My husband was in a motorcycle accident - Part 1
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
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I am so afraid to spend any money. I had to put 2 recaps on my car because I am driving to Pitt tomorrow to see him. I would not have made it. It will take me 2 days to recover those tires.
I have been slammed into lockdown mode with the money I have in our accts. I am finding it very hard to justify swiping them anywhere for anything, including *needs*. I just sickly spent $97 at WalMart for food 2 days ago and I didn't want to. I have the TV's off along with all the lights to conserve energy on the bills. I will probably start looking into making meals and freezing them because I won't have time to cook like I used to and make sure he has enough to eat for when he gets home. I am in survival mode right now.
My first priority is the mortgage. It is not an outrageous Mortgage so it will be paid first and foremost because if I lose this house, rent would be so much more and this is the Girls' house. They live here and no one can tell me they can't because it's ours. I will not allow them or me being pushed out and forced to rent and told they are not welcome. No ONE will rent to me with a Rottweiler and a boxer so they are FIRST AND FOREMOST when it comes to the mortgage payments.
I think I'll fish around for a disability attorney. I do not have time to do this on my own and I am hopeful he will qualify and if they take a cut, then it's worth it to me for doing my dirty work because although it seems like I have a plan, I can't remember sh!t right now and my head is spinning out of control.
One day at a time. It's what I keep telling myself. All I have to do is get through today. I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
I have been slammed into lockdown mode with the money I have in our accts. I am finding it very hard to justify swiping them anywhere for anything, including *needs*. I just sickly spent $97 at WalMart for food 2 days ago and I didn't want to. I have the TV's off along with all the lights to conserve energy on the bills. I will probably start looking into making meals and freezing them because I won't have time to cook like I used to and make sure he has enough to eat for when he gets home. I am in survival mode right now.
My first priority is the mortgage. It is not an outrageous Mortgage so it will be paid first and foremost because if I lose this house, rent would be so much more and this is the Girls' house. They live here and no one can tell me they can't because it's ours. I will not allow them or me being pushed out and forced to rent and told they are not welcome. No ONE will rent to me with a Rottweiler and a boxer so they are FIRST AND FOREMOST when it comes to the mortgage payments.
I think I'll fish around for a disability attorney. I do not have time to do this on my own and I am hopeful he will qualify and if they take a cut, then it's worth it to me for doing my dirty work because although it seems like I have a plan, I can't remember sh!t right now and my head is spinning out of control.
One day at a time. It's what I keep telling myself. All I have to do is get through today. I'll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
You are remarkable - putting one foot ahead, then the next, issue after issue. You've got your priorities straight, you're economizing wherever you can, you're making the most of every expenditure, you're dealing with all the insurance and looking into a disability attorney. You know what you want to keep - your home and your dogs in your home. You absolutely know what your boundaries are about alcohol.
And all of this while such a major trauma to you and your husband is going on - wow.
You know how sometimes you wonder, if you were a soldier and had to go into battle, who you'd want to go over that hill with? Well, you'd be WAYYYYYY up there on my list.
BoxinRotz, I think you ought to be called RockinRotz.
ShootingStar1
And all of this while such a major trauma to you and your husband is going on - wow.
You know how sometimes you wonder, if you were a soldier and had to go into battle, who you'd want to go over that hill with? Well, you'd be WAYYYYYY up there on my list.
BoxinRotz, I think you ought to be called RockinRotz.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
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Life is still going on. I have to keep on keeping on. Everyone around me is saying, I'm here for whatever you need n I have called a few people out on it n they say, I wish I could help you n that is that. I have to do this.
The attorney told me, you must file n be denied before I can help you.
The attorney told me, you must file n be denied before I can help you.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 430
Box, it might be worth asking a social worker for help with the disability application. They generally know all the nooks and crannies of the system and can help you put a stellar application together the first time around. And it isn't uncommon for retired social workers to pick up side jobs helping with these kinds of applications.
