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So Sad Lately

Old 02-06-2013, 06:50 PM
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So Sad Lately

I've been feeling so sad lately, very lonely and very alone. I quit smoking with medication right after the new year and seem to have knocked something loose in my noggin. All the feelings of calm and serenity are gone, and I just feel like a loser. I have an appointment to look into mood medication, probably an antidepressant, later this month. I used to struggle with depression but haven't felt like this in several years.

In the meantime I am really struggling to quiet the voice inside that I failed in my marriage, that I'm failing my kids, and that I'm unlovable and beyond help. The details are the usual, lukewarm career, distant parents, financial struggles, struggling as a parent to two kids with very different needs, alcoholic husband from whom I am separated. The thing that keeps repeating is that I tried my best and it wasn't enough, it didn't matter.

It's so pathetic. I know this is depression, but man, it's rough.

Could use some encouragement and kind words now from the SR fam.
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Old 02-06-2013, 06:55 PM
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Oh, Florence, I'm so sorry. I've been there. Sometimes I am not sure I am not a little bit always there.

You are already doing exactly what I would tell you to do - just acknowledge it. It's not a fun place to be, but -- and this is the really important part -- you absolutely will move out of that place.

You can have all the hugs I've got until you move on. ((((((((Florence))))))))
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Old 02-06-2013, 06:56 PM
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Hugs! I'm sorry you are feeling badly, but I'm glad that you are doing something about it. Has the weather been dreary where you live? It has been here and its really effected my mood. One thing I do daily to improve my mood, is to take a nice long walk. Its amazing what it does to level out my mood. If I'm stressed, I relax more. If I'm down, it gets my endorphins going.

Its got to be hard raising little ones alone, though. You are doing the right thing for your kids- but, still its not easy.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:12 PM
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Hugs, Florence,

I remember one of the times I quit smoking (lol) I took Zyban/Wellbutrin. It's an antidepressant (SSRI), but prescribed for smoking cessation. I quit taking it because at the time I was still drinking (a LOT) and I was worried about combining the two (obviously not enough to quit drinking...). I did notice that it made me feel more "evened out" but it's hard to judge because I was drinking as well, which I think messes with any medication.

I don't know that it's something that would be appropriate for you, but you might ask the doctor about it. It's apparently also prescribed for Seasonal Affective Disorder.

Whatever--I'm certainly not one to jump on meds first thing, but I thought of it just because you mentioned quitting smoking (good for you on that, BTW!)

Hugs, I'm sorry things are feeling lousy right now.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:20 PM
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((HUGS)) Florence

I can feel your pain and understand..but what you have to know is that you are there you are present in your children's life and that is REMARKABLE that is WONDERFUL.

You are doing what you need to do.. YOU may be on hold right now as far as YOU but you will be so rewarded in the end game. It will come around and you will say to yourself I did it and I did it on my own. They will love you for it and in turn you will be able to say I love you.....This is what it's all about.... loving and giving then receiving.

Depression is so very very hard. It messes with our head and makes us lose our focus. Stay focused and move forward. ((HUGS))
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:22 PM
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I have seen others fall into a negative mindset after they quit smoking. I know that I hit a wall at about 6 weeks, it was terrible...then poof the mood disappeared and I was back to my normal self...well, as normal as I will ever get!

You have alot on your plate, be patient, I know that you will work through this set back.

We are here for you, keep posting!
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:23 PM
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I am so sorry you are feeling yucky.

I like this quote (to paraphrase). Being sad is not a sign of weakness, but a sign that you have been strong too long.

Some how that has helped me to not beat myself up on top of feeling bad.
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Old 02-06-2013, 07:49 PM
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I'm sorry you are feeling so down. I've been there and back a few times! One thing I've learned when I get down in the dumps is that I know I get out and feel better than before! It's great that you recognize it and not suppress it. I'm proud of you! You're a strong woman!
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:03 PM
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I agree with the walking suggestion. The exercise and being outside in the fresh air always cheer me up. Try to ignore all those negative thoughts about yourself. They are just thoughts, and do not reflect the truth in any way. I have been trying to ask God to remove my negative thoughts as soon as they pop into my head. It seems to be working a little.
Hugs to you.
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:11 PM
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(((((Flo))))) I wish you well and hope your voice starts deeply and completely accepting all that you are and not making those harsh judgements.

