I think XABFS drinking has left me with alcohol problems as well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 39
I think XABFS drinking has left me with alcohol problems as well.
I felt the need to admit to all of you wonderful people that not only have I been affected by a loved ones drinking, but I have come to believe that I have a problem as well. Below is a copy of a post I put on another board here. Just wondering if anyone else here can relate to developing a drinking problem despite your complete disgust of a loved ones drinking?
"I am a single mother to two amazing children, 5 and 7 years old.
I never had a problem with drinking until 3.5 years ago when I fell in love with an alcoholic. I didn't realize that he was at the time....I just thought we were both newly divorced and cutting loose. By the time I realized he had a severe problem we were already living together and drinking together every night. I focused a lot of my energy on his problem and failed to realize the making of my own. He drank all day and I only drank at night. He vomited, I never did. He wet the bed, I never did. He couldn't get up in the morning, I always did. He drank hard liquor, I preferred wine. I left him in September and he has gotten worse and has been very nasty and threatening. I came to this forum to post on the friends and family section and have received wonderful support there. I am just today feeling brave enough to admit that I am an alcoholic too. I home school my children and by evening I am craving my drink. Every night at seven or eight I open my bottle of wine. The first sip is instant relief. When the bottle becomes half empty a weird panic sneaks up on me. I drink the last drink slowly, scared and sad that the bottle is empty. My kids joke about how much I love wine and it makes me sad. Today is day number one for me. I want to stop. I want to be healthy and present for my kids. We are going to Dinsey on March 11th with my ex-husband (my kids father) and I don't want to worry about hiding my drinking from him. Since February is a short month I will celebrate my 30 days in Disney with my kids! I am sticking to this goal!"
"I am a single mother to two amazing children, 5 and 7 years old.
I never had a problem with drinking until 3.5 years ago when I fell in love with an alcoholic. I didn't realize that he was at the time....I just thought we were both newly divorced and cutting loose. By the time I realized he had a severe problem we were already living together and drinking together every night. I focused a lot of my energy on his problem and failed to realize the making of my own. He drank all day and I only drank at night. He vomited, I never did. He wet the bed, I never did. He couldn't get up in the morning, I always did. He drank hard liquor, I preferred wine. I left him in September and he has gotten worse and has been very nasty and threatening. I came to this forum to post on the friends and family section and have received wonderful support there. I am just today feeling brave enough to admit that I am an alcoholic too. I home school my children and by evening I am craving my drink. Every night at seven or eight I open my bottle of wine. The first sip is instant relief. When the bottle becomes half empty a weird panic sneaks up on me. I drink the last drink slowly, scared and sad that the bottle is empty. My kids joke about how much I love wine and it makes me sad. Today is day number one for me. I want to stop. I want to be healthy and present for my kids. We are going to Dinsey on March 11th with my ex-husband (my kids father) and I don't want to worry about hiding my drinking from him. Since February is a short month I will celebrate my 30 days in Disney with my kids! I am sticking to this goal!"
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 344
I drank too as a coping mechanism while with exah. It was how our courtship was formed--around alcohol. I too thought we were newly divorced people cutting loose.
When I biatched about his daily enubriation, my daughter told me--Mom, he is not the only one that drinks too much, you both do!
That was it for me. That sentence, and I was done. I started tapering off, no more than two glasses of wine, then no more than one, then only half a glass, then zero. I had to give up the fairy tale of alcohol that had become my life.
Last 3 years of the marriage I was sober 95% of the time, and when drinking, it was very light, as I craved, but I could control it. It didn't make the marriage look prettier.
You can do this.
When I biatched about his daily enubriation, my daughter told me--Mom, he is not the only one that drinks too much, you both do!
That was it for me. That sentence, and I was done. I started tapering off, no more than two glasses of wine, then no more than one, then only half a glass, then zero. I had to give up the fairy tale of alcohol that had become my life.
Last 3 years of the marriage I was sober 95% of the time, and when drinking, it was very light, as I craved, but I could control it. It didn't make the marriage look prettier.
You can do this.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Yes, I too understand!
Please explore all areas of this forum and make yourself at home. We are all here to help you with support, encouragement and our personal experiences.