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Jim has a social worker at the hospital and she has not returned any of my phone calls!!! I had a very hard time not letting loose on her via voice mail. I just hung the phone up. If and when I see her, I may have to ask her what her job duties are in regard to being a social worker.
I bit my lip because maybe life has been cruel to her like it's been to me. Maybe something happened. Maybe she is sick. I just have to keep it in and not spaz on the first person who crosses me because I know I'm not the only person in hell right now.
Tomorrow, or maybe even today while I'm at work, I'm having Dish shut down to the bare minimum. Sorry if someone comes home and he only gets 13 channels. Ain't my problem. I'm also going to go to welfare and see if this working class poor ass b!tch can get any relief. On Thursday, I'm going to bite the bullet and sit at the SS office and try to work my way through the red tape and hope for the best and expect the worst. The attorney I sought told me that I would have to do it myself the first go around and they can not step in until he gets his first denial. She also told me that the drs have to anticipate him being off for 1 whole year or Social Security will not pay any benefits.
I bit my lip because maybe life has been cruel to her like it's been to me. Maybe something happened. Maybe she is sick. I just have to keep it in and not spaz on the first person who crosses me because I know I'm not the only person in hell right now.
Tomorrow, or maybe even today while I'm at work, I'm having Dish shut down to the bare minimum. Sorry if someone comes home and he only gets 13 channels. Ain't my problem. I'm also going to go to welfare and see if this working class poor ass b!tch can get any relief. On Thursday, I'm going to bite the bullet and sit at the SS office and try to work my way through the red tape and hope for the best and expect the worst. The attorney I sought told me that I would have to do it myself the first go around and they can not step in until he gets his first denial. She also told me that the drs have to anticipate him being off for 1 whole year or Social Security will not pay any benefits.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
When my husband went on disability a number of years ago - not for alcohol - his employer hired a private firm to file his initial social security application, and he got it on the first try. No one knew then how long he would be out.
It was in the employer's interest to do this because while they had to pay X$/month, the amount they paid was reduced by whatever he got from Social Security.
So I don't necessarily believe the lawyer that you talked to. I'd check a lot further before conceding that it can't happen the first time. I think the disability co. got paid out of the first month or two of my husband's social security when it got paid.
You might check with the benefits department of a large company. My husband was working at a university. Ask for the head of benefits, and they'll probably be glad to point you in a better direction. Worth a call, anyway.
And if that social worker won't work, call her supervisor. Better yet, find the hospital vice president who oversees the whole social services department and leave a pitiful voice mail. That usually gets action. The trick is to ask the person who has enough authority to make it happen. When you ask a person without any clout, all they can tell you is what they can't do, and they don't have the power or discretion to do anything but follow the rules. So start at the top and work down. You deserve all the help you can get.
Also, I had a family member who needed inpatient care, and temporarily had no insurance. The hospital had a charitable care department, and they ended up writing off all of the $30,000 bill.
If you want to PM me, I'll poke around your hospital on-line and see if there is anything to be done.
ShootingStar1
It was in the employer's interest to do this because while they had to pay X$/month, the amount they paid was reduced by whatever he got from Social Security.
So I don't necessarily believe the lawyer that you talked to. I'd check a lot further before conceding that it can't happen the first time. I think the disability co. got paid out of the first month or two of my husband's social security when it got paid.
You might check with the benefits department of a large company. My husband was working at a university. Ask for the head of benefits, and they'll probably be glad to point you in a better direction. Worth a call, anyway.
And if that social worker won't work, call her supervisor. Better yet, find the hospital vice president who oversees the whole social services department and leave a pitiful voice mail. That usually gets action. The trick is to ask the person who has enough authority to make it happen. When you ask a person without any clout, all they can tell you is what they can't do, and they don't have the power or discretion to do anything but follow the rules. So start at the top and work down. You deserve all the help you can get.
Also, I had a family member who needed inpatient care, and temporarily had no insurance. The hospital had a charitable care department, and they ended up writing off all of the $30,000 bill.
