groomer1

I went to pick up my belongings from XABF last weekend and never expected to see what I did. Okay, he told me he had an occasional glass of wine, even tho he shouldn't with cirrhosis. He was limping, couldn't walk, had a cut over his swollen eye, his glasses were broken in one frame, and he had cuts on his arms. The man I remember at Christmas, opening a bracelet I gave him, looking so nicely put together, and saying, "I'll never take it off, hon.." who has part ownership in a company and is intelligent..how could this be? When I asked what happened, he said he tried to jump over his fence in the backyard to his neighbor's house on the 4th of July. When I asked if substances were involved, he sheepishly said "Yes". I told him that we are not in our 20's any more, and we can't do those things. Obviously, nothing I said affected him. I gave him many weeks with no contact, and this is what I find - accelerated craziness. I can't get this picture of him out of my mind and keep crying thinking I am going to get a phone call soon saying he is dead. I am in AlAnon and they do help me tremendously. But tonight, I need your wonderful words and inspiration, as I read the amazing things you all write. I miss the man I used to know, and I feel so alone. I don't know who this person is. My children are great, but no one replaces the soul mate I could call anytime...

Mariano

Groomer, I am sorry to hear this. I don't know what to say, english is not my first language. Let me send you a hug.

LexieCat

Alcoholism is a sad and tragic disease. People can, and do, die from it. I don't know of any way to "erase" those images. I have plenty, myself, from when my second husband almost died. I'm amazed he is still alive. What I had to do was to stop subjecting myself to it.

There is nothing you can do to help him. I'm glad you are going to Al-Anon.

hwsm

Wow. Your post cuts me to the core. I know how you feel. You wonder where that person went. I haven't had contact with my XABF for 3 weeks, 3 days, and 8 hours. I wonder sometimes if he's gone in the direction of yours. He was my soul mate too. I'm going to try Al-Anon. Just looked up local meetings. Hang in there for your kids. Someone told me on here to be strong for them because they will see how I handle life's tough situations like this. Positive thought headed your way.

groomer1

Muchas grasias for the hug, Mariano. I sure can use one today!

groomer1

Lexie, thank you for telling me someone else lives with these images and goes on. It gives me hope. Rayn, your advice is totally correct; since I am not seeing my therapist until tomorrow, I know she would say the same thing! Taking my twins to the mall today, which we never do, just to browse, so thank you. Hwsm, thanks for reminding me of that important lesson; my kids so need to see mom strong right now. Try different AlAnon groups until you find one that fits for your "home base". Also, go to at least 6 meetings before you decide if it is a good decision. I'm sure you will; it's my lifeline..

coffeedrinker

Welcome to Sober Recovery, Groomer.

This is a great site; please come on back often. It's really good support.