Today I Feel...
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Tired. It's past my bedtime, and I really should sleep.
Cheerful. I ran across his car in the parking lot this morning, and rather than feel that old pit in my stomach, my first reaction was to notice he took it to the car wash recently (aside from the bird that flew overhead afterwards), and to feel relieved that he was starting to take care of it again.
I also noticed he had a tissue box in the passenger seat - that was my old seat. It felt good, like he was moving on, and replacing me with worrying about his failing health, especially since when he was in the height of his addiction with me, he'd run out and refuse to buy more tissues. He's taking care of the little things, and it made me feel good.
It helped me let go of worrying about his health. He can look out for himself on his own. Whether he does or not, that's his choice.
One more step to letting go.
Frustrated. After those feelings about his recovery this morning, I feel like I'm slipping back in mine a bit. Worrying about him isn't something I thought I was doing lately, but I must have been...
And then that book study drug up some of the old feelings I thought I had worked through. It's good they came back now, when it's safe, so I can work through them for real this time, but darn, I thought I handled that already.
Back again, maybe I can deal with it for good this time.
Fearful. I'll be checking for his car in my rear view mirror. I know it's paranoia, at this point, but that's what I'll be doing.
Grateful. Who'd have thought I'd be grateful to be driving to visit my parents, but I am. It will be good to have a chance of pace for awhile, see some relatives I haven't seen for awhile, and get away to somewhere I won't feel a need to check my rear view mirror. By the time the weekend is over, I will have calmed down enough to stop it again.
Mostly.
Loved. There is a kitten in my lap, six pounds of purring orange fuzz, begging to go to bed with me. How can I refuse? <3
Cheerful. I ran across his car in the parking lot this morning, and rather than feel that old pit in my stomach, my first reaction was to notice he took it to the car wash recently (aside from the bird that flew overhead afterwards), and to feel relieved that he was starting to take care of it again.
I also noticed he had a tissue box in the passenger seat - that was my old seat. It felt good, like he was moving on, and replacing me with worrying about his failing health, especially since when he was in the height of his addiction with me, he'd run out and refuse to buy more tissues. He's taking care of the little things, and it made me feel good.
It helped me let go of worrying about his health. He can look out for himself on his own. Whether he does or not, that's his choice.
One more step to letting go.
Frustrated. After those feelings about his recovery this morning, I feel like I'm slipping back in mine a bit. Worrying about him isn't something I thought I was doing lately, but I must have been...
And then that book study drug up some of the old feelings I thought I had worked through. It's good they came back now, when it's safe, so I can work through them for real this time, but darn, I thought I handled that already.
Back again, maybe I can deal with it for good this time.
Fearful. I'll be checking for his car in my rear view mirror. I know it's paranoia, at this point, but that's what I'll be doing.
Grateful. Who'd have thought I'd be grateful to be driving to visit my parents, but I am. It will be good to have a chance of pace for awhile, see some relatives I haven't seen for awhile, and get away to somewhere I won't feel a need to check my rear view mirror. By the time the weekend is over, I will have calmed down enough to stop it again.
Mostly.
Loved. There is a kitten in my lap, six pounds of purring orange fuzz, begging to go to bed with me. How can I refuse? <3
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
... barely able to function.
... heading off the panic attacks by breathing and constructing my dream home in my head
... like one of those pine trees that the wind has forced to grow into strange shapes, tenacious and sinewy and strong but wounded and damaged
... scared, angry, and sad, in no particular order.
... heading off the panic attacks by breathing and constructing my dream home in my head
... like one of those pine trees that the wind has forced to grow into strange shapes, tenacious and sinewy and strong but wounded and damaged
... scared, angry, and sad, in no particular order.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Managua, Nicaragua
Posts: 135
Grateful for the chance to grow and stretch in my recovery One Day at a Time. My daughter and I are spending Spring Break visiting her Dad (my exABF) for the first time in 2 years. A lot of emotions are coming up for me, great time to reflect.
Nervous about my daughter's upcoming tonsillectomy and my mom's throat cancer.
Overwhelmed, sometimes it is hard to be a good single parent and I wish there was someone else to share the load with.
Hopeful that I will begin to build a relationship with my HP that I have never had before in my life.
Nervous about my daughter's upcoming tonsillectomy and my mom's throat cancer.
Overwhelmed, sometimes it is hard to be a good single parent and I wish there was someone else to share the load with.