If you want to PM me, I'll poke around your hospital on-line and see if there is anything to be done.
ShootingStar1
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Social workers at hospitals can be hit or miss. Some want to help but are overwhelmed. She should be able to give a referral to a alcohol rehab if he is interested in that. Of course, I am sure he needs serious physical therapy as well. Applying for social security as soon as possible is a good idea. It is a long process. People have the option to appeal the appeal even.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by BoxinRotz 
Jim has a social worker at the hospital and she has not returned any of my phone calls!!! I had a very hard time not letting loose on her via voice mail. I just hung the phone up. If and when I see her, I may have to ask her what her job duties are in regard to being a social worker.
I bit my lip because maybe life has been cruel to her like it's been to me. Maybe something happened. Maybe she is sick. I just have to keep it in and not spaz on the first person who crosses me because I know I'm not the only person in hell right now.
Tomorrow, or maybe even today while I'm at work, I'm having Dish shut down to the bare minimum. Sorry if someone comes home and he only gets 13 channels. Ain't my problem. I'm also going to go to welfare and see if this working class poor ass b!tch can get any relief. On Thursday, I'm going to bite the bullet and sit at the SS office and try to work my way through the red tape and hope for the best and expect the worst. The attorney I sought told me that I would have to do it myself the first go around and they can not step in until he gets his first denial. She also told me that the drs have to anticipate him being off for 1 whole year or Social Security will not pay any benefits.
I bit my lip because maybe life has been cruel to her like it's been to me. Maybe something happened. Maybe she is sick. I just have to keep it in and not spaz on the first person who crosses me because I know I'm not the only person in hell right now.
Tomorrow, or maybe even today while I'm at work, I'm having Dish shut down to the bare minimum. Sorry if someone comes home and he only gets 13 channels. Ain't my problem. I'm also going to go to welfare and see if this working class poor ass b!tch can get any relief. On Thursday, I'm going to bite the bullet and sit at the SS office and try to work my way through the red tape and hope for the best and expect the worst. The attorney I sought told me that I would have to do it myself the first go around and they can not step in until he gets his first denial. She also told me that the drs have to anticipate him being off for 1 whole year or Social Security will not pay any benefits.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
How you qualify for SS benefits:
Disability Planner: How You Qualify For Social Security Disability Benefits
How taxes work in SSD:
Benefits Planner: Income Taxes And Your Social Security Benefits
Supplemental security income (you can get SSD, SSI, or both depending):
Social Security's Supplemental Security Income (SSI) Program
List of impairments that may qualify (not limited to these. But a combination of as many things as you can prove is helpful):
Part III - Listing of Impairments (Overview)
Disability Planner: How You Qualify For Social Security Disability Benefits
How taxes work in SSD:
Benefits Planner: Income Taxes And Your Social Security Benefits
Supplemental security income (you can get SSD, SSI, or both depending):
Social Security's Supplemental Security Income (SSI) Program
List of impairments that may qualify (not limited to these. But a combination of as many things as you can prove is helpful):
Part III - Listing of Impairments (Overview)
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
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Well, I just nixed the Dish down to a smaller package. I'm going to go at SS myself and just do it! I will have his attending physician on speed dial tomorrow for future references as I will be going to the hospital and meeting him for the first time for a nice long face to face. I have a lot of questions as to what to expect in the next 3, 6, 9 and 12 month period of his recovery. I want to know how he feels he will be in his short and long term recovery and I understand that he may not even know as every individual is different and when it comes to living and dying, THERE ARE NO RULES!
I just got off the phone with Jim and he is tiring easily which is to be expected. He's just been through hell with these injuries. He told his son he has to come home and cut the grass and personally, I'd buy a goat first, let it eat and then butcher it for dinner before I'd let him mow grass.
