Hammer

Alanon 101 --

Don't Do Something! Just Stand There.

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I (sort of) do mine with Call to Prayer.

Was sort of annoyed that the Muslims I work with are better "Christians" than me. (yeah, I know, competitive on Everything). At the same time I was annoyed by my phone ringing, which I tend to ignore. None of that is bad annoyed, but these are things I ponder.

So I put the two together and came up with five.

The Muslims do Call to Prayer five times a day. I would only tend to pray in the morning and evening.

So I set my annoying phone to alarm or "call to prayer" five times a day. Now I say prayers in the morning, 8 am, noon, 4 pm, and evening. It is great. Keeps me focused on The Way Forward and Upward. Daughter noticed it, and I told her. We started praying together. Text prayers to each, too. Guys at work noticed my alarm going off and I told them the story. Now we all take a 8 am prayer break that we will be better fathers and to bless our families.

Was over at AA/Alanon last month and the Muslim Church next door was chanting evening Call. The kids and I stood way back and did our prayers. The Caller turned around and seen us, and looked concerned. (Texas can be fairly Muslim hostile, at times). We looked up, all smiled and waved, he smiled broadly back when he figured out that we were all praying with him.

Good and God (same thing to me) can be like a Getting Well virus, sometimes.

God is my Peace.

FireSprite

I absolutely LOVE this, and will likely borrow the idea & customize it for me & my life.

laurie6781

(((((lizatola)))))

I do understand about not wanting to feel those feelings.

At 3 years sober I thought i was doing great, NOT, and without meditation or anything like that, I didn't need that, lol

Then I started Alanon, and because AA sponsor had instructed me to get an Alanon sponsor also, and preferably one that was a 'double winner', I got one, a gal I knew from AA that walked the way she talked, turned out she was a very good friend of my AA sponsor, rofl. She INSISTED that I start 'meditating' to get 'calm within myself', oh sheesh and even recommended some classes that another 'double winner' did in her home. Well with great reluctance I went.

Best thing I could have done for my sobriety and my peace of mind. I slowly learned 'breathing exercises' that I could do anytime anywhere, I learned how to become still at home with 'music' and concentrate on the 'music', and then I slowly learned how to just sit and be still, to clear my mind of all the busyness.

Now as to getting started, I had emotions and feelings start to surface that I was unaware I had., sometimes I would cry, sometimes I would laugh uncontrollably, sometimes I needed to scream, sometimes the anger would appear (and I would not know who I was angry at and had to write about it), etc but I also found that as I learned to release these feelings/emotions they became easier to deal with on a daily basis and I was not portioning my mind any more.

You can do this Liz, I know you can and in the process you will find your 'thinking' also calms down and becomes manageable.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

BadCompany

Do not react, do not resent, keep inner stillness on Vimeo


Here is a lecture called "Do not resent, do not react, keep inner stillness", I hope this is helpful.

lizatola

Thanks Laurie and everyone here who responded. It's neat to see everyone's perspective and input. One of the things that happened during my therapy session was that my counselor basically told me that she felt she was taking my money for nothing, that maybe I should find someone else, because I was so unwilling to open up and do real work. It shocked me because I knew she was being honest and truthful and my first reaction was to walk out and never look back. I had to sit there with tears in my eyes trying to figure out what she was really trying to do. So, all of a sudden I started crying about how it was my dad's birthday and I saw on his FB page that his old friends had posted about missing him, etc and how angry I was at my sister who posted about missing dad and how much she loved him, blah blah blah. My sister never called him, didn't send him pictures of her kids, etc. Now, she wasn't obligated to do that, but to pretend that you had this great relationship with him and that you miss him seemed crazy to me.

I had to remember that her relationship with him was different despite how much they hated each other. So, there I sat crying and angry and frustrated. I was the one who called despite what a drunk and grump he was, I was the one who took trips back to visit, I was the one whom his wife called when she needed to bounce crap off of me about his hospital stays or about his condition. She never asked about him, she barely shed a tear, and now 16 months later she claims she loved him and misses talking to him, etc??? UGH! I was ticked but it took almost an hour of talking to my therapist for me to even realize I had these feelings. It's like I didn't even recognize them so I couldn't accept that they were there. Man, I got a long way to go and it doesn't help that I found out about a few more of AH's lies and bulls*it. It's so hard for me to stay on my side of the street and not get caught up in his lies, excuses, and justifications. So damn hard.

LifeRecovery

Oh Liz-

I read this last post as deep deep progress.

It took me a number of years (and I needed the lighter talk therapy first) before I could settle into this with my therapist. It took me another number of years to even consider doing this on my own in meditation (of note that hip part mentioned is what is getting tears just streaming out right now). I have tried a variety of ways, reading, a class, something called TRE (tension releasing exercises), and the therapist I use does a ton of mindfullness in sessions.

