Blogs


Notices

So I went to see him in the hospital yesterday....

Old 01-20-2011, 09:58 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
So I went to see him in the hospital yesterday....

he did not look good at all. His stomach is severley distended but they cant drain the fluid from that and his lungs yet because his blood pressure and heart rate is still to high. he cant eat as his tongue is numb and is so painful for him to swallow. It doesnt help that he is restricted of fluids so this makes it even harder because his throat is so dry. so they are going to put a feeding tube in him today.
He looked like death. his arms have wasted away to nothing, no muscle at all.
It was so incredibly heartbreaking to see him like this again (he was in hospital in november).
so he was complaining about 'these people in here' and i said 'YOU ARE IN HERE BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE TO YOURSELF AND ITS ABOUT TIME YOU FACED THAT!'
He just made me so mad. So I asked him if he was going to go to rehab when he got out - if he gets out. his reply 'If I gotta go, I gotta go'
WHAT???? So i said 'that does not sound very convincing' and he said 'you know what mean' and i said 'NO I DONT!!!'
He then went on to say that he just wanted to focus on getting better physically right now and take it one day at at time but that he did want to go to rehab.
I told him that he had to go to rehab for himself and to get sober, and no other reason. I said that when he got out he should concentrate on other things like having our daughter on weekends etc. this was my way of saying that nothing was going to change as far as me and him were concerned.
(we seperated 9 months ago)
the tears welled up in his eyes but I just CANT go back there. EVER!
I dont feel the same way about him anymore, I have seen too many things that turned my stomach, heard too many lies that broke my heart.
I just hope that he will go to rehab and go for the right reasons and maybe accept that it is over between us, drunk or sober.
Ahhh and the guilt comes a-creeping back.....
MissGuided is offline  
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to MissGuided For This Useful Post:
chicory (01-29-2011), Codie101 (01-25-2011), ConfusedNC (01-29-2011), Janitw (01-26-2011), Learn2Live (01-22-2011), lillamy (01-21-2011), nodaybut2day (01-20-2011), NTurn (01-20-2011), pennywistle (01-25-2011), RobbyRobot (01-24-2011), SoloMio (01-20-2011), StarCat (01-20-2011), steve11694 (01-28-2011), tjp613 (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), Verbena (01-20-2011), vujade (01-21-2011), wicked (01-20-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 10:26 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
tjp613's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
Blog Entries: 16
Oh, that is so heartbreaking! I'm sorry If I recall correctly (fat chance), he's relatively young, isn't he?...like 37?
tjp613 is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to tjp613 For This Useful Post:
MissGuided (01-20-2011), wicked (01-20-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 12:44 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Yes he is. and about half an hour ago his mother called me. he was just diagnosed with cirhossis this afternoon.
I am so devestated, I dont know what to say to our 3 year old daughter because I just dont know what the outcome of all this will be.
MissGuided is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MissGuided For This Useful Post:
chicory (01-29-2011), grateful101010 (01-24-2011), tjp613 (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 12:46 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
LucyA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Originally Posted by MissGuided View Post
Ahhh and the guilt comes a-creeping back.....
Unless you held him down, tied him up, or disabled him in some other way, then poured the drink down his throat and made him swallow day after day, you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about!
Please believe that.
As difficult as it is to come to terms with, he has done this by himself.
Alcoholism is an illness, yes, I believe that, but he could choose to stop it.
You can't stop it for him, and you never could have.
I'm so sorry you're going through this and having to see how he is right now, but none of it is your fault, and nothing you did could change it.
LucyA is offline  
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to LucyA For This Useful Post:
barb dwyer (01-20-2011), Codie101 (01-25-2011), coyote21 (01-22-2011), Janitw (01-26-2011), Learn2Live (01-22-2011), MissGuided (01-20-2011), SoloMio (01-20-2011), theuncertainty (01-21-2011), Thumper (01-20-2011), tjp613 (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-20-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 12:52 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
same planet...different world
 
barb dwyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Blog Entries: 7
three year olds
are more concerned
with 'big girl' diaper thingys
and big bird (or Elmo)

and how things work.

I don't think 'explaining' anything to a three year old is a good idea.