I don't know how long this will be but I do know that his drive to get back on his feet is high. I just believe, and I'm being realistic, that he will take the better part of 6 months at the least to recover enough to go back to work because it's going to come down to his stamina and how he recovers from this severe concussion.
So, tomorrow, he is having his head scrubbed. They will be putting him in a twilight/light sedation. I'm not sure if they are putting a tube for drainage in or not so we will see because I'm under the impression that this is a *fly by the seat of your pants* procedure to go in and actually see how his head is/looks and just start cleaning it up. I've been taking pics when I see him because I want him to remember this and know, it didn't have to happen.
He told me today while I was getting tires on the car that he oughta just listen to me because I have been right throughout our whole relationship. He actually just told me that all he wants is to make me happy but you see, I don't want it like that because I want him to be happy too. I'm not selfish and I want him to enjoy life and not feel like he owes me and has to make me happy and satisfied and to hell with him. NO. NO. NO. I don't want it like that. I just want the madness to stop. That's all I want is to live a sober life without alcohol. Zero alcohol. Even for myself because he has changed my views on it.
I got my game plan. I may not get a lot of sleep but it's game on. I will provide for us. I have to do it. I will get us through this. If I have to look at it as a gift, I'll look at it as God's way of showing me that no matter what, I will be able to live this life and NOT have to count on a man to survive.
I just got off the phone with Jim and he is tiring easily which is to be expected. He's just been through hell with these injuries. He told his son he has to come home and cut the grass and personally, I'd buy a goat first, let it eat and then butcher it for dinner before I'd let him mow grass.
I don't know how long this will be but I do know that his drive to get back on his feet is high. I just believe, and I'm being realistic, that he will take the better part of 6 months at the least to recover enough to go back to work because it's going to come down to his stamina and how he recovers from this severe concussion. So, tomorrow, he is having his head scrubbed. They will be putting him in a twilight/light sedation. I'm not sure if they are putting a tube for drainage in or not so we will see because I'm under the impression that this is a *fly by the seat of your pants* procedure to go in and actually see how his head is/looks and just start cleaning it up. I've been taking pics when I see him because I want him to remember this and know, it didn't have to happen.
He told me today while I was getting tires on the car that he oughta just listen to me because I have been right throughout our whole relationship. He actually just told me that all he wants is to make me happy but you see, I don't want it like that because I want him to be happy too. I'm not selfish and I want him to enjoy life and not feel like he owes me and has to make me happy and satisfied and to hell with him. NO. NO. NO. I don't want it like that. I just want the madness to stop. That's all I want is to live a sober life without alcohol. Zero alcohol. Even for myself because he has changed my views on it.
I got my game plan. I may not get a lot of sleep but it's game on. I will provide for us. I have to do it. I will get us through this. If I have to look at it as a gift, I'll look at it as God's way of showing me that no matter what, I will be able to live this life and NOT have to count on a man to survive.
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My prayers are with you. I was floored when I read about them wanting to discharge him..NO Way I found this info that might be helpful..
Decide if you're ready to go home. Hospitals and insurance companies have strong financial incentives to discharge you as soon as possible. And for most patients, the sooner you get home the better. But if you don't feel ready, say so. You shouldn't go home if you feel disoriented, faint, or unsteady; have pain that's not controlled by oral medication; can't go to the bathroom unassisted; can't urinate or move your bowels; or can't keep food or drink down. If your doctor isn't able to extend your stay, appeal to the discharge planner, the hospital's patient advocate or, if available, a state appeals board.
Decide if you're ready to go home. Hospitals and insurance companies have strong financial incentives to discharge you as soon as possible. And for most patients, the sooner you get home the better. But if you don't feel ready, say so. You shouldn't go home if you feel disoriented, faint, or unsteady; have pain that's not controlled by oral medication; can't go to the bathroom unassisted; can't urinate or move your bowels; or can't keep food or drink down. If your doctor isn't able to extend your stay, appeal to the discharge planner, the hospital's patient advocate or, if available, a state appeals board.
