wicked

I had the same thing! I just figured I had to deal with it, I was drinking at the time.
He said I was not "the same" as when we were first together. Yeah.
But when I got sober, OMG! Just because I did not want to discuss (endlessly) things I was not interested in, I was a dud. He would say I was not attractive anymore and he might as well go get someone else. Pffffft.
You know its over when that sounds like a relief. Because I would have peace.
And it was over for me. When my peace became more important than clinging to him.

Beth

Damn menopause! Sweating now! AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHH!

Lulu39

OMG YES!

My ex would drunkenly stumble to bed and then put the radio on LOUDLY. Insisting "I need the musssthic" or "I jus' can't get to sltheeep". I used to try to tell him that he was so drunk he needed nothing to sleep and that he would be asleep in 5 minutes which would result in him arguing about that and then storming off to drink and smoke pot some more.

I eventually learned to say nothing and wait just until he was comatose and switch the frigging radio off.

It is rather a PITA to be repeatedly woken up at 2am on a school night to deal with the demands of a drunk: "I WANT I WANT I WANT". "I NEED I NEED I NEED". "No-one understands me" No-body loves me" "I might as well kill myself". Some of that **** he said when he was awake but blacked out drunk. Other nights he would sleep talk garbage all night, until the alarm went off, so we could both go to work, yet he suddenly had a really bad flu and couldn't go to work and wanted everyone in the house to coddle him and feel sorry for him.

Those flus he used to get were sooooo bad that he would be drunk again by the time I got home from work. The alcohol helps to kill the bugs, apparently...and he wasn't drunk at all! Just "really, really tired because I work so hard and no-one appreciates what I do for this family."

kasie

Lulu39, I cannot believe the similarities, it's uncanny!!!

I always tried to turn off the TV once my A had fallen asleep (passed out), but as soon as I did he'd wake up...so by the end I was fully adept at sleeping with all the lights on, TV blaring and computer humming away. Funniest part of all was the fact that he didn't like having a fan on when it was boiling hot 'because it makes too much noise and I can't sleep'. Not sure how a blaring TV doesn't make noise, but anyways.

The 'I want I want I need' at 2am is insane! Followed by the pity talk. 'Nobody loves me, I'm a loser, I may as well die'. Once you hear it over and over again, it goes in one ear and out the other.

As for the flu - it was stomach trouble with my A. And the ONLY thing in the world that would 'settle my stomach' was a beer. No regard to the fact that that's probably what caused the upset stomach in the first place, but anyways.

While I can laugh about it (in some respects), it makes me sad. The alcohol affected his brain to the point of irrationality...

Lulu39

We must have doppelganger A's.

Mine had the flu a lot but he also had the most sensitive stomach in the whole entire world. He could poop liquid like nobody's business. He was the champion pooper of liquid poop in the entire western world.

Since I made him leave, I actually get to use the one and only toilet in this house. He was always sitting on the toilet moaning and crying about his "poor sore tummy".

Who knows what it's like to desperately need to pee but not being allowed to pee because their A is busy taking his 13th liquid poop of the day on the one and only toilet in the house? Hands up?

Since I made him leave I only buy 1/4 of the toilet paper I used to have to buy.

How utterly gross and disgusting is this alcoholism and addiction thing?

Some days I would be late for work because he was throwing up into the toilet or pooping his liquid poop from 6am until 9am.

Where is one supposed to actually urinate or even poop themselves (that's if one is not totally constipated from all the stress) when one's husband allows their addiction to actually stop their wife/partner from peeing or pooping? That's one of the things that infuriated me. I could never use the toilet because he was always in there.

That's a type of abuse.

Hanna

It took approximately one week of this in a relationship make me feel completely mentally unstable. I need my sleep and it made me a nervous wreck. It's probably the main reason that I was able to end it so quickly.

Boundary = I will not live with someone that does not respect the importance of sleep.

zrx1200R

Thanks for the reports. As I figured, I am not alone. Like most of the other behaviors, it is totally in character for these people. For new folks....you are not alone either. I am still amazed how similar our alcoholics behave. down to the same words in many instances.

It seems the only possible way to get a peaceful evening is simply no contact. By either not being present physically in the home, or locking myself in a spare room.

Tonight was comical. I share:

I've been super busy. Working, prepping for a big (and final) interview, plus took a two day class..just for me!

We've had very little time together. Every day I talk about the need for a calm evening. We've had one since I posted the original. Last night wasn't terrible, but it started at about 9:30. I'd have none of it. None. I just walked away.

So today, after being gone all day she tells me that my "piecemeal" work is causing a problem. I asked for a single example. Which she responds that not having a regular paycheck is effecting me, making me difficult to live with, and that SHE isn't going to put up with it! Quack, Quack, Quack. What is she going to do....leave? They never do.

She suggested I need to get a "real job"! Quack Quack.

I smiled and excused myself for the evening. I declined her invitation to conflict. I'm showered and all set up in my away at college daughter's room. Door locked. Ipad headphones on. Phone turned off. I spent last weekend out of town and leave again for the weekend tomorrow afternoon. Nice.

Excellent point about the total alcohol. Never thought of it like that. I'm confident the volume is down, but I agree. The behavior is only slightly better overall. The crazy making is more than likely a direct result of the 3-5 hours of alcohol consumption. One more indicator her drinking is not reduced or eliminated. Not that I need any additional indicators. There are plenty of others.

pixilation

When I moved out, it took ambien and time to get my sleep back to normal, I've now been off ambien for 9 months.

Ex's thing late at night was to blare his music to "help him sleep", didn't care about the rest of the household.

I figured out finally that he used disrupting the family's sleep as a form of torture, he figured he was unhappy, he'd make the rest of us unhappy. and it worked.