Blogs


Notices

From Optimistic to Pessimistic (long)

Old 09-25-2012, 11:43 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 209
From Optimistic to Pessimistic (long)

All thanks to becoming involved with an alcoholic.

First and foremost-I want to offer an apology to anyone that I have written an unsympathetic (I believe) response to, and it seems I have done that a lot lately...
I've noticed my posts here have become more and more negative, and not very encouraging to others.

I have always been an pretty optimistic person, always believing in hope and yes, sometimes miracles...always smiling, enjoying life, being happy UNTIL an alcoholic came into my life.
No sense in telling my story, most of you have been there, at some point, or you wouldn't be here.

I was doing so well with NC, almost 2 months and then BOOM, it happened again.
I let myself (and I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY) get sucked back in again the last 3 or 4 weeks.
Now, I find myself back to square one and so F**king angry at MYSELF (not him) I cannot even see straight!

So because I was so angry at MYSELF for allowing this to happen to me AGAIN, that my responses to others going through the same thing were pretty unsympathetic and almost cold.
I can't remember all of the posters but one that sticks out recently is:

LIZATOLA-I am so sorry for any of my words that came across as cold, uncaring or judgmental. My anger at ME came out in my responses to YOU.

No one needs to respond back, actually this is probably quite a selfish post, as I am trying to make myself feel better about something I did...
I just wanted to give a heartfelt, honest apology to anyone this applies to.

So here I sit, with tears in my eyes, feeling the same damn sickening feeling in my stomach I worked so hard for 2 months to get rid of....
I guess Alanon still isn't working for me yet...Back to day 1 for me.

Thanks for listening....
AlcoholicLove is offline  
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to AlcoholicLove For This Useful Post:
Chickadees (09-25-2012), Cyranoak (09-25-2012), keepingmyjoy1 (09-25-2012), lillamy (09-25-2012), m1k3 (09-25-2012), owathu (09-25-2012), PaperDolls (09-25-2012), PeacefulMe (09-25-2012), RollTide (09-25-2012), SoloMio (09-25-2012), SparkleKitty (09-25-2012), Tuffgirl (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 11:50 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 378
Even though I don't know what a "NC" is, this is such a beautiful post.

It's so nice to take responsibility for ourselves and our own actions!
WishingWell is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to WishingWell For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 11:53 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 209
NC is No Contact, Wishing Well.
Thank you.
AlcoholicLove is offline  
Old 09-25-2012, 12:05 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 378
Oh, OK. Don't beat yourself over the head for that. We're just human! You learned something from that and your post reminds all of us of the great power of apologies.

I used to think that I would look small if I apologized - what I've learned and your words show - we're not small by admitting our faults, we grow and become magnificent!

Bravo to you!
WishingWell is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to WishingWell For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), Chickadees (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 12:12 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
I've seen a tense post from almost every poster on this board except for a couple far advanced in their recovery, and although I've met none of you in person, I have a pretty good idea now of who is white knuckling it when.
And I am sure likewise others can see when my posts are off the mark...
we're all human, it's ok!
Don't recall you being one of the more...shall I say--judgmental? posters anyway...
I'm just sorry to hear that you're beating yourself up over being dragged back in, now is the time when you need some compassion for yourself!
BlueSkies1 is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to BlueSkies1 For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), Fathom (09-25-2012), owathu (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 12:16 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
PaperDolls's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,539
Blog Entries: 10
Whatever you do ..... don't go back and read my old posts from 4+ years ago. When I do, it's like they were posted by a person I don't even know. I was a tad angry and confrontational, to say the least.

Progress. Not perfection.
Continue moving forward.
That's all anyone can ask. Including yourself.

To quote a wonderful member here at SR:
Onward we go, side by side.
PaperDolls is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to PaperDolls For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), Fathom (09-25-2012), LifeRecovery (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 12:20 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
m1k3's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Memphis, TN
Posts: 2,884
AL,




Don't be so hard on yourself. You are not at step one any more. You have gone NC before and seen that it works and you already know what to do. Those are big steps.

If we didn't make any mistakes we wouldn't learn anything. Now you have a much better understanding of why NC is good for YOU.

You are moving forward. Be proud of you progress.

Your friend,
m1k3 is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to m1k3 For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), LifeRecovery (09-25-2012), lillamy (09-25-2012), owathu (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 12:23 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
lillamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,523
I think it's a great thing to realize that you see other people through the lens of your own life. I believe we all do it.

Remember that the experiences you've had -- even the anger and pain right now -- are what will make you able to not only steer another course for yourself, but also have compassion with others.

We've all felt like idiots at one time or another. And I think I've exceeded my 15 minutes of stupidity many times over.
lillamy is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lillamy For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), LifeRecovery (09-25-2012), owathu (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 12:32 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
FireSprite's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,784
Blog Entries: 1
You never offended me, but I know that feeling that comes when I feel that I posted out of raw emotion rather than in the other poster's best interests...