Hopeful that I will begin to build a relationship with my HP that I have never had before in my life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 428
Today I feel...
confused: Having lunch with AH today and I am at a place where I just don't know how to handle our marriage.
Hopeful: Knowing/believing that Alanon works and gets people to a better place in life. I can't wait to be there.
happy: because I really do have the best kids!
Have a peaceful day everyone!
confused: Having lunch with AH today and I am at a place where I just don't know how to handle our marriage.
Hopeful: Knowing/believing that Alanon works and gets people to a better place in life. I can't wait to be there.
happy: because I really do have the best kids!
Have a peaceful day everyone!
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Conflicted. I am debating getting a second young cat, to keep Peaches company. Do I really want another cat? I am so lucky with Peaches. <3
Nervous. I will be heading to visit my parents tomorrow, for the weekend. I can never tell what to expect with them, and whether or not they'll be on good behavior.
Excited. I am staying REALLY late after work, to go to a performance at my AA friend's church. He said they've been working on it for months, and I'd really like to see it. I can't wait!
Nervous. I will be heading to visit my parents tomorrow, for the weekend. I can never tell what to expect with them, and whether or not they'll be on good behavior.
Excited. I am staying REALLY late after work, to go to a performance at my AA friend's church. He said they've been working on it for months, and I'd really like to see it. I can't wait!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: At the top of my mountain.
Posts: 124
Anticipatory--I'm going to hot yoga today, and it is going to kick my a**!
Hungry--because I'm looking forward to lunch.
Unburdened--because my thoughts are focused on me, instead of him.
Hungry--because I'm looking forward to lunch.
Unburdened--because my thoughts are focused on me, instead of him.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere in the big ole' world....
Posts: 545
Grateful-my mom is here for a visit - I am so grateful she still is fit enough to travel this distance to come and see me.
Calm-there is no more chaotic behaviour to worry about as my ABF is now my EXABF.
Nervous-school starts in two weeks!
Grateful#2-for everyone here at SR as we all draw ESH from each other, whatever we are feeling.
Calm-there is no more chaotic behaviour to worry about as my ABF is now my EXABF.
Nervous-school starts in two weeks!
Grateful#2-for everyone here at SR as we all draw ESH from each other, whatever we are feeling.
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Tired, watched 3 episodes of "Law and order" until 2 AM...
Cheerful about going back to the gym today
Confused about the future
Hopeful about my mom flying to meet her first grandchild this week
Introspective because grand dad died, I have limited contact with my dad and went NC 100% with last EX so it feels like I am mourning a GHOST because none of those 3 "male figures" were there for me.
These leads me to ... Resentful
Motivated about doing a good job today
Cheerful this time for lunch time as I will go to my favorite place with Mexican dishes.
Cheerful about going back to the gym today
Confused about the future
Hopeful about my mom flying to meet her first grandchild this week
Introspective because grand dad died, I have limited contact with my dad and went NC 100% with last EX so it feels like I am mourning a GHOST because none of those 3 "male figures" were there for me.
These leads me to ... Resentful
Motivated about doing a good job today
Cheerful this time for lunch time as I will go to my favorite place with Mexican dishes.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,103
Today I feel:
*like I need to do better at NOT thinking about my exabf
*inspired to do a lot of writing about my experiences
*at peace and quiet, working on my business activities while I watch CNBC
*determined to keep working out at my condo gym and swimming-keep on track with my physical health activities
*determined to go to an al-anon meeting in a few hours
*just constantly, minute by minute, trying to focus on myself and my own recovery but finding it to be a struggle
*trying to go easy on myself and not beat myself up that I have re-read my exabf's last email to me more than once. Everytime I read it, it stirs up emotions that aren't healthy, and I'd really rather stop thining about him.
*like I need to do better at NOT thinking about my exabf
*inspired to do a lot of writing about my experiences
*at peace and quiet, working on my business activities while I watch CNBC
*determined to keep working out at my condo gym and swimming-keep on track with my physical health activities
*determined to go to an al-anon meeting in a few hours
*just constantly, minute by minute, trying to focus on myself and my own recovery but finding it to be a struggle
*trying to go easy on myself and not beat myself up that I have re-read my exabf's last email to me more than once. Everytime I read it, it stirs up emotions that aren't healthy, and I'd really rather stop thining about him.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Today I feel...
