My husband was in a motorcycle accident - Part 1
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They said... Oh, we'll have social workers come in. I said FOR WHAT?!!! They said, to suggest rehab. I just laughed and laughed and laughed! The nurse asked me what's so funny?
I told him that Unicorns would come down off the MOUNTAINS and sh!t stars and glitter before he would go to rehab. Donja think I been there done that? What makes ya think he'd listen to a total stranger? Huh?
I'm sorry. I am just in the pits of despair and he's been calling me and telling me that he's gonna fix it. He's gonna go back to work. He's never drinking again and he'll never do this again and he's so sorry. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!
I told him that Unicorns would come down off the MOUNTAINS and sh!t stars and glitter before he would go to rehab. Donja think I been there done that? What makes ya think he'd listen to a total stranger? Huh?
I'm sorry. I am just in the pits of despair and he's been calling me and telling me that he's gonna fix it. He's gonna go back to work. He's never drinking again and he'll never do this again and he's so sorry. BLAH! BLAH! BLAH!
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Sitting here in this house and I don't even have my dogs because they are dependant upon both of us because of the way we work. Every soul in this house is dependant upon each other to make it work and I can't do it right now so I had to place my Girls with my brother.
He was our financial strong arm. He was our provider. He knows I can not pull the weight of this house in the name of *Oh sh!t... the bills are due*!!! He said, I will take care of you for the rest of your life! I said, You are going to take us down the sh!thole if you don't stop! He said, Not I lil bunnah! I am invincible!
He was our financial strong arm. He was our provider. He knows I can not pull the weight of this house in the name of *Oh sh!t... the bills are due*!!! He said, I will take care of you for the rest of your life! I said, You are going to take us down the sh!thole if you don't stop! He said, Not I lil bunnah! I am invincible!
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Rotzie,
After all of this has happened, it could be Jim will be open to rehab. It's the only chance he has left if he wants to rebuild his body, his mind, your life together.
Let the Social Worker talk to him. maybe his union EAP rep can help there too. Jim's nearly lost his life, his job, his wife. This might be the best time for his mind to be open to rehab. The very fact that he lived to consider rehab is proof of unicorn shi$ if you ask me.
love from Lenina
After all of this has happened, it could be Jim will be open to rehab. It's the only chance he has left if he wants to rebuild his body, his mind, your life together.
Let the Social Worker talk to him. maybe his union EAP rep can help there too. Jim's nearly lost his life, his job, his wife. This might be the best time for his mind to be open to rehab. The very fact that he lived to consider rehab is proof of unicorn shi$ if you ask me.
love from Lenina
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Originally Posted by BoxinRotz 
I am wandering the depths of hell right now.
This is way beyond him being able to fix it without professional help..he will either see that or he won't. I won't mention making boundaries right now but you will get some rest tonight and make some decisions afterwards when you are ready.
as he has been semi-conscious for the last 4 days I doubt he has given his big recovery plan any serious thought..but hopefully he will be open to other plans than what he did before.
You have been in a 3 way relationship with him and his bottle since Xmas or before that, you have had less than 18 months of a new happy marriage. As hard as you have worked to keep it a priority, he has to be ready to do the same...as you stated what he has been doing with his time while you work your asss off, it sounds very selfish and self-centered, now he has to face his consequences, he created this mess, not you. I know it was an accident, but he caused it by drinking and riding a bike with no helmet.
maybe a trial separation will give YOU some breathing room and him something to think about when you aren't there keeping everything together.
I hope that work goes quickly for you tonight and you can get some sleep.
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Wow. I am so sorry this crap is in your life. I'm glad your girls are safe with your brother at the moment, although its rough not having them there. Use the time for a little self-care. You need it so badly right now.
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Just a thought for you Box, a few years ago my father had an accident where he broke his shoulder and hit his head (falling over). He was an alcoholic. After he was accidentally detoxed in hospital he had to go to a rehab. It wasn't an addiction rehab but a physical rehab to learn to walk and talk and eat properly again. If I recall correctly he was in there for about a month, maybe more. Maybe your husband will require the same thing which would give you some space and time to work out what you do next?
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(fill in the blank)
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
.
I am now our soul provider. He has not taken care of me like he promised when he married me almost 2 years ago on 7/9/11.
I am now our soul provider. He has not taken care of me like he promised when he married me almost 2 years ago on 7/9/11.
Happy Anniversary Honey!!!
we will see if he has seen the light
let him know that in your eyes he has fallen way short as a husband
time to get with the program
or
(fill in the blank)
let him know that in your eyes he has fallen way short as a husband
time to get with the program
or
(fill in the blank)
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I was just woken up at 6:40am and not by Jim or the nurses. I am going to tell everyone who has my number DO NOT EFFING CALL ME BEFORE 9AM! I am not sleeping well as it is! I don't want called after 10pm either! That is just so wrong IMO!!! I am tired and worn so thin over this whole ordeal!!!