Great post AL!
FireSprite is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to FireSprite For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), owathu (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 01:01 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Tuffgirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Blog Entries: 4
Originally Posted by AlcoholicLove View Post
I let myself (and I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY) get sucked back in again the last 3 or 4 weeks.
Now, I find myself back to square one and so F**king angry at MYSELF (not him) I cannot even see straight!
Sounds like the most important person in your life who needs an apology is YOU!

We've all been there. Don't spend too much time being mad at yourself. Look at it as part of your lesson - sometimes it takes repeated attempts at something to finally get it right. There's a quote by Thomas Edison that I love: We now know a thousand ways to not make a light bulb.

I never considered myself back at square one. To me it was another opportunity to realize what wasn't working in my life and change it.

Prayers for a peaceful day,
~T
Tuffgirl is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Tuffgirl For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), Fathom (09-25-2012), owathu (09-25-2012), ZiggyB (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 01:04 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hypatia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
We all "relapse" once in a while. Whether talking about NC, or not provoking (my big problem) or not enabling, or something else, none of us are perfect. All we can do after a fall is to get up, dust ourselves off, and keep on going... one step after another, one day at a time.
Hypatia is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Hypatia For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), Chickadees (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 03:25 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,362
I look at my "mistakes" as fortification for my continued recovery.

They are only a mistake if I don't learn from them. Often plants have to be transplanted (stressed) to grow really strong roots. I do best if I remember that. Usually my stressful experiences/mistakes are my best growth opportunities.
LifeRecovery is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to LifeRecovery For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), owathu (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 04:54 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
owathu's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
Originally Posted by AlcoholicLove View Post
All thanks to becoming involved with an alcoholic.

First and foremost-I want to offer an apology to anyone that I have written an unsympathetic (I believe) response to, and it seems I have done that a lot lately...
I've noticed my posts here have become more and more negative, and not very encouraging to others.

I have always been an pretty optimistic person, always believing in hope and yes, sometimes miracles...always smiling, enjoying life, being happy UNTIL an alcoholic came into my life.
No sense in telling my story, most of you have been there, at some point, or you wouldn't be here.

I was doing so well with NC, almost 2 months and then BOOM, it happened again.
I let myself (and I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY) get sucked back in again the last 3 or 4 weeks.
Now, I find myself back to square one and so F**king angry at MYSELF (not him) I cannot even see straight!

So because I was so angry at MYSELF for allowing this to happen to me AGAIN, that my responses to others going through the same thing were pretty unsympathetic and almost cold.
I can't remember all of the posters but one that sticks out recently is:

LIZATOLA-I am so sorry for any of my words that came across as cold, uncaring or judgmental. My anger at ME came out in my responses to YOU.

No one needs to respond back, actually this is probably quite a selfish post, as I am trying to make myself feel better about something I did...
I just wanted to give a heartfelt, honest apology to anyone this applies to.

So here I sit, with tears in my eyes, feeling the same damn sickening feeling in my stomach I worked so hard for 2 months to get rid of....
I guess Alanon still isn't working for me yet...Back to day 1 for me.

Thanks for listening....
This post helps me believe it or not. Because I know that I have had those thoughts, that I feel all warm and start remembering the good ole days, and then wonder about AH and I could probably work things out....Your post re-confirms for me that, it doesn't work out for 99.9% of the time. Jaysus, he is cheating on me, wtf is wrong with me for even having that thought? It's crazy-making, this disease. Then, the next day....nope, never again. The up and down is so frustrating.

No one is judging, we all go through the same emotions, and motions. Chin up...good thing out of this...NOW YOU KNOW it doesn't change. Nothing changes if nothing changes.
owathu is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to owathu For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), Confetti (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 05:21 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
 
Confetti's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 230
Owathu.....
I'm right there too....maybe it could work out... *smack* he's still cheating. Yes it is a roller coaster of emotion. Ugh.
Confetti is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Confetti For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), owathu (09-25-2012)
Old 09-25-2012, 06:20 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
 
lizatola's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Oh sweetie, I am a big girl and can handle what comes my way. I may be codependent but I can put on my big girl panties too, LOL!

You did not cross any lines with me and I certainly didn't walk away from my computer after reading your posts thinking, "Gee, what a b*tch that one is." Quite the opposite honestly. Everyone has different ways of communicating and being in a virtual community like this makes it difficult to express tone and true intention and feeling.

I am sorry you are hurting today. Thank you so much for sharing with us and I will be praying for peace for you tonight!
lizatola is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to lizatola For This Useful Post:
AlcoholicLove (09-25-2012), FireSprite (09-26-2012), WishingWell (09-25-2012)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:20 PM.