Liferecovery, I guess it is progress but painful, UGH! When I broke down about my dad, my therapist said that that's the most real she's ever seen me be and I've been seeing her for a year now. I always thought I had been real, but I realize that I hide all of my pain behind a smile and I put on a good front. My dad taught me that emotions are for sissies and that he never wanted to hear me cry or complain about my pain. And, my AH was either one of two ways: he'd not be able to handle my emotions (like my dad) or, when I was ill, he'd go overboard and say, "Oh, we better take you to the hospital. You better get to the doctor. When are you going to get that checked out?" Now, he would say these things when I was dealing with a cold or something viral and it was never that bad. My son even jokes about these comments now, "Hey mom, I have a sniffle, better take me to the hospital."
But, when I really need to get to the hospital like back when I got stung by a stingray and had a deep puncture wound in my foot, he didn't want to take me to the hospital because it would cost too much. Thankfully, I had decided that I was going to call a cab if he wouldn't take me so he did, heaven forbid if he had to pay for a cab, too.
Anyway, the more I learn about my past, the more I learn about my present. It's amazing how things tie together. My AH used to say, "I'm just like your dad, don't you see it?" And, I'd think he was being silly and say, "What are you talking about? You're both males, yeah, and sure you both have 'some' similarities but I wouldn't say that you're just like my dad." Yeah, I had a lot to learn, LOL!