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Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
An overview of evidentiary requirements for social security:
Part II - Evidentiary Requirements
Some potential benefits of having a lawyer:
Need an Attorney to Appeal a Social Security Disability Denial? | Disability Secrets
I have health issues and applied years ago. It can really be an overwhelming pain in the a55. They will send you forms full of questions worded in a manipulative fashion. I got some of them in the mail AFTER my deadline to return them! There are penalties for late submissions, up to denying the claim.
If you get denied on the first try (and statistically that is likely) a lawyer will likely be a very valuable resource. They are good not only because they know the system and know what they are technically looking for, but they can tell you what NOT to say and do.
If you can talk to the doctors and get their opinion on how long he will be unable to work, and any of them say a year or more, GET THEM TO WRITE A STATEMENT ! Because soc sec may well send you to one of THEIR drs to evaluate how long he will be out of commission. If they can find a way to say he won't be out of commission long enough to qualify, they WILL.
You may even be able to get a lawyer who will take a reduced fee if you win due to your financial situation. Since they get paid if you win, it is in their own interests to win, regardless of whether they take a reduced fee or a regular one.
Wishing you lots of luck.
Part II - Evidentiary Requirements
Some potential benefits of having a lawyer:
Need an Attorney to Appeal a Social Security Disability Denial? | Disability Secrets
I have health issues and applied years ago. It can really be an overwhelming pain in the a55. They will send you forms full of questions worded in a manipulative fashion. I got some of them in the mail AFTER my deadline to return them! There are penalties for late submissions, up to denying the claim.
If you get denied on the first try (and statistically that is likely) a lawyer will likely be a very valuable resource. They are good not only because they know the system and know what they are technically looking for, but they can tell you what NOT to say and do.
If you can talk to the doctors and get their opinion on how long he will be unable to work, and any of them say a year or more, GET THEM TO WRITE A STATEMENT ! Because soc sec may well send you to one of THEIR drs to evaluate how long he will be out of commission. If they can find a way to say he won't be out of commission long enough to qualify, they WILL.
You may even be able to get a lawyer who will take a reduced fee if you win due to your financial situation. Since they get paid if you win, it is in their own interests to win, regardless of whether they take a reduced fee or a regular one.
Wishing you lots of luck.
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Central Florida
Posts: 976
Hi BoxinRotz,
You sound like a strong woman, a real tough cookie. I have no doubt you will be just fine! One day at a time with a good plan, and things will continue to get better.
Best of luck!
Oh and by the way, I forgot to wish you a happy anniversary too! xoxo
You sound like a strong woman, a real tough cookie. I have no doubt you will be just fine! One day at a time with a good plan, and things will continue to get better.
Best of luck!
Oh and by the way, I forgot to wish you a happy anniversary too! xoxo
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Thanks for all those links Ona!
Tomorrow is iffy on release and will be contingent on how well he does in the OR. We will see. I hope they keep him and if they don't then I will find a way to bring him home and keep him safe. That is a guarantee!
So a couple things I really haven't mentioned is that he gave up his alcoholic family in November. Hasn't spoken to them at all but he was still barreling down the same path, it was odd to say the least. Well, now they know he was in an accident and although stepson told his mom, I knew they would be trying to get info on him and guess what?!!! I blocked them. Yes I did. I don't want any sh!t from them and I'm not up for talking to a bunch of drunks about a drunk. They have not been around when he was fully functioning (although an A ((which stands for a-hole)), they don't need to be oh so concerned right now after the fact. I have no time for games and I'm not playing the *That's my brother... That's my son...* game. I'm the wife and ta-ta.
About 2 days ago, I remembered a fleeting thought I had said out loud to myself and to God. Jim was in the midst of a bender and I was desperate. I said:
If you take all of our money, our toys and our ability to do things, if Jim would just stay sober, I would be happy because he is a good man!!! I would be happy!!! I would be ok with nothing but him!!! Our love will be enough!!!