I found EFT helped me quiet that voice that was often judging me to be not good enough. I used it to quiet some long held messages I received from others, particularly FOO.
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:14 PM
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I am on Effexor.

I used to not be able to tell the difference between being on and off of it, I guess that was when I was drinking. Now, even I can tell that my moods are better. Well, my moods aren't really better, but I am more able to deal with everything without feeling so hopeless. And it's not that the situation is getting any better, but I can deal with it better, which is better, in a way, because it makes me stronger.

I know exactly how you feel. To a T.
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:41 PM
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I'm sorry you're feeling down. I know how easy it is to start accumulating the negatives when there seems like there are more of them than positives. Way more. Being sober doesn't create an instant state of happiness and you know that. But it does help to be able to focus and what you need to change.
I have a ho-hum job at an age I thought I should be doing 'more'. No close family and very few friends. It's easy to get 'sucked in' to feeling down.
Take care - you will feel better, just maybe not right now.
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Old 02-06-2013, 08:57 PM
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Just try to remember all of your blessings and I know you have lots. Tomorrow will be better! Hugs -
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Old 02-06-2013, 09:57 PM
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Hang in there, Florence. We're thinking about you, and we're here with you. I too go through periods of depression, and anti-depressants have helped a lot. And I think part of it is just being exhausted - literally physically exhausted - from all the stress and chaos.

Take care of yourself, give yourself some extra valentines!

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Old 02-06-2013, 10:27 PM
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Sorry you're down florence.
Do you exercise at all?
This can really help with depression.
Hugs to you.:ghug3
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Old 02-07-2013, 05:03 AM
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Florence - I am thinking about you and so sorry you are feeling this bout of depression. I am glad you are taking care of yourself and going to see the Dr. Have you looked at the side effects of the drug you are taking to stop smoking? One of the side effects of a common prescription is depression.

((((hugs)))) and will keep you in my thoughts today.
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Old 02-07-2013, 07:23 AM
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((((((Florence)))))))
You have been strong for so long, you must be exhausted. Who wouldn't be? You are clearly taking good care of yourself, quitting smoking and staying in tune with your emotional health. Good for you. I'm sorry that you don't feel well but I'm so glad you are doing what you need to do. Good luck with the doctor. Let us know how it works out. We are here for you and we look forward to hearing when things get brighter ......they will get brighter :-)
Sending strength and love,
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Old 02-07-2013, 07:49 AM
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Have you looked at the side effects of the drug you are taking to stop smoking? One of the side effects of a common prescription is depression.
Yes, and I stopped taking it immediately after the changes in my mood started happening. Unfortunately I haven't snapped back. The good news is that I'm still not smoking and (mostly) don't miss it.

This new doctor called back last night and told me she might be able to slide me in for a sooner appointment. Fingers crossed.

Thank you all for the positive feedback. I am trying to exercise and take care of myself, but unfortunately it all feels so overwhelming. The bright side is that I identified this as a depressive episode and acted on it, instead of wallowing in the depression, convinced I'm beyond all hope.

A therapist told me that when our brains go to that depressive place, our conscience tries to find reasons we feel so bad. When it does, it tends to "choose" from a couple of "files" for that explanation. In my case it's the nobody loves me, nothing I do is good enough, I'm a loser files. So I guess I know well enough at this point in my life that this is the jerkbrain at work and not something to dive into and swim around in.

I want a better life, I have to manage this.
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Old 02-07-2013, 08:06 AM
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Florence, When I quit smoking - the 6-8 week marks always caused me great anxiety and depression followed by a terrible cold or sinus infection. Sometimes, I held on until it passed, other times I folded and started smoking again to relieve it. (much like an addict).

Faithfully doing my gratitude list helped so much. It shut down that nasty little voice inside my head. Something so simple just seemed too easy! But honestly, it worked.

Your posts are always inspiring. You have come so far, and I thank you for sharing your ESH. Keeping you in my prayers.
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Old 02-07-2013, 08:14 AM
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Interesting. I'm basically AT that 4-6 week mark. Six weeks since I started the meds, four since I stopped smoking.
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