coyote21

HA!

That stuff is by far the WEIRDEST substance I've ever ingested. I can't believe it's still on the market.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

coyote21

Today I feel accepting that when LMC was sitting on my lap acting silly, and I was being playful and attempted to give her a wedgie, her resulting spirited buck resulted in the back of my beloved computer chair breaking off, dumping us backward, almost on our heads.

I feel blessed, receptive, and trusted to have a new customer who already paid me today to restore his headlights on Friday. Of course it may be easy to trust a man who introduces his 9yo daughter as his "business partner".

I feel grateful that LMC's consequences from her transgressions at school turned out to be minor, and I am feeling embarrassed for reacting, instead of sitting with the information, and waiting for more to be revealed. But I am optimistic that I am making progress.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

TakingCharge999

I feel: tired.I don't have a matress!! my back hurts!! I need to save for a good matress because all of them hurt my back and I wake up very tired. UGH. One that might be better costs $2000. why can't I just go back to yoga?? someone slap me and demand I use the yoga mat that always helps. PLEASE.

I feel: frustrated.I worked my a$$ off last week/weekend but was very hopeful to go to Yanni's concert next weekend. I call Mom to invite her, very happy.

She said no.
I insisted. It is going to be my bday you know.
She said no.
I asked her, why not? its on me of course.
She said she just didn't want to. But "thanks".

I said. Ok. Then let's go to a restaurant.
She said "Ok. X?" A very cheap noneventful one!! I said "No I would like a new place that makes me feel special"
She said "ok..whatever.. but nearby our house"
...

It didn't make me want to spend that weekend with her..

Her responsed made me feel so bad and I wanted to cry right away at work.
I told her it was better to talk at another time.

Then she called me.
She accepted to go to the concert.

Today I go to buy the tickets and the store is closed and I have to go somewhere else to get them! sigh.

I didn't like this interaction though, so I cut my vacation short with her. Her depression affects me. Birthdays have some weird vibe for me.

Last year I invited people to a bar, only a couple showed up, everyone cancelled at the last minute or just didn't make it and didn't even notified me.

I felt and now feel: abandoned.
(OK so writing this here made me cry. OK. I am back. Feeling better. Thanks)



I feel: afraid because tomorrow I am planning to let my boss know I have worked my 40 hours worth already and I am going to ask for something in return. Trying no longer to be a doormat. At least something different.

I feel: anxious and tense because I see XABF and I see how he totally ignores me and laughs his a$$ off, and all of what I have gone through. He didn't deserve a single tear. Why am I STILL fixated on him. Damn. Life is so much better when he is not around.

I feel: worried becaue at 11 am we have an important call tomorrow and troubleshooting the problem will be difficult/stressful.

I feel: like a failure for not following my diet. Last Sat I was on my weight and these days I have eaten exactly what has been forbidden. I feel fat and lazy. Self boycott?

I feel: like I might be lying to myself about my real intentions with a new person, and that makes me feel lousy. When will I ever learn ITS ALL INSIDE ME... NOT in anyone else??

I feel: slightly better now that I have shared my truths

I feel: lonely.


Sorry for such a negative post. Thanks for letting me vent.

naive

today i feel peaceful. i have the whole day to myself, as i already finished all my chores early this morning.

today i feel i'm on a plateau. i want to do a juice fast, but can't seem to gather up the courage.

today i feel like i'm waiting. i submitted my resume for a job and i'm waiting to hear back.

today i feel lazy. i didn't do any yoga yesterday or any exercise and i'm low energy today as a result. of course, i could get up and do some right now, but i feel too lazy.

today i feel undisciplined. why is it i know all the things i should do but i find it so hard to actually do them? it's just easier to watch a youtube video of other people doing them.

JenT1968

today I have felt at different stages:

tired when I hauled myself out of bed,
rushed when I was getting the kids ready for school/nursery,
proud of my kids,
relieved to have finished a task at work that has been hanging over my head
appreciated when I was thanked for completing it
exasperated and frustrated by a colleague.
disapointed by some information from my solicitor,
uplifted by the sunny day,
confused by a point of grammar
ashamed that I am overweight and smoking
amused by a text from a friend
perplexed by some info about my ex
grateful that the kids are in bed

and loads of other stuff in between - its veritable feast of emotions running around in my head.

stella27

I feel relieved after talking to my counselor.
excited for a date this weekend.
peaceful about my lot in my life.