Important. Important to myself, anyway. I drove home from my parents' last night, through a giant thunderstorm, and stayed up late because I wanted to. I slept in this morning, and while everyone else was stuck in rush hour I took a leisurely drive to the Eye Doctor to pick up my glasses. (They open at 9:00am, usually I try to be on my way to work by 7:00am). By the time I started to work, rush hour was over, and I only have to work 6 hours today, if that's all I want to work - because I worked 10 hours on Friday. It feels great - and I have my glasses now, and a new pair of contacts to try (my eyes did not like the other brand they gave me).
Calm. I am back in my own space, away from the dysfunctional insanity that is my family.
Uneasy. I started getting bad vibes from my sister's boyfriend. He seems to be nice enough at first, but over time I just got a bad feeling. I don't know what it is, and I would like to know where this bad feeling is coming from so I can figure out if it's a problem on his end or mine. I know if it's on his end, he's my sister's choice, nothing I can do about it, but I'd just like to know, because I might be reacting to something in a way I shouldn't, and that's something I'd have to fix on my end.
Excited. I am going to stop at the hardware store today, and pick up some supplies for my balcony (dirt, herbs). I'm going to start an herb garden first, because I want one. I might pick up a tomato plant, too, I've been trying to decide if I'll eat enough tomatoes.
While I'm there, I'm going to look for parts for a homemade Kitty Condo. I have NO idea what I'm doing, but that's what will make it fun, right? *Grins* I figure if I get some good pieces of wood, some carpet remnants, and some rope, I can play around with my design for awhile before I actually do the "putting things together" part.
Important. Important to myself, anyway. I drove home from my parents' last night, through a giant thunderstorm, and stayed up late because I wanted to. I slept in this morning, and while everyone else was stuck in rush hour I took a leisurely drive to the Eye Doctor to pick up my glasses. (They open at 9:00am, usually I try to be on my way to work by 7:00am). By the time I started to work, rush hour was over, and I only have to work 6 hours today, if that's all I want to work - because I worked 10 hours on Friday. It feels great - and I have my glasses now, and a new pair of contacts to try (my eyes did not like the other brand they gave me).
Calm. I am back in my own space, away from the dysfunctional insanity that is my family.
Uneasy. I started getting bad vibes from my sister's boyfriend. He seems to be nice enough at first, but over time I just got a bad feeling. I don't know what it is, and I would like to know where this bad feeling is coming from so I can figure out if it's a problem on his end or mine. I know if it's on his end, he's my sister's choice, nothing I can do about it, but I'd just like to know, because I might be reacting to something in a way I shouldn't, and that's something I'd have to fix on my end.
Excited. I am going to stop at the hardware store today, and pick up some supplies for my balcony (dirt, herbs). I'm going to start an herb garden first, because I want one. I might pick up a tomato plant, too, I've been trying to decide if I'll eat enough tomatoes.
While I'm there, I'm going to look for parts for a homemade Kitty Condo. I have NO idea what I'm doing, but that's what will make it fun, right? *Grins* I figure if I get some good pieces of wood, some carpet remnants, and some rope, I can play around with my design for awhile before I actually do the "putting things together" part.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
Today I feel:
Surprisingly GREAT for the first time in a long time!
Sore: from moving stuff...am getting too old for that. Next time - hire movers!
Anxious: have a busy week and no internet or cable at the house. Teenagers freaking out over that one but so far, we're surviving. We can make it to Thursday in the "stone age" as they are calling it.
Proud: I am kicking serious butt on home improvement projects! New lighting fixtures - check. Power washed back deck - check. Took down very ugly porch enclosure - check. Paint - check. Thank Dad for raising me to be independent and proficient with power tools - check!
Grateful: Today I have the means to handle my life in a way that allows me to walk on my HP's path. I am thankful for having those means today.
Surprisingly GREAT for the first time in a long time!
Sore: from moving stuff...am getting too old for that. Next time - hire movers!
Anxious: have a busy week and no internet or cable at the house. Teenagers freaking out over that one but so far, we're surviving. We can make it to Thursday in the "stone age" as they are calling it.
Proud: I am kicking serious butt on home improvement projects! New lighting fixtures - check. Power washed back deck - check. Took down very ugly porch enclosure - check. Paint - check. Thank Dad for raising me to be independent and proficient with power tools - check!
