How can someone be so mean............
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 271
Originally Posted by anvilhead 
apologies are part of the cycle of abuse. done to keep you in check, get you all starry eyed - parrots can be taught to speak - quit listening to his WORDS, watch his actions. off today to go hang with his high school buddies???? my how grown up......
you don't OWE him anything. relationships aren't about keeping score, or handing out receipts for services rendered. if both persons are not growing and thriving then its a toxic dysfunctional mess, calling out the worst in each other. it's like the difference between eating carrots or crisco.......
you don't OWE him anything. relationships aren't about keeping score, or handing out receipts for services rendered. if both persons are not growing and thriving then its a toxic dysfunctional mess, calling out the worst in each other. it's like the difference between eating carrots or crisco.......
Anvilhead you bring up a very important point. The apologies ARE a key component to the abuse cycle verbal physical sexual or otherwise.
It's not just to keep their victim engaged it gives the abuser a relief from any guilt they are feeling. The apologies absolve the guilt so they cn tell themselves well all is good I apologized.
My RExAB is the best apologizer I know...he gives you the tears while looking into your eyes; does the flowers, cards with heartfelt words, gifts of clothes jewelry, many promises, and if those things aren't working he will start calling my mom or friends and tell them how bad he feels for what he's done....
I TAUGHT HIM THAT THESE APOLOGIES WORKED....until 5 weeks ago. YEAAAAA ME!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
You guys are so wise! I so appreciate your wisdom- I wish someone could make me take this step - I know that is ridiculous- my Mom died last year so I can't talk to her and my Daddy is dying of Cancer so I wont trouble him. I will pray for strength- I know I am strong!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 61
Susie,
No one can or should try to make you take that step.
Both your Mom and Dad will always be there, and you have no need to pray for strength either because it's already within you.
Good night from the UK, I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow !
Peter
Originally Posted by Redheadsusie
I wish someone could make me take this step - I know that is ridiculous- my Mom died last year so I can't talk to her and my Daddy is dying of Cancer so I wont trouble him. I will pray for strength- I know I am strong!
Both your Mom and Dad will always be there, and you have no need to pray for strength either because it's already within you.
Good night from the UK, I hope you have a wonderful day tomorrow !
Peter
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: NSW, Australia
Posts: 197
you left before right? (sorry if i have that wrong). use the same door......
Anvil, I love you. That's classic. I'm going to print it out for myself if you don't mind Susie
I know I am strong!
You can do this Suzie, one step at a time ... right out that darn door Anvil pointed out
Anvil, I love you. That's classic. I'm going to print it out for myself if you don't mind Susie
I know I am strong!
You can do this Suzie, one step at a time ... right out that darn door Anvil pointed out
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
"Use the same door" lol one of anvilhead's best.
Redheadsusie, my EX also told me "I was going to be old and alone" -I am 30 and he is 27- then I realized HE IS THE ONE AFRAID/UNABLE TO LIVE BY HIMSELF! sorry for the caps but it was eye opening... he also said I would never find anyone else..
All sad manipulation techniques. I used to ask "how do you know?"
I wondered, if real lovers have that kind of conversations? I guess not.. I thought they are too busy enjoying life and each other's company.
When you are no longer around him you'll realize the difficult part was being around someone toxic, not dealing with life by yourself... a therapist told me "We are always alone anyway" ... in my life, there has been no worse loneliness than living with an abuser/addict/both.
Redheadsusie, my EX also told me "I was going to be old and alone" -I am 30 and he is 27- then I realized HE IS THE ONE AFRAID/UNABLE TO LIVE BY HIMSELF! sorry for the caps but it was eye opening... he also said I would never find anyone else..
All sad manipulation techniques. I used to ask "how do you know?"
I wondered, if real lovers have that kind of conversations? I guess not.. I thought they are too busy enjoying life and each other's company.
When you are no longer around him you'll realize the difficult part was being around someone toxic, not dealing with life by yourself... a therapist told me "We are always alone anyway" ... in my life, there has been no worse loneliness than living with an abuser/addict/both.
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