wanttobehealthy

Some of you read last week that quite unexpectedly a friend I haven't seen in 2 years appeared out of nowhere at my gym and we reconnected. We talked during the week and made plans to meet for a drink (kind of nice to be able to actually have a drink with someone and talk for hours and hours and have ONE drink and have that be fine-- it was never that way with xAH but I digress).

So, I went out and met up with him and it literally was like not one moment had passed since we last talked.

We talked about our kids, our careers (we work with the same tough group of kids and it was so nice to talk with someone who really really gets how invested I get with kids who are so transient and troubled), our families, and then about where we each had been a few years ago and how the past few years have been.... I can't recall when I had a conversation with a friend- male or female- that was so natural and so honest...

As it turns out we have been on very very similar paths. He had been divorced for about 4 years when we last spoke a few years ago and was really angry and resentful toward his ex and a lot of times our connecting was around venting about our significant others' choices. There was a lot of blame and anger on both our parts and while I think that it's good sometimes to have someone to commiserate with, it really isn't healthy in the long run to have a friendship centered around a shared dislike of someone... So he tells me (without knowing I've been in therapy and al anon) that he started attending al anon and decided to see a therapist rather than let his anger make him miserable. I almost fell off my seat and told him that I had done the same and we chuckled at how we'd never crossed paths.

So we talked about what we'd gotten out of al anon and I told him (expecting eye rolling because he and I both were very anti-establshed religion when we last hung out) that I'd found a church I liked a lot recently and had really been enjoying taking my girls there and that it was a nice community etc.... I didn't mention the church itself though. He then tells me that he started going to church about 6 months ago for the same reasons and said I might like his church bc it's family/kid friendly. Turns out we go to the same church. Didn't realize it. I go at 8, he goes at 11. Weird right?

In the past I might have gotten ahead of myself and started with the "oh this must be a sign etc" craziness. Here's my attitude now. Wow, we share a lot of things in common that are really, really important to me. That's cool. And he's still really fun, compassionate, easy to talk to etc... Also cool. I think the "more will be revealed" attitude and one day at a time and sticking with being friends is all where my head is at but I would be lying if I said I didn't find it really interesting that we have so much in common...

Ultimately it was simply a nice evening-- he was great to talk to and I really remembered how much I enjoy his company.

I don't know where this will go and it certainly will not go anywhere other than friendship for the forseeable future, but I do know that I am not going to disregard our paths crossing and the very different and positive place we both are in...

I am sure I am not explaining myself as well as I would like.... I guess I just wanted to share that I had a nice evening, I am really happy to have reconnected with a friend who I have a history with and who I remarkably felt like I could pick up where I left off-- no awkwardness etc...

Just wanted to share something good and positive since too often I share the opposite!

LexieCat

Oh, WOW. This is just so incredibly awesome.

I know what you mean--MY stomach is doing little flip-flops just reading about it.

But, ahem, as we keep our collective feets on the ground, it sure must have been nice to connect with such an interesting person who shares so much in common with you.

Still, I am doing a little happy-dance. You DESERVED a nice time!

wicked

Okay, I am doing a little happy jig for you too, WTBH.
Lady, after what you have been through, this is mah-vell- -usss!


Thank you for sharing your good time with us, I appreciate it.
And I am so pleased you had a good time.

Beth

wanttobehealthy

Again I am over cautious and erring almost on the side of being like "oh well it's not that unusual" but deep down I'm like "this can't be common right?" There's too many commonalities and even more that I didn't ramble on about for this not to be worth exploring... Right?!

wanttobehealthy

Oops I was posting when others were... Thanks Beth & Lexie for your "hoorays". There are few people than you all here who can appreciate how nice it was to have a normal evening. So I wanted to share w all of you. Thanks for being happy for me .

LexieCat

right!!

wicked

agreed!

wanttobehealthy

I will keep you ladies posted for sure. I had to go to a hellish bridal shower for my soon to be SIL today and deal w my mother and other toxic family. Got a hysterical text from my new pal during the shower (he remembered I was dreading it I guess?) which totally made my afternoon. Just nice little things like that. It's a nice feeling to have someone tho k of me and reach out to say something to me that's kind. What a week it's been. I sure am glad xah was such a dirtbag last Sunday and that bc of that I was at the gym at the unusual time I was.

LexieCat

LOL, every dirtbag has a silver lining. It's an ill wind that blows nobody any good. And other wise sayings.

wanttobehealthy

Lol! Thanks Lexie! I like your take on those sayings!

Tuffgirl

I would totally be all over the "signs" myself. I get that way...and yes, its burned me in the past.

But I am getting that way for you right now!

So glad you went, and yes, keep exploring. Just take it slow and keep your eyes wide open, and leave the rose colored glasses at home!

Very happy for you tonight!
~T

transformyself

I love reading this. thank you.

Hammer

Normal is a VERY Good thing.

Very Happy for you.

Sounds VERY Step 11 to me. Just saying. 8 and 11? Just time zones.

lillamy

Woohoo!!!

Normal is good. And overwhelming at times when you're not used to it. You seem very level-headed about it (which is great!) but at the same time, you're not afraid to enjoy - that's fantastic!!!

It sounds like a good thing, wherever it may lead.

wanttobehealthy

Early in the morning so I am not on full brain speed but help me
understand. Step 11? 8 & 11? Time zones?

I'm missing something and its on me for sure...

Hammer

Just from what you said . . .

I am saying if you are just down to just exactly what time of day you go to the SAME CHURCH . . . come on. God gotta break your alarm clock or what?

But here is the important stuff . . .

When we (me, you, everyone) ask for what We Want, we do not get so much of what is Good. Stay on the focus you have towards working your stuff, your program, and the rest is added to you.

God's Picker is not so broken as ours.

wanttobehealthy

Thanks Hammer! Got it. I wasn't discounting the being at the same
church thing- just saying that it was ironic that we have been going there all this time w out crossing paths and same w the gym. And now that we have crossed paths I am awfully glad.

And it shows me that for all the years I tried to force things to happen and for w solutions w AH or anyone, what I should have done all along and have tired hard to do for some time now is just go with things and the whole "more will be revealed" mentality.

I can't control anything except what I do Andy attitude and that's what I will keep focussing on. And the rest I guess will be what it is. It's a nice change to see unexpected stuff being good since I have had a lifetimes worth of unexpected crap it seems. But then again haven't we all?!

Hammer

You SOOOO Get it.

wanttobehealthy

UPDATE: Going to the beach for the day tomorrow together. Not driving together- just meeting up. Looking fwd to it. I love to play paddleball on the beach and in the last years of marriage XAH would be too hungover to ever come w the girls and I to the beach so I would play w the girls and have a blast but am definitely looking fwd to some adult time at the beach

LexieCat

Woo-hoo! Don't let any bullies kick sand in your face. Of course, the new guy's reaction might be interesting to note...