Grateful: Today I have the means to handle my life in a way that allows me to walk on my HP's path. I am thankful for having those means today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
More at ease with myself - at the moment, any way. Thanks to all SR friends for your help and patience!
Inspired by Tuffgirl and Alice on the home front, have left a message with the mortgage broker I was working with before I realized I should file for divorce BEFORE buying a home (and as a result used up my downpayment....)
Amazed - that I am actually contemplating again living on my own without (too much) anxiety at the thought of being on my own. Also contemplating adopting a very large dog when I finally get back to where I can afford a home is helping that.
Today, I'm able to separate out hatred for XAH and the cr-p he put DS and I through and feelings towards myself about 'allowing' that.
Inspired by Tuffgirl and Alice on the home front, have left a message with the mortgage broker I was working with before I realized I should file for divorce BEFORE buying a home (and as a result used up my downpayment....)
Amazed - that I am actually contemplating again living on my own without (too much) anxiety at the thought of being on my own. Also contemplating adopting a very large dog when I finally get back to where I can afford a home is helping that.
Today, I'm able to separate out hatred for XAH and the cr-p he put DS and I through and feelings towards myself about 'allowing' that.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Palatine IL
Posts: 57
Today I feel..
- Uneasy, home's been uneasy because of my wife's relapse a couple of weeks ago and work's been uneasy because I am re-learning something that I haven't used in about 5 years.
- Sick - bad cold doesn't help things, but since the cold has messed with my voice, I've got this Issac Hayes, 70's soul voice going, which is quite fun while talking with people on the phone today.
- Starting on focus - getting my head wrapped around financial issues that have been sitting too long with the focus on the divorce.
- Uneasy, home's been uneasy because of my wife's relapse a couple of weeks ago and work's been uneasy because I am re-learning something that I haven't used in about 5 years.
- Sick - bad cold doesn't help things, but since the cold has messed with my voice, I've got this Issac Hayes, 70's soul voice going, which is quite fun while talking with people on the phone today.
- Starting on focus - getting my head wrapped around financial issues that have been sitting too long with the focus on the divorce.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
Today I feel...
Excited. My red cascade rose plant will be arriving today! I can't wait. I am going to grow roses on my balcony this summer. This is the first of four roses I have ordered (the other three will be shipped later). I figure if it grows at least one flower, and survives the winter, I am doing awesome.
Nervous. I will be the speaker at an Al-Anon meeting tonight. I've never even been to this meeting before, I don't know who will be there, or how many people... I know what I'm going to talk about, I stayed up way too late last night working on it, I know I will be fine... I will also be glad when I am done talking, though.
Hungry. I know, I know, HALT and all that. I'm leaving work in 10 minutes, though, so I'd rather hold off until I get home, I can have a nice giant glass of Milk, then I'll be meeting a friend for a small dinner before the meeting. (I can pig out on peanut butter cup ice cream after the meeting, too, as a treat).
Excited. My red cascade rose plant will be arriving today! I can't wait. I am going to grow roses on my balcony this summer. This is the first of four roses I have ordered (the other three will be shipped later). I figure if it grows at least one flower, and survives the winter, I am doing awesome.
Nervous. I will be the speaker at an Al-Anon meeting tonight. I've never even been to this meeting before, I don't know who will be there, or how many people... I know what I'm going to talk about, I stayed up way too late last night working on it, I know I will be fine... I will also be glad when I am done talking, though.
Hungry. I know, I know, HALT and all that. I'm leaving work in 10 minutes, though, so I'd rather hold off until I get home, I can have a nice giant glass of Milk, then I'll be meeting a friend for a small dinner before the meeting. (I can pig out on peanut butter cup ice cream after the meeting, too, as a treat).
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Originally Posted by theuncertainty 
Drained - I don't know how else to put it. I feel like I have nothing left to offer any one.
Tearful - Every little thing is making me break down in tears.
Tearful - Every little thing is making me break down in tears.
I feel..
Overwhelmed - To many things to do on my to-do list and I don't know how to make them all happen. I'm even struggling with prioritizing right now it is so much.
Afraid - My dad recently moved to a nursing home. I have so much responsibility with regards to that now but it is mostly just so frightening to see him so weak and quiet. There were no openings in/around his home town so he came all the way to where I live so I get to see him often now, which I'm so grateful for.
I have a headache and I'm hungry.
Relieved - that it is hot and dry today. I needed a hot sunny day and I got it!
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