So... now I'm up. Ugh... I have to go to the Social Security office today and see if I can get Jim on Disability. I'm sure that's going to be a friggen NIGHTMARE!!! I have to call the Insurance Co and get that started. I have to call his Union. I have to fill out FMLA paper work. I have to clean my house and take care of myself and I have to go to work.
Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. My gift to him will be him sitting there alone because I have to go to work tomorrow unless I get up at 5am to beat traffic and go down to sit with him for a couple hours in the morning. I'm really not up for it to be honest.
He had to get off the phone with me because there are people there to talk about a rehab facility for him. I knew he would be a prime candidate. I have been in *this industry* for over 15 years So I know the ropes because of my experience, particularly 7 years experience working with a tramatic brain injured patient.
I am not expecting Jim to recover quickly from this and I am anticipating some personality changes from his head injuries. I asked him today if he remembered his SS# and he said YES! Why wouldn't I? I told him I did not know because you did in fact suffer massive head trauma and he said, Oh yea...
I called the nurses station and told them that I want the rehab team and the plastic surgeons to call me and tell me what is going on so that he can't skirt me and say oh I'm ok because he wants to come home. To be honest with everyone, I think that if they want him to go elsewhere, I'll pack his bags!!!
$193.25 worth of vodka... I checked the bank yesterday and 3 more bottles came out so he had purchased 25 bottles in 12 days and drank 24 of them because the police took the 25th one. It's going to cost us atleast $100k or more in medical bills. He has really done a number on us. Not to mention the AFLAK that I can't use because of him being intoxicated.
I told my brother's GF that we used to sit pretty. We used to have money. We had toys to play with and we didn't have to go without. Now, we are going to live day to day. If he didn't have massive head injuries... I'd effing smack him!
So... now I'm up. Ugh... I have to go to the Social Security office today and see if I can get Jim on Disability. I'm sure that's going to be a friggen NIGHTMARE!!! I have to call the Insurance Co and get that started. I have to call his Union. I have to fill out FMLA paper work. I have to clean my house and take care of myself and I have to go to work.
Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. My gift to him will be him sitting there alone because I have to go to work tomorrow unless I get up at 5am to beat traffic and go down to sit with him for a couple hours in the morning. I'm really not up for it to be honest.
He had to get off the phone with me because there are people there to talk about a rehab facility for him. I knew he would be a prime candidate. I have been in *this industry* for over 15 years So I know the ropes because of my experience, particularly 7 years experience working with a tramatic brain injured patient.
I am not expecting Jim to recover quickly from this and I am anticipating some personality changes from his head injuries. I asked him today if he remembered his SS# and he said YES! Why wouldn't I? I told him I did not know because you did in fact suffer massive head trauma and he said, Oh yea...
I called the nurses station and told them that I want the rehab team and the plastic surgeons to call me and tell me what is going on so that he can't skirt me and say oh I'm ok because he wants to come home. To be honest with everyone, I think that if they want him to go elsewhere, I'll pack his bags!!!
$193.25 worth of vodka... I checked the bank yesterday and 3 more bottles came out so he had purchased 25 bottles in 12 days and drank 24 of them because the police took the 25th one. It's going to cost us atleast $100k or more in medical bills. He has really done a number on us. Not to mention the AFLAK that I can't use because of him being intoxicated.
I told my brother's GF that we used to sit pretty. We used to have money. We had toys to play with and we didn't have to go without. Now, we are going to live day to day. If he didn't have massive head injuries... I'd effing smack him!
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boxinrotz,
I'm sorry to read this has happened. A brain injury to a loved one would frighten me. I hope one day you have a full partner again. I have enjoyed your sense of humor and your posts when I have seen them. That's just about you, not about the situation at hand, as obviously this situation does not bring forth any humor.
I think it's perfectly fair for you to hold that boundary that if he ever drinks again you are gone. If he wants to pursue the insanity after this incident, I would feel the same-let him do so all by himself.
Having made that decision--that the drinking is over, at least in your life if not his, is a rock bottom isn't it. The madness is over for YOU...even if not for him, and that's a form of relief I hope for you. He's run out of excuses as how he can get away with drinking with this whopper. Now you can have his back against the wall and walk if he touches the stuff again. You've given yourself a gift here. NO MORE INSANITY FOR YOU.
I'm sorry to read this has happened. A brain injury to a loved one would frighten me. I hope one day you have a full partner again. I have enjoyed your sense of humor and your posts when I have seen them. That's just about you, not about the situation at hand, as obviously this situation does not bring forth any humor.
I think it's perfectly fair for you to hold that boundary that if he ever drinks again you are gone. If he wants to pursue the insanity after this incident, I would feel the same-let him do so all by himself.
