You sound like you're on a great path of focussing on yourself & trying hard to not let his A behavior send you spiraling.
I spent many years looking for hidden alcohol & when I stopped thanks to al anon & therapy & here, there was nothing I found harder to not react to than when I inadvertantly found hiding spots. That always threw me into a tailspin (or feeling like I was going to go into one). I read your post & could relate so well.
I think you're doing a great job hanging in.