I was married to my alcoholic 14 years. At some point in the marriage, I felt my A was more attracted to other women than myself. Especially the drunk, social women. So, I became one. At some point, my drinking passed that acceptable level and became my obsession.
You are not alone.
I had to want my own sobriety more than I wanted my marriage, my career, my children. My sobriety had to become my priority. I had to want sobriety more than anything else or I was risking losing everything.
I have my sobriety, but I did lose the marriage, the house, and my excellent credit rating. In their place, I have self respect, the respect of my close friends, my children, and my family. And I have hope for today!
You can do this!
Please explore all areas of this forum and make yourself at home. We are all here to help you with support, encouragement and our personal experiences.
I was married to my alcoholic 14 years. At some point in the marriage, I felt my A was more attracted to other women than myself. Especially the drunk, social women. So, I became one. At some point, my drinking passed that acceptable level and became my obsession.
You are not alone.
I had to want my own sobriety more than I wanted my marriage, my career, my children. My sobriety had to become my priority. I had to want sobriety more than anything else or I was risking losing everything.
I have my sobriety, but I did lose the marriage, the house, and my excellent credit rating. In their place, I have self respect, the respect of my close friends, my children, and my family. And I have hope for today!
You can do this!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
My own drinking took off after my second alcoholic marriage ended, and I have been sober in AA for two and a half years now.
My suggestion is that you get to an AA meeting. They are warm and friendly places, full of hope. You owe it to yourself and your kids to have a wonderful life.
My suggestion is that you get to an AA meeting. They are warm and friendly places, full of hope. You owe it to yourself and your kids to have a wonderful life.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
I am just today feeling brave enough to admit that I am an alcoholic too.
Today is day number one for me. I want to stop. I want to be healthy and present for my kids.
Today is day number one for me. I want to stop. I want to be healthy and present for my kids.
Please get all the help you need from everywhere you can get it.
Beth
PS
Disney will be a lot more fun if you are not hungover.
Do not ask me how I know.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 39
Thanks for sharing your own stories and for your encouragement. I'm going to do whatever it takes to get through this crazy time in my life. Al Anon and AA are hard for me because of child care, but I'm going to make a point to go when the kids are with their dad or when my dad is around to watch them. I've tried to stop before, but I've never gone "public" with it until now. I'm feeling really confident that I can do this.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 2,052
You are not alone. The amount of alcohol and pot I consumed during the first years of wife's drinking is so scary I avoid thinking about it (I've got a 100 percent denial policy on this topic).
I'll tell you one thing, if I had the money I spent on both between 1998 and 2005, I'd be living pretty large today. Control freak that I am, the moment I realized I was too drunk and stoned to control things the way I wanted, I stopped.
That's when I learned that I can't control things the way I want sober either. That pissed me off, but it also got me moving the right direction in my own
Al-Anon recovery.
Take what you want and leave the rest,
Cyranoak
P.s. I did all this without a physical compulsion to drink and smoke. It was all emotional and psychological for me and I'm very lucky. Had I the physical propensity I'm fairly certain I'd be dead right now, and I'm certain I wouldn't have been able to simply stop.
I'll tell you one thing, if I had the money I spent on both between 1998 and 2005, I'd be living pretty large today. Control freak that I am, the moment I realized I was too drunk and stoned to control things the way I wanted, I stopped.
That's when I learned that I can't control things the way I want sober either. That pissed me off, but it also got me moving the right direction in my own
Al-Anon recovery.
Take what you want and leave the rest,
Cyranoak
P.s. I did all this without a physical compulsion to drink and smoke. It was all emotional and psychological for me and I'm very lucky. Had I the physical propensity I'm fairly certain I'd be dead right now, and I'm certain I wouldn't have been able to simply stop.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 821
Good for you, Idul.
Like Pelican suggested, check out the rest of this forum if you haven't already. There's a spot for people such as yourself working through the same things. I know several folks post in both spots as part of their recovery.
Like Pelican suggested, check out the rest of this forum if you haven't already. There's a spot for people such as yourself working through the same things. I know several folks post in both spots as part of their recovery.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Originally Posted by Idul 
Today is day 2. I feel a sense of certainty about stopping that I have never felt before. It feels very empowering to be returning to the me I was before ever meeting XABF.
I had that sense of certainty too.
Just keep going for help, gotta have it early in the process.
Beth
Day 2.
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