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Sigh...I am never going to understand this denial

Old 06-30-2011, 08:44 PM
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Sigh...I am never going to understand this denial

So AH is out of money again, and as such has been unable to drink -- when he's not drinking, he loves to read the news for hours instead. Today he was reading a story about a woman who was hospitalized for drinking a bunch of 5-hour energies every day for a couple of weeks, and probably killed her liver. He commented, "Wow, why would anyone even do that? She'd be shaking so hard she wouldn't even be able to write her name. It even says on the bottle that it's dangerous to drink that much. I'll never understand why people do dumb s--t like that."

Yes, I stared at him dumbfounded for a while.

Then again, this is the guy who rails against drunk driving and who is the first to jump in and tell alcoholic (or in danger of becoming) friends that they need to pull themselves together, be a man, and take care of their families. This is also the guy who can barely use his right arm after falling off the porch last week -- who put his head through the sheet rock -- who has had two concussions in less than a year, and numerous others in his life -- who has lost two wives due to drinking (obviously, Ms. #3 here didn't know WHY he lost them at first) -- who has bankrupted himself for drinking -- who has an outstanding fine for driving without the license he lost while drinking (and if I ever catch the cop who pulled him over, I'm definitely going to ask why he wasn't breathalyzed...he was drunk then too) -- who is currently facing massive organ failure when he doesn't stop drinking -- who frequently doesn't even stir from bed, much less make it all the way to the bathroom, to relieve himself while drinking -- yes, I could go on and on and on. Seriously, how can someone so completely fool themselves? Or do they think we're fooled?

</rant>
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Old 07-01-2011, 04:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Rayn3dr0p View Post
Just because they've chosen to be permanent residents in crazy town doesn't mean we have to co-habitate with them.
:rotfxko

So true!!

The denial is huge. My exah is now homeless...spent father's day weekend wandering around a dangerous city with no shoes, having hallucinations...crawled into the back of a preacher's van, was rushed to the hospital and was told that he was within 24 hours of complete kidney failure, was placed in the psych ward for 5 days, is living in his van with no money, no contact with family, no phone... and yet he tells people its not THAT bad...that his family and i have exaggerated about how sick he was.

He was supposed to check himself into a long term rehab facility yesterday but somehow I doubt he has.

At this point, the only thing I can do is pray for him...and keep his life insurance premiums up to date because he WILL kill himself with this drinking unless some miracle happens.

He has two kids who refuse to see him or talk to him until he gets help.

And yet he refuses.

This is a wicked disease. Really wicked. I guess if they were to see and admit that they have a problem, they'd have to do something about it, right?

Unreal.
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Old 07-01-2011, 05:39 AM
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Originally Posted by wywriter View Post
Then again, this is the guy who rails against drunk driving and who is the first to jump in and tell alcoholic (or in danger of becoming) friends that they need to pull themselves together, be a man, and take care of their families. This is also the guy who can barely use his right arm after falling off the porch last week -- who put his head through the sheet rock -- who has had two concussions in less than a year, and numerous others in his life -- who has lost two wives due to drinking (obviously, Ms. #3 here didn't know WHY he lost them at first) -- who has bankrupted himself for drinking -- who has an outstanding fine for driving without the license he lost while drinking (and if I ever catch the cop who pulled him over, I'm definitely going to ask why he wasn't breathalyzed...he was drunk then too) -- who is currently facing massive organ failure when he doesn't stop drinking -- who frequently doesn't even stir from bed, much less make it all the way to the bathroom, to relieve himself while drinking -- yes, I could go on and on and on. Seriously, how can someone so completely fool themselves? Or do they think we're fooled?

</rant>
All I can say is that this is an eerily balanced disease... for every one of those ^, there seems to be one of these.

The disease lives off this balance.

Said with gentle support.

CLMI
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Old 07-01-2011, 06:29 AM
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I woke up this morning thinking about my alcoholic father. He passed away last August and it often bothers me that he died without ever apologizing.

The closest he came to apologizing was shortly before his death he mumbled about being a "piece of sh*t" father. He was also very critical of others, "piece of sh*t" and "dumb a$$" were some of his favorite expressions.

This morning when I thought about his lack of an apology, I thought about all it would have taken for him to truly look at the life that he lead and what he did to his family. It would have been HUGE for him to acknowledge that.

It's so much easier to find fault in others and to tell others how to fix themselves. I know this from experience :-)

Denial is one powerful and often used tool.

Thank you for letting me share.

db
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Old 07-01-2011, 09:07 AM
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I've thought of denial as a way to not have to face something painful until one is ready to face it. I know I lived in my own denial hell for a while.

I've been through mental illness with my loved ones, so I understand how brain disorders work. The person experiencing them is always the last to know. I remember one person in Al-Anon talking about her AH watching the rehab shows on TV and being very judgmental about the people portrayed, and then congratulating her for going to AL-Anon and "fixing herself".
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Old 07-01-2011, 09:42 AM
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My AW isn't nearly that bad...yet. She doesn't have any DWIs, yet... thankfully. She doesn't seem inclined to go anywhere when she's drunk.

She has, however, fallen several times in the past couple of years. She broke her glasses, busted her nose, broke my recliner and finally broke her ankle.

And just a few weeks ago, when our daughter pleaded with her to stop drinking, AW said "What's the big deal if I have a drink or two?"

She just can't, or won't see the problem.
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Old 07-01-2011, 02:19 PM
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Yup... my ABF said that he "might have slipped up a few times. " For him, that's a concession.

- Sylvie
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Old 07-17-2011, 08:15 AM
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Originally Posted by wywriter View Post
So AH is out of money again, and as such has been unable to drink -- when he's not drinking, he loves to read the news for hours instead. Today he was reading a story about a woman who was hospitalized for drinking a bunch of 5-hour energies every day for a couple of weeks, and probably killed her liver. He commented, "Wow, why would anyone even do that? She'd be shaking so hard she wouldn't even be able to write her name. It even says on the bottle that it's dangerous to drink that much. I'll never understand why people do dumb s--t like that."

Yes, I stared at him dumbfounded for a while.

Then again, this is the guy who rails against drunk driving and who is the first to jump in and tell alcoholic (or in danger of becoming) friends that they need to pull themselves together, be a man, and take care of their families. This is also the guy who can barely use his right arm after falling off the porch last week -- who put his head through the sheet rock -- who has had two concussions in less than a year, and numerous others in his life -- who has lost two wives due to drinking (obviously, Ms. #3 here didn't know WHY he lost them at first) -- who has bankrupted himself for drinking -- who has an outstanding fine for driving without the license he lost while drinking (and if I ever catch the cop who pulled him over, I'm definitely going to ask why he wasn't breathalyzed...he was drunk then too) -- who is currently facing massive organ failure when he doesn't stop drinking -- who frequently doesn't even stir from bed, much less make it all the way to the bathroom, to relieve himself while drinking -- yes, I could go on and on and on. Seriously, how can someone so completely fool themselves? Or do they think we're fooled?

</rant>
LOL. They LOVE to point the finger at everyone else don't they? They are absolutely giddy with joy when they find someone who they can find fault with. It's sad.

I'm just reminded that when you point that one finger at others, you have four other fingers pointing right back at you. Nuff said.
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