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Shellcrusher's Story - 1st Time sharing = Long

Old 01-31-2011, 08:11 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
BTB
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Shellcrusher, thank you for sharing your story. It sounds a lot like mine without kids though. I live with a digital tape recorder in my life, similar to you and the video recorder. I wonder if normal people live with such devices in their lives? A tough road ahead with many forks to take, hope you find the forks that works out well work both you and your son.

As I read so many of these stories, I am constantly thinking about possible underlying disorders, like borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, bi-polar, etc. that alcoholism is just one of the symptoms of the disorder versus is it just the alcohol and wonder if the alcohol goes away do their personalities change. Guess it is has to be evaluated on an individual basis.
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Old 01-31-2011, 08:21 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Imho...

Originally Posted by BTB View Post
As I read so many of these stories, I am constantly thinking about possible underlying disorders, like borderline personality disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, bi-polar, etc. that alcoholism is just one of the symptoms of the disorder versus is it just the alcohol and wonder if the alcohol goes away do their personalities change.
My wife was never able to work on her "underlying disorders" because the alcohol didn't allow it. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, anybody can do about the disorders you have listed while an alcoholic is drinking. It's a barrier between the disorder and the treatment, and until it is gone the rest will just continue to manifest.

It is only now, after seven months of sobriety and working the AA Program, that my wife is finding success being treated for what she and her doctor describe as PTSD and Bi-Polar disorder (an assessment with which I agree). That said, since she has been sober the Bi-Polar thing really hasn't manifested. Funny that.
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Old 01-31-2011, 08:30 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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Old 01-31-2011, 08:39 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Thanks for sharing your story. I know it helped me a great deal just reading other people's stories and knowing I am not the only one going through this. It is scary how you could take many stories and just substitute the names. Mine is very similar to yours. I dated my STBXAW for 3 years before we married. Sure, we partied like anyone in their late twenties would, but I never would have imagined I would have ended up in the situation I am in. The scary thing about alcholism is it is very progressive. Every year my STBXAW drank more and more. Before she entered treatment a month ago she was guzzling straight vodka a pint at a time (sometimes more). Vodka seems to be a popular choice. There are underlying mental issues with her as well, but as long as there is alcohol involved, they cannot truly be identified and treated.

All I can say is protect yourself and child. I have a DD and DS that are my world. The promise I made to myself is no matter what happens they will be able to depend on me for their entire life, period. Thanks for sharing and I hope you find some peace.
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Old 02-01-2011, 10:04 AM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Thanks again everyone.

The good news is I have time lines set and I'm working on little things that would make my life easier if I decide to divorce. I have a plan and I'm working on it. Part of that plan is bringing this stuff into the open with all of you.
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Old 02-01-2011, 12:56 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
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Within the past week I have filed divorce papers on AW after 16 years, including 10+ of heavy vodka drinking.

Observations:

1. This really snuck up on me in the beginning, I didn't realize I was married to an alcoholic to start with, in fact, it took a siezure and DT's in intensive care in 2002, for me to realize just what a crazy deal this is.

2. The endless back-and-forth, forgiving, 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 20th chances . . . was followed by ultimate FAILURE after another relapse. It makes me agree with some posts that say "like an idiot, I took her back". I hoped and hoped, and it has just gotten worse and worse.

3. My general feeling about any relationship that seems to be tipping towards one person being a full-blown alcoholic, and the other person worrying and fixing and hoping -- IF THE SOBER PARTNER CAN GET OUT EARLY, GET OUT EARLY. RUN!

I have no kids with my AW, but thanks to wonderful divorce laws, I'm pretty much flushing my first 45 years down the toilet financially and socially -- which I am assuming will be worth it, because this last time, is the last time for me.

Unless she talks me out of it. Someone please smack me if she does.

Thanks to everyone who shares, we do learn from each other, and I rejoice in the truth of these stories. Long live honesty and sobriety.

Blessings!
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Old 02-01-2011, 02:58 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
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Shellcrusher,

Thank-you for posting such wonderfully helpful posts to my thread.

Keep opening up! I know it's difficult, I've written a couple threads then abaondoned them. I need to get back and reply. People will think I'm rude. It's not that. It's processing what I hear, it's not wanting to put myself in the limelight with a thread about me, and it's some guilt, yes guilt, for pointing out the flaws of my exah without pointing out all my flaws too. But this is how we begin to truly begin to get well. Let the SECRET OUT. That's the first step, even to anonymous people on the internet. Let your feelings out. Acknowledge your Truth.
Suffering: Resisting your Truth.
Don't suffer any longer than you have to.
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