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I swear I wasn't looking for it.....UGH!

Old 04-26-2012, 10:17 AM
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I swear I wasn't looking for it.....UGH!

You know, just when I feel like I'm getting a handle on step 1, I find some hidden alcohol and get all frustrated. I don't know that he's had a drink since his DUI. I don't even care at this point but what really bugs me is that he says he's sworn off drinking FOREVER, yet he still has stuff hidden. And, I know his defense will be, "Huh? Oh, I forgot I put that there." And, then I go back to thinking that he must think I'm stupid but really I'm smarter now and I know it's all part of the disease.

He loses his license for the month of May and has his sentencing on May 16th. He will be subject to drug and alcohol testing and has to get the ignition interlock thing put in his car by the end of May. Maybe that will encourage him to empty his flask.....or maybe not? I am working hard on getting through step 1, I'm a slow learner. And, I'm making some back up plans for the summer in case he goes off the deep end with his behavior again, I don't think I can go through what I went through all over again. I have been researching places to rent near my grandparents and I have been reconnecting with friends who I used to work with years ago. Basically, I'm preparing myself and focusing on ME and my son for the future.
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Old 04-26-2012, 10:30 AM
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It seems to me you are admitting step 1, the fact that you found a hidden bottle does not mean you actually where looking for it or where you?
don't be so hard on yourself, I think is great that you have a back up plan.
Good luck to you.
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Old 04-26-2012, 11:00 AM
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3 DUI'S did not encourage my AH to stop drinking. Of course he never had to pay for them himself, his mother gladly paid every expense associated with them. I don't know if things would be different if he had to pay his own fines, etc.
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Old 04-26-2012, 11:03 AM
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My experience has been that they know exactly where their stashes are at all times no matter what they say.

AB learned every way possible of getting around detection of the ID, through talking with others in the mandatory weekly alcohol/drug classes, so as to minimize (as much as possible) its infringement on his drinking.

It's good to have another plan.
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Old 04-26-2012, 11:50 AM
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Originally Posted by ODAT63 View Post
It seems to me you are admitting step 1, the fact that you found a hidden bottle does not mean you actually where looking for it or where you?
don't be so hard on yourself, I think is great that you have a back up plan.
Good luck to you.
NO, I wasn't. My son needed to do a project for school and I thought maybe my AH's old business cards would be the right size for captions. I pulled out the box only to find it filled with a few business cards and a mini of Jameson whiskey(AH's favorite).

I have not revealed to my AH that I know about the alcohol. I haven't told him that I have thought of a plan in case he screws up again. I hope that doesn't appear deceitful but I feel I need to protect myself at this point.

Funny thing, though, I'm not feeling well today and have a fever so I've been on the couch all day. AH works from home and he's been very kind today. Taking ds to his science fair, picking up ginger ale for me, and checking on me periodically. It's too bad he's got stinkin' thinkin' from his disease and it's too bad he's too proud to throw his bottles out. Things could be so much better.
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Old 04-26-2012, 12:15 PM
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You sound like you're on a great path of focussing on yourself & trying hard to not let his A behavior send you spiraling.

I spent many years looking for hidden alcohol & when I stopped thanks to al anon & therapy & here, there was nothing I found harder to not react to than when I inadvertantly found hiding spots. That always threw me into a tailspin (or feeling like I was going to go into one). I read your post & could relate so well.

I think you're doing a great job hanging in.
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Old 04-26-2012, 01:25 PM
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Prepare, among other things for this...

the moment he asks your son to blow into the interlock for him, and the moment he asks you to do the same. Especially your son needs to be armed with a response in advance.

Take care,

Cyranoak
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Old 04-26-2012, 01:31 PM
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Well, in the end, the only person he's really hiding it from, is himself.
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Old 04-26-2012, 01:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Cyranoak View Post
the moment he asks your son to blow into the interlock for him, and the moment he asks you to do the same. Especially your son needs to be armed with a response in advance.

Take care,

Cyranoak
I've already made it clear that we won't be riding with him even with the interlock in his car. I do most of the driving anyway since I get severe carsickness. My AH has never really been very helpful when it comes to shuttling our son around so I doubt I'll be using his services this next year. And, I've already told our son some of my 'rules' for being with dad.
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