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xAH arrested

Old 02-12-2012, 08:29 AM
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xAH arrested

He came to see the girls after "hiking" yesterday (as planned). I texted him in advance to say that if he was drinking he need not come over and if he did, I would not allow him in to see the girls. I said this bc each and every time he goes "hiking" he drinks.

He showed up, stormed in, was obviously drinking before he came over, stumbled around, was silly, loud, the girls were excited to see him and I felt like I might vomit. I signaled to him to come with me and he did. We went to the outside porch and I told him I could tell he was drinking and he needed to leave.

He told me he'd had "not even 2 beers" (it's always 2 beers!) and I had no right to tell him to leave and he went to push me out of the way to get in the door (my back was against the door leading into the house and I was standing in front of it for that reason). He grabbed me with both hands and threw me onto the porch floor and went inside. I took a deep breath, kept calm, went in and told him as quietly as possible that he needed to leave - NOW. He swore at me, told the girls he was sorry he couldn't see them bc I was kicking him out and they started crying. He headed for the door and I followed (so I could lock it behind him). Just as he was walking through the doorway he turned around and slapped me across the face so hard I lost my balance.

I called 911. Officer came over, took my story, went looking for him (he took off) and I got a call a few hrs later from the officer who took my story that he had been found and arrested.

He was arrested this year around this same time for assaulting me as well so this isn't going to bode well for him. I sincerely hope that this will help me in my case for why he needs to have supervised visitation. If I'd made arrangements to just drop the girls off to be with him yesterday, I might have left them with him drunk and who knows what price they'd pay for that.

I didn't push for him to be held accountable last year and I dropped the R.O. and I believed all his statements of how much he'd change. This time around I am going to work willingly with the prosecutors office to have him held to the letter of the law. I could care less if he continues to drink himself into oblivion; but he is going to do it utterly alone.
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:46 AM
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I'm sorry you went through that. It's frightening when they become physically violent. Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself and the girls safe. Chances are he won't be in jail for long before he gets bailed out. Get another RO and enforce it. If he has a key to the house, change the locks. Do whatever you have to do. What he did to you yesterday had nothing to do with alcohol. Abuse and alcoholism are two different issues. He's crossed the line now and it will be easier for him to do it again.
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Old 02-12-2012, 08:59 AM
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Oh my gosh..That is awful...So so sorry!

Im glad you called the cops. You DO NOT DESERVE THAT!!!!!!

Continue to stand up for yourself and file charges

Do exactly what suki said to do

If you cant afford to change the locks, call a locksmith and have them Re-Keyed
it is less expensive.

Work the domestic violence center. They will get you all kinds of free help
Including free lawyers to help you thru the RO process

DID YOU KNOW?
Almost one-third of female homicide victims that are reported in police records are killed by an intimate partner. In 70-80% of intimate partner homicides, no matter which partner was killed, the man physically abused the woman before the murder. Less than one-fifth of victims reporting an injury from intimate partner violence sought medical treatment following the injury. Intimate partner violence results in more than 18.5 million mental health care visits each year.

STAND TALL MY FRIEND!!!!!!!!

Big Hugs To You!!!

Keep that cell phone in your bra and fully charged!
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:18 AM
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I am sorry he is escalating and you were the target, but on the other side of the coin I am glad that his true colors are not only showing, but you have grown so much to be able to see that this year YOU WILL DO whatever is necessary to protect you and those beautiful girls.

You are GROWING BY LEAPS AND BOUNDS!!!!!!

Love and hugs,
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:19 AM
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I agree with Suki....get that restraining order and protect your family. As far as supervised visitation, the rules on that are changing....gonna be real strict. Tell friends, neibhbors and family about what has happened....this will give you more eyes to watch after you and the girls. There is no excuse for misbehavior, only reasons and consequences for it.
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:20 AM
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You can buy new locks fairly cheap at home depot and all you need is a screwdriver to install. or just change out the deadbolt.

If you have bruises take pics now with your cellphone or digital camera. send copies to atty. and print a set in color.

if you have a friend that could come and stay over a couple of nights it might give you some security too. be sure to TELL people what happened.
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:30 AM
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wtbh, so sorry you had to deal with that, it had to be frightening. But maybe it will be ammunition in regards to visitation. I agree with all the others about doing whatever is needed to make sure you and your girls are safe. You did the right thing by calling 911 without hesitation or second thoughts. You've come a long way! Sending hugs & support.
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Old 02-12-2012, 09:43 AM
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(((HUGS)))

I'm sorry this happened to you.
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:02 AM
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I also was assaulted by an AH many years ago. I was afterward so grateful it happened because it forced me to get away from the AH, divorce him, and it probably saved my life.

I moved out within three weeks after the event, and took my son (from my previous marriage) to another town and I never let the exAH have my address. I guess these days people can always find somebody's residence online, but back then, they couldn't.

Have you spoken to anyone at your children's school about the danger your family is in? As we all know, it is not uncommon for violent spouses to get revenge by using the children in some way. You might think about making a personal visit to the school to speak to the principal.