It makes me stop and think that He has heard me and he has done just that. Yes Jim really messed up and his actions have taken everything away but I sit here now and wonder... My God was listening to me. Jim told me if this would have never happened, he would still be drunk right now. He would not have stopped. He said, I have been given another chance to make this right with you and for you and to change my life. We have been brought to our knees, the both of us and we have had so much taken between us. We have lost so much money and the only thing we have left right now is just us. It was exactly what I had asked for. It was like God was waiting for the perfect oppertunity to rip Jim off that bike and throw him through the weeds like a bowling ball.
I have no doubt that God has listened to me on more than one occasion in the last few months and just this week He heard me screaming and begging for his life while I lay on the kitchen floor waiting for Bran to come get me. I'm putting my FAITH in the LORD that HE will bring Jim and I closer together to experience and amazing love that we share together and if it takes losing our money, toys and whatnot... having my husband, the man I feel in love with... it will be worth this heart ache. I love him so much. I am grateful to the Lord that He has given us this chance to make it right.
Tomorrow is iffy on release and will be contingent on how well he does in the OR. We will see. I hope they keep him and if they don't then I will find a way to bring him home and keep him safe. That is a guarantee!
So a couple things I really haven't mentioned is that he gave up his alcoholic family in November. Hasn't spoken to them at all but he was still barreling down the same path, it was odd to say the least. Well, now they know he was in an accident and although stepson told his mom, I knew they would be trying to get info on him and guess what?!!! I blocked them. Yes I did. I don't want any sh!t from them and I'm not up for talking to a bunch of drunks about a drunk. They have not been around when he was fully functioning (although an A ((which stands for a-hole)), they don't need to be oh so concerned right now after the fact. I have no time for games and I'm not playing the *That's my brother... That's my son...* game. I'm the wife and ta-ta.
About 2 days ago, I remembered a fleeting thought I had said out loud to myself and to God. Jim was in the midst of a bender and I was desperate. I said:
If you take all of our money, our toys and our ability to do things, if Jim would just stay sober, I would be happy because he is a good man!!! I would be happy!!! I would be ok with nothing but him!!! Our love will be enough!!!
It makes me stop and think that He has heard me and he has done just that. Yes Jim really messed up and his actions have taken everything away but I sit here now and wonder... My God was listening to me. Jim told me if this would have never happened, he would still be drunk right now. He would not have stopped. He said, I have been given another chance to make this right with you and for you and to change my life. We have been brought to our knees, the both of us and we have had so much taken between us. We have lost so much money and the only thing we have left right now is just us. It was exactly what I had asked for. It was like God was waiting for the perfect oppertunity to rip Jim off that bike and throw him through the weeds like a bowling ball.
I have no doubt that God has listened to me on more than one occasion in the last few months and just this week He heard me screaming and begging for his life while I lay on the kitchen floor waiting for Bran to come get me. I'm putting my FAITH in the LORD that HE will bring Jim and I closer together to experience and amazing love that we share together and if it takes losing our money, toys and whatnot... having my husband, the man I feel in love with... it will be worth this heart ache. I love him so much. I am grateful to the Lord that He has given us this chance to make it right.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
Just out of curiosity, are you inclined to rethink your signature line? 
Ironically, i was thinking that Box's attitude through all of this reminds me of one of my favorite quotes right now: the human spirit is never finished when it's defeated... It is finished when it surrenders.
You certainly have shown NO signs of surrendering!!
Hang in there! 
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Posts: 2,728
I just told Jim, I'm rolling with the punches but I ain't Layin down for anyone!!! He knows I don't take shìt!
His surgery is scheduled for 3:15 tomorrow afternoon. He says he's coming home but I'm notso sure.
I've had that SIG line since I've been here. I think I'll keep it.
His surgery is scheduled for 3:15 tomorrow afternoon. He says he's coming home but I'm notso sure.
I've had that SIG line since I've been here. I think I'll keep it.
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