jamaicamecrazy

I was just catching up on some DVR'd Glee episodes and one line jumped out at me.
It was about the guidance counselor who has OCD and she was talking to a therapist. She told the therapist that this was just who she was.
The therapist responded,
"Your illness is not who you're supposed to be-it's keeping you from who you are supposed to be."

For a long time I have known that my husband has some OCD and anxiety issues and that the alcohol is self medication for him. It has gotten worse.
Not sure if the anxiety has gotten worse or his inability to deal with it without medication has gotten worse. A few years ago the doctor had suggested a "chill pill". He did not want to take one. He thought it would change who he was and his ability to feel all his emotions.
Recently he said that he knew he needed medication but that he liked himself this way. Well, fewer and fewer people are liking him this way from what I can see.

It just made me cry because it reminded me of how I have felt about him for the past few years. The alcohol is not who he is-it is what prevents him from being who he is supposed to be.

I know this falls dangerously close to the edge of me wanting to control his life and seeing "potential" but I do know that he was a great husband, a great father, a great friend and he is not wanting to be any of those things now. Yeah- his choice and I should just just let him but I still hope one day he takes inventory and realizes that this is not who he is "supposed to be".
It is who he chooses to be because he does not seek the treatment he needs.