jayscott

Maybe my HP just wants to make sure I hear the message clearly this time. It's so much easier to be clear-minded about what to do when there isn't quacking going on in the background. I don't think I'll have any problems getting through today or tomorrow, assuming the temporary custody order goes through; the planner in me wants to fast forward but I'm trying to ignore that urge.

lillamy

Good luck in court tomorrow.

Remind yourself that if anyone else in the world endangered the life of your baby boy, you'd have their head on a platter faster than they could say "uh"...

The fact that she's his mother doesn't matter. He needs you to be the responsible adult since she's abdicated that role completely.

Shellcrusher

Yeah. I learned here to just do the next right thing.
Your boy is lucky to have you.

jayscott

Good grief, that didn't take long for AW to break her no-contact rule. She just asked me to come pick her up and bring her back to the house. No? How about pay for her cab. No? Well, too bad, apparently, cuz mama she's comin' home.

LexieCat

OMG.

Can you have someone there with you when she gets there? You know, as a witness?

I'd like to have someone there who can relate in what condition she came home, what she says about her sudden departure, any crazy behavior/talk that is bound to be filling your lovely home.

LexieCat

BTW, where is the baby right now? Is he at the house with someone? Is it possible she may try to get the baby?

GettingBy

Good grief... life with an addict is like the weather in CNY...

you don't like it? Wait 30 minutes... it'll change. One minute it's snow, next it's rain... sunshine (for a few seconds)... then back to snow.

The only guarantee? there is no guarantee.

Hang in there buddy. It's going to be a rough ride for a while.

Fandy

there goes a peaceful evening...can you call the police to take her away if she is drunk and a danger to your son? or convince her to go to a relative that will take her for the evening?

buy the lockset tomorrow if you can. and if you have the capacity change the alarm code...or you can buy a cheapie simulation alarm that might scare the crapola out of her with the noise....she won't know the difference.

good luck for court tomorrow....as a mother myself i cannot fathom her actions and lack of concern about her child...(yes, I am an alcoholic..on month #9 of recovery).

seekingcalm

Boy...I am thinking of you Jayscott, and of your baby boy. You both deserve so much better, and in time things will be better, I am sure of it.

Your AW's actions are tough to take, but she is making it so much easier for you in the long run. Your HP is looking out for you...with every awful step, your AW is giving you the clarity and the focus you need to go the distance this time.

My best to you...stay strong.

FreeingMyself

Jay-
I really understand the pull/push in this. My stbxah pulls that missing the kids, I'm so sad etc/then last time I needed him to pick them up the babysitter said she thought he'd been drinking...she was right. Really he loves them SO much that he would do this. I do know he loves them, but what kind of mother would I be if I knew he did that - he will NEVER pick up the kids from the babysitter again! I think an alcoholics love is tragic - it's like their love for drinking competes with their love for everything else...almost like the devil/angel on each shoulder arguing. Unfortunately it has taken me a long time to realize, but I think that alcohol almost always wins. Good luck to you - try to stay strong!! I am a softy when it comes to my kids and wanting what is best...and him turning our family upside down is not what is best!! Take care!

zrx1200R

Stay strong, my friend. She has shown her true colors many times. And you are no longer wearing the foggles concealing her actions.

The next few days and weeks will be difficult I'm sure. No doubt you are in the middle of some serious crazy making right now.

Don't try to make sense of it, don't try to save every penny. If you have to leave, then do so. If she goes crazy, call the cops and have them take her away.

Stay cool and focused.

Best wishes for a good outcome tomorrow.

MayaandMe

That is exactly what I was thinking! Just another little push in the right direction.
Hope everything goes as smoothly as possible tomorrow.

jayscott

Oh, lordy, lordy, crazy is as crazy does! She did indeed come home tonight...drunk. Vodka and cranberry mixed in an Ocean Spray container (the big 32oz one) seemed to be the strategy today. She of course denied that she'd been drinking, even though you could smell the vodka from 3 feet. Came home to "see the baby" but only spent 10 minutes with him before sneaking off, finishing off the rest of the vodka, and crashing on the bed upstairs...insanity. I feel so much pity right now. Frankly, I think she drank enough that she won't be completely sober by the time we're supposed to be at the courthouse tomorrow.

She started making threats of suicide again if she loses the baby. She's done this before and it was just manipulative posturing, but I don't really know when to treat it more seriously and call someone. Thoughts?

lillamy

It's certainly something I would bring up at the hearing tomorrow (well, run it by your lawyer, but you know what I mean) because suicide threats are in some states considered a form of domestic violence.

That might be a twofer: You get another sign of her deterioration AND you get to tell someone that she's threatening suicide. My guess is that it's just quacking. My AXH tells our youngest kid that same sob story.

I have sympathy, too -- but like someone wrote here a few weeks ago, if someone has cancer and refuses to seek medical help, there's not much you can do for them.

Hang in there & don't let her sidetrack you.

LaPinturaBella

Sending prayers that court goes smoothly and in YOUR favor tomorrow!!!

naive

i would take some time to prepare for court today...bring any documentation you have (if you haven't been documenting, you could go through your posts here and quickly create a history from your posts)...bring your phone with any relevant text messages from her...bring any statements from those who have witnessed her behavior, such as child minders, your family who stayed to care for the baby whilst she drank, etc.

i would render a guess that she will not go to court with you today. she'll be hungover and needing a curer....if, perchance, she does, you should discuss the fact that her blood alcohol level will test positive with your lawyer...the court could order a breathalyzer which should read positive.

i think everything will go smoothly and in your favor...the judge will have seen this many times before...the courts are concerned about the child's well being...that always comes first and it will be clear that you are the sane, sober parent as she's already had a stint in rehab.

bring documentation!

good luck and let us know how it goes.

naive

GettingBy

Thinking of you Jayscott.... Sending lots of prayers your way.

skippernlilg

I like the idea someone else brought up about letting your attorney know about her suicide threats. Maybe he/she will have an idea of how to handle it. It sure is a sign of deterioration.

I remember ABF constant threats of suicide and not knowing what to do. I called his mother. And now he's living over there in one of her properties. I'm pretty sure he's telling her I was the reason he felt so terrible all the time. Now that he's there, I remember that it's really none of my business what other people think about me. But I understand your concern. What if she really did it? And the baby was there? Yes, this is a major concern and not one to fool around with. I wouldn't want to be guessing about what is right either. I hope your attorney can help you find a clear path on this one.

Best wishes today, Jayscott.

Thumper

Personally I would make a call anytime she threatens suicide.

I do not really see any negatives from making that call. You do not have to decide if she is for real or not. There are people with lots of training and degrees that will figure that one out.

Positives - If she is suicidal she'll get help. If she is manipulating she'll probablly stop. If she is unstable (she must be - stable people don't mention suicide) the courts will see that and you'll have more people assessing her. I wouldn't someone that unstable alone with a baby for even an hour.

LexieCat

As unthinkable as it may seem, people who threaten suicide (and mean it) are at high risk for taking others with them.

She needs to be OUT of the house and NOT with the baby except under supervision.

Good luck today, hope you are able to make some progress.