Daddy's not here.
Daddy's sick.

That's plenty.
barb dwyer is offline  
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to barb dwyer For This Useful Post:
chicory (01-29-2011), Codie101 (01-25-2011), coyote21 (01-22-2011), Cyranoak (01-20-2011), Janitw (01-26-2011), Learn2Live (01-22-2011), lillamy (01-21-2011), LucyA (01-20-2011), MissGuided (01-20-2011), smacked (01-20-2011), SoloMio (01-20-2011), stella27 (01-20-2011), theuncertainty (01-21-2011), Thumper (01-20-2011), tjp613 (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), vujade (01-21-2011), wicked (01-20-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 12:57 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Thumper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,444
I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I don't have advice just wanted to offer some kind words.
Thumper is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Thumper For This Useful Post:
MissGuided (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-20-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 01:09 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
wicked's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Blog Entries: 1
I am very sorry about the diagnosis.
He is so young, my father made it to 62, but he looked 82.
Sending hope and prayers for you and your baby.

Beth
wicked is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to wicked For This Useful Post:
Learn2Live (01-22-2011), MissGuided (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 01:32 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
three year olds
are more concerned
with 'big girl' diaper thingys
and big bird (or Elmo)

and how things work.

I don't think 'explaining' anything to a three year old is a good idea.

Daddy's not here.
Daddy's sick.

That's plenty.
Yes, she knows her daddy has been sick, and knows when she goes to his mothers house (where he has been staying lately) that hes not there now. so I told her he was at the doctors because of his booboo. she seems to accept this
I suppose I am just torturing myself with what could lie ahead.
The doctor at the hospital said he had a very high score on some sort of scale they use to determine the likelihood of death and was told that if the part of his liver that isnt cirrhotic doesnt start to improve, then he may have 30 days
They also said that the family should come up to the hospital next week to discuss paliative care.
I dont know what to think - im just in a bit of shock right now. I shouldnt be as I had prepared myself for this but .....I am in shock
MissGuided is offline  
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to MissGuided For This Useful Post:
barb dwyer (01-20-2011), chicory (01-29-2011), LucyA (01-20-2011), RobbyRobot (01-24-2011), SoloMio (01-20-2011), tjp613 (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 01:34 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
same planet...different world
 
barb dwyer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
Blog Entries: 7
My mother died when my sons were three and four.

I had to attempt to explain death to them.

I don't know how well I did, but to this day I speak fluent 'toddleese'.
barb dwyer is offline  
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to barb dwyer For This Useful Post:
chicory (01-29-2011), MissGuided (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 01:41 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Today is a New Day
 
StarCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
((((MissGuided))))

I don't know what to say, except that you have us to lean on, and you're not alone.

Alcoholism is such a horrible disease, it steals lives, and it steals futures.

I will be praying and hoping for the best. <3
StarCat is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to StarCat For This Useful Post:
chicory (01-29-2011), iamchange08 (01-29-2011), MissGuided (01-20-2011), tjp613 (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 03:12 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by barb dwyer View Post
My mother died when my sons were three and four.

I had to attempt to explain death to them.

I don't know how well I did, but to this day I speak fluent 'toddleese'.
Thank you! that made me smile - i needed that!
MissGuided is offline  
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MissGuided For This Useful Post:
barb dwyer (01-21-2011), chicory (01-29-2011), coyote21 (01-22-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 03:17 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by StarCat View Post
((((MissGuided))))

I don't know what to say, except that you have us to lean on, and you're not alone.

Alcoholism is such a horrible disease, it steals lives, and it steals futures.

I will be praying and hoping for the best. <3
Thank you starcat. he is very stable right now. plus there is no sign of mental confusion which happens when the liver fails (Im sure most of you might know), so thats a good sign.
After the initial shock, I am going to try and be positive. He is young, he has no other medical problems. the cirhossis has been detected only now, not in november when he was in the last time. So I am taking that to mean that maybe only a part of his liver has scarred and the rest which isnt maybe stands a chance to re-generate. I am praying.
Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts
MissGuided is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MissGuided For This Useful Post:
chicory (01-29-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 03:36 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Brick, NJ
Posts: 52
Missguided, I am so sorry to hear this. You are in my thoughts
corkel is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to corkel For This Useful Post:
chicory (01-29-2011), MissGuided (01-20-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 04:12 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
 
laurie6781's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
I can maybe give you a bit of 'hope.'

