he did not look good at all. His stomach is severley distended but they cant drain the fluid from that and his lungs yet because his blood pressure and heart rate is still to high. he cant eat as his tongue is numb and is so painful for him to swallow. It doesnt help that he is restricted of fluids so this makes it even harder because his throat is so dry. so they are going to put a feeding tube in him today.
He looked like death. his arms have wasted away to nothing, no muscle at all.
It was so incredibly heartbreaking to see him like this again (he was in hospital in november).
so he was complaining about 'these people in here' and i said 'YOU ARE IN HERE BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU HAVE DONE TO YOURSELF AND ITS ABOUT TIME YOU FACED THAT!'
He just made me so mad. So I asked him if he was going to go to rehab when he got out - if he gets out. his reply 'If I gotta go, I gotta go'
WHAT???? So i said 'that does not sound very convincing' and he said 'you know what mean' and i said 'NO I DONT!!!'
He then went on to say that he just wanted to focus on getting better physically right now and take it one day at at time but that he did want to go to rehab.
I told him that he had to go to rehab for himself and to get sober, and no other reason. I said that when he got out he should concentrate on other things like having our daughter on weekends etc. this was my way of saying that nothing was going to change as far as me and him were concerned.
(we seperated 9 months ago)
the tears welled up in his eyes but I just CANT go back there. EVER!
I dont feel the same way about him anymore, I have seen too many things that turned my stomach, heard too many lies that broke my heart.
I just hope that he will go to rehab and go for the right reasons and maybe accept that it is over between us, drunk or sober.
Ahhh and the guilt comes a-creeping back.....