Also, if the school has a counselor, perhaps you could get a referral for some professional help for your children who have witnessed someone they love and trust and likely idolize--their dad--deliberately injure their mother. They are traumatized. I send you my blessings as you help them heal.

I guess what I want to say is that I was glad--afterward--for the night my drunk AH hit me. Because he never ever got another chance. And he never ever had another chance to drive drunk with my little boy powerless in the back seat. I believed his promises he would not drink, believed his promises he would not drink when driving with my child and his child.

I did not know anything about alcoholism back then. So I am very very glad he hit me. That was God saving me and my child.

Many good wishes for a new life for you and your children. Things will get better. My life did. I did find happiness again and so will you.
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:13 AM
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WTBH,

Oh I am so proud of you!

You are so strong, you are doing great!

If you can afford it an alarm system would be a good investment. If you don't want to go the profession route I bought my parents a little system from X-10 for about $100, you can make it flash the lights inside and out and call the police.

Please remember to carry your cell phone at all times, no telling what he will do next with you blocking him at every turn.

Big hugs and prayers,

Bill
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Old 02-12-2012, 10:51 AM
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(((WTBH))) - I'm so sorry you had to go through that but very proud of how you are handling it. Lots of excellent ES&H above me, but just wanted to send extra ((((hugs)))

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 02-12-2012, 11:32 AM
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I'm so sorry you and your children had to go through this. Absolutely right to call the police. It sounds like you're on the right track, supervised visitation.
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Old 02-12-2012, 01:10 PM
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Thanks for all the support. I am pissed today-- not feeling victimized, or woe is me or wah so sad-- just tired and done being anything resembling thoughtful/nice/considerate. I was fine with him coming here for a brief visit bc I figured that was going to keep the girls safer than dropping them with him for a visit. Ultimately, I guess it's still best that he came here bc I worry about what might have occurred with it being just he and the girls...

I will definitely look into the home security system and changing the locks. The house is still in both our names (bc to have him taken off the mortgage I have to refinance and that's not possible bc we are upside down in our mortgage right now...). My plan of action today has been to call a few local condo/rental communities and am looking for a cheap ish rental for the girls and I. I don't care about staying in this house anymore. If I have to walk away and take a hit financially for it in order to get a place that allows me to be totally free from him then that's what I am going to do. My plan this week is to go view a few units and take some steps to moving. I can't stay in my house indefinitely bc I can't afford it on my own much longer so this was a much needed push to get me going.
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Old 02-12-2012, 03:07 PM
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WTBH,

You will have to check with your attorney but when I divorced the decree specified who got what and the bank had to comply, we did not have to refinance, also the attorney should be able to look at the child support formula for your state and tell you approximately what you will be recieving if you get sole custody, you may be able to stay in the house.

Depending on how things work with the prosecutor, they may put him on suspended sentence, which would be excellent incentive for him to behave, which could include terms about staying away from you, keeping a job, paying child support on time, etc.

I gues what I am saying is don't juimp to fast and burn your credit, you have lots of balls in the air which your lawyer and the courts can help you manage.

Big hugs and best of luck,

Bill
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Old 02-12-2012, 03:27 PM
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well done. that tooks some courage and self-control.

outside lights are a good deterent. if you have them, turn them on and leave them on all night.
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Old 02-12-2012, 04:04 PM
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Did the girls see all that?

So very proud of the way you handled that. Wish i could have seen his face when the cops pulled up! What an ass.
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Old 02-12-2012, 04:22 PM
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"Two beers." If I had two dollars for every time I heard that ...
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Old 02-12-2012, 05:35 PM
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Bill- I already talked to my mortgage co... There's no way to get a co-signer off unless it's refinanced... But good idea... I guess I could call other banks and see about changing my lender somehow and see if it's maybe just my bank...

TJP- This all happened on our 3 season porch. Even when he turned back and slapped me-- really hit but since it wasn't a closed fist I guess I can't say hit... I was in the threshold of the doorway and not fully in the house so the girls certainly were aware of what happened (my face was glaringly red and I was crying so I had to address it with the girls a bit) but they weren't standing right there watching it and it certainly could've been worse. I hate that they were impacted by it at all and had to know or hear or see anything... I tried to get him to leave asap and peacefully and it seems that anything short of letting him stay and be drunk and beligerant was going to end badly.
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Old 02-12-2012, 06:41 PM
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I am so stinkin' proud of you. You sound stronger and more decisive than I have ever heard you. And it sounds weird to say I'm happy for you - I'm not happy about the abuse, but happy about how great you handled it all.
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Old 02-13-2012, 07:19 AM
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Going to visit local apt complex that has a few rentals at this time... it's in the same district I live in so D6 won't have to switch schools. I may regret screwing my credit up later but right now my safety, security and sanity is well worth it.

I am seriously considering signing a lease if it looks decent.

This weekend scared me and I do not wish to become a statistic the next time xAH goes crazy...
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