crap cleaned up, and go from there.
Hopefully 2014 I will get a better handle on worry and keep making strides on my own side of the recovery street.
June 15, 2014.
Will work out the full dates and schedules, this evening, I think. Yunno this is the FIRST graduation date I think I have ever really looked forward to.
To 2014!
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I definitely qualify as an emotional eater - I struggle with that a lot as my go-to serotonin release when I am triggered. Just this weekend I decided enough was enough & fasted for 48 hours on lemon juice, water & green tea and then have only eaten veggies & lean meats in small, regular quantities for the last 24. It definitely helped with the immediate bloat & to reset my sweet tooth..... I'm amazed that it's more my COMPULSION to eat that is bothersome than the actual hunger pains (which were very few & far between honestly). It has definitely proven to me that food is MY DOC, especially sweets.
Best of luck moving forward in your recovery - it sounds like you are making some big strides in your awareness!
Best of luck moving forward in your recovery - it sounds like you are making some big strides in your awareness!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Rochester, ny
Posts: 405
Good work! Me too…
I'm "middle-recovery" too, and I stop by here in fits and starts too….and say something if I'm inspired to.
Yep, I'm working on my worst go-to serotonin-release activity too---- which is compulsive computering, and sleeping… Zoning Out mentally; my therapist is helping me see old behaviors and I'm working on my end of things.
Anyway, I want to congratulate you, because I can relate to you---doing so many new things and going through the recovery emotions. It ain't easy, but changing your own old patterns could not possibly be easy, now could it? lol!
I think maybe I'm also seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.
Changing the go-to behaviors is NOT an overnight job. Arg!
But I'm making progress too, sooooooo Yay Us!!
I'm "middle-recovery" too, and I stop by here in fits and starts too….and say something if I'm inspired to.
Yep, I'm working on my worst go-to serotonin-release activity too---- which is compulsive computering, and sleeping… Zoning Out mentally; my therapist is helping me see old behaviors and I'm working on my end of things.
Anyway, I want to congratulate you, because I can relate to you---doing so many new things and going through the recovery emotions. It ain't easy, but changing your own old patterns could not possibly be easy, now could it? lol!
I think maybe I'm also seeing some light at the end of the tunnel.
Changing the go-to behaviors is NOT an overnight job. Arg!
But I'm making progress too, sooooooo Yay Us!!
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