wanttobehealthy

Some of you read last week that quite unexpectedly a friend I haven't seen in 2 years appeared out of nowhere at my gym and we reconnected. We talked during the week and made plans to meet for a drink (kind of nice to be able to actually have a drink with someone and talk for hours and hours and have ONE drink and have that be fine-- it was never that way with xAH but I digress).

So, I went out and met up with him and it literally was like not one moment had passed since we last talked.

We talked about our kids, our careers (we work with the same tough group of kids and it was so nice to talk with someone who really really gets how invested I get with kids who are so transient and troubled), our families, and then about where we each had been a few years ago and how the past few years have been.... I can't recall when I had a conversation with a friend- male or female- that was so natural and so honest...

As it turns out we have been on very very similar paths. He had been divorced for about 4 years when we last spoke a few years ago and was really angry and resentful toward his ex and a lot of times our connecting was around venting about our significant others' choices. There was a lot of blame and anger on both our parts and while I think that it's good sometimes to have someone to commiserate with, it really isn't healthy in the long run to have a friendship centered around a shared dislike of someone... So he tells me (without knowing I've been in therapy and al anon) that he started attending al anon and decided to see a therapist rather than let his anger make him miserable. I almost fell off my seat and told him that I had done the same and we chuckled at how we'd never crossed paths.

So we talked about what we'd gotten out of al anon and I told him (expecting eye rolling because he and I both were very anti-establshed religion when we last hung out) that I'd found a church I liked a lot recently and had really been enjoying taking my girls there and that it was a nice community etc.... I didn't mention the church itself though. He then tells me that he started going to church about 6 months ago for the same reasons and said I might like his church bc it's family/kid friendly. Turns out we go to the same church. Didn't realize it. I go at 8, he goes at 11. Weird right?

In the past I might have gotten ahead of myself and started with the "oh this must be a sign etc" craziness. Here's my attitude now. Wow, we share a lot of things in common that are really, really important to me. That's cool. And he's still really fun, compassionate, easy to talk to etc... Also cool. I think the "more will be revealed" attitude and one day at a time and sticking with being friends is all where my head is at but I would be lying if I said I didn't find it really interesting that we have so much in common...

Ultimately it was simply a nice evening-- he was great to talk to and I really remembered how much I enjoy his company.

I don't know where this will go and it certainly will not go anywhere other than friendship for the forseeable future, but I do know that I am not going to disregard our paths crossing and the very different and positive place we both are in...

I am sure I am not explaining myself as well as I would like.... I guess I just wanted to share that I had a nice evening, I am really happy to have reconnected with a friend who I have a history with and who I remarkably felt like I could pick up where I left off-- no awkwardness etc...

Just wanted to share something good and positive since too often I share the opposite!