StarCat

I love the range, anymore. Sometimes it's difficult to keep track of what I'm feeling or why, I'll confess, but it's a whole lot better than before, when I wasn't "allowed" to choose anything for myself!


Today I feel:
Excited, when I woke up and realized I wasn't late for work yet
Pleased, when I drank a glass of milk and remembered to finally bring my oranges to work (hooray for healthy snacks)
Frustrated, when I got stuck in traffic and knew I would be late for work anyway
Calm, when I decided to accept whatever happened and stop obsessing
Appreciated, when everyone was happy to see me when I arrived (late) to my meeting, nobody asked me why I was late, and simply handed over the keyboard so I could give my presentation
Organized, when I kept everything moving forward, and the meeting was productive, and everyone made a positive contribution (how often does THAT happen?)
Intelligent, because nobody has managed to stump me all day
Frustrated, because I am waiting to ask someone a question and they're not back from their very-extended lunch yet
Tired, because I want to go home now, but I have one hour left, and I can't stop yawning
Delirious, because I am free to work on what I want to work on, without any phone arguments from XABF, and I have just realized (and appreciate) the quiet opportunities I have now
Worried, because my fish was pouting again this morning, but he was looking healthier yesterday, so I hope he's getting "unsick" (yes, I worry about my fish)
Hopeful, can't wait for the weekend
Accomplished, when I pulled down XABF's dolls and the shelves they were on, and realized that even with the holes in the walls and his drunken pencil marks to position them I still think the apartment looks much nicer and brighter
Invincible, because I have learned to "live in the moment"

theuncertainty

weary - I'm tired of being an adult and a single mom, I'm tired of all the work I have to do just to feel neutral instead of low

uneasy - I can't figure out why - or I just don't want to right now

skippernlilg

Birthdays....

Always had been a sore spot for me, until I decided to own them. I love celebrating my birthday!! I've discovered not everyone else does.

First of all, you need one big (((HUG)))

And then, you need to accept this extra special HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! wish from me. :day6

You should be allowed to go to Yanni and out to dinner at the place of YOUR choice. If someone (your mom) is bringing you down, limit your time with her, and ask someone more uplifting. Do you have someone you could ask?

I know I'm thrilled to try any place someone else suggests. I'm sure there are people around you who also feel that way.

skippernlilg

I know it's hard.

I actually have grown to love being a single mom. I get all the best parts of my relationship with my child, and we are really close. Our time together is so precious. All the rest of the hard work that goes with it just makes it seem so worth it when I see my child smile or hear his laughter or have private jokes and rituals with him.

naive

today i feel invigorated, because i just climbed up the mountain behind my house.

today i feel good, because i started off the day with a large green juice of kale, cucumber, celery, carrots and apples.

today i feel acceptance, even though i was rejected for the job i wanted.

today i feel peaceful, as i remind myself to accept life even when it doesn't turn out the way i want it to.

buttercream

Disgusted. Just learned my AH has been taking off his wedding ring when he goes out drinking to bars. As further proof of how disconnected I am with myself, I didn't get angry until I thought about how he was trying to deceive those OTHER WOMEN into believing he was single! (Me: Those poor women. Wait a minute. What??? What about me???). Ugh. Glad that a...h.... is out of the house. And glad he will be out of my life soon. Unbelievable.

StarCat

Today I feel...

Pleased with myself, because my idea to bring a giant bag of oranges to work to help cut out unhealthy snacking is working.

Excited, because I can actually take pleasure in the little things again.

Special, because I realized that I can be whoever I want to be as long as I stop caring what other people think, because the more I care about other's opinions of me, the more I'll be like everyone else.

