(((((lizatola)))))
I do understand about not wanting to feel those feelings.
At 3 years sober I thought i was doing great, NOT, and without meditation or anything like that, I didn't need that, lol
Then I started Alanon, and because AA sponsor had instructed me to get an Alanon sponsor also, and preferably one that was a 'double winner', I got one, a gal I knew from AA that walked the way she talked, turned out she was a very good friend of my AA sponsor, rofl. She INSISTED that I start 'meditating' to get 'calm within myself', oh sheesh and even recommended some classes that another 'double winner' did in her home. Well with great reluctance I went.
Best thing I could have done for my sobriety and my peace of mind. I slowly learned 'breathing exercises' that I could do anytime anywhere, I learned how to become still at home with 'music' and concentrate on the 'music', and then I slowly learned how to just sit and be still, to clear my mind of all the busyness.
Now as to getting started, I had emotions and feelings start to surface that I was unaware I had., sometimes I would cry, sometimes I would laugh uncontrollably, sometimes I needed to scream, sometimes the anger would appear (and I would not know who I was angry at and had to write about it), etc but I also found that as I learned to release these feelings/emotions they became easier to deal with on a daily basis and I was not portioning my mind any more.
You can do this Liz, I know you can and in the process you will find your 'thinking' also calms down and becomes manageable.
J M H O
Love and hugs,