With some perspective this is what living in codependency like I did growing up created....a way to not feel. This is why I got into (and stayed) in my relationship with someone who struggled with alcohol (not saying your reasons are the same).

As hard as this part is, and for me what was to come, it was a HUGE step for me toward reality.

I am an avid exerciser and while I get a part of this in exercise, more formal meditation is where I am getting some release right now.

lizatola

Liferecovery, I guess it is progress but painful, UGH! When I broke down about my dad, my therapist said that that's the most real she's ever seen me be and I've been seeing her for a year now. I always thought I had been real, but I realize that I hide all of my pain behind a smile and I put on a good front. My dad taught me that emotions are for sissies and that he never wanted to hear me cry or complain about my pain. And, my AH was either one of two ways: he'd not be able to handle my emotions (like my dad) or, when I was ill, he'd go overboard and say, "Oh, we better take you to the hospital. You better get to the doctor. When are you going to get that checked out?" Now, he would say these things when I was dealing with a cold or something viral and it was never that bad. My son even jokes about these comments now, "Hey mom, I have a sniffle, better take me to the hospital."

But, when I really need to get to the hospital like back when I got stung by a stingray and had a deep puncture wound in my foot, he didn't want to take me to the hospital because it would cost too much. Thankfully, I had decided that I was going to call a cab if he wouldn't take me so he did, heaven forbid if he had to pay for a cab, too.

Anyway, the more I learn about my past, the more I learn about my present. It's amazing how things tie together. My AH used to say, "I'm just like your dad, don't you see it?" And, I'd think he was being silly and say, "What are you talking about? You're both males, yeah, and sure you both have 'some' similarities but I wouldn't say that you're just like my dad." Yeah, I had a lot to learn, LOL!

LifeRecovery

Lizatola-

I have been thinking about this post a lot in the last few days so I hope it is okay to post something else.

First part of what has hit me is that I use exercise as a distraction....and then claim I am being mindful when I do it. That is part of my coping mechanism. Truly being mindful for me usually needs to take any of the "busy" out of it and be still or moving in mindfullness (which I am challenged to create the time and space for).

I am sure I have said this before, but it helped me when I heard something similar about being real. I got this idea from the Shrek movie when he says he is a complicated ogre with many layers like an onion.

I am a complicated human being. I am many layered, but like an artichoke....because as I peel back the layers I am getting to the "heart" of the artichoke or the heart of me.

I had to pull back those surface layers first to get to another layer (and I might have to talk about something I already talked about again, but at a different layer it might look different, there might be tears, anger etc). For me the deeper the layer the more it has been out of just thinking and more into the emotions....which was really missing from my life previously.

It was very hard and hurt immensely at first because I was dealing with feeling emotion for the first time....and getting hit with the fact that pieces in my life were not the perfect facade I wanted them to be. As my emotional muscle has strengthened I have become more real and more able to deal with my life, on a thinking, emotional and spiritual level.

So I would not take it as a criticism from your therapist but as a way she was saying "Welcome to a new level of getting to know you."

SadieJack

You mentioned that you start the day reading the bible. Psalm 46:10

"Be still and know that I am the Lord God"

lillamy

Another day another thought...


What are you afraid of?
What are you afraid will happen if you just sit with yourself. Your thoughts. Be still. And listen?

I am afraid the lid on the pressure cooker of trauma that remains from my marriage to and relationship with an A will start hissing. bubbling. I'm afraid if I don't keep it on tight I won't be able to control what demons come out, how many, and at which pace.

If I keep myself either busy or exhausted I have an excuse to not deal with any of it. The past can remain there in the way back of the closet and if I ignore it enough, maybe it will go away?

That may feel like chickening out and avoiding recovery and healing. But there are times when it is completely OK to make that choice. Because taking a breather doesn't mean you don't continue forward when you've gathered the strength to do so.

wicked

Thank you lillamy, I have started to be hard on myself for not working hard enough on my recovery!
Take it Easy is one of the slogans I am going to put into use.
I am crazy with this dang "change of life" or pancreas, gall bladder, who knows?
2 grown men, my sons living with me. Yeah, I know.
And, I am not taking anything for my depressive disorder until I see a doctor in July.
Why not make myself hurt worse? It is one thing I am good at doing to myself.
Jesus. I was not expecting all that to come out.

I think I need my depressive meds earlier. Much, much earlier. July?
In the meantime, I will remember: Take it easy.

Beth

Lizatola, thank you so much for this thread and sharing your truth.
It has been an eye opener for me personally, and I am grateful for that.