I did not have cirrhosis when I got sober in '81. Had liver damage from drinking 24 years, 20 of it alcoholically, but no cirrhosis. However, because in my sobriety I was taking the max of Tylenol for pain, at 14 years sober I was diagnosed with cirrhosis. In the next few years my liver got down to 22% liver function and I would have been put on the transplant list at 20%. I suffered a lot of the side affects of cirrhosis, and had my esophagus lazered 3 times to stop bleeding.

Over time with diet and a doctors help, my liver did start to heal.

It is the only organ in the body that can regenerate. That is why they now do liver transplants from a 'live' donor. The donor's remaining 1/2 of a liver usually regenerates in about 10 weeks, and the other 1/2 that is in the donee takes about the same amount of time.

Today I live fairly well with 56 to 60% liver function.

So ................................. there is 'hope' for him, IF he chooses to find recovery and STOP ingesting alcohol.

Good thoughts and prayers going out to you and your family.

Love and hugs,
laurie6781 is offline  
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to laurie6781 For This Useful Post:
barb dwyer (01-21-2011), chicory (01-29-2011), coyote21 (01-22-2011), Janitw (01-26-2011), Learn2Live (01-22-2011), LexieCat (01-20-2011), Live (01-22-2011), LucyA (01-22-2011), MissGuided (01-20-2011), RobbyRobot (01-24-2011), steve11694 (01-28-2011), Taking5 (01-29-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 04:28 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Oh Thank you so much Laurie.
This is what i am hoping for. I am realisitc but I want to be positive too.
Its so hard for anyone to tell what the prognosis is this early. his enzymes havent gone down but havent gone up either.
I will know more in the coming days as they said its just a case of monitoring for now to see which way its going.

And thats wonderful that you came back from it and can still live a fulfilling life.
Thanks again for the words of hope
MissGuided is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MissGuided For This Useful Post:
tjp613 (01-20-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 04:34 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
MG, one other thing to consider--are they presuming cirrhosis from his blood tests, or have they done a biopsy? My second husband had horrible ascites (they drained 40 quarts of fluid from his abdomen), and the doctors told us IF he survived his hospitalization (he was in a coma for a week and looked like he had been dipped in yellow food coloring) he would definitely need a transplant.

They could not do the biopsy for a few months, but when they did, they found signs of EARLY cirrhosis--not nearly what they expected. He was told if he did not drink and took care of himself he could live a normal life.

Sadly, he went back to drinking and I couldn't take going through all that again so I left after I concluded he wasn't close to being ready to quit.

I hope and pray your husband gets a second chance and puts it to good use. Incidentally, my husband developed mental confusion (encephalopathy) in the hospital, and it got much worse when he got out of the hospital. I did a lot of online research about liver disease and learned that careful nutrition can help a lot. I remember specific advice for a VERY low protein diet.
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
chicory (01-29-2011), Learn2Live (01-22-2011), MissGuided (01-20-2011), RobbyRobot (01-24-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 05:16 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
MG, one other thing to consider--are they presuming cirrhosis from his blood tests, or have they done a biopsy? My second husband had horrible ascites (they drained 40 quarts of fluid from his abdomen), and the doctors told us IF he survived his hospitalization (he was in a coma for a week and looked like he had been dipped in yellow food coloring) he would definitely need a transplant.

They could not do the biopsy for a few months, but when they did, they found signs of EARLY cirrhosis--not nearly what they expected. He was told if he did not drink and took care of himself he could live a normal life.

Sadly, he went back to drinking and I couldn't take going through all that again so I left after I concluded he wasn't close to being ready to quit.

