ANEWAUGUST

Actively enabling this alcoholic with kindness kept me drinking. The kindest thing my husband did was to set a boundary, a line, that I knew if I crossed, I would lose everything. He stopped putting the cushion under my *ss, and I finally hit bottom.

Only then, could I get up.

You are doing the kindest thing for your son, protect him at all costs.

Fandy

I bought the Kwikset brand at Home Depot...I think it cost $55.00 for 1 key type for both the lock and deadbolt.

At one time I did have the Schlage (not the one mentioned above) and the innards popped out of the deadbolt center (that's how I learned to change a lock)...it was only about 6 years old.

Hollyanne

Sorry Jayscott, but you KNOW you are not at fault.
She will do what she will do.
You just put one foot in front of the other and do not weaken your resolve.
She MUST take responsibility for herself.
We cannot make anyone else responsible for our sadness or our happiness.
If the worst happens and she harms herself, I am very sorry for her, but she cannot hold you and your baby hostage. That is just not fair.
Keep strong and thanks for sharing. I know it must be very hard. Prayers for you and your wife and of course for your little one.

Carol Star

Praying for you.

grateful101010

Thanks for checking in. So sorry for your very tough situation. You're at this stage: The baby's in the carseat, you're sitting in the driver's seat, and you're about to put your left foot in the car, shut the door, and drive away. Just you and the baby. Shut the door and drive away, start your journey together.

Keep your eyes on the road and don't get distracted again.

Tuffgirl

Prayers, Jayscott. Can't say anything better than has already been said here, except for that.

Take good care!
~T

HeyImme

Thinking of you tonight, Jay...you are doing the right thing...your sweet boy needs you to stand up for him, and you're doing just that...she can fend for herself...

jayscott

Thank you, everyone, for refilling my emotional energy reserves throughout the day.

Met with the lawyer today to finalize the paperwork for Thursday; everything is finally in place. Her lawyer will get notified tomorrow morning, and we're scheduled to show up Thursday morning.

One complication: she's gone. She left the house earlier today and checked into a rehab or detox program while I was at work; I don't know exactly where, since she doesn't want to tell me. Probably just as well, she says she's safe. She left her car behind. I've got the baby and the house.

It's so quiet.

naive

press on.

just because she says she's in a rehab, doesn't mean that is where she actually is.

if she is indeed there, it does not mean she won't leave and go somewhere else to drink.

if she stays, it doesn't mean she will participate fully.

i am finding it hard to imagine a mother can just pick up, leave the baby and leave no contact information. what if there is an emergency? it is not fair to you for her to do this with out any notice. wholly selfish. from where i sit, feels like a strategic move on her part...she must have some idea of your plans...

that said, enjoy the peace and quiet.

ANEWAUGUST

Maybe this time, she has chosen life over the insanity of actively drinking, maybe not. Time is the only thing that will answer that question.

Keep moving forward, protecting your son.

His mother needs to recover so that she can be in his life, wether you and she are together or not.

LexieCat

Seems to me that running to rehab is her "go-to" response whenever she feels you are threatening to leave with the baby. She's counting on that to stave off the inevitable.

Of course, you know what happens the minute it looks as if you might be willing to give her another chance.

Keep moving forward. She still has the chance to be a mom, AFTER she gets well.

nodaybut2day

This. x 100.

It's a bluff, whether she's in an actual rehab or not...She's trying to cover her @ss (while walking away from an infant without leaving contact info btw) because she knows you're holding a big stick.

Her actions are catching up to her.

What does your lawyer say about continuing with the proceedings in her absence? Can you obtain interim custody by default? I'd get his opinion on this before Thursday...You don't want to go to court and end up being given a later court date because she's a no show. That will give her more time to try to delay the inevitable.

jayscott

I was actually in the car on my way to the lawyer's office to finalize paperwork when I received the text messages about her leaving for wherever it is she went, so I discussed the messages with him. One interpretation is that it looks like abandonment, but another interpretation is that she is no longer in the house and therefore there is not an immediate threat to the child's safety and therefore no legal reason to impose a custody order in advance of a formal hearing. All depends on which judge is assigned tomorrow. He feels it's a pretty strong case at the moment, given the history, and certainly agreed that there is no reason to stop the filing.

I got a call from her employer this morning, very worried about her since they still hadn't heard anything from her. Didn't really feel like it was my place to spill all the details, and all she said to tell them if they contacted me was that she had gone out of town. Hopefully they don't think I'm some sort of psycho husband.

Shellcrusher

I can't say that I'd care what my AW's employer thought about me. Normal people know what's going on even if they don't really know. I believe in the end, it all comes out in the wash.
Good luck man. We're all here for you.

jayscott

I only care what they think of me to the degree that I don't want them calling the cops on me because they're afraid that something happened to her and I'm involved because I'm being secretive.

Fandy

it sounds odd...she's got a very young child, leaves her job with no notice, telling YOU to give them the weird message (i would just give her employer her phone number and let HER deal with them)...and runs off to rehab...like it's a spa day? Who does that??? Who PAYS for that???

bruingirl

jayscott, there is no more better advice that i can give then whats already been posted..and im sure you know in your heart the right thing to do as well. all i can say is that you just have to keep trucking along...let her do what she wants to do, dont let her erratic actions (going to rehab for a day??) deter your resolve! prayers that you get through this new step as unscathed as possible!

Shellcrusher

I hear what you're saying and think Fandy has a good solution.

ValJester

Thinking of you Jay, hold tight... (A.F.K.A. Reefbreakbda)

jayscott

Shell / Fandy -- I don't disagree, except that they've been calling her cell phone for a day and a half now and she just won't answer. She's gone no-contact with them. (I know, not my problem.) Pretty sure she's burned THAT bridge, though.