From Optimistic to Pessimistic (long)
All thanks to becoming involved with an alcoholic.
First and foremost-I want to offer an apology to anyone that I have written an unsympathetic (I believe) response to, and it seems I have done that a lot lately...
I've noticed my posts here have become more and more negative, and not very encouraging to others.
I have always been an pretty optimistic person, always believing in hope and yes, sometimes miracles...always smiling, enjoying life, being happy UNTIL an alcoholic came into my life.
No sense in telling my story, most of you have been there, at some point, or you wouldn't be here.
I was doing so well with NC, almost 2 months and then BOOM, it happened again.
I let myself (and I take FULL RESPONSIBILITY) get sucked back in again the last 3 or 4 weeks.
Now, I find myself back to square one and so F**king angry at MYSELF (not him) I cannot even see straight!
So because I was so angry at MYSELF for allowing this to happen to me AGAIN, that my responses to others going through the same thing were pretty unsympathetic and almost cold.
I can't remember all of the posters but one that sticks out recently is:
LIZATOLA-I am so sorry for any of my words that came across as cold, uncaring or judgmental. My anger at ME came out in my responses to YOU.
No one needs to respond back, actually this is probably quite a selfish post, as I am trying to make myself feel better about something I did...
I just wanted to give a heartfelt, honest apology to anyone this applies to.
So here I sit, with tears in my eyes, feeling the same damn sickening feeling in my stomach I worked so hard for 2 months to get rid of....
I guess Alanon still isn't working for me yet...Back to day 1 for me.
Thanks for listening....