Having made that decision--that the drinking is over, at least in your life if not his, is a rock bottom isn't it. The madness is over for YOU...even if not for him, and that's a form of relief I hope for you. He's run out of excuses as how he can get away with drinking with this whopper. Now you can have his back against the wall and walk if he touches the stuff again. You've given yourself a gift here. NO MORE INSANITY FOR YOU.
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So I spoke with the nurse and I told her that the reason why I am speaking to her is that I need the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. She said, I would never lie to you! I said, No sweetie... I know you wouldn't but he would! She said Ohhhhhhhhh!
Yes, I need to speak with people who know what reality is. So this is what Jim's future looks like immediate and non immediate. He is going in for surgery soon. Like within the next couple days or less. The reconstructive team is meeting to form a game plan on what needs done with his head. (I have so many scary pictures but let me paint a picture for you)
Jim has no skin from the right side of his forehead back to the crown of his head. It is irregular skin coverage at best. It looks like someone threw a piece of raw hamburger at him and it stuck. He has suffered massive lacerations to the back of his head that span from the top of the crown, to his occipital bone. These lacerations run vertically, diagonally and parallel. He has at least 500 stitches and staples in his head alone.
Jim is looking at an extensive stay at the finest rehab center in Western Pennsylvania. HE WILL BE GOING! HE CAN NOT SIGN HIMSELF OUT! HE WILL WORK HIS WAY OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!
And you see... this is what he wanted. For me to STFU and be grateful that he does not put me through hell. Well baby! I hope your stay was worth it! I need a vacation!
Yes, I need to speak with people who know what reality is. So this is what Jim's future looks like immediate and non immediate. He is going in for surgery soon. Like within the next couple days or less. The reconstructive team is meeting to form a game plan on what needs done with his head. (I have so many scary pictures but let me paint a picture for you)
Jim has no skin from the right side of his forehead back to the crown of his head. It is irregular skin coverage at best. It looks like someone threw a piece of raw hamburger at him and it stuck. He has suffered massive lacerations to the back of his head that span from the top of the crown, to his occipital bone. These lacerations run vertically, diagonally and parallel. He has at least 500 stitches and staples in his head alone.
Jim is looking at an extensive stay at the finest rehab center in Western Pennsylvania. HE WILL BE GOING! HE CAN NOT SIGN HIMSELF OUT! HE WILL WORK HIS WAY OUT OF IT!!!!!!!!
And you see... this is what he wanted. For me to STFU and be grateful that he does not put me through hell. Well baby! I hope your stay was worth it! I need a vacation!
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Box, my heart goes out to you today. I can't miss the raw emotion coming through in your posts & I can't believe all that you are facing in such a short time. I'm flabbergasted just at the amount of liquor he consumed alone, nevermind all the other lurid details of his accident & recovery!!
I am SOOO HAPPY that they are encouraging rehabilitation, I really, really hope this IS his rock bottom.... for both of you. Hang in there, you are handling this all amazingly!
I am SOOO HAPPY that they are encouraging rehabilitation, I really, really hope this IS his rock bottom.... for both of you. Hang in there, you are handling this all amazingly!
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I brought a lot of pain to the ones around me
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
$193.25 worth of vodka... I checked the bank yesterday and 3 more bottles came out so he had purchased 25 bottles in 12 days
it is serious
one can die drinking the strong stuff like that
I just a few weeks ago had a friend who did die from just drinking
he was around 50 years old and had all of the material things
and
not to forget a loving wife and family
sorry to hear about all of the stress brought on by your husband
he reminds me of me when I was drinking
always yet another car or motorhome accident
and yes I torn my forehead off in a motorcycle accident
it isn't pretty until one like me stops drinking
I brought a lot of pain to the ones around me
not to mention destroying myself
Mountainman
one can die drinking the strong stuff like that
I just a few weeks ago had a friend who did die from just drinking
he was around 50 years old and had all of the material things
and
not to forget a loving wife and family
sorry to hear about all of the stress brought on by your husband
he reminds me of me when I was drinking
always yet another car or motorhome accident
and yes I torn my forehead off in a motorcycle accident
it isn't pretty until one like me stops drinking
I brought a lot of pain to the ones around me
not to mention destroying myself
Mountainman
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It is not unusual for a drunk driver to get off on a DUI when they are in the hospital with serious injuries. Doctors do not always want to release medical records which include BAC level. It is the oath they take. Thank God your husband is alive. Hopefully, this will be a sign that he needs help.
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Boxin, wish I had answers to offfer......
Just glad there can be no more merry-go-round for the two of you. And grateful on your behalf that you know enough about the medical system to be able to ask for what you need.
Just glad there can be no more merry-go-round for the two of you. And grateful on your behalf that you know enough about the medical system to be able to ask for what you need.
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