Irishgurl

Hi there
Dont have honest clue why im here, googled some stuff and ended up here. Ive never written on forum and being from Ireland im probably on wrong forum but i really dont know how this stuff works.

I was just told today my dad has made appointment for my mom to go to rehab this Friday. Which where i am from is unheard of and rare....as drinking is our culture.....Im shocked its come to this...her drinking gotten out of control. We come home from work everyday and she can bearly walk or talk shes so drunk.

Her brother commited suicide 4 years ago and had come to her for help the week before he did it. She has blamed herself ever since and turned to drink. I could go on forever about whats been going on since he died...long story short we went from a "perfect" family. 6ppl at dinner table everyday, hanging out in evenings...to everyone going seperate ways, anger, bitterness etc.

Im leaving for Australia in 5weeks which i booked in March because i just didnt want to deal with her anymore.

Im now debating on staying and not leaving my dad with all of this....as he's relied on me alot with helping him with her.

I want to help her but i cant....i shouldnt have to...im young she should be helping me....I dont know

Katiekate

Go to Australia, that is the best way to help her, your dad, and most importantly you.

Your Mom has to want to get sober, it's her gig, live your life and let her live hers. It may sound cruel, but it's reality.

Have a great trip and enjoy your youth while you still have it to enjoy.

Hollyanne

Hi Irish, I am also in Ireland, so unless they are just being nice and letting me hang around, you're alright here.
I am very sorry to hear about your mum.
If you want to go to Australia, go.
You will get an awful lot of wisdom from this place.

Go to Friends and family forum and read the "stickies", (permanent posts) at the top of the forum.
That will be a great start and the replies will come also to your post.:ghug3

Spes

Irishgurl,

I'm a Dad with a daughter and an alcoholic wife. I would want my daughter to go on the trip and I would not feel deserted if she went. My greatest hope in life is that my daughter is not dragged down the path of hopelessness and despair that I am going through.

Please keep writing here and listen to the experiences of others.

I'm sorry you feel distressed but, as a Dad, please go on the trip and try not to feel guilty. You are a wonderful daughter and did nothing to feel guilty about.

Take care.

dollydo

Go, there really is nothing that you can do, your parents have made their decisions on how they choose to live their lives and your mothers soberity is up to her to resolve.

I agree, read all the stickeys in the Family & Friends sections, that includes those in the
Substance Abusers section.

If you need to vent, we are here for you.

3littlechickens

Hi Irishgurl, I am new here too and also have a mom who is an alcoholic. I am sorry your family is having such a tough time...my mom's brother died in a plane crash and that is when she began drinking...please try to go on your trip...I am sure your dad (and mom if she were sober) would want you to have the chance to travel. You hang in there...you sound like a wonderful daughter.

wicked

Irishgurl,

Please go to Australia and have a wonderful time.
Your parents have choices they have made, your mother's is to drink, and your father to get her in rehab and try to help her. There is nothing you can do.
Live your life, traveling to Oz, how great is that?
I hope to travel to Ireland one day. I have distant relatives there. It looks beautiful.

Beth

Irishgurl

Thanks for the replies...its a load off my shoulders to say it out loud...i come from small town where everyone knows everyone elses business so...my moms drinking is kept a secret... so my friends dont know and i only have brothers who never talk to me about it, they are younger.

Its easier said than done to head off to Oz and live it up for a year or two while my dad left with her....my Dad absolutely adores my mother...if he didnt he would probably let her drink her life away and carry on with his. She cant see this of course.

We are the best of friends, he is the nicest man in my whole life and i no he replies on me to deal with her. Only tonight when i came home i met him in hallway with the most shocked face. I later found out he was with her all evening left her for 20minutes came home and she was after drinking bottle vodka and drunk and now in bed.
I had to listen to him vent for ages and it broke my heart to see him so hurt by her.
He also made a comment twice how lonely the winter will be when boys are back college and im gone....i just feel so bad for him.

Also the anger i have for her not for what shes done to me but what shes done to him or my brothers. I love her cause shes my mother...but i dont like her anymore...its so difficult to feel that way about my own mom. I actually feel horrible about myself to not like my own mother.

What happened us....

deracs

Go to Australia irishgurl. live your life - you are the child not the parent - i agree with all of the responses to your post. and am most touched by the one from the dad with an AW and daughter - he knows what's what. go on your trip and call your dad to let him nkow how you are and how much fun you're having - it will make him happy.

Hollyanne

Hi Irishgurl,
Hope today is better now that you have shared the problem a bit with us.
You might cancel your trip and stay home.
Your mother who is very sick right now, might see this as a way out.
She might think, "Irishgurl is not going to leave me, so I can continue this".

She has a good chance of getting all sobered up long enough to see the madness of her actions. By staying home, you are enabling her.
The secrecy of Irish households has crippled many a family.
It is starting to get better, but continues.

I can guarantee you, that in your immediate circle of friends, there are others going through similar heartache. Try Alanon, for some face to face support. It is about those affected by another's alcoholism. Do not leave embarrassment and secrecy prevent you from getting help.

You can go to Australia and keep in touch with your dad by phone and skype.

SoloMio

Yes, go to Australia...

As a mother of 4 grown children who all know the challenges I face with their dad, I am GLAD knowing they have their own lives. It was bad enough that they grew up with the cr*p and despite it wound up amazingly well-adjusted and have built nice lives--I am so happy seeing that the alcohol is no longer part of their lives even if it means I see them less. I'd only feel guiltier if I felt I were dragging them back in.

tomsteve

if goin to rehab is unheard of, there wouldnt be a rehab there. i will guarantee there are more people in recovery around her than what is perceived.. we drunks dont see that when we are drinking.

Miela

(((Irishgurl))), go to Australia. If guilt and blame triggers her drinking, then you staying at home could possibly be used by her alcoholism as just another excuse for her to drink. Of course your mother is responsible for her own choices but you do her no favours putting your life on pause. Today we have text messages, Skype etc. You don't have to be in the same room, let alone the same country, to support your dad. Any rehab worth it's salt will have support for your dad and your siblings anyway. It might be worth checking out Al Anon meetings in the town/city you're going to in Oz?

Hey, who knows, your return home in a year or two could be a big motivation for her (ie wanting you to see how far she's come since you left).

M