Cheerful, because I was talking on the phone to someone from my Tuesday AlAnon group, and her cat gave birth to kittens in September, and she's still looking for homes for three females, and two of them sound exactly like the cat I had growing up, and the mother has the same name as my cat did. It just seemed like a message, since I had been thinking about getting a cat, but wasn't sure I was ready for one, especially with all the packing of XABF's stuff I'm still doing. I am going to pick out a kitten after work today (assuming she doesn't have to work overtime), and she'll hold her for me until I'm ready to take her home (once XABF's stuff is in his place, and I fill out the required paperwork for my apartment building). I'm going to get a kitten! <3

theuncertainty

Competent - projects are coming together at work and the compliments are too

Closer to Free - Name changed on SSN, driver's license, bank accounts, on most things at work (waiting on IS), next it's the credit card, library card... I'm sure there are more

Pleased - I was honest with myself and recognized why I was uneasy last night and gave myself leeway, it's still only 1.5 months of having the current visitation schedule being in place and I have every right to be leery about DS's safety while there

Anxious - the weekend is coming up... I am trying to hand it over to my HP: DS will be OK, he will have fun, he will be safe

lillamy

Exhausted after the last 24 hours of drama.
Relieved that we've resolved the issue even if I feel like I gave up too much
Hopeful that the changes in custody will be good for everyone

Shellcrusher

As usual I'm a little anxious because it's Friday and in general I don't really like the weekend.

I also feel relieved that my son is getting through a rough asthma spell.

I'm pretty tired but I also feel like doing battle with any darkness and credit that to my music selection for the day. Now then, where's my battle ax!?

barb dwyer

Tired this week has been physically hard for me a bit more so than usual.
had a very hard time getting going this morning.

Mellow once the pain takes second place in the forethought, I realize I actually had a good day at school today.

Humble & Grateful because I enjoyed a thirty minute conversation with my son. And he ended it with "I love you, Mom."

*sigh*

ToBeSerene

Today I feel ...

Grateful for for wonderful friends who have taught & reminded me how to be a friend again (and not isolate myself with my AH)
Uncertain about my marriage.
Scared for the change in family dynamics a divorce would cause.
Compassion, love & fear for my dear girlfriend fighting cancer (Hugs K!)
Cautiously hopeful that I've learned how to take care of myself and how to make decisions that are good for me.

Thank You!! Great thread

StarCat

Exhausted because I stayed out too late.

Excited because I picked out my kitten (I'll take her home in two weeks, I renamed her "Peaches" <3) and made the sort of friend where both people keep talking until you finally realize you're exhausted and should have been in bed hours ago.

Amused because my therapist called during the visit and asked if we could move my appointment tomorrow to later in the day, because he had a cancellation, and wants to "warm up the office first". This is the third time I have scheduled with him, and the third time he's waited for a cancellation and then tried to reschedule me for later the same day. He is not a morning person. (Neither am I right now, though, so it all works out! )

Validated, Valued, and Grateful, because I ran into one of XABF's friends at work, who knew what I was going through but not the recent updates, and asked how I was doing. When I told him the story, he immediately agreed with me, forwarded me to a friend of his to talk to, and promised to keep me out of the conversation when he sees XABF regarding his alcoholism. (This guy is one of the AA success stories. He'll be sober 30 years this year, is open and honest to anyone who wants to listen regarding what he went through, and is relaxed enough with it all to still joke when someone asks the secret to staying married for forty years - "It's only by the grace of God, 'cuz we were drunk for most of them." I think his wife will hit 28 years sober this year. He's been a godsend, and was a large part of my acceptance that XABF was an alcoholic - takes one to know one, and this guy started after him. He's also the first person who is close to XABF who has made it clear that he's not cutting off my friendship because I'm breaking things off with XABF, and I didn't realize how much that would mean to me, but I literally started to cry.)

theuncertainty

Tired - plain old I-need-about-24-hours-of-straight-sleep. I'm hating the nightmares I've been having.

Helpless - I wish there was something I could do for my friend's grandson and for Jadmack.

Satisfied - I bought a new car this weekend. The one I had before was way too little to get around in the AK winters without bottoming out or feeling like I was going to get run over by SUV's. (There are very few like the old one here in town and I can't prove anything but all four of my tires went flat at the same time not long after our first divorce/custody hearing.... I know he'll know which car is mine, but the new one feels much more 'blended in')

Uncertain - I bought a new car. Car payments. What was I thinking?

Smug - I have a beautiful car that does not catch fire, unlike XAH. (I thumb my nose in his general direction.)

Frustrated - I miss all of the birthday parties / gatherings for the kids in DS's class because they're either during the week in the afternoon after school when I have to work or on the weekends when DS is with his dad.