I want to help my little sister

Old 12-24-2010, 10:08 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: I'm a Haligonian
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I want to help my little sister

I'm not entirely sure where to start... first of all my younger sister who just turned 19 as of today has a drinking problem.
Before people turn around and say it's probably due to bad parenting, it's really not the case.
My mother adopted my sister and I, we're both native girls, and her biological mother had a drinking problem. Our father left us when we were young, leaving my mother who is unable to walk, and has a bad heart. She didn't think our father would leave us in the middle of raising us, so keeping track of my sister was pretty hard on her. She never gave up.

She started drinking at a very young age, and my mother has put her in programs for her to get help at 15, and 16. It worked for a little while, but it just keeps coming back. And when it does, it gets worse. I don't live at home, but my mom will call me some mornings to tell me she's snuck out the window, or didn't come home when she was suppous to. This normally happends when shes drinking.
She has admitted to having a drinking problem, and says she wants help. My mother has made appointments for her, but when the time comes, my sister refuses.
I tried telling my mom (who's old enough to be our grandmother, and ill) that getting angry and raising her voice isn't helping the situation...
This is all very hard on me, and I don't know what to do for her. I want to help her before it gets a lot worse than it is now. It's heartbreaking to actually come to the realization that my little sister has a drinking problem.
I cannot sit here and watch her fall deeper in the hole, so please someone help me.. give me some advice to what I can do for her? She needs help
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Old 12-24-2010, 10:28 PM
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same planet...different world
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Location: Butte, America
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Hi Misjudged and welcome to SR.

Well, you've found a group who knows what you're feeling
because we've each either been there
are going there
or woke up there .....

and we're all looking for the way out.

I hope you'll take the time to read the stickies
(those permanent threads up at the top of the forum)
there's a wealth of information there
some guidelines for posting
where the restroom is ...
stuff like that.

Watching a family member struggle with alcoholism
is incredibly painful and difficult
we try to support each other here,
and rather than tell you what to do
we hope by telling you what *we* did
can give you some ideas
that you can apply to your own situation
as you see fit.

With my own sister
I eventually had to go completely no contact
and it has remained that way
for seventeen years.
My sister is 16 years older than me
and we had different mothers.

So while my situation is different
in a way ... they're all so very much the same.

Not everyone has to go to such lengths
to find their own peace of mind, however.

Others will be along in a while
(it may be slow tonight because of the holiday)
this is a very fast-moving forum
and there's almost always someone here....

Meanwhile -
the others will be along in due time
who will welcome you
and help you get comfortable

because there's nothing we can say that's going to work quick.

and maybe something someone says
can help you decide what you want to do next.

Again - WELCOME!
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Old 12-24-2010, 10:44 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
No one here is going to judge your mom..I am the mom of an 19 year old alcoholic/addict in recovery. A very common situation is to say they want help to appease people, but really not be "done" with their using. I personally went to alanon and it has helped me immensely..I got some really good boundaries and refused to enable my daughter any loneger.She finally CHOSE to ASk for help.Your mom and you both could really benefit from alanon..also the stickies at the top of the page have some great info..I personally really like the one about 10 things you can do to help the alcoholic.
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Old 12-24-2010, 11:45 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
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Location: Alaska
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Welcome, to SR, MisjudgedDC. Keepinon is right, I do not think any one here is going to judge your mom. I'm sorry for what you've been going through, but am glad you're reaching out for support.

Please do read the stickies at the top of the forum. One book that helped me understand the disease was 'Under the Influence'.

Unfortunately, we're not able to dictate what our alcoholic's 'bottom' is. We can give our A's the information and support they need to seek recovery, but they have to choose to walk that path themselves.

Alanon is a very great support too. Please remember to take care of yourself, too.
Wishing you peace and continued strength.
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Old 12-25-2010, 12:04 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
same planet...different world
barb dwyer's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
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Hi again -

I forgot to mention that here in the town I live (Butte, Montana)

there's a very active Native community
and if you post a couple more times
then you can send me a private message

maybe we can find something in your area
that's Native oriented recovery if that's a route you want to take for support.

it's a bottomless pit of information here!
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Old 12-25-2010, 05:56 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
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Location: seeking sanity
Posts: 645
Educating myself on this board and going to AlAnon have helped me more than I can describe.

We're glad you've found us. Welcome!
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