I hope and pray your husband gets a second chance and puts it to good use. Incidentally, my husband developed mental confusion (encephalopathy) in the hospital, and it got much worse when he got out of the hospital. I did a lot of online research about liver disease and learned that careful nutrition can help a lot. I remember specific advice for a VERY low protein diet.
lexicat! What a horrible thing for you to have gone through.
I am not sure what they have done. They were going to drain fluid from his stomach. they took a bit and tested that for infection. he had an ultrasound and blood tests. Im pretty sure he has not had a biopsy - this is something he would know he had i assume?
I went to see him yesterday but didnt speak to any doctors while i was there.
I am going tomorrow so I intend to talk to them then.

My AH and I are already seperated. Unfortunately I reached a point of no return before you did. so I hope that if he gets through this, and it is early cirhossis, that he will not drink and will learn to live a healthy lifestyle - without me as his wife. I will always be there for him, supporting him in his sobriety as I still care for him - he is the father of my child too. And I know that its not him I hate, its the disease I hate.
So my absolute biggest fear is that he will get another chance but will go and drink again. how did you get through that? That must have been heart breaking.

Can I ask how long ago this was? do you know how he is doing now?
MissGuided is offline  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to MissGuided For This Useful Post:
RobbyRobot (01-24-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 06:11 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It was almost fifteen years ago, and so far as I know he is still drinking himself to death.

For a long time he would call me once or twice a year, always drunk, and I'd kindly cut the calls short and tell him to take care of himself. Al-Anon was an absolute LIFESAVER.

I actually married him after his hospitalization, while he was sober (or so I thought--I think he was still sneak-drinking). We lived together only a few months after the marriage. We had moved to another State and he lost his job and I'd come home after looking for a SECOND job to support us, only to find him passed out on the sofa.

I still keep him in my prayers, and hope some day he chooses recovery. He's a nice man. I think I had unwarranted optimism when he started going to AA because my first husband got sober when he was 21--he just celebrated 31 years of sobriety.

So I've seen both outcomes. My own drinking took off after my second divorce, and I am now happily sober in AA for two and a half years.

There's always hope. But we can't get someone else well.
LexieCat is offline  
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to LexieCat For This Useful Post:
coyote21 (01-22-2011), Learn2Live (01-22-2011), MissGuided (01-20-2011), RobbyRobot (01-24-2011), ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 06:15 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
I just spoke to him.... he was crying his eyes out.
Apparently thats why they werent draining the fluid. because he had cirhossis. He said they must have known since he went in but didnt want to tell him! he said they also told him that it was the ascites that caused the cirhossis. I thought it was the other way around no?

we were both crying and I said
'I knew this day would come,didnt you believe it when they said you WILL get cirhossis if you carry on drinking, didnt you think it would come, didnt you think this would happen?'
His reply
'not now, no'
What does that mean? That he was happy to check out of life with cirhossis - as long as it wasnt for another 20 years???
I dont understand
MissGuided is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to MissGuided For This Useful Post:
wicked (01-21-2011)
Old 01-20-2011, 06:21 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: NEW YORK
Posts: 94
Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
It was almost fifteen years ago, and so far as I know he is still drinking himself to death.

For a long time he would call me once or twice a year, always drunk, and I'd kindly cut the calls short and tell him to take care of himself. Al-Anon was an absolute LIFESAVER.

I actually married him after his hospitalization, while he was sober (or so I thought--I think he was still sneak-drinking). We lived together only a few months after the marriage. We had moved to another State and he lost his job and I'd come home after looking for a SECOND job to support us, only to find him passed out on the sofa.

I still keep him in my prayers, and hope some day he chooses recovery. He's a nice man. I think I had unwarranted optimism when he started going to AA because my first husband got sober when he was 21--he just celebrated 31 years of sobriety.

So I've seen both outcomes. My own drinking took off after my second divorce, and I am now happily sober in AA for two and a half years.

There's always hope. But we can't get someone else well.
Thank you Lexie for your candour. And congratulations on your own sobriety.
My AH is too a nice man, aside from him passing out when he was drunk, he never changed when he was drunk. I think maybe thats why it all went on for so long...it was ignored by his family and then by me. Its alot easier to ignore it if he not a nasty drunk. How wrong I was.
MissGuided is offline  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MissGuided For This Useful Post:
ToBeSerene (01-22-2011), wicked (01-21-2011)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:28 PM.